batemantx
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(if this is in the wrong section (i posted in anabolics & contest prep), please move it accordingly as i looked through the other sections to see what made the most sense, as this happened prior to one of my scheduled BB competitions, thx.)
hey all its been a while since ive posted.
i know this sounds a little corny, but im in need of some positive words or motivation from some of my fellow AM friends/community.
this last year (2010) has been really bad for me. allow me to explain chronologically:
i am about 5'6" and at the beginning of 2010 was around 170 pounds. i was in PEAK physical condition. probably the best of my life. i had done 405 pounds on deadlift (romanian) for 2, i had done 140 pounds dumbells on incline chest press for 8, working my way up to the 150s (the highest my gym has), was pressing 120 pound dumbells on overhead dumbell shoulder press for 10-12, could easily knock out 30-40 pullups (NOT chin-ups, overhand pullups), was repping out 315 on squats for 15-20, and 315 on bench like nothing. could knock out a 5 mile jog easy, and was boxing.
was big, strong, and REAL lean (veins coming out in my LOWER abs!). like i said, this was probably the best shape ive ever been in.
then i had some real tough family problems hit. i was laid off and placed on unemployment. had to stop going to college because of the money situation. had to stop my plans of competing in my first show. my father had a bunch of legal stuff hit due to business problems. he then tried to commit suicide. not long after, he was sentenced to prison.
i then fell into a pretty bad depression and i have been fighting to kinda get out of my "funk" for some time now.
i FEEL the burn inside of me, and i WANT to "get back on the horse," but ive been unable to kinda take that first step. i know this sounds silly, but it basically comes down to the fact that ive gained 50 pounds probably, a TON of body fat, from eating complete garbage, etc. and my self confidence subsequently sucks!
now i know already that i shouldnt place SO much emphasis on my PHYSICAL appearance, etc. and be so tough on myself. but im just having a hard time trying to get motivated to throw on my shoes and a tshirt and go to the gym after not being there for so long, and looking like garbage at the moment. i know once again that this sounds "silly," but i WANT to workout again, etc. and get back to it, but im honestly nervous/have anxiety at people checking me out with my new "physique" (lol!)..as im a shadow of my former self/glory! i went to a marine corps school as a kid, and i know i need to suck it up and not worry about what other people think, its just a little bit harder than i thought it would be to kinda get this going.
anyways, enough of my sob story, i just wanted to post and see if anyone has been in a "similar" situation and has any words for me.
ive had to deal with depression & tough times in the past as im sure we all have, but im 28 and these are supposed to be the greatest years of my life, and im watching them go by me right now. i want to live my life, just finding it hard to ACTUALLY do so right now.
thx in advance for ur input all
-cheers
hey all its been a while since ive posted.
i know this sounds a little corny, but im in need of some positive words or motivation from some of my fellow AM friends/community.
this last year (2010) has been really bad for me. allow me to explain chronologically:
i am about 5'6" and at the beginning of 2010 was around 170 pounds. i was in PEAK physical condition. probably the best of my life. i had done 405 pounds on deadlift (romanian) for 2, i had done 140 pounds dumbells on incline chest press for 8, working my way up to the 150s (the highest my gym has), was pressing 120 pound dumbells on overhead dumbell shoulder press for 10-12, could easily knock out 30-40 pullups (NOT chin-ups, overhand pullups), was repping out 315 on squats for 15-20, and 315 on bench like nothing. could knock out a 5 mile jog easy, and was boxing.
was big, strong, and REAL lean (veins coming out in my LOWER abs!). like i said, this was probably the best shape ive ever been in.
then i had some real tough family problems hit. i was laid off and placed on unemployment. had to stop going to college because of the money situation. had to stop my plans of competing in my first show. my father had a bunch of legal stuff hit due to business problems. he then tried to commit suicide. not long after, he was sentenced to prison.
i then fell into a pretty bad depression and i have been fighting to kinda get out of my "funk" for some time now.
i FEEL the burn inside of me, and i WANT to "get back on the horse," but ive been unable to kinda take that first step. i know this sounds silly, but it basically comes down to the fact that ive gained 50 pounds probably, a TON of body fat, from eating complete garbage, etc. and my self confidence subsequently sucks!
now i know already that i shouldnt place SO much emphasis on my PHYSICAL appearance, etc. and be so tough on myself. but im just having a hard time trying to get motivated to throw on my shoes and a tshirt and go to the gym after not being there for so long, and looking like garbage at the moment. i know once again that this sounds "silly," but i WANT to workout again, etc. and get back to it, but im honestly nervous/have anxiety at people checking me out with my new "physique" (lol!)..as im a shadow of my former self/glory! i went to a marine corps school as a kid, and i know i need to suck it up and not worry about what other people think, its just a little bit harder than i thought it would be to kinda get this going.
anyways, enough of my sob story, i just wanted to post and see if anyone has been in a "similar" situation and has any words for me.
ive had to deal with depression & tough times in the past as im sure we all have, but im 28 and these are supposed to be the greatest years of my life, and im watching them go by me right now. i want to live my life, just finding it hard to ACTUALLY do so right now.
thx in advance for ur input all
-cheers