Critique This Ad

custom

custom

Well-known member
Remeber whom we're trying to advertise to...

The space to the right will contain an image of a sexy lady.

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i like it..color choices are good and it will definatly stand out more with a sexy lady on it.
 
Full size version attached.
 

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First sentence of the second paragraph is a confusing run-on sentence. I'd suggest breaking it up. If the idea here is to convey how simple the underlying idea of the product is, the sentence(s) explaing it shouldn't be confusing.

LAst sentence, third paragraph: Distracting english to start a sentence with "because." Many of us speak that way but the sentence would be stronger if you struck the "because." Then it would be a strong declaration "What good are anabolic ingredients if they are under dosed."

Speaking of "under dosed," there should be a "-" between the words.
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Second sentence, 4th paragraph: Too many "ands." The "and" before "superior growth" should be replaced with a comma. You don't want a sentence that has two "ands" in a row in it.

Other than that, I like the overall look and style. I'm not sure how the model will add or detract from it. Feel free to send me some of her test shots.
 
yeahright said:
First sentence of the second paragraph is a confusing run-on sentence. I'd suggest breaking it up. If the idea here is to convey how simple the underlying idea of the product is, the sentence(s) explaing it shouldn't be confusing.

LAst sentence, third paragraph: Distracting english to start a sentence with "because." Many of us speak that way but the sentence would be stronger if you struck the "because." Then it would be a strong declaration "What good are anabolic ingredients if they are under dosed."

Speaking of "under dosed," there should be a "-" between the words.
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Second sentence, 4th paragraph: Too many "ands." The "and" before "superior growth" should be replaced with a comma. You don't want a sentence that has two "ands" in a row in it.

Other than that, I like the overall look and style. I'm not sure how the model will add or detract from it. Feel free to send me some of her test shots.
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Much Appreciated.
 
Looks very nice! Where abouts you placing this ad?


CROWLER
 
I agree with Yeahright.

The 1st sentence in the 2nd paragraph("It's pretty simple...") just does not flow together. I read the same sentence 3 times before moving on as I found it to be poorly worded. I would think something along the lines of this would work better.
The concept is rather simple yet highly effective. Increasing the uptake of vital, anabolic nutrients and growth factors, directly leads to faster, more dramatic gains in lean muscle mass.
In the third paragraph, I too do not like the sentence beginning with "Because". I would suggest simply rewording the sentence to emphasize that a multitude of ingredients does not equate to effectiveness.

Visually I like it but I may raise the placement of the ONE bottle so to balance the space above and below it.

Just my thoughts.
 
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size said:
I agree with Yeahright.


The concept is rather simple yet highly effective. Increasing the uptake of vital, anabolic nutrients and growth factors, directly leads to faster, more dramatic gains in lean muscle mass.
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No comma after "factors".:fart:
 
"Formulated to be 100% Anabolic"

... but I thought LEUKIC was the world's first and only 100% anabolic compound. :D ;)

If you need some help re-writing the ad, I'd be happy to give some input. I did the X-Factor ad, and with the exception of one line (damn that ****ty line), I thought it was well done.
 
Increase container size and center it.

Good choice of color, better than tha white bottle I recieved. It makes it look as though tha label is appearing out of tha shadows, which is a sweet effect.

If you are really going to run this, prepare to literally carpet bomb a mag or two. Otherwise save you money on a Rep. :)
 
The concept is rather simple yet highly effective. Increasing the uptake of vital, anabolic nutrients and growth factors, directly leads to faster, more dramatic gains in lean muscle mass.

supersoldier said:
No comma after "factors".:fart:
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Or after 'vital'.

The concept is simple, yet highly effective. Increasing the uptake of vital anabolic nutrients and growth factors leads directly to faster, more dramatic gains in lean muscle mass.
 
Fill something into that big gap you have over the product. Might as well make use of a space and it's very distracting to look at open space.
 
I like the ad. A little on the dark side overall for my tastes, but its enough to intrigue me, and make me want to sign up to be a tester :) Or buy it...
 
CustomNW said:
Matt, consider thig chica... Invalid Link Removed

...please :lol:
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:goodpost: :goodpost: :goodpost:
I second that notion with lotion!

1. Make container bigger / center

2. Get rid of the big gap above container maybe with some splashes or workout scenes think

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or

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Maybe a list of ingredients? You mention them but the only one I noticed specifically getting attention was the rice syrup.
 
I am trying to upload the PDF's of the ads that ran last month, but it seems to be not working.
 
First one, chick in the black bikini top. Hell, I'm buying ONE just on the off chance it comes with some more shots of these women. What's the release date?

Edit: ****, it's already out. You should have been using pussy to sell this a long time ago.
 
yeah, it is something I really did not want to do, but people just do not read ads without eye candy, period.
 
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