Please critique my ad

custom

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I'm not sure what is wrong with this outside of the one typo...too much copy perhaps? No graphics? No well-known logos shown or bold text?

Anywho...I was expecting this to really drum up some sales and this is actually shaping up to be the worst month I have ever had. I'm honestly at a loss.

Larger View: http://img208.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cnwad4po.jpg

 
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JonesersRX7

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I think it starts off wrong with "sure, we carry...."

I have to go to the break room and foreman up some chicken... but I will work on it later today with some ideas.
 

diamonddave

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Where did the ad run? I'm just trying to bounce the ad up against the targeted group of potential customers.

dd
 
CROWLER

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It is tough to really see the ad because it is so big.

DD, I think he mentioned it was in a Muscle building mag but I am not sure which one.

I can attest to the great customer service and quality of the suipps at Custom Nutrition Warehouse. I have purchased from there and have ALWAYS been pleased.


CROWLER
 
custom

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It was/is in Muscular Development. I tried to re-size it but did not work for some reason.
 

dsl

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I know that it is in Muscular Development.
 

biggunther

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:thumbsup: Matt is top notch in the industry!
 
sogone2day

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I think it starts off wrong with "sure, we carry...."

I have to go to the break room and foreman up some chicken... but I will work on it later today with some ideas.
I agree. With joneser.


Heres my thoughts:

Make the white bold headings (not just another...) and (Buy in bulk and save...) the same size font. Maybe put the "buy bulk and save.." aboue the pricing for the bulk items.

If you can you could put the logos of the product lines you carry in stead of just thier names. But that could mess with the black, white, and red coloring.

"But,CNW also ..."> Use your full name, drop the But. use we offer. What are custom ingredients? could drop that maybe.


"stop getting ripped off..."> funny and true but not professional in my mind. Maybe say never pay retail markup due to advertising and marketing. something like that instead.

The part that says "value,quality,service;...." looks out of place at the end of that sentence. Maybe make that a heading in bold.

I'll see what everyone else says. Where are all the girls in your add :)
 
JonesersRX7

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Expanded perfectly on what I was thinking to rearrange and re word.
 
custom

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Thanks very much, fellas.

Weird thing is I have a degree in marketing...guess I should have dusted off the old text books before I wrote the copy...I tend to be too wordy for ads in general.
 
sogone2day

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Thanks very much, fellas.

Weird thing is I have a degree in marketing...guess I should have dusted off the old text books before I wrote the copy...I tend to be too wordy for ads in general.
I'd post it up at my school.


lol I just finished first year in business. I Want to go into marketing but i don't think there is a demad up here in canada almost all the major corporations are in the USA.

:D I need a summer job to find out if i want to persue that.

I guess theres always the oil rigs. :twisted:
 
Beau

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One of the managers reporting to me used to run an ad agency. If you would like, I'll ask him to take a look and contact you.

Aside from that, I'll assume any suggestions I woud propose would be governed by the axiom "free advice is worth just what you paid for it".
 

imichael

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I would have published a couple of your 'too low to publish' prices.

Sure, the ad is to encourage bulk purchasing, but if they haven't considered it there isn't hook to read further than the first couple of lines.

You can switch sell to bulk via website/email/phone etc, but if they haven't entered the 'store' and haven't bought bulk before, then your ad won't excite them into typing the url. A cheap name product special, or even a freebie for new customers as a headline would be dumbing down a bit, but works every time in my experience.

Take with a pinch of salt though, I'm having a very slow business month too
 

diamonddave

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Maybe the gas prices have taken a chunk out of everyone's supp fund. Seems like sales are down in a lot of unnecessary (I know many here do not consider supps unnecessay) items.
 
custom

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One of the managers reporting to me used to run an ad agency. If you would like, I'll ask him to take a look and contact you.

Aside from that, I'll assume any suggestions I woud propose would be governed by the axiom "free advice is worth just what you paid for it".

Honestly, I think I would be embarrassed to have a professional look at this...I know I threw it together with much too much haste. But hey, I'll always take free advice.
 
custom

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Thanks again, guys...I will incorporate the suggestions here for next month and see what happens.
 
Apowerz6

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Well, yesterday I wrote a long post and my comp froze, but anyway, I wanted to say congrats on the AD in the MD mag.
What I did want to say is the focal points of your ad are the bulk deals. As a newbie consumer I have been convinced by Muscle Tech that they have the best creatine in the world. SO when I see you have bulk specials on Glutamine will i really care? Will I know what citrulline Malate is, or know that Fish Oils are essential? All in all the Bulk Specials are great but the average, or newbie customer will not Know the benefit of these supplements, nor what ratios to use them.
Lastly I would def have the too low to mention prices in the AD.
All in all it was a great first AD, but I would def have the prices, and some bulk prices, and their comprable uses, as Bcaa's + citrulline mallate= Xtend, or Excell. Creatine + Dextrose= Cell Tech.

Good luck bro, as the month will get better.
 
sogone2day

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Another idea would be to send out a small poster of the add to some customer to see if they would post it up at their local gym, school, and where ever else.

I know that when I talk to my buddies they have no idea about some of the online companies. An honestly before joining this board I had not heard of most of the product lines that they carry. Half of them don't seem to be carried in canada which is a shame.
 

tsc

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Constructive criticism, so don't get pissed ...but:

If I were flipping through a mag I'd probably pass right by this on the first glance or two. Nothing about the text or color scheme stands out at all. The font is (judging by the photo at least) very difficult to read as it white edges on the setting make it look very blurred. No graphics and lots of text doesn't work well in an image filled magazine.

Next problem, the first bulk savings you list is citrilline malate at $79.99 a kilo. Regardless of the deal, you listed the most expensive thing first (while trying to show how much cheaper you are). If you are trying to gain new customers, many of them probably aren't up on bulk pricing/sizes etc, and $80 is more than they pay for anything anyway (at least in their mind).

"makes sense right?" Nothing should end with a ? in this ad.

Next, besides the above problems and word choices. What separates you from anybody else that offers bulk items? A company offering CUSTOM mixes that nobody else does, whose name is CUSTOM nutrition warehouse should definitely not highlight this blatantly advantageous position :run: It would be horrible if someone with such a company ran adds touting a large selection of name brands as well as the ability for people to make their own supplement mixes. :hammer:

As mentioned earlier, a product special or just product images and prices of some best selling items (name recognition) would help.

You aren't trying to sell a product with your ad, you are trying to divert people's attention and interest so they go to your website (with something from the ad in mind).

hope some of this helps,

TSC
 
custom

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OK, here is the proposed new copy...and yes, there will be graphics for each product.

==========

Custom Nutrition Warehouse

Get MORE for your money!

Our customers agree: CustomNutritionWarehouse.com is a store like no other…

The top three reasons you’ll never shop anywhere else again:

1. Absolute Lowest Prices on Bodybuilding’s Hottest Products

BSN NO-XPLODE
$31.99

HYDROXYCUT HARDCORE
$31.99

ERGOPHARM AMP
$24.99

OPTIMUM GOLD STANDARD WHEY
$26.99

GASPARI SIZE ON
$37.99

CYTOSPORT MUSCLE MILK
$19.99

2. The LARGEST selection of private label and bulk products. No one else even comes close!

GLUTAMINE KILO
$19.99

TRIBULUS CAPS
$5.99

GABA 100 GRAMS
$4.99

CREATINE ETHYL ESTER KILO
$34.99

BCAA’s 500 GRAMS
$19.99

1000 FISH OIL CAPS
$27.99

3. We’re the ONLY store to have Customized “made to order” products. You tell us what you want and well make it!

Just think how often you bought a product and wished it had just a bit more creatine per serving or a whole lot less sugar…Now, for the first time ever, you can get EXACTLY what you want.
Come check out the Customizer and see what kind of products you can create. The possibilities are endless!

Come see why so many are choosing to make CustomNutritionWarehouse.com their one and only supplement store.

Save money, guaranteed!

www.CustomNutritionWarehouse.com

FDA Disclaimer
 

tsc

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looks much better.
"The top three reasons you’ll never shop anywhere else again:"

I'd, at the least take "the top" out of the sentence... but would think something like this would go over better.

"3 Ways to Customize your nutrition and save!"
or " We offer you 3 Ways......"

Instead of trying to convince someone with 3 points of reason, you are giving them 3 ways to benefit. The previous still has me thinking of Dave Letterman holding up some CNW CEE bottle. :)

TSC
 
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imichael

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Matt I like this copy a lot more, but...

With the likes of Generic Labz and Anabolic Xtreme selling 'name brand alikes' in the PH world, could you give an example of a Custom mix to compare to the biggest seller in a couple of sectors - then have a price per serving? Or is this treading on too many toes?

I'd also drop a 'come' from the last couple of paras, but can't think of replacement wording at the moment.

The copy is much more likely to entice visitors, but less text is more impact, it might need a trim?

As a final thought, your home page - should reflect the offers on the Ad to reinforce the special pricing and expand on the Custom mixes for new visitors.

It's easy to be a critic, so apologies if I come accross as a know it all.

Ian
 
custom

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No, absolutely no offense taken from anyone.

I do agree I am too wordy and it needs to be cut down.

The front page will also reflect all of these special prices (which have yet to be implemented) when the ad is updated.

I do want to add an example of a customized mix, but could not really do so in a concise manner...I'll play with that.


TSC-

I agree with all of the points you have raised. I appreciate it very much.
 

Brent

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I am very interested in helping out with this. I will take a closer look after the week is done and I am done with finals!
 
custom

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It's amazing how fast my brain shut all this out after college...not sure how many mock campaigns and such I had to put together, but it would have been nice to retain some of it.
 

Brent

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It's amazing how fast my brain shut all this out after college...not sure how many mock campaigns and such I had to put together, but it would have been nice to retain some of it.

I am marketing too. Not to say that I am not artistic or creative, but I am in it for the speaking. haha.
 
Dwight Schrute

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I do agree I am too wordy and it needs to be cut down.

.

way, Way, WAY too many words.


As soon as I see the "Top 3 reasons to SHOP", I turn the page.


If you have to convince me with your "explanation", I'm gone.


Advertise what makes you unique as TSC said. Custom mixes. Make it SHORT, SWEET AND POP. Hammer it home. Unfortunetly the last thing people do with mags is read them, unless its a full blown article and they have time to kill.

Pictures, pictures, pictures.....not words. If its words, show me how much I save with your custom mix. Show one very large example. I don't even tihnk listing all those itmes are necessary.

Sometihng as simple as "We carry all the major brands such as, blah, blah and blah (maybe with some pics but use the hottest items...believe I can tell you what people are searhcing for on the internet) then the rest of the ad (80%) should be custom mixes but with very few words. That is what will seperate you from the rest. Drive home one large message, not 5 little ones.

The hottest part of the page is actually right above the red part but its filled with small text. The red part isn't clear at all. The font isn't clear, the prices aren't clear, etc...Anytihng you have to strain to read(even the slightest), isn't good. THis sport is based on asthetics. You need pics of of freakish arms, legs, abs, etc....Thats what people look at in magazines. You want people either to stay on the page or go to your site. Unfortunetly you have to look at advertising at spreading the word to the "severly misinformed." The educated people already know about you and already know where they want to shop and are aware of the opportunites out there. You have to advertise so that the dumbest guy out of a group of the dumbest people in the world can understnad your point.


Thats my 2 cents...
 

ersatz

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As others have stated it's entirely too wordy. I also believe your'e trying to hard to sell yourself and it comes off like your trying to justify your business. Some of the terms you use are too cliched as well, reminds me of shady car sales. Also offerring a discount or free gift would provide greater incentive for someone to visit the site.
 

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I think that the prices and or the product names should jump out, as well as the internet address
 

rocketscientist

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Just another tiny little thing, that I haven't seen suggested yet (or maybe I missed it) but that many may be interested in - you seem to ship same day. If you compare that to others - I don't want to mention anyone specific, in particular not a company with fast in its name where you end up having to wait two weeks - that is a great plus!

I ordered today and a couple hours later I get shipping information! Hard to beat.
 
Rivet

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I'm not sure what is wrong with this outside of the one typo...too much copy perhaps? No graphics? No well-known logos shown or bold text?

I agree with some of the others. The add is too long and could perhaps use a graphic to grab the readers attention. And it would be an aswesome idea to mention that you make custom mixes. Last add I actually read in full was for a custom made"multivitamin" some company was offering.
 
Aeternitatis

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I think you should go somewhere along the lines of: "Ever wanted to make YOUR OWN supplements?"
 

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I've never ordered from you but I'm planning to once the cissus comes in but I have a few thoughts after looking at places to get bulk supps.

First, your site scores maybe a 7 out of 10. Not fancy which is great in my book but it pisses me off every time I click on a bulk ingredient wondering what it is and what it does only to be met with absolutely nothing. I won't say all but over 90% are like that. I end up googling or checking to see if another site has it and if they do what their description is. In the process, more people will be drawn to your site and they'll have the knowledge to put your bulk products in the shopping cart.

Second, your custom mixes are a great idea. You need to play that up and focus on the cost savings as well as the ability to tinker. Make a couple of imitation mixes for preworkout, a bcaa mix, etc. Play the whole "Why take what everyone else takes when you can create something better?" idea. Give the people the knowledge to make their own stacks and you will sell more of your bulk product.

Third, advertising is pricey and using the boards isn't although you may get accused of pimping your stuff. Let's say you run a competition for the best pre-workout stack using bulk ingredients and then give that person a months worth of product as well as an article and the science behind the mix and it's ingredients on the info for that particular "custom" mix.

I'm just throwing ideas out there but the key for you to make more money in the future is to educate people on how to create their own mixes, what all those individual ingredients can do, and the doses that scientific studies for those effects call for. For example, tell me and your potential customers how to build one hell of an adaptogen stack. Tell us how to build one hell of a post recovery stack. Tell us how to build a natural test boosting stack. The list goes on and on.
 
PROVERBS 4:13

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BSN NO-XPLODE
$31.99

HYDROXYCUT HARDCORE
$31.99

ERGOPHARM AMP
$24.99

OPTIMUM GOLD STANDARD WHEY
$26.99

GASPARI SIZE ON
$37.99

CYTOSPORT MUSCLE MILK
$19.99
Scratch these from the ad and focus on the bulk products and custom mixes as well as the savings from buying in bulk.


Advertise what makes you unique as TSC said. Custom mixes. Make it SHORT, SWEET AND POP. Hammer it home. Unfortunetly the last thing people do with mags is read them, unless its a full blown article and they have time to kill.

Pictures, pictures, pictures.....not words. If its words, show me how much I save with your custom mix. Show one very large example. I don't even tihnk listing all those itmes are necessary.

Sometihng as simple as "We carry all the major brands such as, blah, blah and blah (maybe with some pics but use the hottest items...believe I can tell you what people are searhcing for on the internet) then the rest of the ad (80%) should be custom mixes but with very few words. That is what will seperate you from the rest. Drive home one large message, not 5 little ones.
Bobo hit it on the nail. :cool:

I think you should go somewhere along the lines of: "Ever wanted to make YOUR OWN supplements?"
Another good point.
 

Brent

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Don't list prices unless you know 110% for sure that you are the lowest. You aren't for all the products you listed.
 

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