I do agree I am too wordy and it needs to be cut down.
.
way, Way, WAY too many words.
As soon as I see the "Top 3 reasons to SHOP", I turn the page.
If you have to convince me with your "explanation", I'm gone.
Advertise what makes you unique as TSC said. Custom mixes. Make it SHORT, SWEET AND POP. Hammer it home. Unfortunetly the last thing people do with mags is read them, unless its a full blown article and they have time to kill.
Pictures, pictures, pictures.....not words. If its words, show me how much I save with your custom mix. Show one very large example. I don't even tihnk listing all those itmes are necessary.
Sometihng as simple as "We carry all the major brands such as, blah, blah and blah (maybe with some pics but use the hottest items...believe I can tell you what people are searhcing for on the internet) then the rest of the ad (80%) should be custom mixes but with very few words. That is what will seperate you from the rest. Drive home one large message, not 5 little ones.
The hottest part of the page is actually right above the red part but its filled with small text. The red part isn't clear at all. The font isn't clear, the prices aren't clear, etc...Anytihng you have to strain to read(even the slightest), isn't good. THis sport is based on asthetics. You need pics of of freakish arms, legs, abs, etc....Thats what people look at in magazines. You want people either to stay on the page or go to your site. Unfortunetly you have to look at advertising at spreading the word to the "severly misinformed." The educated people already know about you and already know where they want to shop and are aware of the opportunites out there. You have to advertise so that the dumbest guy out of a group of the dumbest people in the world can understnad your point.
Thats my 2 cents...