ALL THE WHEY and BACK, AGAIN - A NEW CONTEST

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    Talking ALL THE WHEY and BACK, AGAIN - A NEW CONTEST


    Okay - I have been dying for a new contest, but I had to delay it until I got the last winners their packages out and this just got done today because of the roof collapse......So, my desk is clear and I am ready to roll a contest.


    HOW ABOUT SOMETHING INTERESTING???????


    Three prizes - 10 lbs protein and two 5 lb proteins to the winners



    BEST GYM STORY - to be judged by a secret AM member (that I have yet to notify)

    OR

    BEST PROTEIN FART/GAS STORY


    Let's try to have some good old fashioned disgusting fun, boys.


    Laura

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    This should get interesting......
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    I'll think of somethin
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    I was training my Brother at the gym and he ****s himself (or so it smelled like he did) right in the middle of the gym. Knowing that he is going to blame me and laugh until he pukes, I go to beat him to the punch....but then right next to us a guy asks his workout partner "DID YOU ****?" and he turns red and says "NO.....it was you!!". So my Brother and I just start laughing hysterically. Well.....I didn't get my breathe in time and he points to me and says "it was him"......****ER!!!!! I made him pay for that
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    when my family went down to florida during christmas time we had only 1 room in the hotel. I actually packed a weeks worth of tuna and protein powder to take down there. When my flatulence began, my father got so disgusted that he went downstairs to the front desk and bought ANOTHER ROOM in the [very expensive] hotel.
    Then to make things worse, he didn't even get the adjoining room, he got a different one down the hall!
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    oh...oh....that reminds me of the time that I was competing at a BB show and my training partner had some massive....bad air. That sewer smelling kind of ass. so he's ****ting himself all over the room and laughing his ass off. Later that night, the hotel manager knocks on teh door to answer a report of a broken sewer pipe. He said that the smell was coming from our room and wanted to check out the place. I never laughed so hard in my life....but the guy didn't seem to figure it out. Must have thought I was on crack.
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    gotta be true stories, correct?
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    Mine was true....here's another one.

    I went crystal mining with a friend of mine. It was a really nasty day and we hiked up this really steep mountain for about 5 miles to get to this mine. There is a cave there about 30 feet deep and five feet high (with some off-shooting caves or "vugs"). Anyway, the wind is blowing and it's mixed snow and rain coming down sideways outside. So I had some really bad gas. If you've ever been in a cave, you know that the air does not move. It is very still. Well.....I couldn't help but know that if I did, indeed let out this nasty gas that my friend would be in it for the duration of the day (what more incentive did I need?). So I went all the way inside and fired it up. He was soooooo pissed that I thought he was going to take a swing at me. all day he was cussing me out. So from then on, if we saw someone who was an *******, we would say "he looks like the kind of guy who would fart in a cave".
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    mine was true too, unfortunately for my dads wallet lol!
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    yeah i wasn't doubting either of you, i just wanted to clarify
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    Over the summer at Wally World my family and I are doing our weekly shopping, my two sons and I are in the health section looking around when I let one of worst smelling protein aromas escape from my ass, ever. Being only 3ft tall my 3 year old is the first to smell it, as I look down at him he is looking at a women standing near us and in very loud child voice he says "Did you fart lady?cause your butt stinks!!!!"

    Leave it to the little guys for a great Wal-Mart experience!!!!
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    I was at my buddy's place for New Years and he had his cousin in from Portugal. After a great New Years Eve I wake up the next day and have a nice protein shake while the others are planning to go McDonalds. I go along for the ride and they go through the drive through and on the way back I let a nice SBD fly. I was in the front seat and its was in an old Jeep Wrnagler so there were no back windows. His cousin starts to scream because the stench was bad and we couldn't roll down the windows (it was old beat up and used for offroading mostly). Nevertheless his cousins can't eat the food he just bought and actually is angry at me for causing the sitaution. He then proceeds to fly back 2 days later and when he gets home describes how this big American farted so bad he couldn't eat and almost puked. To this day that little town in Portugal thinks Americans have the worst farts all because of my whey.
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    My dad and I were training legs at a gym that we had some guest passes to. It's one of those really fancy gyms where everything is clean and expensive and they give you towels and ****. I always make sure that i deuce before leg day because I'm not tryin' to drop a log at the bottom of my squat. So I did my pre-leg ritual on the big white telephone and I thought everything was good. Him and I were alternating on the squat rack since this place had rooms of machines but only one squat rack. So I started my last heavy set and on about the 3rd rep I felt like I had to fart and I tried to hold it in. But it wasn't happening, and one or two reps later it got the best of me and escaped. Well unfortunately it was one of my gnarliest ever since I had some eggs and broccoli that day. To make matters worse I hadn't gotten everything out pre-workout and after that squat everything was out. It was just enough to leave a scent trail that followed me to the bathroom, and might I add cleared everyone out of the way as I hobbled bow legged as fast as I could. As we were leaving My dad said to the guy at the front desk, "see you tomorrow," as we had two days of guest passes. The manager said that there were some complaints by members about us and unless we planned on buying a membership we weren't welcome back with guest passes.
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    My GF's daughter is moritfied if she farts. Knowing it is my civic duty as an adult to give her something to talk about in therapy later in life, I felt compelled to perform the following prank.

    My Gf's couch has these really soft cushions. When you fart into them, they retain the stench. Then, when you sit back down on them, they remit the odor. Using this as my tool, and knowing that my Gf's daughter was about to come bouncing in with her friend. Also knowing that they would commandere the TV once they got in to watch Full House and being fully aware that the little Hitler would have to have control of the remote control, I used my day of sulphurous protein gas to my full advantage. Just prior to her ar*****, I went to the couch (twice) and blasted some very hot, nasty gas into the cushions. Then, I turned the TV onto the History channel and left the room. This girl just loves to come in and change my programs...especially when showing off for friends....hahaha. So as predicted, she rushes to the couch and dive bombs the remote (I'm watching from an upstairs balcony). Her friend follows her and sits on the couch next to her. Then her friend says "eeewww....did you fart?" Of course little Hitler denies it, but the friend, of course knows it is not her and they are the only two in the room. So they argue about it until she sees me in tears of laughter upstairs. Then she blurts out "it was Steve!!". Of course I have to point out that I am upstairs and how could I possibly have done that (to which her friend agrees). Oh yeah.....payback time.....come to Poppa She still hasn't lived that one down....but she knows that somehow, I had something to do with it.
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    I have 2 that come to mind that absolutely made my day when they happened.

    1.) it was pouring out one night and my boy and I are driving back to his place from our other friends house - about a 20 min drive, I let the SBD go and immediatley he turned to me and said dude something is wrong, I smiled and said what? -he started to "figure it out" and immediatly started gagging and drooled on himself opened the window and stuck his head out and road that way for the entire ride- he was drenched but told me when we got home that he would of rather drowned then smell anymore of that.

    2.)I was drivnig home from a workout and stopped at a light -it's late august so I had the windows down - let it go and just was like ewww that one is really rich - I hear this "what the F%K is that smell- dude dont' ever do that again in my car" I look over to my left and the fart had traveled over the another car and this guy was cussing out his friend for farting - I started laughing and waved.
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    I only got one story and it happened when I first started taking whey my sophomore year of high school.

    I was at a baseball camp at a college campus and we were staying in the girls dorm because they were the only ones open in the summer, and no matter how many times I blew up the community bathroom, my farts would not stop stinking and burning. Finally me and a buddy were walking back to our room up from a practice when I felt the worst bubble in my ass I have ever felt. I had to emit it right then and there and it felt like a couple of dozen rotten eggs had just exploded out of my anus. It started making my eyes water and my friend started gagging. After about 2-3 minutes we got control of ourselves but the smell was still in this poorly ventilated stairwell as thick as fog in London, so we decided to wait and see peoples faces when they had to walk through it. (This was the only staircase available to get to the rooms everyone was staying in, so someone had to come along. Finally our poor unsuspecting "butt of the joke" came walking up the stairs, she hit the flight we were on just stopped and looked at us... her eyes were watering so and she started gagging so much that she took off running back down the steps throwing up on the way. I nearly died laughing so hard... turns out the poor girl was the RA for the floor below us and had no clue what was dealt upon her. She never came around the baseball guys again lol.

    Man I wish I could get those again. I dropped a couple of hot death ones on Bobo's diet but nothing that compared to that one in the stairs.

    edit: Forgot to add in - Now that I'm older I realize that baseball sucks
    Last edited by BOHICA; 01-12-2006 at 10:31 AM.
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    Here is a protien fart story.
    Back in 1997 I was a senior in high school. During wrestling season I was always cutting weight so I would drink a shake for lunch and that was it. Well one day in sociology I had some gas but didnt expect it to be 2 ripe so I let it out nice an quietly. WEll about 30 seconds later my buddy behind me just yelled out, oh' my god Varga (last name)! I was a little embarrased when the rest of the class opened up the windows and stuck there heads out. The teacher got a little sour and told me to go to the nurse if I had to do it again. Well part way through the class I let out a litte squeaker, No smell, so I thought I was good to go. Then it came, super belly bubble. I figured since the last one didnt stink this one wont either. I was in a group with this hot ass girl who I was trying to get with and was kind of hesitant about letting it go but did anyway. One millasecond later it smelt like rotten cottage cheese and a dipsy dumpster mixed together then sprayed with chicken ****. The entire class ran to the windows with there heads out breathing. My teacher kicked me out and made me explain to the VP why I had gotten kicked out. I got 1 day internal and 3 days after school detention because that said I did it on purpose. Just imagine how long it took for that to get around school!
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    I went to an all guys high school so we never had any qualms about farting in class. I remember in my Chem class there was this one kid that farted really loud everyday, but my teacher could never figure out who was doing it.
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    Lifting in the gym one day, one of the "powerlifters", a 120lbs guy litterally 4'5" tall, picture a white version of Webster, comes in the locker room talking smack like he always does. He got to talking about squats while changing and demonstrated squats in his jock strap...then he decides it would be much better to show how to do squats without the jock strap on and is full out nekkid, brown eye winking and all, doing squats in the locker room...

    It still is disturbing to this day...
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    I let one fly while showing 2 customers some appliances when I worked in retail. Mind you this is a whey/BCAA fart, raw sewage type ****! YOU KNOW they smell it, I could see it in there faces, but I kept selling them the product like nothing happened and I even tried to show them others and get them to walk away from the area but they wouldnt. I didn't end up making them a sale.
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    I used to train at a Bally's about 20 years ago, they were Scandanavian back then. There was usually only a few serious people working out there. There was one big guy named Bob who used to bench with me. We had worked our way up, trying to outdo each other. I got 365 (we were doing single reps, like idiots) and then he did 375. I then put up 385, just barely. He loads up the bar to 405 and lowers the bar to his chest. Halway up he becomes slightly stuck and I'm hovering over him ready to help if he needs it. Of course, he's straining really hard and he lets the loudest, nastiest fart rip. I had to run away and he was stuck with the weight halfway up. He's yelling " spot!, spot!", but no one could get near him, the smell was that awful. He finally let the bar back down to his chest and dumped one of the 45's off one side. This of course causes the bar to whip the other way and dump all four 45's off the other side, then come crashing back to dump off the last three from the first side. The manager had a fit and threatened to throw us both out. Luckily, he didn't. Of course, it was a long time before anyone would spot Bob on the bench press again.
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    Gym story, kinda embarassing, but no biggy

    I was on a role for the previous few weeks when i was lifting chest. My weights just kept going up and I was getting pretty confident. I lifted by myself, so I would stick to DB's for presses. So I'm at the gym at around 9 or so, and its pretty empty. I'm looking around trying to find someone who can just kinda stabilize my arms or assist me a little if i needed it when lifting db press on the flat bench. Well, after peering around i found a spotter, and much to my luck it was a hot girl She was probably about 2 years older than I am, and she was just gorgeous, great body, pretty face, great smile.....now i'm not concentrating quite on lifting anymore, i'm more focused on her and making sure not to "reveal" my excitement to her when i laid down on the bench with her right above me (didnt want to pitch a tent in my pants). So i grab the 90 lb db's, which was the most I had ever used, put them on my knees and sit on the bench. She just looks at me and is like, i dont know if i can really spot you if your lifting those. So i told her i just wanted her to grab my wrists if my arms started shaking really bad and assist me, i wasnt going to be pushing to failure so she didnt have to worry about too much.

    I try to get in the zone, start talking to myself in my mind......straight up....straight down....straight up.....straight down....straight up.....straight down.....

    I knee the db's up to my chest, start leaning back, then i lose my balance and fall straight off the freaking bench. Damn, i felt like a freaking moron, i had to have turned as red as a strawberry and felt like hiding in the corner.

    After i looked up and saw her chuckling i was pissed (not at her, just that i F*cked up) so i jump back on the bench and ripped off 6 reps and made a PR.

    Thats about it
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    last year in lit class my friend brought one of those fart machines to school, we had fun with it in class and at lunch waiting in line and whatnot....but my teacher saw him with it and threatened to take it away if she heard or saw it again. So he puts it away and the class gets ready to read Hamlet.......i then got a brilliant idea......right when the class got quiet to start reading and whatnot i leaned over and RIPPED one.....the class was roaring and my teacher marches over to my friend because her and the rest of the class think that it was the machine again, so the techer comes walking over yelling at my friend..( teacher) " I SAID IF I SAW THAT ONE MORE........." she stops dead in her tracks... poofs her cheeks and covers her mouth and b-lines it out of the class becuase she smelt the rank wind......by this time the class is on the ground about to die because they know what had happened. To make along story short, i had to confess to the class and my friend got a call to his parents.

    never mind the times when u fart at the worst times possible.
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    protein fart story
    this one was a couple years ago but still makes me laugh everytime. i used to think protein shakes were the best thing ever, and i always bought the cheapest whey concentrate that would never agree with my stomach and always give me terrible gas. anyways, i was at a funeral because my dad's uncle had passed away. i didnt wanna be there because i never even met him but nonetheless, i had to go because he was family. after being bored for a while, i started to fall asleep. soon after, i apparently let a loud fart escape. this draws everybodys attention who is quick to blame my dad because he started laughing (he also has a reputation to do this in public a lot). so you have all these sad people crying, and out of nowhere, i ripped some ass and lighten the mood as everyone starts laughing. i had no idea what happened til my dad woke me up and explained everything. for all i know, it didnt happen or maybe it was someone else. either way, its a very inappropriate time to do something like that. sorry great uncle jim.
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    The following, to my utter shame is a true story. Nothing has been changed. Only the names are withheld to protect the guilty.

    When I was in my-mid twenties I was dating a very sexy actress most famous for her role on TV’s "Falcon Crest". I remember being intimidated by both her celebrity status and her 15+ year seniority over me. One evening I was dining at her condo eating a nice meal trying to relax...she was eating some veggies and drinking something like slim-fast. She had the prettiest blue-eyes and Barbie-doll figure and I was so sure that I was out of my depth. Well...several drinks into the evening one thing led to another and we found ourselves embracing which led to groping and undressing. Two of my romantic skills included being able to unfasten a bra with one hand in under a second and the ability to use my spastic tongue to a make a woman extremely happy. It didn't take long for the back of her neck to discover this second talent and soon she had me make use of it elsewhere.

    So we are on her bed in a sixty-nine position with me on the bottom. She is pleasing me and I am pleasing her with that second talent. I'm in heaven...she begins to have an orgasm and sits down hard on my face her butt right at my nose and then it hits me!!!! Boom...the foulest smelling methane fart leaves her anus and enters my nostrils which are practically attached there to begin with. I mean I heard it coming through my mufflered ears but I couldn't believe it. The stench made me instinctively pull my head away but there was no where else to go!!!! She was having a simultaneous orgasm and my face was pinned. I yelled to her but all she heard was "hmmmphhmmmmmm!" I slapped her ass to get her attention but that just turned her on more and she immediately came again and again while I suffered the inescapable stench.

    That's when I resolved right then and there, no matter what it took I was going to increase my bench press. My next girlfriend was a bit anorexic but as time went on my bench strength increased and soon I was able to date slender women. Today being a weightlifting veteran I am proud to say that I am now able to date very fat chicks with minimal risk!
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    Quote Originally Posted by italionstallion
    Gym story, kinda embarassing, but no biggy

    I was on a role for the previous few weeks when i was lifting chest. My weights just kept going up and I was getting pretty confident. I lifted by myself, so I would stick to DB's for presses. So I'm at the gym at around 9 or so, and its pretty empty. I'm looking around trying to find someone who can just kinda stabilize my arms or assist me a little if i needed it when lifting db press on the flat bench. Well, after peering around i found a spotter, and much to my luck it was a hot girl She was probably about 2 years older than I am, and she was just gorgeous, great body, pretty face, great smile.....now i'm not concentrating quite on lifting anymore, i'm more focused on her and making sure not to "reveal" my excitement to her when i laid down on the bench with her right above me (didnt want to pitch a tent in my pants). So i grab the 90 lb db's, which was the most I had ever used, put them on my knees and sit on the bench. She just looks at me and is like, i dont know if i can really spot you if your lifting those. So i told her i just wanted her to grab my wrists if my arms started shaking really bad and assist me, i wasnt going to be pushing to failure so she didnt have to worry about too much.

    I try to get in the zone, start talking to myself in my mind......straight up....straight down....straight up.....straight down....straight up.....straight down.....

    I knee the db's up to my chest, start leaning back, then i lose my balance and fall straight off the freaking bench. Damn, i felt like a freaking moron, i had to have turned as red as a strawberry and felt like hiding in the corner.

    After i looked up and saw her chuckling i was pissed (not at her, just that i F*cked up) so i jump back on the bench and ripped off 6 reps and made a PR.

    Thats about it
    Another quick story, and it is actually now why i almost always try to have a spotter.

    I'm at my gym, and the way it used to be set up was all the cable type machines were back to back along one wall and all the benches were along the opposite wall. This is kind of an over head veiw:
    b= bench and c= cable
    -----------------------
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l

    So im on a cable machine facing the benches and this guy comes over with 50 lb db's to do flat db press. He has no spotter, just there by himself. He lays down and starts repping a few out. He was a fairly small/skinny guy, not a real gym rat, but he probably got about 6 reps then his arms started shaking like crazy. He goes down and is trying to press them back up. He keeps trying and trying moving them inch by inch all the while his arms are wobbling and looking like rubber bands. He is nearly locked out when boom, one comes slamming down right on his face. I was like f*ck, went over and tried to help him. He said he wasn't badly hurt, but he had a major bloody nose. He seemed to be more embarrassed than anything, but after seeing that happened made me realize to 1) have a spotter or 2) know when to quit
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    Okay - Boys.......I have the winners, chosen by two of my friends visiting me today and they laughed so hard, i was afraid that they would wet their pants on my sofa.



    Two second place winners are:

    Meowmeow
    Tribal

    and in first place

    Italian Stallion.


    Please PM your flavor and mailing addy.

    Congratulations and thanks for the laughs.
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    Those stinking bastards!!!!
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    Thank you
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    darn...i was sure my "naked squatting in the gym" story would have won....
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    Well I would like to thank..........well my 3yr old, I hope he likes protien!!!! LOL...

    OH YA I couldnt PM you Wheystation, If there is an email addy were I can send the infomation please let me know

    Thank you.....
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    Hey - I have heard from TWO contest winners......Initials are MM and NP....so the last one, email me at wheystation@aol.com - the stuff ships tomorrow.

    Thanks, again.......good times, i had here on this one.
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    Are the initials of the last one SJA?
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    damn i missed ou ton this one i got a greart story well here it goes anyway. Got this buddy whos 360 6'4 shrek looking bastard. he eats alot and its always poor diet choices,were out of town sharing a hotel and hes been passing very noxious gas for 2 nights so on night 3 I have a plan eat a barrage of proven gassy foods for my body. Wait until he falls asleep and begon my plan. see this guy has sleep apnea so he needs this breathing machine that sits beside the bed and flows through a tube to this face mask. The machine forces oxygen into your airway as you sleep. SO i walk over and sit my ass atop on the air intake and rip a spine chilling blood curdling fart into this thing for like 5 or so seconds. The :"direct deposit" method of forcing him to endure the same torture ive forced to endure. causes him to wake from a deep sleep gasping choking and coughing. he had the look like he was drowing cause he prolly was. He cursed grumble i laughed. So with a truce he farted by the door or in the bathroom after that. The look was priceless and i love telling the story at staff parties.lol
  35. The True Warrior is one who conquers oneself
    hamper19's Avatar
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    i'll put a story up just for fun too

    My first year in college, was when i was in the best shape i'd been in. So I had met this really really hot girl on campus and we had talked a few times, no major conversations. She made me really nervous kind of cuz of how hot she was. So anyway, one day i was working out at the gym on campus and i'm there minding my own business and not paying attention. She walks up behind me all close and grabs my sides...like the love handle area....well it made me jump, and i think yous know whats coming next. I let out a loud hot and steamy stinker. To make matters worse, she was pressing up against me when it happened so she felt it on her leg..like the moist air and ****. That thing stunk SO ****IN bad man....She started busrting out laughing which I'm not sure is even cool. I mean i guess its cool she didn't run away, but I've never been so embarrased in my life. Last time a checked letting one rip on a hot chicks leg that you want to get with wasn't a good way to make that happen. damn protien.

    h19
  36. Banned
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    This story is about the Fizogen strap. I bought this **** 3 weeks ago. Within minutes of ingesting, my libido had gone wild!!! My sex tool got so big my girlfriend ran away when I was having sex!!! So I got up to the city to find myself a new girlfriend that could stand the big thing. As soon as I showed up the bouncer was on his knees to let me in. I was.. eehh. OK then, i'll go inside I guess! So when I got in, everyone looked, and the music stopped suddenly. What the... Who is this gorilla? With the hormones rising, I looked like a mop! I had pubic hair on my fingers! I said to myself, god damn, this is da bomb! It works! I cant wait to see the next workout! The thing is, I wanted to get so laid, I managed to bring a nice girl home saying I had the biggest **** in the world! (Wich was true) So when she saw this, she too, ran away and I had to finish the job myself. A couple hours later, I had heartburns, I guess the strap is hard to digest. So I drank 3 bottles of pepto bismol and got to sleep on the floor because my bed broke when I sat down on it. God I wish I was not 450 lbs in LBM in 1 day! When I woke up and finished dreaming about all my sex adventures, I got to the gym, because when I opened the door of my car, it stayed in my hands! So I figured what the heck, I am BIG!!! So I got to the gym on a run, every car was tooting me. Once I entered the gym, I had to go for a dump. God damn this strap hurts when it has to go through! But I was wise. I said to myself, what if I dont swallow it? Will I still be big? This is when I woke up, all in sweat, with my girlfriend beside me, OH GOD!!! It was just a dream!!! to be continued if you guys want more..
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    I was deadlifting in a pair of track pants. It was max effort day, WS training style, and I was putting down close to 8,000 cals a day. I hadn't pulled 500 yet but new I was very close and was REAL focused that day. It was around 8:30 and very crowded. Well I went down and got my grip, set my footing and let er rip. On my way up I got the feeling I was going to make the lift, because I usually fail off the floor and my lockout is the strongest. I'm right about in lockout when I hear a machine gun burst of buttons popping! my pants fall completely to my ankles and there I am KNEES TREMBLING FACE BEAT RED trying to make the last bit of the lift with my pants at my ankles and not laugh. Apparently something had to come out though, and sure enough I ripped a pretty good one on my way back down...yes I completed the entire lift. Not many people deadlift in my gym and I've honestly never seen anyone DL 500 or more in my gym (I'm sure they're guys who can). SOO as it was there was alot of people already paying attention. What really messed me up was how many people where watching me after they saw I had no intentions of not completing the lift.
  38. Banned
    JimJames's Avatar
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    Crap! I can't believe I missed this... here is my story. Maybe there will be some consolation prizes for late stories....

    For work, I am required to travel around the country. Well, as you know it is sometimes hard to get your meals in when you are running from plane to plane or stuck in meetings all day. In this case, I down a can of protein or eat a protein bar. On this particular occasion I had tried a couple of new protein bar brands. It was late afternoon and I ate one of the bars and continued on with meetings. On the way to the airport that evening I ate another one as I was not sure if I was going to have time to get something in the terminal. Well, about an hour into the flight I started having the pains… I went to the bathroom and when I came back to my seat the guy in the seat next to me had his laptop out and was watching a movie. The idiot had his earphones on, but plugged into the wrong port so he was blaring the sound and I couldn’t sleep. I thought to myself, “the hell with this…” and started letting loose. A few minute latter, I looked over and he had his shirt pulled up over his nose because of the smell.

    I guess I showed him….
  39. Gold Member
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    Here's mine...

    I was working out and taking my daily protein shakes, and about a week in, I got some horrible gas, and I mean horrible... I thought it was funny, but my wife did not agree..
    I was having fun with it, and finally one night, I had cut loose with the monster, ( Silent but deadly ) under the covers.. My wife decided she wanted to snuggle up, and started over towards me, and when she got close, I kinda raised the covers just enough to let the smell out, and she started gaging.. She told me I needed to go to the doctor.. Never thought anything about it.. The next day, I was at work, and one of the older employees farted by me, and laughed, so I decided to return the favor.. So I went over to his work station, and cut a silent one loose, and when it hit him, he called me every name in the book, and threatened to take me to the front office if I did that again.. I just laughed and told him pay backs were hell..
    Sooooo, I get home that afternoon, and my wife walks in from work, and says... you have a doctors appointment in two days. I was like ... For real ? And she said yes... There is something wrong with you... So, I went to the doctor , and explained to him my bad gas problem, and told him what all I was taking, and he said yes, the protein was part of the problem, but he also said I have a spastic Colan..

    Got off of the protein, and started eating different, and have not had as bad a problem... True story...
  40. Registered User
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    The Tale of Youth and Protein.

    Youth:

    As a kid it was all about eating more than enough, hell eating now where close to sane amounts of protein. So I purchased the god awful Desiccated Liver Pills those suckers where the size of big toes and shared, oddly enough, a common flavor. Now not being the brightest light in the room I decided to add a dozen eggs a day to the regiment. It went pretty good for the first couple of days, sure I was constantly popping a big toe and spending my spare time raiding chicken coupes; but I was on the road to mass and fortune. Anyway

    Getting There:


    It all came to a head during an arm workout. I was lean and mean, veins everywhere for gods’ sake. It was the third rep of the third set, a little dramatic I know but aren't you on the edge right now. Anyway

    Something Foul This Way Comes:

    Something within rumbled and was covertly expelled, not a sound or misplaced odor. Again something rumbled and again was release with little notice. It was here at the third occurrence, a rumble that kind of curdled. Something was different, so there the third rep, third set and the third rumble I knew it was time to hit the can.

    History Is Made:

    Events from that moment forward have taken on many versions and been told by many who heard from a friend of a friend. Needless to say the stench was legendary, the sound track fierce and the pain... Oh the pain. I went home early with a constant bubbling in my guts, hoping muscle control would not fail me now, and proceeded to trash the rest of my remaining Liver pills.

    A Solution:

    I still eat eggs but Desiccated Liver pills will never enter my grasp again.

    ~ The End
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