ALL THE WHEY and BACK, AGAIN - A NEW CONTEST
- 01-11-2006, 09:54 PM
ALL THE WHEY and BACK, AGAIN - A NEW CONTEST
Okay - I have been dying for a new contest, but I had to delay it until I got the last winners their packages out and this just got done today because of the roof collapse......So, my desk is clear and I am ready to roll a contest.
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING INTERESTING???????
Three prizes - 10 lbs protein and two 5 lb proteins to the winners
BEST GYM STORY - to be judged by a secret AM member (that I have yet to notify)
BEST PROTEIN FART/GAS STORY
Let's try to have some good old fashioned disgusting fun, boys.
- 01-11-2006, 09:57 PM
01-11-2006, 10:00 PM
01-11-2006, 10:02 PM
I was training my Brother at the gym and he ****s himself (or so it smelled like he did) right in the middle of the gym. Knowing that he is going to blame me and laugh until he pukes, I go to beat him to the punch....but then right next to us a guy asks his workout partner "DID YOU ****?" and he turns red and says "NO.....it was you!!". So my Brother and I just start laughing hysterically. Well.....I didn't get my breathe in time and he points to me and says "it was him"......****ER!!!!! I made him pay for that
01-11-2006, 10:08 PM
when my family went down to florida during christmas time we had only 1 room in the hotel. I actually packed a weeks worth of tuna and protein powder to take down there. When my flatulence began, my father got so disgusted that he went downstairs to the front desk and bought ANOTHER ROOM in the [very expensive] hotel.
Then to make things worse, he didn't even get the adjoining room, he got a different one down the hall!
01-11-2006, 10:15 PM
oh...oh....that reminds me of the time that I was competing at a BB show and my training partner had some massive....bad air. That sewer smelling kind of ass. so he's ****ting himself all over the room and laughing his ass off. Later that night, the hotel manager knocks on teh door to answer a report of a broken sewer pipe. He said that the smell was coming from our room and wanted to check out the place. I never laughed so hard in my life....but the guy didn't seem to figure it out. Must have thought I was on crack.
01-11-2006, 10:18 PM
01-11-2006, 10:24 PM
Mine was true....here's another one.
I went crystal mining with a friend of mine. It was a really nasty day and we hiked up this really steep mountain for about 5 miles to get to this mine. There is a cave there about 30 feet deep and five feet high (with some off-shooting caves or "vugs"). Anyway, the wind is blowing and it's mixed snow and rain coming down sideways outside. So I had some really bad gas. If you've ever been in a cave, you know that the air does not move. It is very still. Well.....I couldn't help but know that if I did, indeed let out this nasty gas that my friend would be in it for the duration of the day (what more incentive did I need?). So I went all the way inside and fired it up. He was soooooo pissed that I thought he was going to take a swing at me. all day he was cussing me out. So from then on, if we saw someone who was an *******, we would say "he looks like the kind of guy who would fart in a cave".
01-11-2006, 10:31 PM
01-11-2006, 10:33 PM
01-11-2006, 10:45 PM
Over the summer at Wally World my family and I are doing our weekly shopping, my two sons and I are in the health section looking around when I let one of worst smelling protein aromas escape from my ass, ever. Being only 3ft tall my 3 year old is the first to smell it, as I look down at him he is looking at a women standing near us and in very loud child voice he says "Did you fart lady?cause your butt stinks!!!!"
Leave it to the little guys for a great Wal-Mart experience!!!!
01-11-2006, 11:03 PM
I was at my buddy's place for New Years and he had his cousin in from Portugal. After a great New Years Eve I wake up the next day and have a nice protein shake while the others are planning to go McDonalds. I go along for the ride and they go through the drive through and on the way back I let a nice SBD fly. I was in the front seat and its was in an old Jeep Wrnagler so there were no back windows. His cousin starts to scream because the stench was bad and we couldn't roll down the windows (it was old beat up and used for offroading mostly). Nevertheless his cousins can't eat the food he just bought and actually is angry at me for causing the sitaution. He then proceeds to fly back 2 days later and when he gets home describes how this big American farted so bad he couldn't eat and almost puked. To this day that little town in Portugal thinks Americans have the worst farts all because of my whey.
For answers to board issues, read the Suggestion and News forum at the bottom of the main page.
01-12-2006, 04:39 AM
My dad and I were training legs at a gym that we had some guest passes to. It's one of those really fancy gyms where everything is clean and expensive and they give you towels and ****. I always make sure that i deuce before leg day because I'm not tryin' to drop a log at the bottom of my squat. So I did my pre-leg ritual on the big white telephone and I thought everything was good. Him and I were alternating on the squat rack since this place had rooms of machines but only one squat rack. So I started my last heavy set and on about the 3rd rep I felt like I had to fart and I tried to hold it in. But it wasn't happening, and one or two reps later it got the best of me and escaped. Well unfortunately it was one of my gnarliest ever since I had some eggs and broccoli that day. To make matters worse I hadn't gotten everything out pre-workout and after that squat everything was out. It was just enough to leave a scent trail that followed me to the bathroom, and might I add cleared everyone out of the way as I hobbled bow legged as fast as I could. As we were leaving My dad said to the guy at the front desk, "see you tomorrow," as we had two days of guest passes. The manager said that there were some complaints by members about us and unless we planned on buying a membership we weren't welcome back with guest passes.
01-12-2006, 08:23 AM
My GF's daughter is moritfied if she farts. Knowing it is my civic duty as an adult to give her something to talk about in therapy later in life, I felt compelled to perform the following prank.
My Gf's couch has these really soft cushions. When you fart into them, they retain the stench. Then, when you sit back down on them, they remit the odor. Using this as my tool, and knowing that my Gf's daughter was about to come bouncing in with her friend. Also knowing that they would commandere the TV once they got in to watch Full House and being fully aware that the little Hitler would have to have control of the remote control, I used my day of sulphurous protein gas to my full advantage. Just prior to her arrival, I went to the couch (twice) and blasted some very hot, nasty gas into the cushions. Then, I turned the TV onto the History channel and left the room. This girl just loves to come in and change my programs...especially when showing off for friends....hahaha. So as predicted, she rushes to the couch and dive bombs the remote (I'm watching from an upstairs balcony). Her friend follows her and sits on the couch next to her. Then her friend says "eeewww....did you fart?" Of course little Hitler denies it, but the friend, of course knows it is not her and they are the only two in the room. So they argue about it until she sees me in tears of laughter upstairs. Then she blurts out "it was Steve!!". Of course I have to point out that I am upstairs and how could I possibly have done that (to which her friend agrees). Oh yeah.....payback time.....come to Poppa She still hasn't lived that one down....but she knows that somehow, I had something to do with it.
01-12-2006, 09:57 AM
I have 2 that come to mind that absolutely made my day when they happened.
1.) it was pouring out one night and my boy and I are driving back to his place from our other friends house - about a 20 min drive, I let the SBD go and immediatley he turned to me and said dude something is wrong, I smiled and said what? -he started to "figure it out" and immediatly started gagging and drooled on himself opened the window and stuck his head out and road that way for the entire ride- he was drenched but told me when we got home that he would of rather drowned then smell anymore of that.
2.)I was drivnig home from a workout and stopped at a light -it's late august so I had the windows down - let it go and just was like ewww that one is really rich - I hear this "what the F%K is that smell- dude dont' ever do that again in my car" I look over to my left and the fart had traveled over the another car and this guy was cussing out his friend for farting - I started laughing and waved.
01-12-2006, 10:27 AM
I only got one story and it happened when I first started taking whey my sophomore year of high school.
I was at a baseball camp at a college campus and we were staying in the girls dorm because they were the only ones open in the summer, and no matter how many times I blew up the community bathroom, my farts would not stop stinking and burning. Finally me and a buddy were walking back to our room up from a practice when I felt the worst bubble in my ass I have ever felt. I had to emit it right then and there and it felt like a couple of dozen rotten eggs had just exploded out of my anus. It started making my eyes water and my friend started gagging. After about 2-3 minutes we got control of ourselves but the smell was still in this poorly ventilated stairwell as thick as fog in London, so we decided to wait and see peoples faces when they had to walk through it. (This was the only staircase available to get to the rooms everyone was staying in, so someone had to come along. Finally our poor unsuspecting "butt of the joke" came walking up the stairs, she hit the flight we were on just stopped and looked at us... her eyes were watering so and she started gagging so much that she took off running back down the steps throwing up on the way. I nearly died laughing so hard... turns out the poor girl was the RA for the floor below us and had no clue what was dealt upon her. She never came around the baseball guys again lol.
Man I wish I could get those again. I dropped a couple of hot death ones on Bobo's diet but nothing that compared to that one in the stairs.
edit: Forgot to add in - Now that I'm older I realize that baseball sucks
Last edited by BOHICA; 01-12-2006 at 11:31 AM.
01-12-2006, 11:45 AM
Here is a protien fart story.
Back in 1997 I was a senior in high school. During wrestling season I was always cutting weight so I would drink a shake for lunch and that was it. Well one day in sociology I had some gas but didnt expect it to be 2 ripe so I let it out nice an quietly. WEll about 30 seconds later my buddy behind me just yelled out, oh' my god Varga (last name)! I was a little embarrased when the rest of the class opened up the windows and stuck there heads out. The teacher got a little sour and told me to go to the nurse if I had to do it again. Well part way through the class I let out a litte squeaker, No smell, so I thought I was good to go. Then it came, super belly bubble. I figured since the last one didnt stink this one wont either. I was in a group with this hot ass girl who I was trying to get with and was kind of hesitant about letting it go but did anyway. One millasecond later it smelt like rotten cottage cheese and a dipsy dumpster mixed together then sprayed with chicken ****. The entire class ran to the windows with there heads out breathing. My teacher kicked me out and made me explain to the VP why I had gotten kicked out. I got 1 day internal and 3 days after school detention because that said I did it on purpose. Just imagine how long it took for that to get around school!
01-12-2006, 01:10 PM
I went to an all guys high school so we never had any qualms about farting in class. I remember in my Chem class there was this one kid that farted really loud everyday, but my teacher could never figure out who was doing it.
01-12-2006, 02:16 PM
Lifting in the gym one day, one of the "powerlifters", a 120lbs guy litterally 4'5" tall, picture a white version of Webster, comes in the locker room talking smack like he always does. He got to talking about squats while changing and demonstrated squats in his jock strap...then he decides it would be much better to show how to do squats without the jock strap on and is full out nekkid, brown eye winking and all, doing squats in the locker room...
It still is disturbing to this day...
01-12-2006, 05:49 PM
I let one fly while showing 2 customers some appliances when I worked in retail. Mind you this is a whey/BCAA fart, raw sewage type ****! YOU KNOW they smell it, I could see it in there faces, but I kept selling them the product like nothing happened and I even tried to show them others and get them to walk away from the area but they wouldnt. I didn't end up making them a sale.
01-12-2006, 07:09 PM
I used to train at a Bally's about 20 years ago, they were Scandanavian back then. There was usually only a few serious people working out there. There was one big guy named Bob who used to bench with me. We had worked our way up, trying to outdo each other. I got 365 (we were doing single reps, like idiots) and then he did 375. I then put up 385, just barely. He loads up the bar to 405 and lowers the bar to his chest. Halway up he becomes slightly stuck and I'm hovering over him ready to help if he needs it. Of course, he's straining really hard and he lets the loudest, nastiest fart rip. I had to run away and he was stuck with the weight halfway up. He's yelling " spot!, spot!", but no one could get near him, the smell was that awful. He finally let the bar back down to his chest and dumped one of the 45's off one side. This of course causes the bar to whip the other way and dump all four 45's off the other side, then come crashing back to dump off the last three from the first side. The manager had a fit and threatened to throw us both out. Luckily, he didn't. Of course, it was a long time before anyone would spot Bob on the bench press again.
01-12-2006, 07:23 PM
Gym story, kinda embarassing, but no biggy
I was on a role for the previous few weeks when i was lifting chest. My weights just kept going up and I was getting pretty confident. I lifted by myself, so I would stick to DB's for presses. So I'm at the gym at around 9 or so, and its pretty empty. I'm looking around trying to find someone who can just kinda stabilize my arms or assist me a little if i needed it when lifting db press on the flat bench. Well, after peering around i found a spotter, and much to my luck it was a hot girl She was probably about 2 years older than I am, and she was just gorgeous, great body, pretty face, great smile.....now i'm not concentrating quite on lifting anymore, i'm more focused on her and making sure not to "reveal" my excitement to her when i laid down on the bench with her right above me (didnt want to pitch a tent in my pants). So i grab the 90 lb db's, which was the most I had ever used, put them on my knees and sit on the bench. She just looks at me and is like, i dont know if i can really spot you if your lifting those. So i told her i just wanted her to grab my wrists if my arms started shaking really bad and assist me, i wasnt going to be pushing to failure so she didnt have to worry about too much.
I try to get in the zone, start talking to myself in my mind......straight up....straight down....straight up.....straight down....straight up.....straight down.....
I knee the db's up to my chest, start leaning back, then i lose my balance and fall straight off the freaking bench. Damn, i felt like a freaking moron, i had to have turned as red as a strawberry and felt like hiding in the corner.
After i looked up and saw her chuckling i was pissed (not at her, just that i F*cked up) so i jump back on the bench and ripped off 6 reps and made a PR.
Thats about it
01-12-2006, 09:38 PM
last year in lit class my friend brought one of those fart machines to school, we had fun with it in class and at lunch waiting in line and whatnot....but my teacher saw him with it and threatened to take it away if she heard or saw it again. So he puts it away and the class gets ready to read Hamlet.......i then got a brilliant idea......right when the class got quiet to start reading and whatnot i leaned over and RIPPED one.....the class was roaring and my teacher marches over to my friend because her and the rest of the class think that it was the machine again, so the techer comes walking over yelling at my friend..( teacher) " I SAID IF I SAW THAT ONE MORE........." she stops dead in her tracks... poofs her cheeks and covers her mouth and b-lines it out of the class becuase she smelt the rank wind......by this time the class is on the ground about to die because they know what had happened. To make along story short, i had to confess to the class and my friend got a call to his parents.
never mind the times when u fart at the worst times possible.
01-12-2006, 10:30 PM
protein fart story
this one was a couple years ago but still makes me laugh everytime. i used to think protein shakes were the best thing ever, and i always bought the cheapest whey concentrate that would never agree with my stomach and always give me terrible gas. anyways, i was at a funeral because my dad's uncle had passed away. i didnt wanna be there because i never even met him but nonetheless, i had to go because he was family. after being bored for a while, i started to fall asleep. soon after, i apparently let a loud fart escape. this draws everybodys attention who is quick to blame my dad because he started laughing (he also has a reputation to do this in public a lot). so you have all these sad people crying, and out of nowhere, i ripped some ass and lighten the mood as everyone starts laughing. i had no idea what happened til my dad woke me up and explained everything. for all i know, it didnt happen or maybe it was someone else. either way, its a very inappropriate time to do something like that. sorry great uncle jim.
01-13-2006, 03:49 AM
The following, to my utter shame is a true story. Nothing has been changed. Only the names are withheld to protect the guilty.
When I was in my-mid twenties I was dating a very sexy actress most famous for her role on TV’s "Falcon Crest". I remember being intimidated by both her celebrity status and her 15+ year seniority over me. One evening I was dining at her condo eating a nice meal trying to relax...she was eating some veggies and drinking something like slim-fast. She had the prettiest blue-eyes and Barbie-doll figure and I was so sure that I was out of my depth. Well...several drinks into the evening one thing led to another and we found ourselves embracing which led to groping and undressing. Two of my romantic skills included being able to unfasten a bra with one hand in under a second and the ability to use my spastic tongue to a make a woman extremely happy. It didn't take long for the back of her neck to discover this second talent and soon she had me make use of it elsewhere.
So we are on her bed in a sixty-nine position with me on the bottom. She is pleasing me and I am pleasing her with that second talent. I'm in heaven...she begins to have an orgasm and sits down hard on my face her butt right at my nose and then it hits me!!!! Boom...the foulest smelling methane fart leaves her anus and enters my nostrils which are practically attached there to begin with. I mean I heard it coming through my mufflered ears but I couldn't believe it. The stench made me instinctively pull my head away but there was no where else to go!!!! She was having a simultaneous orgasm and my face was pinned. I yelled to her but all she heard was "hmmmphhmmmmmm!" I slapped her ass to get her attention but that just turned her on more and she immediately came again and again while I suffered the inescapable stench.
That's when I resolved right then and there, no matter what it took I was going to increase my bench press. My next girlfriend was a bit anorexic but as time went on my bench strength increased and soon I was able to date slender women. Today being a weightlifting veteran I am proud to say that I am now able to date very fat chicks with minimal risk!