ALL THE WHEY and BACK, AGAIN - A NEW CONTEST
01-12-2006 07:09 PM
I used to train at a Bally's about 20 years ago, they were Scandanavian back then. There was usually only a few serious people working out there. There was one big guy named Bob who used to bench with me. We had worked our way up, trying to outdo each other. I got 365 (we were doing single reps, like idiots) and then he did 375. I then put up 385, just barely. He loads up the bar to 405 and lowers the bar to his chest. Halway up he becomes slightly stuck and I'm hovering over him ready to help if he needs it. Of course, he's straining really hard and he lets the loudest, nastiest fart rip. I had to run away and he was stuck with the weight halfway up. He's yelling " spot!, spot!", but no one could get near him, the smell was that awful. He finally let the bar back down to his chest and dumped one of the 45's off one side. This of course causes the bar to whip the other way and dump all four 45's off the other side, then come crashing back to dump off the last three from the first side. The manager had a fit and threatened to throw us both out. Luckily, he didn't. Of course, it was a long time before anyone would spot Bob on the bench press again.
01-12-2006 07:23 PM
Gym story, kinda embarassing, but no biggy
I was on a role for the previous few weeks when i was lifting chest. My weights just kept going up and I was getting pretty confident. I lifted by myself, so I would stick to DB's for presses. So I'm at the gym at around 9 or so, and its pretty empty. I'm looking around trying to find someone who can just kinda stabilize my arms or assist me a little if i needed it when lifting db press on the flat bench. Well, after peering around i found a spotter, and much to my luck it was a hot girl She was probably about 2 years older than I am, and she was just gorgeous, great body, pretty face, great smile.....now i'm not concentrating quite on lifting anymore, i'm more focused on her and making sure not to "reveal" my excitement to her when i laid down on the bench with her right above me (didnt want to pitch a tent in my pants). So i grab the 90 lb db's, which was the most I had ever used, put them on my knees and sit on the bench. She just looks at me and is like, i dont know if i can really spot you if your lifting those. So i told her i just wanted her to grab my wrists if my arms started shaking really bad and assist me, i wasnt going to be pushing to failure so she didnt have to worry about too much.
I try to get in the zone, start talking to myself in my mind......straight up....straight down....straight up.....straight down....straight up.....straight down.....
I knee the db's up to my chest, start leaning back, then i lose my balance and fall straight off the freaking bench. Damn, i felt like a freaking moron, i had to have turned as red as a strawberry and felt like hiding in the corner.
After i looked up and saw her chuckling i was pissed (not at her, just that i F*cked up) so i jump back on the bench and ripped off 6 reps and made a PR.
Thats about it
01-12-2006 09:38 PM
last year in lit class my friend brought one of those fart machines to school, we had fun with it in class and at lunch waiting in line and whatnot....but my teacher saw him with it and threatened to take it away if she heard or saw it again. So he puts it away and the class gets ready to read Hamlet.......i then got a brilliant idea......right when the class got quiet to start reading and whatnot i leaned over and RIPPED one.....the class was roaring and my teacher marches over to my friend because her and the rest of the class think that it was the machine again, so the techer comes walking over yelling at my friend..( teacher) " I SAID IF I SAW THAT ONE MORE........." she stops dead in her tracks... poofs her cheeks and covers her mouth and b-lines it out of the class becuase she smelt the rank wind......by this time the class is on the ground about to die because they know what had happened. To make along story short, i had to confess to the class and my friend got a call to his parents.
never mind the times when u fart at the worst times possible.
01-12-2006 10:30 PM
rollin' on dubs!
protein fart story
this one was a couple years ago but still makes me laugh everytime. i used to think protein shakes were the best thing ever, and i always bought the cheapest whey concentrate that would never agree with my stomach and always give me terrible gas. anyways, i was at a funeral because my dad's uncle had passed away. i didnt wanna be there because i never even met him but nonetheless, i had to go because he was family. after being bored for a while, i started to fall asleep. soon after, i apparently let a loud fart escape. this draws everybodys attention who is quick to blame my dad because he started laughing (he also has a reputation to do this in public a lot). so you have all these sad people crying, and out of nowhere, i ripped some ass and lighten the mood as everyone starts laughing. i had no idea what happened til my dad woke me up and explained everything. for all i know, it didnt happen or maybe it was someone else. either way, its a very inappropriate time to do something like that. sorry great uncle jim.
01-13-2006 03:49 AM
The following, to my utter shame is a true story. Nothing has been changed. Only the names are withheld to protect the guilty.
When I was in my-mid twenties I was dating a very sexy actress most famous for her role on TV’s "Falcon Crest". I remember being intimidated by both her celebrity status and her 15+ year seniority over me. One evening I was dining at her condo eating a nice meal trying to relax...she was eating some veggies and drinking something like slim-fast. She had the prettiest blue-eyes and Barbie-doll figure and I was so sure that I was out of my depth. Well...several drinks into the evening one thing led to another and we found ourselves embracing which led to groping and undressing. Two of my romantic skills included being able to unfasten a bra with one hand in under a second and the ability to use my spastic tongue to a make a woman extremely happy. It didn't take long for the back of her neck to discover this second talent and soon she had me make use of it elsewhere.
So we are on her bed in a sixty-nine position with me on the bottom. She is pleasing me and I am pleasing her with that second talent. I'm in heaven...she begins to have an orgasm and sits down hard on my face her butt right at my nose and then it hits me!!!! Boom...the foulest smelling methane fart leaves her anus and enters my nostrils which are practically attached there to begin with. I mean I heard it coming through my mufflered ears but I couldn't believe it. The stench made me instinctively pull my head away but there was no where else to go!!!! She was having a simultaneous orgasm and my face was pinned. I yelled to her but all she heard was "hmmmphhmmmmmm!" I slapped her ass to get her attention but that just turned her on more and she immediately came again and again while I suffered the inescapable stench.
That's when I resolved right then and there, no matter what it took I was going to increase my bench press. My next girlfriend was a bit anorexic but as time went on my bench strength increased and soon I was able to date slender women. Today being a weightlifting veteran I am proud to say that I am now able to date very fat chicks with minimal risk!
01-13-2006 04:58 PM
Another quick story, and it is actually now why i almost always try to have a spotter.
Originally Posted by italionstallion
I'm at my gym, and the way it used to be set up was all the cable type machines were back to back along one wall and all the benches were along the opposite wall. This is kind of an over head veiw:
b= bench and c= cable
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
l c c b b l
So im on a cable machine facing the benches and this guy comes over with 50 lb db's to do flat db press. He has no spotter, just there by himself. He lays down and starts repping a few out. He was a fairly small/skinny guy, not a real gym rat, but he probably got about 6 reps then his arms started shaking like crazy. He goes down and is trying to press them back up. He keeps trying and trying moving them inch by inch all the while his arms are wobbling and looking like rubber bands. He is nearly locked out when boom, one comes slamming down right on his face. I was like f*ck, went over and tried to help him. He said he wasn't badly hurt, but he had a major bloody nose. He seemed to be more embarrassed than anything, but after seeing that happened made me realize to 1) have a spotter or 2) know when to quit
01-15-2006 08:39 PM
Okay - Boys.......I have the winners, chosen by two of my friends visiting me today and they laughed so hard, i was afraid that they would wet their pants on my sofa.
Two second place winners are:
and in first place
Please PM your flavor and mailing addy.
Congratulations and thanks for the laughs.
01-15-2006 08:52 PM
dead sexy wino
Those stinking bastards!!!!
01-15-2006 10:04 PM
01-16-2006 07:04 AM
Running with the Big Boys
darn...i was sure my "naked squatting in the gym" story would have won....
ADVANCED MUSCLE SCIENCE STRONGEST ON THE MARKET
01-16-2006 03:59 PM
Well I would like to thank..........well my 3yr old, I hope he likes protien!!!! LOL...
OH YA I couldnt PM you Wheystation, If there is an email addy were I can send the infomation please let me know
01-22-2006 06:46 PM
Hey - I have heard from TWO contest winners......Initials are MM and NP....so the last one, email me at email@example.com - the stuff ships tomorrow.
Thanks, again.......good times, i had here on this one.
01-22-2006 06:58 PM
dead sexy wino
Are the initials of the last one SJA?
02-06-2006 05:49 PM
damn i missed ou ton this one i got a greart story well here it goes anyway. Got this buddy whos 360 6'4 shrek looking bastard. he eats alot and its always poor diet choices,were out of town sharing a hotel and hes been passing very noxious gas for 2 nights so on night 3 I have a plan eat a barrage of proven gassy foods for my body. Wait until he falls asleep and begon my plan. see this guy has sleep apnea so he needs this breathing machine that sits beside the bed and flows through a tube to this face mask. The machine forces oxygen into your airway as you sleep. SO i walk over and sit my ass atop on the air intake and rip a spine chilling blood curdling fart into this thing for like 5 or so seconds. The :"direct deposit" method of forcing him to endure the same torture ive forced to endure. causes him to wake from a deep sleep gasping choking and coughing. he had the look like he was drowing cause he prolly was. He cursed grumble i laughed. So with a truce he farted by the door or in the bathroom after that. The look was priceless and i love telling the story at staff parties.lol
02-08-2006 04:12 PM
The True Warrior is one who conquers oneself
i'll put a story up just for fun too
My first year in college, was when i was in the best shape i'd been in. So I had met this really really hot girl on campus and we had talked a few times, no major conversations. She made me really nervous kind of cuz of how hot she was. So anyway, one day i was working out at the gym on campus and i'm there minding my own business and not paying attention. She walks up behind me all close and grabs my sides...like the love handle area....well it made me jump, and i think yous know whats coming next. I let out a loud hot and steamy stinker. To make matters worse, she was pressing up against me when it happened so she felt it on her leg..like the moist air and ****. That thing stunk SO ****IN bad man....She started busrting out laughing which I'm not sure is even cool. I mean i guess its cool she didn't run away, but I've never been so embarrased in my life. Last time a checked letting one rip on a hot chicks leg that you want to get with wasn't a good way to make that happen. damn protien.
03-15-2006 08:50 PM
This story is about the Fizogen strap. I bought this **** 3 weeks ago. Within minutes of ingesting, my libido had gone wild!!! My sex tool got so big my girlfriend ran away when I was having sex!!! So I got up to the city to find myself a new girlfriend that could stand the big thing. As soon as I showed up the bouncer was on his knees to let me in. I was.. eehh. OK then, i'll go inside I guess! So when I got in, everyone looked, and the music stopped suddenly. What the... Who is this gorilla? With the hormones rising, I looked like a mop! I had pubic hair on my fingers! I said to myself, god damn, this is da bomb! It works! I cant wait to see the next workout! The thing is, I wanted to get so laid, I managed to bring a nice girl home saying I had the biggest **** in the world! (Wich was true) So when she saw this, she too, ran away and I had to finish the job myself. A couple hours later, I had heartburns, I guess the strap is hard to digest. So I drank 3 bottles of pepto bismol and got to sleep on the floor because my bed broke when I sat down on it. God I wish I was not 450 lbs in LBM in 1 day! When I woke up and finished dreaming about all my sex adventures, I got to the gym, because when I opened the door of my car, it stayed in my hands! So I figured what the heck, I am BIG!!! So I got to the gym on a run, every car was tooting me. Once I entered the gym, I had to go for a dump. God damn this strap hurts when it has to go through! But I was wise. I said to myself, what if I dont swallow it? Will I still be big? This is when I woke up, all in sweat, with my girlfriend beside me, OH GOD!!! It was just a dream!!! to be continued if you guys want more..
03-17-2006 08:08 PM
I was deadlifting in a pair of track pants. It was max effort day, WS training style, and I was putting down close to 8,000 cals a day. I hadn't pulled 500 yet but new I was very close and was REAL focused that day. It was around 8:30 and very crowded. Well I went down and got my grip, set my footing and let er rip. On my way up I got the feeling I was going to make the lift, because I usually fail off the floor and my lockout is the strongest. I'm right about in lockout when I hear a machine gun burst of buttons popping! my pants fall completely to my ankles and there I am KNEES TREMBLING FACE BEAT RED trying to make the last bit of the lift with my pants at my ankles and not laugh. Apparently something had to come out though, and sure enough I ripped a pretty good one on my way back down...yes I completed the entire lift. Not many people deadlift in my gym and I've honestly never seen anyone DL 500 or more in my gym (I'm sure they're guys who can). SOO as it was there was alot of people already paying attention. What really messed me up was how many people where watching me after they saw I had no intentions of not completing the lift.
03-21-2006 12:23 PM
Crap! I can't believe I missed this... here is my story. Maybe there will be some consolation prizes for late stories....
For work, I am required to travel around the country. Well, as you know it is sometimes hard to get your meals in when you are running from plane to plane or stuck in meetings all day. In this case, I down a can of protein or eat a protein bar. On this particular occasion I had tried a couple of new protein bar brands. It was late afternoon and I ate one of the bars and continued on with meetings. On the way to the airport that evening I ate another one as I was not sure if I was going to have time to get something in the terminal. Well, about an hour into the flight I started having the pains… I went to the bathroom and when I came back to my seat the guy in the seat next to me had his laptop out and was watching a movie. The idiot had his earphones on, but plugged into the wrong port so he was blaring the sound and I couldn’t sleep. I thought to myself, “the hell with this…” and started letting loose. A few minute latter, I looked over and he had his shirt pulled up over his nose because of the smell.
I guess I showed him….
03-21-2006 06:19 PM
I was working out and taking my daily protein shakes, and about a week in, I got some horrible gas, and I mean horrible... I thought it was funny, but my wife did not agree..
I was having fun with it, and finally one night, I had cut loose with the monster, ( Silent but deadly ) under the covers.. My wife decided she wanted to snuggle up, and started over towards me, and when she got close, I kinda raised the covers just enough to let the smell out, and she started gaging.. She told me I needed to go to the doctor.. Never thought anything about it.. The next day, I was at work, and one of the older employees farted by me, and laughed, so I decided to return the favor.. So I went over to his work station, and cut a silent one loose, and when it hit him, he called me every name in the book, and threatened to take me to the front office if I did that again.. I just laughed and told him pay backs were hell..
Sooooo, I get home that afternoon, and my wife walks in from work, and says... you have a doctors appointment in two days. I was like ... For real ? And she said yes... There is something wrong with you... So, I went to the doctor , and explained to him my bad gas problem, and told him what all I was taking, and he said yes, the protein was part of the problem, but he also said I have a spastic Colan..
Got off of the protein, and started eating different, and have not had as bad a problem... True story...
04-11-2006 01:17 PM
The Tale of Youth and Protein.
As a kid it was all about eating more than enough, hell eating now where close to sane amounts of protein. So I purchased the god awful Desiccated Liver Pills those suckers where the size of big toes and shared, oddly enough, a common flavor. Now not being the brightest light in the room I decided to add a dozen eggs a day to the regiment. It went pretty good for the first couple of days, sure I was constantly popping a big toe and spending my spare time raiding chicken coupes; but I was on the road to mass and fortune. Anyway
It all came to a head during an arm workout. I was lean and mean, veins everywhere for gods’ sake. It was the third rep of the third set, a little dramatic I know but aren't you on the edge right now. Anyway
Something Foul This Way Comes:
Something within rumbled and was covertly expelled, not a sound or misplaced odor. Again something rumbled and again was release with little notice. It was here at the third occurrence, a rumble that kind of curdled. Something was different, so there the third rep, third set and the third rumble I knew it was time to hit the can.
History Is Made:
Events from that moment forward have taken on many versions and been told by many who heard from a friend of a friend. Needless to say the stench was legendary, the sound track fierce and the pain... Oh the pain. I went home early with a constant bubbling in my guts, hoping muscle control would not fail me now, and proceeded to trash the rest of my remaining Liver pills.
I still eat eggs but Desiccated Liver pills will never enter my grasp again.
~ The End
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