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  1. Quote Originally Posted by italionstallion
    Gym story, kinda embarassing, but no biggy

    I was on a role for the previous few weeks when i was lifting chest. My weights just kept going up and I was getting pretty confident. I lifted by myself, so I would stick to DB's for presses. So I'm at the gym at around 9 or so, and its pretty empty. I'm looking around trying to find someone who can just kinda stabilize my arms or assist me a little if i needed it when lifting db press on the flat bench. Well, after peering around i found a spotter, and much to my luck it was a hot girl She was probably about 2 years older than I am, and she was just gorgeous, great body, pretty face, great i'm not concentrating quite on lifting anymore, i'm more focused on her and making sure not to "reveal" my excitement to her when i laid down on the bench with her right above me (didnt want to pitch a tent in my pants). So i grab the 90 lb db's, which was the most I had ever used, put them on my knees and sit on the bench. She just looks at me and is like, i dont know if i can really spot you if your lifting those. So i told her i just wanted her to grab my wrists if my arms started shaking really bad and assist me, i wasnt going to be pushing to failure so she didnt have to worry about too much.

    I try to get in the zone, start talking to myself in my mind......straight up....straight down....straight up.....straight down....straight up.....straight down.....

    I knee the db's up to my chest, start leaning back, then i lose my balance and fall straight off the freaking bench. Damn, i felt like a freaking moron, i had to have turned as red as a strawberry and felt like hiding in the corner.

    After i looked up and saw her chuckling i was pissed (not at her, just that i F*cked up) so i jump back on the bench and ripped off 6 reps and made a PR.

    Thats about it
    Another quick story, and it is actually now why i almost always try to have a spotter.

    I'm at my gym, and the way it used to be set up was all the cable type machines were back to back along one wall and all the benches were along the opposite wall. This is kind of an over head veiw:
    b= bench and c= cable
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l
    l c c b b l

    So im on a cable machine facing the benches and this guy comes over with 50 lb db's to do flat db press. He has no spotter, just there by himself. He lays down and starts repping a few out. He was a fairly small/skinny guy, not a real gym rat, but he probably got about 6 reps then his arms started shaking like crazy. He goes down and is trying to press them back up. He keeps trying and trying moving them inch by inch all the while his arms are wobbling and looking like rubber bands. He is nearly locked out when boom, one comes slamming down right on his face. I was like f*ck, went over and tried to help him. He said he wasn't badly hurt, but he had a major bloody nose. He seemed to be more embarrassed than anything, but after seeing that happened made me realize to 1) have a spotter or 2) know when to quit

  2. Okay - Boys.......I have the winners, chosen by two of my friends visiting me today and they laughed so hard, i was afraid that they would wet their pants on my sofa.

    Two second place winners are:


    and in first place

    Italian Stallion.

    Please PM your flavor and mailing addy.

    Congratulations and thanks for the laughs.

  3. Those stinking bastards!!!!

  4. Thank you
  5. tattoopierced1
    tattoopierced1's Avatar

    darn...i was sure my "naked squatting in the gym" story would have won....

  6. Well I would like to thank..........well my 3yr old, I hope he likes protien!!!! LOL...

    OH YA I couldnt PM you Wheystation, If there is an email addy were I can send the infomation please let me know

    Thank you.....

  7. Hey - I have heard from TWO contest winners......Initials are MM and the last one, email me at [email protected] - the stuff ships tomorrow.

    Thanks, again.......good times, i had here on this one.

  8. Are the initials of the last one SJA?

  9. damn i missed ou ton this one i got a greart story well here it goes anyway. Got this buddy whos 360 6'4 shrek looking bastard. he eats alot and its always poor diet choices,were out of town sharing a hotel and hes been passing very noxious gas for 2 nights so on night 3 I have a plan eat a barrage of proven gassy foods for my body. Wait until he falls asleep and begon my plan. see this guy has sleep apnea so he needs this breathing machine that sits beside the bed and flows through a tube to this face mask. The machine forces oxygen into your airway as you sleep. SO i walk over and sit my ass atop on the air intake and rip a spine chilling blood curdling fart into this thing for like 5 or so seconds. The :"direct deposit" method of forcing him to endure the same torture ive forced to endure. causes him to wake from a deep sleep gasping choking and coughing. he had the look like he was drowing cause he prolly was. He cursed grumble i laughed. So with a truce he farted by the door or in the bathroom after that. The look was priceless and i love telling the story at staff

  10. i'll put a story up just for fun too

    My first year in college, was when i was in the best shape i'd been in. So I had met this really really hot girl on campus and we had talked a few times, no major conversations. She made me really nervous kind of cuz of how hot she was. So anyway, one day i was working out at the gym on campus and i'm there minding my own business and not paying attention. She walks up behind me all close and grabs my the love handle area....well it made me jump, and i think yous know whats coming next. I let out a loud hot and steamy stinker. To make matters worse, she was pressing up against me when it happened so she felt it on her the moist air and ****. That thing stunk SO ****IN bad man....She started busrting out laughing which I'm not sure is even cool. I mean i guess its cool she didn't run away, but I've never been so embarrased in my life. Last time a checked letting one rip on a hot chicks leg that you want to get with wasn't a good way to make that happen. damn protien.


  11. This story is about the Fizogen strap. I bought this **** 3 weeks ago. Within minutes of ingesting, my libido had gone wild!!! My sex tool got so big my girlfriend ran away when I was having sex!!! So I got up to the city to find myself a new girlfriend that could stand the big thing. As soon as I showed up the bouncer was on his knees to let me in. I was.. eehh. OK then, i'll go inside I guess! So when I got in, everyone looked, and the music stopped suddenly. What the... Who is this gorilla? With the hormones rising, I looked like a mop! I had pubic hair on my fingers! I said to myself, god damn, this is da bomb! It works! I cant wait to see the next workout! The thing is, I wanted to get so laid, I managed to bring a nice girl home saying I had the biggest **** in the world! (Wich was true) So when she saw this, she too, ran away and I had to finish the job myself. A couple hours later, I had heartburns, I guess the strap is hard to digest. So I drank 3 bottles of pepto bismol and got to sleep on the floor because my bed broke when I sat down on it. God I wish I was not 450 lbs in LBM in 1 day! When I woke up and finished dreaming about all my sex adventures, I got to the gym, because when I opened the door of my car, it stayed in my hands! So I figured what the heck, I am BIG!!! So I got to the gym on a run, every car was tooting me. Once I entered the gym, I had to go for a dump. God damn this strap hurts when it has to go through! But I was wise. I said to myself, what if I dont swallow it? Will I still be big? This is when I woke up, all in sweat, with my girlfriend beside me, OH GOD!!! It was just a dream!!! to be continued if you guys want more..

  12. I was deadlifting in a pair of track pants. It was max effort day, WS training style, and I was putting down close to 8,000 cals a day. I hadn't pulled 500 yet but new I was very close and was REAL focused that day. It was around 8:30 and very crowded. Well I went down and got my grip, set my footing and let er rip. On my way up I got the feeling I was going to make the lift, because I usually fail off the floor and my lockout is the strongest. I'm right about in lockout when I hear a machine gun burst of buttons popping! my pants fall completely to my ankles and there I am KNEES TREMBLING FACE BEAT RED trying to make the last bit of the lift with my pants at my ankles and not laugh. Apparently something had to come out though, and sure enough I ripped a pretty good one on my way back down...yes I completed the entire lift. Not many people deadlift in my gym and I've honestly never seen anyone DL 500 or more in my gym (I'm sure they're guys who can). SOO as it was there was alot of people already paying attention. What really messed me up was how many people where watching me after they saw I had no intentions of not completing the lift.

  13. Crap! I can't believe I missed this... here is my story. Maybe there will be some consolation prizes for late stories....

    For work, I am required to travel around the country. Well, as you know it is sometimes hard to get your meals in when you are running from plane to plane or stuck in meetings all day. In this case, I down a can of protein or eat a protein bar. On this particular occasion I had tried a couple of new protein bar brands. It was late afternoon and I ate one of the bars and continued on with meetings. On the way to the airport that evening I ate another one as I was not sure if I was going to have time to get something in the terminal. Well, about an hour into the flight I started having the pains… I went to the bathroom and when I came back to my seat the guy in the seat next to me had his laptop out and was watching a movie. The idiot had his earphones on, but plugged into the wrong port so he was blaring the sound and I couldn’t sleep. I thought to myself, “the hell with this…” and started letting loose. A few minute latter, I looked over and he had his shirt pulled up over his nose because of the smell.

    I guess I showed him….

  14. Here's mine...

    I was working out and taking my daily protein shakes, and about a week in, I got some horrible gas, and I mean horrible... I thought it was funny, but my wife did not agree..
    I was having fun with it, and finally one night, I had cut loose with the monster, ( Silent but deadly ) under the covers.. My wife decided she wanted to snuggle up, and started over towards me, and when she got close, I kinda raised the covers just enough to let the smell out, and she started gaging.. She told me I needed to go to the doctor.. Never thought anything about it.. The next day, I was at work, and one of the older employees farted by me, and laughed, so I decided to return the favor.. So I went over to his work station, and cut a silent one loose, and when it hit him, he called me every name in the book, and threatened to take me to the front office if I did that again.. I just laughed and told him pay backs were hell..
    Sooooo, I get home that afternoon, and my wife walks in from work, and says... you have a doctors appointment in two days. I was like ... For real ? And she said yes... There is something wrong with you... So, I went to the doctor , and explained to him my bad gas problem, and told him what all I was taking, and he said yes, the protein was part of the problem, but he also said I have a spastic Colan..

    Got off of the protein, and started eating different, and have not had as bad a problem... True story...

  15. The Tale of Youth and Protein.


    As a kid it was all about eating more than enough, hell eating now where close to sane amounts of protein. So I purchased the god awful Desiccated Liver Pills those suckers where the size of big toes and shared, oddly enough, a common flavor. Now not being the brightest light in the room I decided to add a dozen eggs a day to the regiment. It went pretty good for the first couple of days, sure I was constantly popping a big toe and spending my spare time raiding chicken coupes; but I was on the road to mass and fortune. Anyway

    Getting There:

    It all came to a head during an arm workout. I was lean and mean, veins everywhere for gods’ sake. It was the third rep of the third set, a little dramatic I know but aren't you on the edge right now. Anyway

    Something Foul This Way Comes:

    Something within rumbled and was covertly expelled, not a sound or misplaced odor. Again something rumbled and again was release with little notice. It was here at the third occurrence, a rumble that kind of curdled. Something was different, so there the third rep, third set and the third rumble I knew it was time to hit the can.

    History Is Made:

    Events from that moment forward have taken on many versions and been told by many who heard from a friend of a friend. Needless to say the stench was legendary, the sound track fierce and the pain... Oh the pain. I went home early with a constant bubbling in my guts, hoping muscle control would not fail me now, and proceeded to trash the rest of my remaining Liver pills.

    A Solution:

    I still eat eggs but Desiccated Liver pills will never enter my grasp again.

    ~ The End

  16. i was in bed with my current girlfriend bumpin uglies when i let out a loud and long shart. i decided it was the perfect opportunity to give her her first "dutch oven" (holding her under the sheets to bake in the filth air). any way... she's screaming and i'm laughing and then i feel wetness all over the place..... the ***** threw up all in my bed because of the shart.

  17. This story is from last week.

    I am taking a couple hundred grams of protein a day so my gas is horrendous. My buddy and I were on the way back to post after he had just gotten his windows tinted on his car. They told him he wasn't allowed to roll his windows down for three days lest he wanted to waste his $150. We had just gotten back onto post and I let one go that had been brewing for a while. It took a few seconds to escape my shorts but once it did my friend was pissed when he realized he couldn't get rid of the biological agents I realeased into the air. He decided to open the door and made me do the same. Coming toward us was an MP that took notice of the opened doors. As we passed he did a U-turn and pulled us over. My buddy got lucky that this guy was cool. We just returned from Iraq so he didn't have a valid insurance card either. We told the MP the whole story and he let him off with a warning and a suggestion to get another insurance card.

    My second story: also from last week

    I made my wife give herself dutch oven. You can do this too! I works awesome but, you can only do it once. We were laying in bed getting ready to go sleep when I let one out that burned my butthole. I then asked my wife if she thought I could hock a loogey while laying in bed and spit it out so hard that it stuck to the ceiling. She thought this was gross. I told he that I knew I could and was determined to try it out. I obnoxiously began trying to gather a big wad of phlegm. She dove under the covers out of fear of being covered in slime. She sure as hell wasn't under there very long! She rolled out of bed coughing and hollaring. I strongly urge everyone to try this!

  18. This reminds me of my experience with a significant other in bed...and protein farts. I ripped one. It was one of those that you know is going to stink before it even gets out. It was so rancid that it woke her up. She just looked around and was like, "Oh my god, what is that smell?" She knew what it was right away because I couldn't stop laughing.

  19. I was at a gym some years ago and there was this hideous looking woman occupying a significant portion of the scarce floor space for herself and her dance routine gear including cheesy boom box. You know the type I mean, they go to the gym and think that being there causes fat loss. Anyhow, she's doing some crazy dance numbers like Brittany Spears stuff and its so distrubing that as soon as my eyes wander anywhere near her I have to speed them up to pass her and look at something else. Come to think of it, I think she was blaring some Spears stuff from her boombox too. I don't even have the words to describe this experience. Surreal if anything. Definately not sexy. So I'm doing some bicep curls and suddenly she starts trying to pick me up. I don't think I've ever played so dumb in my life. Anyhow, after some time, she realizes nothing is happening and storms out of the gym with her junk. I don't recall per say, but I might have showered twice after I finished.

  20. I was at basketball camp a few summers back when i first got into lifting and protein shakes. Well i woke up late that morning so i downed a double dose of protein and headed out the door b/c being late meant laps for an hour.

    I get there in the nick of time and my stomach... killing. We are running suicides and on about the 3rd set i couldnt handle it anymore and let a fart rip... or so i thought. It was one of those really hot... wet farts... liquid **** ran down my leg and when i finished my set i ran straight to the bathroom, tried to clean up... so for the rest of the day I played basketball in **** crusted gym shorts... needless to say nobody would D up on me, so i looked pretty damn good


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