I know you guys probably hear this sort of rambling A LOT so I’ll apologize in advance for further intoxicating you.
Here it is in a nutshell: I am a tiny, skinny, underweight, little person and quite frankly I am sick and f'ing tired of it. I’m 23 years old (soon to be 24), a college graduate, and I’m 5’6” and 118 pounds at this morning’s measure. I have bounced around in the 110-120 pound range since junior high school and I show no signs of leaving it. I’m so tiny that my friends have affectionately named me “Pip,” as in pip-squeak. I laugh it off, but deep down I want to strangle them for it. But I’m quite sure my 14 year old brother could break out of my strangle hold.
Before anyone even thinks genetics, I’ll quell the discussion. My family is actually normal. My dad is 6’2” and about 210 pounds with an athletic build. My older brother (26) is 6’1” and 190 pounds with a very athletic build. My younger brother (14) is 5’3” and 101 pounds (it’s downright f'ing embarrassing that he almost weighs as much as I do). Even my family makes fun of me. Somehow I got the screwing.
I don’t eat a lot, but that’s because I simply can’t. I have tried. I have consumed food to the point of actual vomit. I go in spurts where I can hardly eat two meals a day. I want to eat, but the thought of food sometimes makes me want to hurl. So I thought there was something medically wrong with me. Nope – passed all of my blood work and tests. My doctor thinks I’m joking when I tell him my eating horror stories. He has not been much help. All he does is tell me to eat. Thanks dickhead.
I thought about joining a gym, but the thought of being in there with other people out-lifting me in such drastic ways terrifies me. I’m embarrassed of my body so the public gym is about the last place I want to be. I even think a personal trainer would make fun of me. I’ve started to get very nasty about it too. When people tell me I’m too skinny, I usually tell them they are too fat (and I then catch hell for it – why is it any different for me to be called skinny?).
I don’t have drastic goals. I just want to look normal. I’d like to get myself up to around 160 pounds which to some of you on here is probably still “pip-squeak.” But 40 pounds for me would be a damn godsend. I’m about ready to try anything. I even considered taking the juice.
God I hope someone can help me here. It’s getting to the point where I am nearly ready to be diagnosed with clinical depression. It’s starting to affect my friendships, family relationships, and work. What do I need to do guys?