Girlfriend doesnt support goals - Help!
- 02-06-2013, 10:25 AM
- 02-06-2013, 10:26 AM
plus shes missing out when you dedicate yourself and up looking like a stallion youll be banging chicks left and rightThe difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.
02-06-2013, 10:56 AM
02-06-2013, 11:14 AM
Eh. I'll weigh in on this one, but take it for what it's worth- I'm not a competitive bodybuilder and I don't know what it takes. I am, however, an advanced, competitive Brazilian Jiu Jitsu purple belt. The dedication is probably similar in many ways; I train BJJ for 2 hours 4x a week, require strength and conditioning 3x weekly, and need a pretty formidable nutrition approach to keep up. Coupled with weight management (low bodyfat, more muscle is obviously a competitve advantage) and the time investment is considerable.
My fiance deals with me having a full time career, 8 hours of time investment in Jits alone (mostly evening classes that go as late as 10pm) and all the extras (including numerous injuries). Without someone who is supportive, I would have to settle for only training 2-3x weekly total. It just wouldn't work in most relationships- very few women like the idea of you spending this much time away. But she and I invest our time carefully- most couples' idea of quality time is watching ****ty weeknight reruns or shows they've never heard of on Netflix. When we spend time together, it's "active" and fulfilling; we talk, we make dinner together (esp. when im cutting weight) and get more out of the time we DO spend together. This might be an area for you guys to consider; if she's not an active gym goer herself, and if she's filling the spare time with mundane sedentary activities, how do you guys spend time? If it's quantity over quality, then that may partially explain why she's opposed.
I think there's more to look into than black and white, dump her or quit, etc. You said you're happy with her; will you two be able to figure out a common ground where you can be successful and competitve and she can be happy w/ the relationship? I think so. You're not asking her to stand next to you on stage, you're asking for support. Honestly, when all else fails, just do it and she'll get over it or used it.
02-06-2013, 11:22 AM
Oh, and above all else, people who give machismo "U CUD HAV NE 1 BRO SO **** WOMEN THEY ARE LYING CHEATING WHORES U SHUD JUST SLING HELLA DICK BANGING HOES DAY'N'NITE" advice are dip****s who can't keep a womans attention or maintain a longterm relationship like a man. They're bitter because they're losers. Avoid relationship advice from the pudd who gets cheated on like a chump and blames his **** circumstances on women as a whole and not their selection of a particularly trailer-trashy bimbo. You fellas can't put a tuxedo on a pig and expect it not to roll in ****. Why would you fall in love with a 1-nighter and be surprised when you get cheated on?
02-06-2013, 11:57 AM
02-06-2013, 12:06 PM
Seriously. Follow your dream, if she doesn't support it, then move on. You only get one chance to chase your goals, someone who loves you respects that and will support you through it.
02-06-2013, 12:07 PM
I can agree with you, with the only caveat being not to plan your life by any uncertain means. Don't plan your life around a job you haven't gotten, a marriage you aren't in, or a business agreement with a best friend that hasn't been signed. Planning a life around certainty is always solid advise.
02-06-2013, 12:08 PM
02-06-2013, 12:48 PM
Sounds to me like it might be a "time" issue. She might get the impression that you're more dedicated to yourself--in her eyes, what with the constant training and disciplined eating--that she might feel you don't dote on her or give her the attention and/or time she's seeking. She might feel you could easily forget her, since you might or could seem more eager with the training than anything she likes. (Similar reason why girls get so upset with guys watching sports. To some girls, sports are dumb, but the see guys emoting with energy and excitement and since guys hardly get like that around them, they feel shafted. Then, they turn off the TV and say, "We need to talk.")
Like the other good advice here, a good woman, nay, a GREAT woman, will support you and will understand. Sounds to me like she doesn't, but, just like what else was posted, I'm guessing there might be more to this than simply the training.
Really talk with her about this, be honest and let her know how you feel with a) your feelings about her and b) how your training is who you are--it's part and parcel of you.
Go from there and godspeed, sir!
02-06-2013, 01:08 PM
Goals are to be achieved and to do so you must plan and put the plan in to action, which usually means structuring your life to get to what ever your goal is. If you hide from failure and settle you'll always be kind of in between. Having a certainty for a back up plan is solid advice, a back up plan that doesn't interfere with your actual goals and desires.
03-26-2013, 12:40 AM
My input, as my situation was similar to yours and continues to be, all be it I chose option 2 and got married.
1. Easiest way is find a girl who's on board with your goals.
2. Stay with her and have arguments and disputes and slooooooowly she will begin to accept it more and more, or she will bail herself from the relationship.
My girlfriend now 5 year wife still gets a bit irritated when I "choose" to workout rather than spend that hour with her after a week apart, but she gets that it's what make me, me and I'll likely moan and groan so she get pissy for a bit and when I get back gets over it.
Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me. Micah 7:8
04-03-2013, 03:44 AM
I don't think anyone should be saying leave her just yet.. I mean they live together and everything. Maybe drastic change will freak her out but she would warm up to it. She is just piling all the negative aspects up and not the positives(i know my gf for a year and a half does this). Bring her to the gym with you. Warning: your gf will interfere with the intensity of your workout. However the plus sign is that girls love getting told what to do, not ina negative way. Example: all those classes full of women. Show her the way and lift with her. Now my gf wants me to "train" her everyday
04-03-2013, 09:33 AM
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