thread has been moved to the anabolic section under the cycle info tab.
(if this is in the wrong section (i posted in anabolics & contest prep), please move it accordingly as i looked through the other sections to see what made the most sense, as this happened prior to one of my scheduled BB competitions, thx.)
hey all its been a while since ive posted.
i know this sounds a little corny, but im in need of some positive words or motivation from some of my fellow AM friends/community.
this last year (2010) has been really bad for me. allow me to explain chronologically:
i am about 5'6" and at the beginning of 2010 was around 170 pounds. i was in PEAK physical condition. probably the best of my life. i had done 405 pounds on deadlift (romanian) for 2, i had done 140 pounds dumbells on incline chest press for 8, working my way up to the 150s (the highest my gym has), was pressing 120 pound dumbells on overhead dumbell shoulder press for 10-12, could easily knock out 30-40 pullups (NOT chin-ups, overhand pullups), was repping out 315 on squats for 15-20, and 315 on bench like nothing. could knock out a 5 mile jog easy, and was boxing.
was big, strong, and REAL lean (veins coming out in my LOWER abs!). like i said, this was probably the best shape ive ever been in.
then i had some real tough family problems hit. i was laid off and placed on unemployment. had to stop going to college because of the money situation. had to stop my plans of competing in my first show. my father had a bunch of legal stuff hit due to business problems. he then tried to commit suicide. not long after, he was sentenced to prison.
i then fell into a pretty bad depression and i have been fighting to kinda get out of my "funk" for some time now.
i FEEL the burn inside of me, and i WANT to "get back on the horse," but ive been unable to kinda take that first step. i know this sounds silly, but it basically comes down to the fact that ive gained 50 pounds probably, a TON of body fat, from eating complete garbage, etc. and my self confidence subsequently sucks!
now i know already that i shouldnt place SO much emphasis on my PHYSICAL appearance, etc. and be so tough on myself. but im just having a hard time trying to get motivated to throw on my shoes and a tshirt and go to the gym after not being there for so long, and looking like garbage at the moment. i know once again that this sounds "silly," but i WANT to workout again, etc. and get back to it, but im honestly nervous/have anxiety at people checking me out with my new "physique" (lol!)..as im a shadow of my former self/glory! i went to a marine corps school as a kid, and i know i need to suck it up and not worry about what other people think, its just a little bit harder than i thought it would be to kinda get this going.
anyways, enough of my sob story, i just wanted to post and see if anyone has been in a "similar" situation and has any words for me.
ive had to deal with depression & tough times in the past as im sure we all have, but im 28 and these are supposed to be the greatest years of my life, and im watching them go by me right now. i want to live my life, just finding it hard to ACTUALLY do so right now.
thx in advance for ur input all
thread has been moved to the anabolic section under the cycle info tab.
I read your whole post and I feel for you, I really do. I know this may sound strange to say in a situation you are going though, Sucky times are there to make you stronger. With every adversity there is a seed to a greater equivalent. It all comes down to how you handle it. I recommend getting into peak performance aka self help books, authors like Napoleon Hill " think and grow Rich" , and other authors. Have I helped at all?
if you want to talk on the phone we can. Also if you are on facebook give me your full name or email so I can find you, or you can look me up, My real name is my screen name on here
Follow me on facebook, twitter and youtube, where I share information and videos to help you achieve your physique goals, John Smeton Ftness
Dude I feel ya more than I can express in a Forum reply.
I too was at my strongest I had every been (not leanest), but def strong and still single digit BF.
My little brother died unexpectedly on Oct 30th 2010. I was day 13 or 14 into my PCT. I was able to stay focused and working out for about 7 more day then I fell into a lot of alcohol and eating whatever the eff I wanted.
If I had to guess, I put on close to 20 lbs of FAT while losing muscle. I went from being able to bench 345 to being able to push up 295 on bench in a matter of a month or so.
Something clicked man. I think what is was in my head was I know how much my little brother understood what my health and musclulature meant to me and I knew that I would have been disappointing him knowing I was just being "lazy". So I took the long road, stopped drinking entirely and went into a cut while working out hard core (high, high levels of intensity). The couple days was filled with alcohol withdrawl and a variety of other factors that were almost unbearable.
There are other factors tha contributed too. I was makin crap for money, barely making end meet and worrying about money, my family, and everything else. I wanted to give up. So many times I did.
During my cut I decided to look into cycling as I have completed many oral cycles and have been happy most of the time. I had been watching Bigger, Faster, Stronger before my brother died, but I started watching it again and again. I also started researching and before I knew it I had changed my perspective on gear altogether.
I knew a lot about how it was supposed to work and how a cycle is put together, it was just the specifics I needed to has out.
That being said, I'm 44 days into my cycle. I'm stronger than I have ever been (should get 355 lb on bench this week) and I'm leaner than I have been since I was in my mid 20s.
You have a lot of muscle memory man. This is going to help you get there faster and the faster you get there the more determined you will become.
Good luck and I hope this helped. My log link is in my sig.
Not meaning to sound corny either and not knowing ur religious convictions but seriously I will pray 4 u And I have been there myself I am currently still rebounding from a knee surgery ,my wife has a long term incurable disease and my oldest son is struggling with some issues.That being said when I drag myself to workout I always find myself feeling better because it provides somewhat of a escape and its a much better escape than drugs or alcohol
AM has some of the most kind hearted people of any forum I have been on.
Ok,you just went though a crappy period in your life.You already have the muscle you had the pleasure of eating junk,bad things happen in life.I went though a heck of alot more then that and it sucks!Now is the time to take out your anger (in a good way)by venting though working out.Remember i said WENT though its the past,look to the future,and the bad things in life only make the good even better!Head up high don't look back and just start to do it!!!
thats alot to go through but with time things will be easier you gotta take it day by day.I use the gym as my means of escape from everything and just relax and beat down some iron. I would suggest to use your time in the gym as a means of self therapy.plus the better you look the better you will feel. Feel free to shoot me a pm anytime if you need to talk or vent or etc.hang in there bro.
I feel for you brother, honestly, I do.
Ive been through some extremely rough times myself even being 2yrs younger than you. However all that is behind me. Ive struggled with anxiety/panic attacks for going on 12 yrs now and I will be honest, I dont think I'll ever completely rid myself of anxiety, rather I must train myself not to fear the anxiety but rather expect it and in a sense almost even ask for it. That way it doesn't attack unexpectedly.
Just like bigpumpkin mentioned, I dont know your religious beliefs but I will still pray for you either way. However, prayer is a two way conversations of sorts, in that people can pray and pray but if you don't trust God for his blessings you may never see them.
That being said, I wish you the best in your recovery and your battle against the anxiety. I also commend you on your ability to reach out in a time of need. That shows a lot more strength than most people believe.
So hang in there brother, keep your head up, and trust Him that things will get better. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Bateman, My father commited suicide, and I have also been thru some tough times. I know that if you tell yourself everyday that going to the gym will help you recover and become yourself again. You will get there soon. God gave you those gifts and talents. Use them, and use them for good. I pray you recover and regain your life. God came and died for us to give us abundant life. I believe you will be strong again. WHO CARES what you look like now? How do you think biggest loser sized people do it? You just gotta do it son. Get in there and pump some iron. You will feel better!!!
As you you can see many people here have experience trials and hard times and lacked motivation and what not. Including me man. It really can be tough getting back started again, especially after a long hiatus and one isn't where they were before. I'm sure though that you realize that you likely went through this same feeling etc when starting off in fitness and over time with dedication you got to peak levels. You did it once I have no doubt you can do it again =)
Here is a motivational video that I actually like (don't worry it's not corny).
YouTube - Warhawk Matt Scott in Nike 'No Excuses' Commercial
Internalize it fellow let these experiences of dealing with harsh realities of life be a platform to stand on providing you with more will to overcome then you ever thought you could muster prior. Despite having been in the best shape of your life at one time & reaching personal bests you were only shaping yourself for even greater things to come. Get your tail back in there for your next step in your journey with a renewed confidence that nothing can impede my desire to be the best of me as I have overcame & here I still stand with yet the key to transformation . Will & Desire.
Yes, bro. You can truly do this, and be in even better shape. The ball is in your court. Drive it down the lane, and slam dunk it.
I'll tell you a story ...
I started lifting in High School Football in the late 70's. I joined the Navy, and continued to lift. It was difficult sometimes, I was on a submarine and let's face it -there's no squat racks on subs. But we did what we could. When I was on shore duty - I had the opportunity to train pretty much. Did a stint at the White House in the early 90's - too high pressure and couldn't train. So bottom line I was "off and on" training for most of my Naval Career due to work.
Then came 2001 - I was stationed on a cruiser in Pearl Harbor ... and I was in the gym on 9-11 when one of my Sailors came up and said ... "Hey Master Chief - come look at the TV in the cardio room!".
On that TV - I saw the damage caused by two planes hitting the World Center towers.
I rounded up all the Sailors - and we went to the ship ...
And not too many of us ever went back into the gym - we were at sea too much - fighting the war - there were more important things to do.
I retired in 2006 ... got a desk job - got fat. I didn't look anything like I did when I was in the Navy and training.
Early last year - I decided to get back into the swing of it finall - at age 49. Didn't expect too much.
"Holy Muscle Memory, Batman!" The physique and conditioning came back quick - it was stunning actually. And I did it naturally - until people started asking me if I was using "juice" ... and I wasn't ... but that's what got me interested in them. I still haven't done very many though.
I don't know what the phenomenon is - but I've seen it happen to many guys - if you were in shape at some point of your life - get back in the gym - I guarantee you it will be easier this time around!!
Bateman, I'm really sorry for your troubles. This has been a bit of a strange year for myself as well. These experiences will only make you stronger in the longrun. Adversity can inspire us to strive for even NEW HEIGHTS