Well, first off, let me just tell anyone that reads this that AN is one heck of a class-act and thats with every person in the company. I've managed to keep in touch a little bit over the past year or so, but due to some serious personal issues, I was no longer able to be a rep and I havent posted on this board in such a long time, Ive forgotten what its like. I've have been reading on AM regularly and trying to keep up as I used to do.
Well, I got married and as a result of our relocation, I took a big pay cut and left every person I knew behind. I was literally living in North Augusta, SC one saturday morning and living in Charlotte, NC late that night. Now, I will tell you that leaving behind my training partner of 12 years and possibly my best friend was very difficult. He was and will always be like a father to me. I've trained exlusively with him my entire life up until I left for Charlotte. We trained in his little garage we call "the steel dungeon" or "house of pain". Missing those workouts and all the rest of my friends and family left me in a deep depression. Well, my prayers and hopes were that when my pregnant wife had my first child, a little boy, things would change. Well, they did, but not all positively. I did finally realize what it means be a father and what a fathers love feels like. I loved holding him and seeing myself in him and watching him grow. It was amazing, but it did not help the situation with my wife and I. Eventually, the stress of bills, our new responsiblities, and my depression over missing the rest of my family took over and we split up. I got my son on the weekends when I could, and luckily got a job back in my home town pretty quickly.
TRAGEDY AT ITS WORST
Well, I wont go into crazy detail and tell all the events of what, when, and where, but I just want people to know its much worse than what Im about to write. On Jan 24, 2010, my six month old son, perfectly healthy and happy, was murdered by my by ex's boyfriend. He shook my son to death and before anyone thinks he may be innocent, he's already admitted to killing my child on purpose. When I got to Charlotte, my son was almost gone and had 3 inches of brain swelling with 7 tubes going through his body including one from in his brain from the emergency surgery. He passed away at around 5 that day and I was informed of how it happened about 30 minutes before that. Right now, I weigh 261 pounds and I've either powerlifting or bodybuilding for 12 years and training MMA for about 5 now. The murderer is about 5'5 and weighs 130lbs and is an illegal immigrant. I believe in God and, as much as I wanted to find some way to get him while he's in jail, I didnt try. Id be lying if I said I didnt think about ripping him apart and making him suffer much much more than my little boy did. However, my mother would then lose a son and it wouldnt bring back my little boy.
Well, the murderer is in jail and he wont be out anytime soon. However, the case will take quite a while to actually happen, so while I try to forget how my son died, its hard until all of this over. For about 6 weeks, I just didnt want to live. I had fits of rage, crying violently, and no desire to workout or anything. I couldnt go in grocery stores, bcuz I might see an infant. I watched the videos and the funerals over and over. It ate me up inside and I began to do any and everything that would help me escape from reality. About 2 months ago though, I decided that I would end up dying from this if I kept going as I was, so I asked myself "Do you want to live or die?". Not for me, but for my family, I decided to live. I've been to church every Sunday since. I've been going to counseling every wednesday for one hour since. Although Id managed a few workouts, I back to my routine now. I can say that I might be a tiny bit better at this time. Im a little more active and I've started talking and being myslef a little more. However, I did manage to lose my job, lose my car (2002 SS CAMARO, which I loved), get very deep in debt, and lose my insurance which is very important since Im on several med's for my anxiety and depression.
With tears pouring down my eyes and it being the first time Ive cried in public, I tell all of you what I told everyone at the funeral when I made my speech. The next time your child cries, gets in trouble, or does something thats just totally unforgiveable, be patient and forgive them. Dont take one single moment for granted. I know how fast life goes by and I know how stressful it is to work, pay the bills, take care of the family, and try to find a little time for a lifestyle or hobby like bodybuilding. But see, there's all kinds of wakeup calls. For me, Ill never fully recover. I hope that just one of the few that read this will take my words very seriously. I'd die for one more hour with my baby boy, or one giggle, or even a diaper change. If this were me 3 years ago, I would disregard this whole thread, but Im hoping a few of you wont. Spend every moment like its your last. Love with everything you've got. And last but not least, if you're lucky enough to have children, remember that God gave you a gift, not a problem or a stress or anything negative. Its a GIFT, PERIOD.
Well guys, Im getting back on track and Im gonna be on here posting again, so thanks for reading it and if anybody needs anything, please just ask me or pm me. Im really happy to be back. Take care everybody