Spurfyís Fasting Log

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  1. Spurfyís Fasting Log


    After careful consideration Iíve decided that Iím going to need to taper off of narcotic pain meds and prednisone/oral hydrocortisone before I start full-on fasting. Iím at the point where serious adrenal suppression has probably occurred and stopping the corticosteroids cold-turkey just isnít an option without considerable risk.

    As many of you probably know, cortisol elevates during fasting but not if negative feedback inhibition from exogenous corticosteroids has shut down the adrenal glands. This is no different than the HPG-axis suppression from exogenous androgens, except that one actually needs cortisol to live, while testosterone isnít needed to sustain life.

    Also, glucocorticoids elevate both glucose and insulin, and ketosis will suffer greatly if I attempt to fast while Iím tapering.

    The opioids I will also be tapering off of and if withdrawal is or becomes an issue I have gabapentin, baclofen, and diazepam to lessen the discomfort and to make the transition smoother.

    Starting today until March 20, Iíll be consuming a single small ketogenic meal after sunset with no water during the day. For the first few days Iíll probably be taking 120-180 mg of pseudoephedrine upon waking to help control my appetite, as both opioids and corticosteroids make me constantly hungry.

    Starting March 21, at the conclusion of my drug tapers, I will begin fasting with only water, lime juice, electrolytes, black coffee or green tea (if needed), oral hydrocortisone in the morning prior to any anticipated heavy exertion (if any), tianeptine (if needed for mood), a nicotine patch if my energy really starts crashing or the pain from my discs or osteoarthritis becomes too overwhelming, and melatonin at bedtime.

    For exercise I will be walking daily once the actual fasting starts. There will likely be no before and after pics, and no daily weigh-in. Iím doing this as a gift to my son, who is 4, who needs me to live a very long and healthy life. All previous fasts have had a large aesthetic element but I want this one to be completely selfless. Iíll log my weight once per week.

    I will not read or watch any news, nor any TV or movies except uplifting documentaries, and the only social media I will be active in is Instagram (pics of my son) and this forum.

    At the conclusion (which right now is open-ended) I hope to have healed my body enough that I can begin training again, and most-importantly to try to see life as a gift instead of an affliction. Presently, the only time Iím not abjectly miserable is the short period each week I get with my son. It would be nice to be able to see at least some of the joy and wonder and amazement of this world like my son does, instead of seething with sadness, anger, resentment, and regret. I can only barely remember what it felt like to see my life as anything but a tremendous burden. Except for when Iím with my son? all of my hope, optimism, inspiration, humor, joy, gratitude, compassion, empathy, and warmth are just gone and no matter how deeply I dig, I just canít find them. Iím constantly filled with emptiness so profound that I have stopped loving everyone but my son and have basically abandoned all of my friendships. I used to want to change the world for the better ó now I find myself hoping for a nuclear war or Yellowstone eruption. I donít want this any more.


    S
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.


  2. I have no idea why it posted 5 times or why I cannot delete these. Suffice it to say I want to punch a hole in my wall right now and throw a potted plant through my living room window.
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.
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  3. Quote Originally Posted by Spurfy View Post
    I have no idea why it posted 5 times or why I cannot delete these. Suffice it to say I want to punch a hole in my wall right now and throw a potted plant through my living room window.
    Which one do we follow? Lol

  4. This one. The others can burn in hell.
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.

  5. Hey, sorry you are going through such a terrible time. I wish i had some great wise words to help you along, but i dont. Just keep your head up and keep on pushin. You will feel happiness again. The good news and the bad news is that everything is fleeting. Best of luck with your fast and health and happiness.
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  6. I hope to have healed my body enough that I can begin training again, and most-importantly to try to see life as a gift instead of an affliction. Presently, the only time Iím not abjectly miserable is the short period each week I get with my son. It would be nice to be able to see at least some of the joy and wonder and amazement of this world like my son does, instead of seething with sadness, anger, resentment, and regret. I can only barely remember what it felt like to see my life as anything but a tremendous burden. Except for when Iím with my son? all of my hope, optimism, inspiration, humor, joy, gratitude, compassion, empathy, and warmth are just gone and no matter how deeply I dig, I just canít find them. Iím constantly filled with emptiness so profound that I have stopped loving everyone but my son and have basically abandoned all of my friendships. I used to want to change the world for the better ó now I find myself hoping for a nuclear war or Yellowstone eruption. I donít want this any more.
    You already found the reason for your life. Nothing stays but your offspring. He deserves the best start he can get.
    This realization may never cure your misanthropy -but sure gives you a reason to live.

    I'm ready to follow!
    I am hairy all over, like the crotch of a menopausal hippie woman.

  7. I will follow a long as well! Maybe an admin can delete the other threads so we don't get confussed. ha
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    www.strongsupplementshop.com
    Join Us In The Pursuit of Strength - Go Strong!

  8. This is a transformative, spiritual-type fast. I like this plan. That combined with coming off the drugs will probably have some incredible benefits but I imagine you’re only going to sink even lower in the first couple weeks as you ween yourself off opiates. But in the long run I’m confident this will workout for you.

    I’ve quit opiates so many damn times it’s insane. I quit cold turkey about five times in the last six months. Each time I relapse soon after and then use for a short period, quit again, and then repeat the cycle. And I’ve been stuck in this rut many times before over the last seven years, sometimes being clean for almost a year at a time. This time there’s not a doubt in my mind that I won’t go back. Now I do intermittent fasting, and eat very low carb and high fat. So, my point is that I can relate. Before you know it you’ll get goosebumps when a song you like comes on or you’ll be overcome with joy at the sight of a sunset. It sounds corny but you’ve been blocking your emotions and when you take those blockers away you’ll be very emotionally raw. I get extremely nostalgic and sentimental when I come off drugs. But I’m sure you know about all that. And the fasting might only make these feelings of appreciation for little things in life even more intense.

    The last thing I’d like to add is that you should do this for your son but you should also do this for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being selfish when you’re trying to make major life changes like you are. I think the people who have the most success in these instances are the ones who not only make changes for their family and loved ones, but even more importantly, they make these changes because they desperately want to treat themselves better and have a happier more fulfilling life for themselves.

    Anyway, good luck and I’ll be following along.

  9. Keen to follow and genuinely hope this provides the benefits you want.

    I won’t pretend to understand what you are going through as I’m fortunate to have not been there myself, I do however know that with effort and time things can and do turn around.

    Keep moving forward brother

  10. Subbed
  11. Spurfyís Fasting Log


    Godspeed to you in reclaiming your life, Spurfy.

    I will be following your journey. I perceive you as a smart and giving person. Forgive me if Iím out of line here, but recommend adapting the plan to your bodyís needs and spiritual needs during your journey. Be forgiving and kind to yourself.

    Stay safe! Stay strong!

    P.S. Posted earlier on one of the ďmulti-verseĒ posts!

  12. Starting Weight: 214.8

    I can already tell I've lost significant muscle since my accident due to the corticosteriods and inactivity -- I was around 225 and very dry when I was on cycle.

    I'm not worried about this, after my fast 8 weeks of 20 mg/day Var with 500 iu hCG, 600 mg/week NPP, and 300 mg/week Mast E, will fix that very quickly. I'm probably not going to run test again, I'm going to just run hCG and stacks of DHT drugs. Test and I really don't get along well and I find that the sides just aren't worth the meager benefits. Test makes my Asperger's much, much worse.

    Day 1 (1/1): Dinner = 18 oz bone-in ribeye and 4 *very small* baked potatoes, with copious butter and pan drippings from the steak. Only calories for the day. I'm easing into ketosis as I'm easing off of opioids and corticosteroids.

    Notes:

    Took a long, hot bath after dinner and spent most of it sobbing, reading stories of fathers and sons and trying (unsuccessfully) to convince myself that my son would ultimately be better off without me. Lights out at 10 PM and dreamed of my hometown, which I have missed every single day since I moved away more than 8 years ago. Dreamed of other places that I've never seen, with snow capped peaks reflected in crystal clear lakes, and close-nit neighborhood communities who all get together for BBQs and parties and to celebrate children's' birthdays.

    Woke up at 4:45 this morning with extremely sore throat, headache, and general malaise -- last week I had a major EBV reactivation and have had the wonderful fortune of experiencing mono again, 20 years after the first time. Took 50 mg diphenhydramine, 600 mg gabapentin and 20 mg baclofen and fell back asleep until noon. Woke up profoundly lethargic and took 20 mg prednisone, which was a very good thing to do, since...

    Went out to my car to get provisions from the store in anticipation of my son's visit today from 4:00 PM until Monday at 7:00 PM and found my right front tire flat (sidewall tear). Well, as any Mercedes Benz BLUETEC owner knows, we're not afforded the luxury of a spare tire because that's where the liquid to clean the diesel exhaust to make it not smell like diesel exhaust goes. So, used a bicycle pump to inflate tire enough to get to auto parts store (took about 700 pumps) where I bought slime and a portable compressor. Tire is maintaining pressure but this is obviously only a short-term fix-- a sidewall tear is very serious. But, a new tire will have to wait, I have a massive tax bill due and have been out of work and not receiving disability since my accident.

    My ex wife is dropping my son off in 30 minutes and right now I feel nothing but dread, but I know this will change the moment he sees me and smiles that whole-face-lighting-up smile that only I get. I am truly his favorite person in this world and I really don't deserve him, but I'm trying to be worthy, I really am.

    I'll reply individually to your replies when I can.
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.

  13. Hang in there Spurfy, I know you are going to feel so much better once you've fully detoxed from painkillers.

    Looking forward to following along as you take back your health and your life, and for all the knowledge you are going to drop on the way!

  14. Day 2 (3/2)

    Dinner: 16 oz bone-in ribeye steak, 2 small potatoes fried in pan drippings and bacon grease, small Greek yogurt

    Met some friends at their house for a small get-together and pulled no punches, refused to put on a happy face, and generally made everyone uncomfortable. It felt good. Spent the entire time with my son and trying to ignore everyone else. Hopefully no more invitations are forthcoming.

    Disowned (and then blocked) my brother and one of my few remaining close friends last night via text on a whim. What's the point of maintaining relationships with people who will never understand you? It's completely one-sided and their normalcy does nothing but make me feel even worse about who I am.

    My son is here and he's mostly felt like a burden, even though he's been nothing but sweet and funny and clever. I'm trying very hard to salvage this visit and enjoy the little time we get to spend together. Every time he's told me "I love you, Dada" it has cut through me like a knife. I'm utterly exhausted from this mono and don't even have the strength to play with him. I'm constantly on the verge of snapping at him for minor things and am trying my best to bite my tongue -- I'm not an angry parent and I never yell or hit, but his energy and enthusiasm are annoying me. He really truly deserves much better than me.
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.

  15. I’d be very careful about making any important, long lasting changes to your social life at this time. Your pre-existing mental health issues combined with coming off a variety of drugs is a toxic combination. Then you throw in a very strict diet plan and you’ve basically created a formula on how to have the perfect meltdown. So whenever you’re on the verge of snapping remind yourself that how bad you feel now isn’t remotely close to how good you’ll feel in a few months (if you stick to coming off the drugs and reaching homeostasis). But in the meantime you’re about to fight an all out f*cking war in your mind.

    Even though I’m offering this advice to you, I myself have recently been the victim of my own insane outrage, and in the moment I had no idea that my temporary psychotic break was the result of me withdrawing from opiates. In the beginning when all the physical withdrawals ravish my body it’s easy to remember I’m coming off drugs. After that, I forget sometimes that how terrible I feel is still the result of my brain chemistry readjusting. Due to this forgetfulness I indulged myself in some serious anger that I thought was justifiable but later I realized I was totally in the wrong and my irritation was childish. I almost destroyed the most important relationship in my life in a matter of minutes because of the way I acted and hours later I had some serious regret.

    Also, I’d like to mention something else important. It seems to be a pretty common phenomenon that when a person decides to make a change in their life they set out to make seven changes all at once. I’ve tried this multiple times and the success rate is much lower and it actually increases the chance that you’ll come away making zero long term changes. You may have a level of discipline I don’t have though. I still think you’d suffer less if you fought your battles one by one, although you’ve already began this journey and probably don’t want to go back. But for example, I think you’d suffer much less if you got over your mono first, then quit opiates, then quit corticosteroids, then implemented a rigorous diet plan. Some of the less drastic changes you could throw in at anytime, like quitting tv news consumption. But again, even though I’m offering this advice, I have to admit I’d have a hard time following it myself, as I too like to make several changes at once.

  16. ^^^ This.

    Also, breaking relations to "normal" people isn't a good choice. That leaves you with whom? I mean, there is always "The loner living in the woods with his dog" approach -but it would interfere with watching your son grow up.
    I am hairy all over, like the crotch of a menopausal hippie woman.

  17. Quote Originally Posted by Spurfy View Post
    Day 2 (3/2)

    Dinner: 16 oz bone-in ribeye steak, 2 small potatoes fried in pan drippings and bacon grease, small Greek yogurt

    Met some friends at their house for a small get-together and pulled no punches, refused to put on a happy face, and generally made everyone uncomfortable. It felt good. Spent the entire time with my son and trying to ignore everyone else. Hopefully no more invitations are forthcoming.

    Disowned (and then blocked) my brother and one of my few remaining close friends last night via text on a whim. What's the point of maintaining relationships with people who will never understand you? It's completely one-sided and their normalcy does nothing but make me feel even worse about who I am.

    My son is here and he's mostly felt like a burden, even though he's been nothing but sweet and funny and clever. I'm trying very hard to salvage this visit and enjoy the little time we get to spend together. Every time he's told me "I love you, Dada" it has cut through me like a knife. I'm utterly exhausted from this mono and don't even have the strength to play with him. I'm constantly on the verge of snapping at him for minor things and am trying my best to bite my tongue -- I'm not an angry parent and I never yell or hit, but his energy and enthusiasm are annoying me. He really truly deserves much better than me.
    Man, love and hope sent. I agree with HGP, as much as you may want to close yourself off to friends and family, this may be one of the more important times to try to reach out and/or listen to them. And as far as being "normal", the normies wish they were special and the speshies wish they were normal. Who cares whats normal, we should all just strive for the best sustainable quality of life.

    On a random note, do you listen to music? What kinds?

  18. Day 3: (3/3)

    Dinner: 1 lb bone-in ribeye, small Greek yogurt

    Mono is absolutely destroying me right now and I had to take my son to hospital last night for non-asthmatic difficulty breathing — he’s fine but it was a tense several hours. Argued a bit with the ED doc about potential causes until he realized I probably know about as much as he does and he agreed on some unconventional possibilities and noted them, none probably serious. Follow-up with his pediatrician this week. Another flat tire in the parking garage — patch didn’t hold. Finally just towed it to tire shop this morning and bought a new tire. Anyone else who owns a high performance car knows that this wasn’t cheap...

    Spent all night last night alternating between the most deliciously vivid erotic dreams I’ve ever had and dreams where I was crying so hard in them I woke up sobbing. Something broke in my psyche last night and today I feel lighter and actually hopeful. Here’s to self-healing... ��

    I’m too weak to write any more, and will reply when I can, but suffice it to say I’m not one to ignore sound advice and will be staying on and doubling-up the prednisone until this mono is wiped out even though my weight is now moving upwards thanks to massive water retention. That said, my muscles look like I’m on dbol, Var, and deca, so it’s not completely awful.

    Thank you all for your support and advice. Spurfy’s brain is seriously broken and badly needs to be fixed or Spurfy isn’t going to make it and the only person who matters to him (his son) will ultimately be the one most hurt.
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.

  19. Quote Originally Posted by Spurfy View Post
    Day 3: (3/3)

    Dinner: 1 lb bone-in ribeye, small Greek yogurt

    Mono is absolutely destroying me right now and I had to take my son to hospital last night for non-asthmatic difficulty breathing — he’s fine but it was a tense several hours. Argued a bit with the ED doc about potential causes until he realized I probably know about as much as he does and he agreed on some unconventional possibilities and noted them, none probably serious. Follow-up with his pediatrician this week. Another flat tire in the parking garage — patch didn’t hold. Finally just towed it to tire shop this morning and bought a new tire. Anyone else who owns a high performance car knows that this wasn’t cheap...

    Spent all night last night alternating between the most deliciously vivid erotic dreams I’ve ever had and dreams where I was crying so hard in them I woke up sobbing. Something broke in my psyche last night and today I feel lighter and actually hopeful. Here’s to self-healing... ��

    I’m too weak to write any more, and will reply when I can, but suffice it to say I’m not one to ignore sound advice and will be staying on and doubling-up the prednisone until this mono is wiped out even though my weight is now moving upwards thanks to massive water retention. That said, my muscles look like I’m on dbol, Var, and deca, so it’s not completely awful.

    Thank you all for your support and advice. Spurfy’s brain is seriously broken and badly needs to be fixed or Spurfy isn’t going to make it and the only person who matters to him (his son) will ultimately be the one most hurt.
    Get better soon!
    I am hairy all over, like the crotch of a menopausal hippie woman.

  20. Day 4: (3/4)

    Dinner: 1 lb ribeye
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.

  21. @Spurfy , one more reason to drag your azz a little longer over this planet is:
    Leave something behind: Finish your book!
    I am hairy all over, like the crotch of a menopausal hippie woman.

  22. Hey man Iím really struggling with life at the moment too. Pretty sure I have ankylosing spondylitis and tore something in my knee. Pockets of inflammation everywhere and feel 90 years old when getting out of bed. Hang in there man. Iím going to be using your thread for motivation. YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS

  23. Day 5: (3/5)

    Dinner: 1 lb bone in ribeye, three eggs

    Mono symptoms are much improved, other than some lingering fatigue. I think going low-cal and low-carb have frozen EBV replication, and I didn’t take any prednisone today. Disc pain is also significantly reduced. I’ll probably have to take a replacement dose (5 mg) of prednisone tomorrow since I’m almost certainly adrenal suppressed.

    Mood is still garbage. Dreams are still haunting me. Outlook is still hopeless. Contempt and disdain for humanity is still ever-present. But at least that f*cking awful, evil little virus is seemingly getting crushed.

    Tonight I’m taking 25 mg of promethazine before bed, hopefully this spares me from nocturnal psychic torture. If nothing else, tomorrow the lingering anticholinergic effects should make me too stupid to be abjectly morose.

    I did get a voicemail today from my son saying “Dada, I love you. Bye bye Dada.” It was a good reminder why I’m doing this. I have given up on myself for my own sake, this is the honest truth, but for whatever reason that little boy adores me and that’s reason enough to keep pushing forward. Hating myself is hating his very favorite person and ultimately hurting him.
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.

  24. Quote Originally Posted by hairygrandpa View Post
    @Spurfy , one more reason to drag your azz a little longer over this planet is:
    Leave something behind: Finish your book!
    I have this recurring thought about all of the evil, awful people who inevitably will use my book to enrich their evil, awful lives, and live even longer evil, awful lives, and it makes me want to smash my laptop and destroy all backup copies of my manuscript.

    I won’t.

    But I want to...
    Due to the large number of private messages I'm receiving asking about this: Yes I do offer online coaching services. PM me for details.

  25. Quote Originally Posted by Spurfy View Post
    I have this recurring thought about all of the evil, awful people who inevitably will use my book to enrich their evil, awful lives, and live even longer evil, awful lives, and it makes me want to smash my laptop and destroy all backup copies of my manuscript.

    I won’t.

    But I want to...
    Repeating your misanthropic thoughts over -and over again can't be good for healing. Its like mental masturbation. I sometime hope that an alien race is coming to harvest us for their protein macros, that way humanity at least has a purpose. Looking really forward to it. But in the meanwhile, lets focus in multiplying said protein, by caring for the offspring, shall we?

    I am hairy all over, like the crotch of a menopausal hippie woman.
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