Marriage

[Invycktus]

For those of you older than Celorza, at what point does this change from being something parents and old people do when they grow up, to something you want to do or can actually see yourself doing some day?

I still can't imagine myself being married, but I think because I associate it directly with stuff like having kids, buying a house, settling down, etc...all the stuff I'm still in denial that I'll ever be mature enough to do, and I kind of think it's unfair to commit to something if you're not actually prepared to accept what comes with it.

Except of course I'm probably being daft as loads of people get married and then just carry on having fun for years, or don't pressure themselves into the next step until they're both ready

...or do they? The one married mate I have my age has bought a house with his missus. They share a pet dog, she wants to have kids. He doesn't play footie with us anymore, etc.

and yes, I've managed to start a thread potentially even more depressing than the gazillion "quickest way to fat loss" threads!

 

[napalm]

For those of you older than Celorza

lol

I'm probably being daft

huh?

He doesn't play footie with us anymore

wtf?

on a serious note, you'll know when it happen - didn't for me until 36...

 

[howwedo107]

I'm 23 and actually am looking forward to getting married

 

[AaronJP1]

I'm 23 and actually am looking forward to getting married

When are u getting married?

 

[howwedo107]

When are u getting married?

Not sure yet but within the next year for sure...I gotta fly some of you guys to my wedding

 

[AaronJP1]

Not sure yet but within the next year for sure...I gotta fly some of you guys to my wedding

Bet cha a couple fights may break out depending on who you invite.

 

[FL3X MAGNUM]

I want to get married soon.
Nothing makes me hotter than knowing I legally own someone.

 

[BLaQz]

There's no right answer... Everyone's different...

JD

 

[Invycktus]

Living with someone I'm fine with, but marriage , I don't get.

Although, I could be swayed for tax reasons....
These were my thoughts, but I've been swayed a tiny bit.

I wouldn't mind marriage if it made the missus happy and I was sure it was the right choice...the bit I haven't grasped yet is what makes it the right choice.

 

[mich29]

Bet cha a couple fights may break out depending on who you invite.

drinks??? I am there.hangover 4 in the making.


once your done sowing your oats as the old timers say then your know and be ready to settle down your get sick of sleeping with 1,000 girls and just want one really great gurl.I found the misses almost 10 years ago and knew after about 6 months it was meant to be but really after 2 years is when I felt it was really a done deal.

 

[napalm]

knowing I legally own someone.

you're in for a big surprise big fella

 

[napalm]

op, you still haven't explained wtf daft and playing footie are...

 

[BLaQz]

op, you still haven't explained wtf daft and playing footie are...

Daft = stupid & footie = football... Something like that...

JD

 

[BLaQz]

The woman legally owns ur a** too... And she'll know it...

JD

 

[FL3X MAGNUM]

The woman legally owns ur a** too... And she'll know it...

JD

According to Catholic tradition, the woman shall abide by and respect her husband the same way a man shall abide by and respect the Lord.

 

[Invycktus]

Daft = stupid & footie = football... Something like that...

JD

Here you go.

 

[BLaQz]

According to Catholic tradition, the woman shall abide by and respect her husband the same way a man shall abide by and respect the Lord.

Ahh ok... Got ya... You meant it that way... Your use of the word "legally" just didn't bring religion to mind... My bad...

JD

 

[FL3X MAGNUM]

Ahh ok... Got ya... You meant it that way... Your use of the word "legally" just didn't bring religion to mind... My bad...

JD

Lol. I'm just having fun.

 

[T-AD]

I want to get married soon.
Nothing makes me hotter than knowing I legally own someone.

According to Catholic tradition, the woman shall abide by and respect her husband the same way a man shall abide by and respect the Lord.

I'm assuming that you're talking about a future woman and not your current one, right? Admit it, bro, she owns your azz. And when you fight it, things get thrown at you, in the trash, against walls. H-bomb carries around a stepstool not to kiss you, but to grab you by what's left of your balls and force you into submission.

Or are you talking about marrying Blakeypoo? That makes much more sense.

 

[FL3X MAGNUM]

I'm assuming that you're talking about a future woman and not your current one, right? Admit it, bro, she owns your azz. And when you fight it, things get thrown at you, in the trash, against walls. H-bomb carries around a stepstool not to kiss you, but to grab you by what's left of your balls and force you into submission.

Or are you talking about marrying Blakeypoo? That makes much more sense.

 

[IRON4LIFE]

i dont think theres a certain age. In my case i was 28 when i realized it was time to propose. Its a strange thing to explain but you'll just know...thats the only way I can put it. Im getting married in a little over a month and knew i wanted to marry her fairly early on. The relationship you have with the person your going to marry will be much differnt that anything you've had in the past. sounds super gay but its how it is. Sure some of the other married folks on here will contest to that.

Oh and any guy who thinks they own the woman is in for a treat. You will find out very quickly your not completely in charge, regardless of how alpha male you are. As one of the guys on the board put it, a happy wife is a happy life.

 

[BLaQz]

i dont think theres a certain age. In my case i was 28 when i realized it was time to propose. Its a strange thing to explain but you'll just know...thats the only way I can put it. Im getting married in a little over a month and knew i wanted to marry her fairly early on. The relationship you have with the person your going to marry will be much differnt that anything you've had in the past. sounds super gay but its how it is. Sure some of the other married folks on here will contest to that.

Oh and any guy who thinks they own the woman is in for a treat. You will find out very quickly your not completely in charge, regardless of how alpha male you are. As one of the guys on the board put it, a happy wife is a happy life.

There you go... I'm 28 now & it's about me, my career, travel & no chance I'm thinking of marriage yet... I'm actually with a younger woman at the moment because the older they are, the more chance of marriage & biological clock talk Haha!
Point being you were my age when he was ready to propose & I'm not...

JD

 

[david_golds]

The relationship you have with the person your going to marry will be much differnt that anything you've had in the past.

Exactly. You'll just know. And if you make a mistake, you can just get divorced and try again, it's no big deal. I got married at 21, then divorced and remarried at 23. Easy-peasy.

Having kids is whole different thing. When you decide to have kids, you better be 100% sure. You don't get to change your mind about that.

 

[JayStang]

My 2 cents.

I was married at 19, because I won the lottery with my wife. Still happily married 21 years later. 2 great kids (really I'm not in denial), honor roll, AP classes, no tattoos, etc.

Don't get married until you feel you've found the right woman. No age or time limit is going to help you. You know when you know. Here's the kicker...it's still a crap shoot! No guarantees, no warranties, and no "money back offer".

The wife and I feel marriage is fun, but work. We work to keep it fun and spicy. I would suggest being married for a while before you have kids. Kids are awesome but they add a whole different level of stress to the marriage.

I've met a lot of guys who are old-school with their marriage views. What's mine is mine and what's hers is mine. I'm the freakin man, wife should do what I say. Caveman, machismo type attitude. Most of them have a few things in common.

1. They're divorced...or married multiple times.

2. They have multiple kids with multiple women, supporting none of them.

3. They LOVE to give advice about women, relationships and marriage.

P.S. I know that last part may upset some folks. It's definitely not P.C. It's just my observations and not intended to piss anyone off or come off holier than thou.

That was more like a quarter, rather than 2 cents, sorry.

Good luck!

 

[CopyCat]

I met my wife at 23. It wasn't very long before we knew that we wanted to get married. We never really talked it out, but just knew that was what we both wanted. We didn't get married until 4 years later. Then we didn't have our daughter till 5 years after that. We still traveled a lot, partied, went out and did things with friends the whole time. Still do. We our daughter here now that will all change a bit of course, but we are fine with that. All these milestones came when we both felt it was naturally time and didn't rush it. I used to not want to get married... until I met my wife. I used to not want to have kids... until I had been with my wife for sometime and "grew up" more for lack of better phrasing.

My wife and I will support each other in being able to have time to ourselves, with our friends, and all that. It just takes a collaborate effort sometimes as obviously with a kid we or I can't just take off whenever we like or stay our drinking all night. Though, as I've gotten older my desire to "party" all the time has become less of a priority for me. I did way more of that than I needed to when I was younger. Just be patient, take your time, build strong relationships, and make those milestone decisions when you know inside the time is right.

Think of it as a band that has been around for decades and how their music changes and adapts as they go through life.

 

[JayStang]

Dang jay ur living my dream!!! Haha. Me and my girl friend r always playing the lottery hoping to win. We would like to be married now but can't afford that right now because of school. She's trying to get into nursing school and I'm finishing up my biology degree (senior) then I go to physical therapy school for another 3. Feels like we will never get married.

My wife was the lottery. We didn't actually win the lottery in terms of money. Just FYI.

 

[CopyCat]

Dang jay ur living my dream!!! Haha. Me and my girl friend r always playing the lottery hoping to win. We would like to be married now but can't afford that right now because of school. She's trying to get into nursing school and I'm finishing up my biology degree (senior) then I go to physical therapy school for another 3. Feels like we will never get married.

It's smart that you guys are pushing towards your major individual goals as school and careers before getting married. It's a smart plan and will allow you two the time to build a strong foundation and relationship. More importantly, don't get pregnant before you achieve your goals, unless you really want to and plan it. As kids have a way of really making goals like degrees and such much harder. Just simply from a financial and time aspect. I kn ow it seems like a long time, but if you guys are planning to get married then you are already planning on spending all that time together and longer anyways. So, there shouldn't be much of a difference other than building for a stronger more stable future for yourself and your family.

 

[LizKing531]

I'm 31 - been married 2 years to the most wonderful partner I could ask for. We both came into the relationship feeling not all that far off from the OP - the whole "Leave it to Beaver" script seemed utterly horrible, past relationships had both left us feeling like there weren't options otherwise - that's not the case though

So instead - we're trying to live our lives. We're legally married. She kept her last name. We have shared interests, as well as our own.

Kids - both of you must agree on this - they're not something just to do because one of you really wants it even thought the other doesn't, nor is it a "fix" for an ailing relationship. We decided on going the child-free route, so I got snipped.

There's a saying that goes something like this: "Love isn't about gazing into each other's eyes, it's about looking in the same direction..together"

 

[CopyCat]

I'm 31 - been married 2 years to the most wonderful partner I could ask for. We both came into the relationship feeling not all that far off from the OP - the whole "Leave it to Beaver" script seemed utterly horrible, past relationships had both left us feeling like there weren't options otherwise - that's not the case though

So instead - we're trying to live our lives. We're legally married. She kept her last name. We have shared interests, as well as our own.

Kids - both of you must agree on this - they're not something just to do because one of you really wants it even thought the other doesn't, nor is it a "fix" for an ailing relationship. We decided on going the child-free route, so I got snipped.

There's a saying that goes something like this: "Love isn't about gazing into each other's eyes, it's about looking in the same direction..together"

Well said.

I would have never dreamed of having a child if my wife and I were on rocky grounds. I would not want to do that to my child. And when I say rocky ground I don't mean just the typical problems and arguments that come with being close to anyone and living with them, but fundementals of relationships. Cause every relationship has ups and downs. The strong ones know how to work through them as a team.

 

[Invycktus]

Well said.

I would have never dreamed of having a child if my wife and I were on rocky grounds. I would not want to do that to my child. And when I say rocky ground I don't mean just the typical problems and arguments that come with being close to anyone and living with them, but fundementals of relationships. Cause every relationship has ups and downs. The strong ones know how to work through them as a team.

I'm 31 - been married 2 years to the most wonderful partner I could ask for. We both came into the relationship feeling not all that far off from the OP - the whole "Leave it to Beaver" script seemed utterly horrible, past relationships had both left us feeling like there weren't options otherwise - that's not the case though

So instead - we're trying to live our lives. We're legally married. She kept her last name. We have shared interests, as well as our own.

Kids - both of you must agree on this - they're not something just to do because one of you really wants it even thought the other doesn't, nor is it a "fix" for an ailing relationship. We decided on going the child-free route, so I got snipped.

There's a saying that goes something like this: "Love isn't about gazing into each other's eyes, it's about looking in the same direction..together"

This is the thing, being a father is a key step for me now. Its always been, but I have now realized that even more, as my friends are dropping off the bachelorhood club like flies, and I wonder when I will make that step up.

I am 29, FWIW

 

[BLaQz]

My wife was the lottery. We didn't actually win the lottery in terms of money. Just FYI.

Lucky man...

 

[BLaQz]

This is the thing, being a father is a key step for me now. Its always been, but I have now realized that even more, as my friends are dropping off the bachelorhood club like flies, and I wonder when I will make that step up.

I am 29, FWIW

Over trivializing things isn't going to help... Take things as they come...

 

[LizKing531]

This is the thing, being a father is a key step for me now. Its always been, but I have now realized that even more, as my friends are dropping off the bachelorhood club like flies, and I wonder when I will make that step up.

I am 29, FWIW

To get all deep - you won't make that step up alone - I've always considered it part of the voyage, if you will. Things come together & evolve -

I've also noticed there's a huge amount of peer influence going on, especially as folks our age: starting families, houses, etc. Once it starts, it seems to run through the group - like a "keeping up with the jones" sort of thing

While it's not exactly a hard move to be childfree, I was actually quite unaware of the flak I would catch for it & from some unlikely spots.... One "friend" had recently had a child with his now wife - the last time he called was a couple days after I got snipped - he basically hung up on me, and we haven't talked since, when he heard that I wasn't going to be a dad

I personally feel more people get themselves into some big life situations before they've ever given 2 seconds to what the choice is they're making.....

 

[B5150]

According to Catholic tradition, the woman shall abide by and respect her husband the same way a man shall abide by and respect the Lord.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25

Here is a good read for men who are interested in being Authentic Men and Husbands and Servant Leaders of their wives and children.

A Man and His Wife – 1
A Man and His Wife – 2
Servant Leader

 

[BPjohn123]

All depends, I have been married over 2 years, and to be honest not all that much changed. I still play sports, my wife still shops and does girl weekends. We have a son, a house, dogs, and I don't feel "tied down".


Oh and FL3X I laughed at your comment.

 

[BPjohn123]

I'm 31 - been married 2 years to the most wonderful partner I could ask for. We both came into the relationship feeling not all that far off from the OP - the whole "Leave it to Beaver" script seemed utterly horrible, past relationships had both left us feeling like there weren't options otherwise - that's not the case though

So instead - we're trying to live our lives. We're legally married. She kept her last name. We have shared interests, as well as our own.

Kids - both of you must agree on this - they're not something just to do because one of you really wants it even thought the other doesn't, nor is it a "fix" for an ailing relationship. We decided on going the child-free route, so I got snipped.

There's a saying that goes something like this: "Love isn't about gazing into each other's eyes, it's about looking in the same direction..together"

well said

 

[Clickster]

I married my high school sweetheart. We have been together since my mid-senior year of high school. We got married when I was 22 years old. I am turning 28 in a couple months.

It has been the greatest time of my life. I love my wife more than anything. I don't care much for all the negative hype surrounding marriage with some of my friends and society. ex: "your life is over..." "no more fun for you..." "getting married is just dumb..." etc.

My wife and I have a wonderful give & take relationship. I can't imagine life without her. I am a Christian man and take my vowels with her very seriously. My outlook on marriage is only a positive one.

I congratulate anyone who is getting married as it really is a blessing.






P.S. she controls about everything and always gets her way..... :banghead:

 

[Docmattic]

Having kids is whole different thing. When you decide to have kids, you better be 100% sure. You don't get to change your mind about that.

Thats a good point and somthing I think about a lot.

Ive been with my GF for nearly 6 years. We're both still at university so there is no way we could financially move out yet. I'll want to live with her for a year before i ask her to marry me, but have a fairly good feeling we'll be fine living together. Essentially were best friends and when i really stop and think about it, I realise what a major part of my life she is, that I rely on her quite a lot and my family loves her.

However, she has made it really clear that she does want at least one child and it seems like a life goal to her. What I struggle with is, at 23 i dont know if i want kids down the track and I don't know if this is somthing you change your mind about later... so this will be what stops me from proposing (down the track) as not having a child would absolutly break her heart.

Any advice on this would be cool. Sorry if its a Hi-jack at all, but i thought it was relevant.

 

[david_golds]

From my experience, no man is really ready to have kids, even if he thinks he is. If you've ever been bungee jumping, having kids is basically like that. You're standing on the platform, and you have free choice right up until the moment you say, "F*ck it, I'm jumping". As soon as you make the choice to jump, your life is no longer in your control and every cell in your body is screaming, "OMG what did I just do!".

The first four months after having a baby, you're on autopilot in survival mode, and you're thinking "If I knew it was going to turn my life upside-down like this, I never would have had a baby". Then it gets easier, and then you start enjoying it and feeling sorry for people who don't have kids. And then you're too old to have kids, and the kids are moving out, and you wish you had made 10 more babies.

You're smart to hold off on proposing until you've made your choice. If you really decide that you don't want kids, it's better to break up with her sooner rather than later, so you can both move on with your lives. My point, though, is that guys don't really have a rational thought process about having kids. It's like bungee jumping; you just have to say "F*ck it, I'm jumping", or else, "No way, this is crazy". Either way, you won't regret your decision in the long run, and you'll be pretty happy either way.

BTW, if you *do* decide "F**k it, I'm jumping", my advice would be to not tell her that. Just propose to her, and tell her, "I don't care about kids either way, but we can have kids if you really, really want it, honey". Of course, you'll have kids. But then, whenever the kids act up, you can tell her "You're the one who wanted kids". Just kidding .. sort of.

Thats a good point and somthing I think about a lot.

Ive been with my GF for nearly 6 years. We're both still at university so there is no way we could financially move out yet. I'll want to live with her for a year before i ask her to marry me, but have a fairly good feeling we'll be fine living together. Essentially were best friends and when i really stop and think about it, I realise what a major part of my life she is, that I rely on her quite a lot and my family loves her.

However, she has made it really clear that she does want at least one child and it seems like a life goal to her. What I struggle with is, at 23 i dont know if i want kids down the track and I don't know if this is somthing you change your mind about later... so this will be what stops me from proposing (down the track) as not having a child would absolutly break her heart.

Any advice on this would be cool. Sorry if its a Hi-jack at all, but i thought it was relevant.

 

[BLaQz]

From my experience, no man is really ready to have kids, even if he thinks he is. If you've ever been bungee jumping, having kids is basically like that. You're standing on the platform, and you have free choice right up until the moment you say, "F*ck it, I'm jumping". As soon as you make the choice to jump, your life is no longer in your control and every cell in your body is screaming, "OMG what did I just do!".

The first four months after having a baby, you're on autopilot in survival mode, and you're thinking "If I knew it was going to turn my life upside-down like this, I never would have had a baby". Then it gets easier, and then you start enjoying it and feeling sorry for people who don't have kids. And then you're too old to have kids, and the kids are moving out, and you wish you had made 10 more babies.

You're smart to hold off on proposing until you've made your choice. If you really decide that you don't want kids, it's better to break up with her sooner rather than later, so you can both move on with your lives. My point, though, is that guys don't really have a rational thought process about having kids. It's like bungee jumping; you just have to say "F*ck it, I'm jumping", or else, "No way, this is crazy". Either way, you won't regret your decision in the long run, and you'll be pretty happy either way.

BTW, if you *do* decide "F**k it, I'm jumping", my advice would be to not tell her that. Just propose to her, and tell her, "I don't care about kids either way, but we can have kids if you really, really want it, honey". Of course, you'll have kids. But then, whenever the kids act up, you can tell her "You're the one who wanted kids". Just kidding .. sort of.

Well said my friend... Well said indeed...

JD

 

[david_golds]

My 2 cents.
The wife and I feel marriage is fun, but work. We work to keep it fun and spicy. I would suggest being married for a while before you have kids. Kids are awesome but they add a whole different level of stress to the marriage.

This is such a good point. IMO, the most basic thing to work on is simply kindness. Realizing when the other person is having a bad day, bad week, or bad month and just turning the other cheek to the crabbiness and putting in the extra effort to show kindness in return. If you both can do that, the marriage lasts. If not, it falls apart. If you focus on that, and get good at it before you have kids, the kids will just make your marriage stronger.

 

[Hyperion]

Marriage is not my cup of tea. It's essentially a binding legal contract recognised by the state with little or no reference to love, feelings and hapiness.

If people are happy sharing their day-to-day lives together and want to move in together or have and raise children, there's no need for a ceremony, civil or religious. For most people is just a formality anyway, like signing a car-lease.

Personally I don't think anything good comes of it; people can feel trapped, it creates legal burdens and obsticles if things don't work out, weddings (can) cost a damn fortune, it gives 'in-laws' carte blanche to interfere whenever and however they feel like it, property is no longer easily determined, and even the mention of a prenup earns a man scorn.

Civil unions are a lot better, but for me, I can't think of a greater statement of love and trust than giving a woman power of attorney over me if I should get hurt and need her to respect my wishes as to what kind of medical treatment I'd want to receive depending on my condition.

 

[bcruder]

For those of you older than Celorza, ...
... I've managed to start a thread potentially even more depressing than the gazillion "quickest way to fat loss" threads!

Some of us ARE that old and it is only depressing if one has unrealistic expectations.


Start with cohabitation. Commitment costs decline with each year while financial, social and emotional costs of splitting grow. Eventually, benefits exceed net costs and no real decision is required. In our case that took three years. BTW: There is only a tax benefit with a single wage earner. Two wage-earners encounter the "Marriage Penalty". This has never been fixed because one political party and most churches favor stay-at-home wives who have little to do except make babies.

After years of cohabitation, a common-law state will usually treat a couple as married for negative reasons (read pal-imony) but not always for positive ones (inheritance, reciprocal adoption and dependent health coverage). Many national and many public employers allow employees to register a partner of either sex for benefits without marriage. Insurance companies sometimes take that back because their random fraud-detection audits can demand more proof of long-term relationship than one can produce.

If one decides to marry, a civil union or a civil marriage is preferable to a religious one. It is less expensive and one need not let a "celibate" or a church-lady (with purely theoretical knowledge of marriage) dictate pre-marital counseling and post-marital behavior. As an ex-Catholic I am sure everyone understands why I put the term "celibate" in quotes.

The worst motive for a man is to get guaranteed sex with a woman when in all probability he will tire of her and/or she will tire of sex in general. If you wouldn't want to live with her in the absence of sex, split early and try again.

We choose by instinct and rationalize later. Anyone who doubts that should study the cases of identical twins that are separated early in life but still choose similar spouses and have similar numbers of offspring.

Few men but most women instinctively choose to have babies, often many babies. Ignore the highly visible but rather rare unemployed single woman with multiple offspring. Most women balance the instinct with other interests including careers.

Some women who should be feared and avoided seek out any needy man who appears able to pay the bills. She need not even be sexually attracted to him given that any child born during a marriage is legally a child of that marriage.

Lack of honesty leads to divorce, biological clock emergencies, what-could-have-been bitterness or "accidental" pregnancies. The last might seem like a neat trap but each year we hear of wives mysteriously disappearing shortly after announcing a "wanted" pregnancy.

Fortunately, my wife and I discovered during our three years that our instincts matched and we chose to be child-free. If yours do not match, split early and try again. Do ignore pressure from parents and religious jerks to first have children and then remain together "for the sake of the children". It is your life not theirs.

For the record, I was married in February 1971 and have seen far too many other marriages come and go.