ZOO's Journal

ZOO

ZOO

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I created this thread as an ongoing journal to post what is happening personally, professionally, and peripherally. A diary of sorts to share thoughts and information without the pressure or specificity of maintaining an AAS log. Still, there will be plenty of PED discussion and experimentation. Given my pendulum of highs and lows I felt this might help keep me present and interacting on the forum. Candidly, my disappearances (and occasional shortness in response) is a retreat into depression. Hopefully being more open proves beneficial to myself and others. Of course, feel free to chime in with questions and comments.


Some lifting updates:
- At the end of June I re-injured my arm. This time my brachi/bicep at the forearm went while supporting a safety squat bar. It was much like the first injury (felt the same) except I had the smarts to stop training this time.
- The severity is just as bad. My first few weeks I essentially couldn't use my right arm at all.
- I am still unable to use it to support more than a couple pounds of weight.
- I haven't lifted in about 8 weeks now. My blessed state felt business and people were not suffering enough so they locked us down again. Consequently I am without machines to help train around my arm and I am unable to support doing squats at home.
- I've gradually shifted my diet from my normal balance of macros for training and started phasing out carbs.
- I am about 3 weeks into a ketogenic diet.
- My weight went from 242 lbs at the beginning to 212.6 this morning.


I'm entering my second week of T(ren)RT:
- Tren Enanthate: 30mg (M/W/F)
- Proviron: 50mg (daily)
- T2: 300mcg (daily)
- T3 25mcg (daily)
- GH: 4 iu (split am/pm)
- Frag: 1mg (split am/pm)
- TB: 2.5mg M/W/F
- BPC: 750mcg (daily)
 
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Woody

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It’s hard to tell but looks like Mobile Suit Gundam Wing or Iron Blood maybe but too blurry when I zoom in.
 
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It’s hard to tell but looks like Mobile Suit Gundam Wing or Iron Blood maybe but too blurry when I zoom in.
You’re on the right track haha. I really like both of those series. The mech in both depart a bit from the usual Fed/Zeon look and love it.


GAT-X105B Build Strike Gundam
This fucking guy! Technically I asked for the show but you went and correctly identified the exact Gunpla model of the title character. Your knowledge is acknowledged lol.

DM me and I’ll make ya a 50% off code to use. Just let me know if you want it for GB or VL.
 
UT_King

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Yea buddy! My brother happens to collect Gunpla.

I'm actually on day 3 of Zombie right now, but I've been eyeballing Special Forces for a while so let's roll with GB!
 
Segansational

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In! And thanks for being open on here @ZOO hopefully the community will help you through any tough times.
 
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Yea buddy! My brother happens to collect Gunpla.

I'm actually on day 3 of Zombie right now, but I've been eyeballing Special Forces for a while so let's roll with GB!
Post up some pics! I always love to see a Zaku I or II in particular.
 
ZOO

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In! And thanks for being open on here @ZOO hopefully the community will help you through any tough times.
Thanks man. It's rough but going to try to keep on here. Working on some shenanigans to do as a project also. Those two things help.
 
BloodManor

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Damn haven’t watched gundam since I was a teenager. Old school anime’s were the best
 
ZOO

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Anybody remember Zoids??? It was on before Hamtaro.
 
UT_King

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Thanks man. It's rough but going to try to keep on here. Working on some shenanigans to do as a project also. Those two things help.
As the saying goes, the devil finds work for idle hands. It's good you're finding other things to keep busy.
 
ZOO

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Figured I’d drop in and give an update. Definitely been a difficult couple of months. I’ve been doing my best to keep my mind occupied and relatively productive to combat crushing depression and an utter lack of motivation. Won’t make this a sob story but for sure it has been the lowest I’ve felt. Tbh I’m probably in the eye of the storm atm but hoping I’m pulling out of it now.

Started training a little bit again. Mostly balancing 225 with the safety squat bar for squats. I did two acclimation days the week prior and yesterday was my first real leg session in 3 months working up to 5 sets of 7 with 225. For my injured side I’m trying to get stimulation for chest and shoulders using a cable ankle attachment I put over my bicep. I can do sort of cable crossovers and lat pulls this way. I’ll try lateral raises as well.
One of my projects was to create a resource site that could appeal to the average person (not gym bros) and offer helpful advice on improving health and body composition - essentially a watered down vertical diet. After much work and having it largely completed I decided it was a fucking stupid idea because people literally do not give a **** about that stuff. Lol

At the worst of it I decided I needed to take a more assertive approach to changing things around. What started modestly has turned into what will be one of my most grueling transformations. After several weeks and an initial collaborative effort with a tattoo artist from South Africa, I have finished the design for the next (and largest) step in my scarification. This is a long term project that will cover a considerable part of my body by end (if there is one). While it is something I have intended for a number of years it wasn’t until recently I found the inspiration to continue with the work.

Tuesday I will be going in to have the rib piece added... removed lol. The chest will follow but I do not have this scheduled and will be based on how the first on goes. Lastly will be the shoulder which is tentative as I first need to see how it appears on my shoulder using a transfer. Due to the curvature and positioning i want to see it against the other 2 to make sure they flow well. Plus it’s my achy shoulder.

Aesthetically, the style is a blend of Nordic/Viking with (3 of the 4) Chaos elements in Warhammer 40k to which I have included imagery of both. The symbolism used have meaning within the respective literature and lore of each, but they also carry meaning and personal significance. For example, the side knotwork becoming undone around chaos symbol for pleasure and excess. One thought I had was to create an album gallery of the procedure and results with text explaining it all. Like a picture book lol.

Woke up at 206.6 today as opposed to yesterday’s 208.6 despite a Saturday of extra calories and Famous Dave’s ribs (sauceless of course). I’m trying to fatten up a bit more for Tuesday so I don’t bleed as much hopefully. I also stopped fish oil and Cialis a couple of weeks ago. Waiting for my Vitamin K to get here to help with clotting factors but it’s late.

The first image is the initial sketch I was provided with by the artist based on what I described wanting.

The second image is his final version after I request a couple small changes.

The third image is my final version. I first translated his work into a cutaway (red marks areas to remove) design. Then I began throwing in my touches.
 

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wfreiling

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Can’t just get a tattoo like us normal people haha. I’m actually really interested to see how this turns out as I think it’s rad as hell but too much of a baby to do it. Full sleeve on my left arm but idk if I could do this.
 
ZOO

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Can’t just get a tattoo like us normal people haha. I’m actually really interested to see how this turns out as I think it’s rad as hell but too much of a baby to do it. Full sleeve on my left arm but idk if I could do this.
Haha nope. It’s a strange attraction I have to it that appeals more than tattoos ever did. Carries more significance and meaning. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m not scared or nervous about going in though. This time in particular since I won’t have my usual support and the ribs are probably one of the more tender spots to get done. The visual imagery of the aftermath I have is anxiety inducing alone. The smell is equally horrid. Then there is the following two weeks of hell and inhibited movement during the healing. But it’s also what makes the “after“ extremely satisfying.
 
wfreiling

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Haha nope. It’s a strange attraction I have to it that appeals more than tattoos ever did. Carries more significance and meaning. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m not scared or nervous about going in though. This time in particular since I won’t have my usual support and the ribs are probably one of the more tender spots to get done. The visual imagery of the aftermath I have is anxiety inducing alone. The smell is equally horrid. Then there is the following two weeks of hell and inhibited movement during the healing. But it’s also what makes the “after“ extremely satisfying.
I think the healing process would be the hardest. I always tell people when they ask how to care to for a tattoo to keep it clean because it’s an open wound but this really is an open wound. Doing the ribs first I guess will make the rest of the sessions more bearable. My arm is all portraits of 80s horror/sci-fi -beetle juice, pinhead, spike(gremlin) etc and I did each in one sitting about 6-8hours and the pain is weirdly satisfying. I can’t imagine the level of euphoria something like this will cause. Make sure you eat a good meal and get an awesome playlist together beforehand.
 
ZOO

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Y’all should post up your work you’ve had done!

Yeah I’ll be cooking up plenty of bison for the occasion. And then some beef too. Been downloading loads of music because I signed up for that iTunes deal lol.

I feel ya guys though. Not only the process but not too many people want those types of marks all over their body anyway. To most it’s unattractive. Im also lucky my skin heals the way it does though. That’s a big deciding factor imo... in that sense I feel very fortunate I’m able to do this. And the artist sends me home with a care kit with anti biotic cleanser and and all the fixings.
 
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wfreiling

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Y’all should post up your work you’ve had done!

Yeah I’ll be cooking up plenty of bison for the occasion. And then some beef too. Been downloading loads of music because I signed up for that iTunes deal lol.

I feel ya guys though. Not only the process but not too many people want those types of marks all over their body anyway. To most it’s unattractive. Im also lucky my skin heals the way it does though. That’s a big deciding factor imo... in that sense I feel very fortunate I’m able to do this. And the artist sends me home with a care kit with anti biotic cleanser and and all the fixings.
IMG_7826.JPG
IMG_7826.JPG
IMG_5078.JPG

There’s some
 
ZOO

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Nice, guys! Thanks for sharing. Appreciate some skin art. Wes has some seasonally appropriate ink going on haha. And good of Bossman to pop by 💪🏻😎

I’ll do my best to grab some pics. Hopefully I’m still able to get it done. My mom had to go to the hospital again at 1:30am this morning due to a colon blockage from the colostomy. So seeing how things go. Luckily she’s okay aside from pain and discomfort but she may need a minor surgery if it doesn’t clear on its own.
 
wfreiling

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Nice, guys! Thanks for sharing. Appreciate some skin art. Wes has some seasonally appropriate ink going on haha. And good of Bossman to pop by

I’ll do my best to grab some pics. Hopefully I’m still able to get it done. My mom had to go to the hospital again at 1:30am this morning due to a colon blockage from the colostomy. So seeing how things go. Luckily she’s okay aside from pain and discomfort but she may need a minor surgery if it doesn’t clear on its own.
Hope all is well with her
 
ZOO

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Dude. That’s f*ckin gnarly. I wanna see it healed
Me too! I’m really excited to see how this turns out. Skin is different all around the body so this one will form uniquely. I hear the ribs are more visually prominent when done.
 
ZOO

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Really glad that I ended the Tren only experiment when I did. I was at the very end of an 8 week run (approximately) when I got bloodwork. Doc called today with “concerning” results which amounted to me being a pre-diabetic heart attack risk. Cholesterol was a tad over 600 and HDL around 20. Not only is the presence/toxicity of Tren an issue but it’s also a good reminder as to the role testosterone/estrogen plays in managing these factors. Blood sugars were poor. I did not fast for the bloodwork since it was given on the spot but I doubt that is the issue. Besides my poor sleep/depression, I am certain the GH is a contributing factor. My stuff is pretty legit so I will back the 4iu down to 2-3iu. I’ll be using Testosterone Enanthate only at 300mg per week for my steroid. Likely will back the Proviron down to 25mg.

X-Ray for left shoulder did not show fractures or anything too alarming aside from calcium ligament deposits which could be the cause of recurring inflammation/discomfort. She mentioned the shoulder joint itself looked off but couldn’t really specify. Basically I will need to wait for the MRI results which I have an appointment to get tomorrow morning. I’ve always suspected my left shoulder had some sort of structural abnormality as it never has felt quite right in any memory. So throwing my bet in there.

Right knee shows some calcium ligament deposit superior to the patella but nothing concerning. Knee structure/sitting appears good.

Friday I have a follow up MRI for what should be my arm. God willing this will provide the answer to my injury and present a solution to correct it. I’ve well accepted I’ll need surgery of some form. I can only hope it is doable and recoverable... really wish I could train.

Overall I’m looking at a lot of **** I need to take care of but now I have my starting point and I can improve from here. Gonna try to stay optimistic and work to come back.

On a positive note Im very healthy as far as diseases go. No STDs, Hep, or any of that stuff. Not like I’m getting around but it’s still good to hear lol.

Scar is coming along well. I can move around much better today. There will be a rough patch as the weekend comes in as scabbing really takes form. Nothing crazy but man those things hurt at the size the cuts are lol
 
wfreiling

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Well it sounds like it’s like optimal time to get this scarification done, at least.
 
ZOO

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Well it sounds like it’s like optimal time to get this scarification done, at least.
Exactly. Since I can’t train effectively I can still work on other aspects of my body.
 
ZOO

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Rather than wait I went ahead and donated blood this morning to help get my levels back down in range. Big props to the folks at the center. They did a great job and the person was smooth with the needle.

My afternoon MRI appointment did not go so well, however. Immediately prior to walking into the room I found out that my physician did not put an order in to have my arm done. Only my shoulders. I have no idea how at any point I was not absolutely adamant and certain in making clear that my arm was the primary issue. Further, I spoke with her yesterday and she said “it should” which leads me to believe she knows she fucked it up. It amazes how 15 minutes of saying how my arm’s injury is causing tremendous hardship in my life was not clear. With that said I bitched out of doing the MRI while I was in the machine realizing I could not stay still and relaxed for 20 minutes as distraught as I was/am. Pretty disappointed in my self about that. The situation really adds to the hopelessness in getting this resolved. God willing I’ll be able to get ahold of my doctor tomorrow but this could be another 2 week delay. It’s times like these I’m reminded how much I valued having a personal relationship.

If I’m lucky I’ll be healed enough to do some squats on Saturday. I don’t think a belt will be usable though.
 
BloodManor

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God damn that looks killer. Looks like it was painful as fuk goddam I give you credit. When it heals it’s gonna be awesome
 
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God damn that looks killer. Looks like it was painful as fuk goddam I give you credit. When it heals it’s gonna be awesome
The most painful haha. Thanks man I’m looking forward to the end result. It’s much better a week in
 
ZOO

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Dang those are really cool man! Sick sleeve for sure. Thanks for posting up. 💪🏻😎
 
BloodManor

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100% man. It’s quite addictive. Such is the nature of humans I suppose. Always chasing a little more haha ;)
Always want to be bigger, leaner, more ink, more money.....
 
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Superload

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Got to say you may have just indoctrinated another into scarificstion thats looks amazing! I never knew that was an option and have been wanting another tattoo for sometime now but that may be the route ima have to take
 
BloodManor

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Got to say you may have just indoctrinated another into scarificstion thats looks amazing! I never knew that was an option and have been wanting another tattoo for sometime now but that may be the route ima have to take
Good luck and look up a lot of the healing procedures.
 
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Got to say you may have just indoctrinated another into scarificstion thats looks amazing! I never knew that was an option and have been wanting another tattoo for sometime now but that may be the route ima have to take
That’s dope, bro! Let me know if you have any questions. Best advice though is find a reputable artist that does this often. It’s the type of work you don’t want just any hack hacking away at you lol
 
ZOO

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Log Update: 10/27

My side was healed enough to resume safety squatting this past Saturday. I wasn’t able to use a belt but with the relatively low weight I’m working with it’s not much of an issue. This is the closest to a real workout I’ve done in a while.

Body Weight: 10 reps
60lbs (empty bar): 10 reps
110 lbs: 10 reps
150 lbs: 10 reps
200 lbs: 10 reps
220 lbs: 10 reps
230 lbs: 8 reps x 4 sets

Gotta say my legs are still pretty beat up. I’ve always found safety squats hit my legs more effectively than barbell squats. Also, I had forgotten how much more a safety bar weighs than a regular one.

I’m trying to piece together some semblance of a training routine to follow. This week I’m experimenting with exercises, body parts, weights and resistance bands to get a feel of where my body is at.

Finally, got a hold of my doctor yesterday and was thankfully able to run in for a last minute appointment so she could write the order for my arm to get MRIs (upper and lower). Hopefully it gets approved by insurance quickly and I can get in and the situation sorted ASAP.
 
ZOO

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Undoubtedly, I was assigned to the most incompetent physician. She appears to me as being fresh out of med school and taking quantities of Adderall rivaling her student loan debt. Error number 3 comes by way of her incorrectly writing a prescription for my anxiety medication. The pharmacist told me that where the doctor is supposed to indicate “tablets” or “caps” she wrote “vials” which is not a valid form of administration. I guess she figured I would want to mainline the **** lol
 
BOSSMAN

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Undoubtedly, I was assigned to the most incompetent physician. She appears to me as being fresh out of med school and taking quantities of Adderall rivaling her student loan debt. Error number 3 comes by way of her incorrectly writing a prescription for my anxiety medication. The pharmacist told me that where the doctor is supposed to indicate “tablets” or “caps” she wrote “vials” which is not a valid form of administration. I guess she figured I would want to mainline the **** lol
Starting to run into this crap myself. Havent used my primary in so long I didn't even know he was retired. Over the last year I've had to acquire a new primary, same sh1t....tried another last week....same sh1t....unbelievable
 
ZOO

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Starting to run into this crap myself. Havent used my primary in so long I didn't even know he was retired. Over the last year I've had to acquire a new primary, same sh1t....tried another last week....same sh1t....unbelievable
That’s fucked, bro. It’s a damn pandemic in itself. Funny you mention though... this person isn’t even my primary assigned to me on my card. Just who was available and now I’m stuck. Hope you can get it sorted on your end too.
 

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