Stupid things



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Some of you heard about my journey so far about how I can't gain weight I can't eat regular food because I can't eat my mouth, Been feeding me through what they call TPN, Basically it has all of your carbohydrates. Your sugar is supposed to have your fats, but mine doesn't so long story is very short.

I've decided that I was going to go to my doctor on Tuesday. She wanted to see me. She was very concerned because I keep losing weight and I'll I'll gain 3 pounds lose four gain , lose so she was very concerned about that, and she said to me I'm gonna pull you out of work for four weeks and see where we go from there and I was like all right whatever so I had to go for a four hour lipid test, which is basically to see if I'm allergic to anything that's in the fats what they put in the fats they thought that because I have a severe egg allergy, so I'm sitting at this place for four hours. I'm about an hour in my throat starts getting really scratchy and itchy so I tell the nurse and she's like you're fine so I said a while later it's now my eyes are getting itchy you're fine you're fine so one of the big heads comes over and goes what's wrong I'm like I'm gonna fucking ip my picc I was like I'm out I'm like my throat is itchy. My eyes are itchy. Obviously that means some type of allergic reaction which means you can't put this **** in my bag which means I'm sitting home doing nothing because TPN is just replacing electrolytes. I'm not getting the goal of it was to put fat on me the goal was it what the goal was to put the lipids in it because lipids have the fat and I can't do that so I called my doctor the next day and she tells me WE ARE PUTTIN LIPPIDS IN YOUR BAG I am not putting that lipid **** in my body because the pharmacist called me yesterday and said when you get your delivery next week is going to have lipids. AND IM SENDING YOU A EpiPen !!!!!!!!!!I'm like, so you're OK with knowing I have an allergy that might require an EpiPen but because I'm so low and wait, you'll take the chance on oh you could die or you could have an allergic reaction or both because you might not be able to get your EpiPen in time ......I want to nurse out here I want her to take my line out I want ........he's like well. I'll give you the weekend to think about it. OK be prepared Monday morning. I'm calling you take the picc line I'm done I can't go on the table cause I don't weigh enough My levels aren't good enough. That was the ultimate plan put a G-tube in. I can't have that they won't put an NG tube because I am not inpatient and they won't do anything really to help me because I have a lipped allergy so their idea is to give me an EpiPen in hopes that I don't die go figure welcome to 2023 where nobody knows what the hell anyone else is doing I don't want to doing I know what I need to do. I know what needs to happen but apparently nobody else's so I'm gonna keep doing me, I'm gonna keep working, both my jobs, and whatever I get in the bag in my body so when I get in but if I find out there's lippids in there I'm not putting in there. I'm not taking a chance that I'm gonna be in school with my students who are special needs and say " guys hold on I'm dying. I have to stop and get my EpiPen " these kids see enough like how traumatizing would that be that would be awful so yes, that is my latest and rant

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