Need guidance

E

editionml3

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Today was one of the worst days I have ever had. I need some guidance. I was totally in the wrong.

Me and my ex girl were in a long distance relationship everything was perfect. She is just like me in so many ways. M&M ...I know so much about her and she knows so much about me.

This is were I funked up I was nit picking at every little ****ing thing the last couple days acting like a beta douche..and becuase i am 2 hours away I feel it's hard to communicate especially since she is used to shutting people out without talking about it. Her ex was very very abusive and manipulative and even harmed her in multiple ways. So I can see her concern. I yelled over the phone after being cut off and yelled at while she was crying. I regret everything and yelling. But I understand why she got upset she just doesn't want to go thru the same ish as she did with her ex. Which I know I'm not like that at all I'm actually a good guy and she knows it. I just don't like being cut off like that with no respect to talk about it over the phone. So I called and called trying to get a hold of her. Excessive amounts becuase she never answered not once.

THE TRUTH--my Camaro is all damaged and messed up it has over 160k miles and needs some work. Not sure if it would make it there but I never told her this she just thinks I never make the effort to see her. And it made me Insecure to think about someone else giving her their time. Even though I know for a fact she is not like that but my head is crazy in the way my thought process is. I wish there was a way I could explain this to her. I'm forever broken. I wish I would of been honest about the car in the first place. I never wanted her to feel unloved or under appreciated. SHE LITERALLY IS EVERYTHING TO ME. And I would give her my all if she needed. If she needed 50k. I would give it to her. Even if that was all I had left. Even now.

I don't have really anyone to talk to as she was my one to talk to. And this other girl that hits me up has a bf so I'm not trying to go down that route again. I know I should move on and stop being a beta. But it's not the break up that bothers me. It's the fact that I know if we spent time together in person and physically connected we would have been perfect and amazing. I'm telling you guys I never knew I could love again until I met this girl. I been single for 6 years after a horrible relationship. So I wanted to try something new. Like all those other relationships I didn't give a dam and didn't want to be in but this girl I just want to squeeze with all my might and tell her that everything will be ok as promised. I stopped drugs smoking cigarettes and even drinking for this amazing person. I never even looked at another girl. And that's saying a lot especially for me. I'm used to being around nothing but women. It's almost Valentine's day and this sucks so bad like I feel empty.

It's not hard for me to get women at all it's easy for me but I don't want to be that guy no more and these women are so slutty and untrustworthy now adays. I know she was 100 with me every second. Like I never had that. Can someone please slap me into reality. I know I'll be alright but as of now I'm freaking broken like I have no anger I'm just empty. Not sure if depressed or what this is. This is worse then being in a cage. Do you guys think k there is any hope. I'm going to seek therapy still but I don't know what else to do to show her that I'm willing to change. I have a feeling she's thinking like dam she dodged another bullet. But I'm just mad I didn't get a chance to show her how I am in real life how we would connect. Maybe it's better this way becuase we would have been hooked to each other we already were hooked but I get afraid and push away the people I love. I admit it and this is exactly what happened. She did nothing wrong I had to literally make **** up just to push her away and then I'd regret it and want her back. I am glad I was able to love again that was a good feeling. It just hurts that I'm not loved by her anymore. My heart is literally broken. I never been thru a heart break like this. But I think it's becuase I usually have my friends and people to turn to so I never really get into the chicks I'm with but this girl I gave all my time to because I haven't hung with anyone else. Maybe that was my mistake. Thank you redditers for listening.

HULK?
 
DemntedCowboy

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Today was one of the worst days I have ever had. I need some guidance. I was totally in the wrong.

Me and my ex girl were in a long distance relationship everything was perfect. She is just like me in so many ways. M&M ...I know so much about her and she knows so much about me.

This is were I funked up I was nit picking at every little ****ing thing the last couple days acting like a beta douche..and becuase i am 2 hours away I feel it's hard to communicate especially since she is used to shutting people out without talking about it. Her ex was very very abusive and manipulative and even harmed her in multiple ways. So I can see her concern. I yelled over the phone after being cut off and yelled at while she was crying. I regret everything and yelling. But I understand why she got upset she just doesn't want to go thru the same ish as she did with her ex. Which I know I'm not like that at all I'm actually a good guy and she knows it. I just don't like being cut off like that with no respect to talk about it over the phone. So I called and called trying to get a hold of her. Excessive amounts becuase she never answered not once.

THE TRUTH--my Camaro is all damaged and messed up it has over 160k miles and needs some work. Not sure if it would make it there but I never told her this she just thinks I never make the effort to see her. And it made me Insecure to think about someone else giving her their time. Even though I know for a fact she is not like that but my head is crazy in the way my thought process is. I wish there was a way I could explain this to her. I'm forever broken. I wish I would of been honest about the car in the first place. I never wanted her to feel unloved or under appreciated. SHE LITERALLY IS EVERYTHING TO ME. And I would give her my all if she needed. If she needed 50k. I would give it to her. Even if that was all I had left. Even now.

I don't have really anyone to talk to as she was my one to talk to. And this other girl that hits me up has a bf so I'm not trying to go down that route again. I know I should move on and stop being a beta. But it's not the break up that bothers me. It's the fact that I know if we spent time together in person and physically connected we would have been perfect and amazing. I'm telling you guys I never knew I could love again until I met this girl. I been single for 6 years after a horrible relationship. So I wanted to try something new. Like all those other relationships I didn't give a dam and didn't want to be in but this girl I just want to squeeze with all my might and tell her that everything will be ok as promised. I stopped drugs smoking cigarettes and even drinking for this amazing person. I never even looked at another girl. And that's saying a lot especially for me. I'm used to being around nothing but women. It's almost Valentine's day and this sucks so bad like I feel empty.

It's not hard for me to get women at all it's easy for me but I don't want to be that guy no more and these women are so slutty and untrustworthy now adays. I know she was 100 with me every second. Like I never had that. Can someone please slap me into reality. I know I'll be alright but as of now I'm freaking broken like I have no anger I'm just empty. Not sure if depressed or what this is. This is worse then being in a cage. Do you guys think k there is any hope. I'm going to seek therapy still but I don't know what else to do to show her that I'm willing to change. I have a feeling she's thinking like dam she dodged another bullet. But I'm just mad I didn't get a chance to show her how I am in real life how we would connect. Maybe it's better this way becuase we would have been hooked to each other we already were hooked but I get afraid and push away the people I love. I admit it and this is exactly what happened. She did nothing wrong I had to literally make **** up just to push her away and then I'd regret it and want her back. I am glad I was able to love again that was a good feeling. It just hurts that I'm not loved by her anymore. My heart is literally broken. I never been thru a heart break like this. But I think it's becuase I usually have my friends and people to turn to so I never really get into the chicks I'm with but this girl I gave all my time to because I haven't hung with anyone else. Maybe that was my mistake. Thank you redditers for listening.

HULK
So instead of telling us. You should probably copy and paste this, change it to like you where talking to her. And text this to her. If she wont answer the phone maybe she will read a text. Just a thought.
 
Godstrength

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Hulk as in bighulksmash? Bc if it is this sounds about right
 
DemntedCowboy

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Could it be he is back?
 
Aleksandar37

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So instead of telling us. You should probably copy and paste this, change it to like you where talking to her. And text this to her. If she wont answer the phone maybe she will read a text. Just a thought.
This all day, every day. Stop reaching out to us and reddit and communicate with her.
 
B

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How old is OP? Sounds like something a 16 year old would type up lol
 
muscleupcrohn

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Your second paragraph, paired with you mentioning “M&M” reminds me of Eminem’s song Stan.

And two hours away is long distance? Is that two hours by plane?

I know you can’t make it there regularly in an old car, but you couldn’t get an Uber or something once a month? Or public transportation? Or she doesn’t have a car?

If I can be very blunt, it sounds like neither of you really wanted to put the effort in to make it work.

She also didn’t do “nothing wrong.” If all you did was raise your voice and she ghosted you, then she’s letting her past negative experiences rule her life and relationship in the present.

But either way, and I learned this from a long distance relationship (Florida to Canada lol); if you think you can’t live without someone, you’re not ready for someone. Only when you realize that you don’t need anyone to be happy and find meaning are you ready to have someone. That way you can enjoy them, but not to possess them. Realize they make you happy, but that you can survive and still be happy without them. When you are self sufficient, you can enjoy the moment, and enjoy your partner, but not spend every moment in fear that you may lose them and then be completely lost. It’s easier said than done though for sure.

I’d recommend reading Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations snd Epictetus’ Discourses. They’re great books that can help you realize what is needed for happiness, and how to be self sufficient, but still able to enjoy things without trying to possess them when they’re out of your control.
 
Cgkone

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I'm with sending the first post to her.
Girls need to hear it sometimes.
1 gram of test is a great idea too.
 
muscleupcrohn

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Go look up RobertFrank615’s latest Valentines Day video on IG if you want a laugh and some advice too.
 
HIT4ME

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I disagree with most on here. She sounds abusive. I don't buy for a second that her ex was abusive - it was HER. This is a manipulative trick I see with women all the time.

She is not using the fact that her ex was abusive - it is being used as a weapon against you. It is a sword, not a shield.

Normally, if you are secure in a relationship and you call someone and they don't answer, you leave a message and call back. If you cal 2-3 times rapidly and they give a crap about you, they answer.

You are being used and manipulated for her benefit. You don't recognize it because you have only just begun to get your life together - but don't let her derail you because she provides comfort. You don't need this crap.

I know she felt like the only one you could talk to...which is how she wants it. If you had options, she couldn't pull this crap. You would just talk to someone else. You wouldn't FEEL like she was the only one you could talk to.
 
muscleupcrohn

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I disagree with most on here. She sounds abusive. I don't buy for a second that her ex was abusive - it was HER. This is a manipulative trick I see with women all the time.

She is not using the fact that her ex was abusive - it is being used as a weapon against you. It is a sword, not a shield.

Normally, if you are secure in a relationship and you call someone and they don't answer, you leave a message and call back. If you cal 2-3 times rapidly and they give a crap about you, they answer.

You are being used and manipulated for her benefit. You don't recognize it because you have only just begun to get your life together - but don't let her derail you because she provides comfort. You don't need this crap.

I know she felt like the only one you could talk to...which is how she wants it. If you had options, she couldn't pull this crap. You would just talk to someone else. You wouldn't FEEL like she was the only one you could talk to.
I find it entirely possible that her ex was abusive...

But that doesn’t matter. It’s the past, and cannot be changed. What does matter is what she does now, and even if she was abused, she’s gone so far to using that as an excuse to end/win an argument whenever she wants and to have him feel like the bad guy for showing even a basic level of human emotion. Plus, if it was true, and also not being used as a weapon like you said, she’d logically realize she screwed up and actually apologize for it after a little while, not ignore all of his calls because of it.
 
HIT4ME

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I find it entirely possible that her ex was abusive...

But that doesn’t matter. It’s the past, and cannot be changed. What does matter is what she does now, and even if she was abused, she’s gone so far to using that as an excuse to end/win an argument whenever she wants and to have him feel like the bad guy for showing even a basic level of human emotion. Plus, if it was true, and also not being used as a weapon like you said, she’d logically realize she screwed up and actually apologize for it after a little while, not ignore all of his calls because of it.
Ok...maybe you are right. But do you wanna bet $5 on it?
 
muscleupcrohn

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Ok...maybe you are right. But do you wanna bet $5 on it?
How would we even find out? Get the ex’s name, find his FB profile, and ask for his side of the story lol?
 
muscleupcrohn

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Or slap her and see if she looks hella surprised or kinda used to it
“Officer, I only hit her because I thought she was lying to me about her ex.” That can only end well.
 
HIT4ME

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How would we even find out? Get the ex’s name, find his FB profile, and ask for his side of the story lol?
See...didn't think you would put up amy cash. Lol
 
thebigt

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I disagree with most on here. She sounds abusive. I don't buy for a second that her ex was abusive - it was HER. This is a manipulative trick I see with women all the time.

She is not using the fact that her ex was abusive - it is being used as a weapon against you. It is a sword, not a shield.

Normally, if you are secure in a relationship and you call someone and they don't answer, you leave a message and call back. If you cal 2-3 times rapidly and they give a crap about you, they answer.

You are being used and manipulated for her benefit. You don't recognize it because you have only just begun to get your life together - but don't let her derail you because she provides comfort. You don't need this crap.

I know she felt like the only one you could talk to...which is how she wants it. If you had options, she couldn't pull this crap. You would just talk to someone else. You wouldn't FEEL like she was the only one you could talk to.
hey, you gotta believe the woman, right?:chairfall:
 
HIT4ME

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Lol, seriously though - as funny as it can be to joke about, I think there are serious signs of toxic abuse in the patterns described here. It is a weaponry that creates a lose lose situation and is designed to destroy the recipient.

The OP thinks he is in love because the person was so great to him in the beginning and seemed so amazing. Then they open up about their personal trauma that they really don't want to talk about but the OP was just such a help and they trusted the OP so much. Then the OP is taken hook, line and sinker and things change and the personal trauma is now used as a weapon against the recipient.

I bet if you dug in deep you would find the prior "abusive boyfriend" was responding to the same type of manipulation.

And the OP has been so dismantled he cannot stop calling because he NEEDS her approval.
 
muscleupcrohn

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Lol, seriously though - as funny as it can be to joke about, I think there are serious signs of toxic abuse in the patterns described here. It is a weaponry that creates a lose lose situation and is designed to destroy the recipient.

The OP thinks he is in love because the person was so great to him in the beginning and seemed so amazing. Then they open up about their personal trauma that they really don't want to talk about but the OP was just such a help and they trusted the OP so much. Then the OP is taken hook, line and sinker and things change and the personal trauma is now used as a weapon against the recipient.

I bet if you dug in deep you would find the prior "abusive boyfriend" was responding to the same type of manipulation.

And the OP has been so dismantled he cannot stop calling because he NEEDS her approval.
Yeah, she’s using it as a weapon, regardless of if it actually happened or not. That much seems clear.
 
thebigt

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Yeah, she’s using it as a weapon, regardless of if it actually happened or not. That much seems clear.
pat benatar---love is a battlefield


I played hard to get and made my wife chase me, this has worked out wonderfully!!!
 
muscleupcrohn

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pat benatar---love is a battlefield


I played hard to get and made my wife chase me, this has worked out wonderfully!!!
There’s a fine line between hard to get and hard to want. ;) Jkjk
 
HIT4ME

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pat benatar---love is a battlefield


I played hard to get and made my wife chase me, this has worked out wonderfully!!!
Again, for serious, in your case playing hard to get was a SERIOUS risk. Lol.

J/K.
 
hairygrandpa

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Why is that in the supplement forum? Why is that at all in a bodybuilding forum?

Seems you need a PCT -or better: PRT (Post Relationship Therapy).
 
HIT4ME

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Why is that in the supplement forum? Why is that at all in a bodybuilding forum?

Seems you need a PCT -or better: PRT (Post Relationship Therapy).
Come on now. Have you read this forum? This obviously belongs here. With all the derailing that goes on in this forum...this will likely turn into a supplement thread.

Plus...the guy has obviously been mentally screwed with, IMO, so I wasn't gonna call him on it. I feel for the guy.
 
hairygrandpa

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Come on now. Have you read this forum? This obviously belongs here. With all the derailing that goes on in this forum...this will likely turn into a supplement thread.

Plus...the guy has obviously been mentally screwed with, IMO, so I wasn't gonna call him on it. I feel for the guy.
Too much clomid, if you ask me.
 
Cgkone

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Or slap her and see if she looks hella surprised or kinda used to it
Hahaha. I literally laughed out loud.
Where you from brother? Bay area? Not too many people use hella on AM.
 

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