KLEEN LIVING - A log about Life, Training, and Nutrition.

[Smont]

lets say somebody gets lung cancer. how would they be able to prove it was cardarine that caused it??

im not sure why you would pick lung cancer but to somewhat answer your question, its been 30 years and theres not 1 case ive come across where a human got cancer and carderine was involved or noted as even being used. What if someone gets lung cancer and they smoked 3 cigarettes in there entire life, welll we can rule out smoking cigarettes, but that doesn't mean cigarettes dont cause cancer either. But when something causes cancer theres tons of examples of how xyz was involved in multiple cases of cancer.

if someone gets stomach cancer, Does that prove that mashed potatoes caused stomach cancer, What if you eat mashed potatoes every week can that mean that mashed potatoes cause your stomach cancer?

Questions like that don't really make sense, so I'm saying if someone was to get lung cancer.... it doesn't make sense it's just a random thing and then we're choosing what we want to point our finger at.


The point I'm trying to make is the lack of evidence because there is no evidence or minimal evidence in animal studies. And to be very clear here I'm not trying to convince anybody and I'm not trying to tell anyone to use this stuff I don't care if you never use it a day in your life, I'm going to use it.

 

[gphagan1]

New Years is always depressing to me. I never feel like my year lived up to what i could have done. When i was younger and party too much i always felt like i wasted another year being unsuccessful and now im doing good for myself as a whole but still not good enough, im capable of more. And i let too many opportunities pass by. I feel the same every year. Almost like its become a learned behavior for me to hate this time of year

I think men as a whole seem to struggle with wanting to be a success, and we tend to be harder on ourselves if we haven’t lived up to our goals or dreams. We just have to realize that part of what makes us who we are as a person is growing through the good and bad experiences, and trying to learn a positive.
Just from what I’ve seen with how you care about and want to and have helped others, and even animals, shows the character you have. And a person with great character is a successful person no matter if you have reached your goals or not. And then you add to it how hard you work and provide for your family, again, success.
Same thing with Kleen and how he has stayed dedicated all year and put his all in competing, but also found time for his wife and family. Even though he may not accomplished all his goals, he did accomplish his dream of competing at a very high level, and still was a good husband and Dad.
There really is something to this time of year, and anyone that struggles through it probably has had some legitimate circumstances in their lives that feed how they feel. And truthfully I think subconsciously, when we get closer to the end of the year, that a lot of us look back and could probably find regrets and a desire to do better.
Just remember the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield, and the regrets are in the rear view mirror which is our past, but our hopes and desires are in the windshield our future. And everyone knows if we focus too much on the past, in the rear view mirror, it can distract us and make us run off the road driving towards our dreams and future goals in the windshield. Well hopefully that all didn’t sound too corny.

 

[Smont]

I think men as a whole seem to struggle with wanting to be a success, and we tend to be harder on ourselves if we haven’t lived up to our goals or dreams. We just have to realize that part of what makes us who we are as a person is growing through the good and bad experiences, and trying to learn a positive.
Just from what I’ve seen with how you care about and want to and have helped others, and even animals, shows the character you have. And a person with great character is a successful person no matter if you have reached your goals or not. And then you add to it how hard you work and provide for your family, again, success.
Same thing with Kleen and how he has stayed dedicated all year and put his all in competing, but also found time for his wife and family. Even though he may not accomplished all his goals, he did accomplish his dream of competing at a very high level, and still was a good husband and Dad.
There really is something to this time of year, and anyone that struggles through it probably has had some legitimate circumstances in their lives that feed how they feel. And truthfully I think subconsciously, when we get closer to the end of the year, that a lot of us look back and could probably find regrets and a desire to do better.
Just remember the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield, and the regrets are in the rear view mirror which is our past, but our hopes and desires are in the windshield our future. And everyone knows if we focus too much on the past, it can distract us and make us run off the road driving towards our dreams and future goals. Well hopefully that all didn’t sound too corny.

Thank you, that was helpful and that was a good read, and honestly I took away something positive from that. I can be proud of who i am and what ive accomplished and still want more. I shouldn't let the things i didnt do take away from the things i did get accomplished. Its hard in the moments to think about that sometimes

 

[MrKleen73]

I don't think there is anything wrong with that, I think it's half of the secret of success. You had pointed out weeks ago that me starting the var on Nov 17th gives me a 6 week cycle, enough to run the cube predator, and finish at new years. I had cut from 207 to 183 and was floating high 180s post vacation without a clear cut direction. I knew I wanted to be leaner, but I had a mix of ideas in my head and routine was taking priority over focused goals. so for those next couple weeks I started stocking my supplements, making a mental plan, looking over the programming, etc. I even talked to my gym buddy and my son and told them both "Sunday Nov 17th, I'm kicking off this program if you guys wanna join me on a bro sesh". Slowly kept making it real and when the big day hit, it was go time. I felt great to be back into a set direction. But there was a period of lull there for a while. I think we've seen nearly everyone in the AM group experience from time to time. Especially a little burnout after chasing a particular goal too long. or burnout after bulking to the point of discomfort, cutting to the point of losing all joy in the other aspects of life.

The fire in your belly will come back, I have zero doubt of that. Faking it right now, keeping some essence of routine is just going to ensure you have this tremendous foundation already in place when you're ready.

Thanks, and I agree, as long as i am working hard enough to grow, and eating enough I will grow, which should keep me in striking distance when the fire comes back, and if for some reason it does not I will still be happy and in shape.

I think you get one life and you should do what makes you satisfied. Sometimes, maybe a lot of times in the case of bodybuilding, that can be uncomfortable - certainly not what we’d call “happy”. But at some point, competing or doing the things to be most competitive has to pay out - there has to be a moment where you stand there when the dust clears and say, “it was all worth it”.

If you are not motivated by those moments, and you are not motivated by the journey, you should not beat yourself up over not being so strict, or as successful as that might yield. You have to want it - and it’s okay if you don’t right now. Be good to your family, try to maintain your health, and try to do what makes you happy each day if it doesn’t totally conflict with the former things. Then you will be at peace, living within your values and priorities.

I agree, I was super motivated by the thought of climbing on stage last year, and I feel like if I can get that going again things will be awesome. I am going to keep pushing things hard, just because pushing in the gym is fun for me, but I am going to allow myself a little more flexibility right now regarding nutrition. Just not beating myself up for having a little looser nutrition right now as long as I keep things under control, adjust to stay leaner as I gain, and keep some sound nutritional strategies. See if I can build some momentum, and muscle mass over the next few months, and hopefully be ready to lock it down when it comes time to shred. During that process, I will find out if I have reinvigorated that desire, or if it is time to allow myself to relax and take on a more lifestyle approach and just enjoy myself.

If mots holds up to its claims then its 100$ worth it in my honest opinion, for health and longevity, its good for sooooo many things. I can say so far my only notes so far is that im loosing weight and look flat until i start lifting. My hair looks a little fluffier which i didn't know theres benifits for hair growth till yesterday. My energy is high but my mood is not great. Now im gonna chalk the mood up to seasonal depression which is normal for me and work is annoying lately as im going non stop and not sleeping much.

Definitely look into mots. Also, once more places start carrying mots the price will go down. Always does.

Yes, But it's not comparable at all. The benifits of mots go way beyond fitness and its much more like carderine but with more positives and no "potential " cancer risks which ive yet to see 1 case of a person get cancer from gw and its been around since the 90's. If the research on mots holds up then its something i would want to take forever. Id probably use it in rotation with things like carderine and other like drugs.

Retuteride (spell check please) does seem much better then the ozempic drugs as at least RE has fat loss properties

Sounds pretty legit, I will research it.

lets say somebody gets lung cancer. how would they be able to prove it was cardarine that caused it??

No way, and that concern has pretty much been disproven in humans.

I agree with what’s already been said, that there’s nothing wrong with that….just like we can overtrain and be drained with training, we all know we can get burned out mentally, and need a deload per say Just take your time and do what you enjoy. And obviously the idea of a cut through Thanksgiving and Christmas is extremely challenging, so I would train how you feel and continue on the bulk. Maybe you and your wife can take a little weekend break, even if it’s dinner and a movie or just going walking on trails or anywhere there’s beautiful scenery and just de-stress. I mean the dedication and stress you’ve been through this year it’s totally understandable you’re experiencing burnout. Just enjoy life brother whatever you choose.

Thanks Man, burnout is really basically what this feels like. Between the hard 2 years prepping for the contest, and the pretty much consistent peppering of financial hits in the last 6 months I shouldn't be surprised but no man really wants to admit they are overwhelmed, until it is impossible not to.

Been waking up w anxiety

No bueno!

Sounds like some cumulative fatigue. Mitigate what you can, don’t stress over what you have no control over, do what you WANT to do.(within reason). You did more in the last yr than most do in a decade. Reflect on that. RP Mike references all types of fatigue often. We can only compartmentalize so much. You had the HVAC issue, the frigde(I think), and now you are a vehicle short. Right there, that is enough to take the wind out of your sails. You can only control what you can control. Such a cliche but it is true.

Yeah Man, lots of nonsense, it comes in seasons with me. Just seems to pile up on me every once in a while. When I was locked in for the contest nothing could pull me off track, but once I took off the battle armor the idea of going to war again is daunting without something to fire me up about it.

New Years is always depressing to me. I never feel like my year lived up to what i could have done. When i was younger and party too much i always felt like i wasted another year being unsuccessful and now im doing good for myself as a whole but still not good enough, im capable of more. And i let too many opportunities pass by. I feel the same every year. Almost like its become a learned behavior for me to hate this time of year

I don't know that we could ever live up to everything we "could have" done. The real measure is did you improve in some way, and did you enjoy life? If you have done those 2 things you did enough. You have to balance a lot in life so give yourself credit for balancing it and still making progress. I have learned the important things for me in life are love, family, laughter, and finding enjoyment in my life. Most everything else is just noise. In the end don't beat yourself up over what you achieve or did not achieve so much as how you did on the things you chose to prioritize.

 

[PolishHamm3r77]

I just read some of the nicest, most positive things a group of guys could say to one another. Good people on this forum and in this chat. Glad I came back from my 8yr hiatus. Good stuff Gents…GOOD STUFF INDEED!!!…

 

[Dustin07]

New Years is always depressing to me. I never feel like my year lived up to what i could have done. When i was younger and party too much i always felt like i wasted another year being unsuccessful and now im doing good for myself as a whole but still not good enough, im capable of more. And i let too many opportunities pass by. I feel the same every year. Almost like its become a learned behavior for me to hate this time of year

The real measure is did you improve in some way, and did you enjoy life? If you have done those 2 things you did enough

We used to set 2 personal and 2 professional goals every Dec at work. When I was younger, it was a lot of fun. So forgive me for the movie reference, but I once heard "What do you do when all your dreams come true?" on that movie Coyote Ugly cause she was giving the dude a hard time for not chasing dreams, but his dream was simply coming to the USA. So he was living the dream. that really puts my mind at rest when I contemplate what that means.

I think men as a whole seem to struggle with wanting to be a success, and we tend to be harder on ourselves if we haven’t lived up to our goals or dreams. We just have to realize that part of what makes us who we are as a person is growing through the good and bad experiences, and trying to learn a positive.

Everything I have ever sought has always been for the women in my life. I am guessing I'm not the only one who puts a little too much importance on various 'successes' in his life because he thinks thats what is needed for his lady. If I was a single man today I'd probably just up and move to Mexico or Thailand, lol.

 

[Dustin07]

I just read some of the nicest, most positive things a group of guys could say to one another. Good people on this forum and in this chat. Glad I came back from my 8yr hiatus. Good stuff Gents…GOOD STUFF INDEED!!!…

I was thinking that today when I saw Prince post the article about bodybuilding.com. that forum was always such a group of jerks. the AM community have been a solid bunch of bros that will call you out when needed and raise you up when needed.

 

[SkRaw85]

lets say somebody gets lung cancer. how would they be able to prove it was cardarine that caused it??

Whoever pays the most to fund the research. That’s how you’ll know what caused it

 

[johnny412]

im not sure why you would pick lung cancer but to somewhat answer your question, its been 30 years and theres not 1 case ive come across where a human got cancer and carderine was involved or noted as even being used. What if someone gets lung cancer and they smoked 3 cigarettes in there entire life, welll we can rule out smoking cigarettes, but that doesn't mean cigarettes dont cause cancer either. But when something causes cancer theres tons of examples of how xyz was involved in multiple cases of cancer.

if someone gets stomach cancer, Does that prove that mashed potatoes caused stomach cancer, What if you eat mashed potatoes every week can that mean that mashed potatoes cause your stomach cancer?

Questions like that don't really make sense, so I'm saying if someone was to get lung cancer.... it doesn't make sense it's just a random thing and then we're choosing what we want to point our finger at.


The point I'm trying to make is the lack of evidence because there is no evidence or minimal evidence in animal studies. And to be very clear here I'm not trying to convince anybody and I'm not trying to tell anyone to use this stuff I don't care if you never use it a day in your life, I'm going to use it.

damn bro i wasnt aiming that at you and i just picked random cancer. and i dont give a **** weather you use it or not. and i dont really give a **** if it gives you cancer lol. my point is how would you prove that cardarine did or did not give you cancer? its a simple question really. it didnt deserve all that flexing lol

 

[akboom87]

Lots of good stuff going on in here! Little late to the party.

Keep your head up man you have accomplished a lot this last year! It can be hard especially when life throws things that feel like it’s always beating ya down from all angles. Sounds like you have a rough plan just keep going and when that spark comes back BOOM it will be on like donkey Kong!!

Oh and don’t forget…

 

[Smont]

damn bro i wasnt aiming that at you and i just picked random cancer. and i dont give a ** weather you use it or not. and i dont really give a ** if it gives you cancer lol. my point is how would you prove that cardarine did or did not give you cancer? its a simple question really. it didnt deserve all that flexing lol

I'm not sure what your upset about or what you took offense to. . I was making a point that I'm not pushing carderine on anyone and that I choose to use it. It's like a disclaimer. You don't need to be so sensitive, I gave a bunch of random examples to explain how we can and can't prove certain things cause cancer or anything for that matter based off a isolated example and I dont think repeating it all is gonna change anything but All I did was try to answer your question the best way that I could, because it's not a simple question, it's a very complex one

 

[Smont]

damn bro i wasnt aiming that at you and i just picked random cancer. and i dont give a ** weather you use it or not. and i dont really give a ** if it gives you cancer lol. my point is how would you prove that cardarine did or did not give you cancer? its a simple question really. it didnt deserve all that flexing lol

I'm really confused right now

 

[Smont]

Maybe someone can help me understand what just happened here lol

 

[MrKleen73]

I just read some of the nicest, most positive things a group of guys could say to one another. Good people on this forum and in this chat. Glad I came back from my 8yr hiatus. Good stuff Gents…GOOD STUFF INDEED!!!…

Agreed, when you make a log titled about being a masters bodybuilder then have to admit you are second guessing if you want to keep pushing for that goal it isn't a good feeling. Even discussing it feels as if I am letting myself and others down. So seeing some positive, and constructive feedback is great. Like has been said, we men get wrapped up in prideful things often and while pride can be a great tool for motivation, it can be a great tool for destruction too. So having a group of people I can feel comfortable discussing those feelings with is awesome, and why I have been here for years and years.

We used to set 2 personal and 2 professional goals every Dec at work. When I was younger, it was a lot of fun. So forgive me for the movie reference, but I once heard "What do you do when all your dreams come true?" on that movie Coyote Ugly cause she was giving the dude a hard time for not chasing dreams, but his dream was simply coming to the USA. So he was living the dream. that really puts my mind at rest when I contemplate what that means.



Everything I have ever sought has always been for the women in my life. I am guessing I'm not the only one who puts a little too much importance on various 'successes' in his life because he thinks thats what is needed for his lady. If I was a single man today I'd probably just up and move to Mexico or Thailand, lol.

Hopefully the answer is "Enjoy them!".

I am a functional part of the workforce because of a woman I loved giving me an ultimatum. Otherwise I would still be living off of women, and not really respect myself much. So yeah, I fall into that category.

damn bro i wasnt aiming that at you and i just picked random cancer. and i dont give a ** weather you use it or not. and i dont really give a ** if it gives you cancer lol. my point is how would you prove that cardarine did or did not give you cancer? its a simple question really. it didnt deserve all that flexing lol

That is just how he explains things brother, very matter of fact, very thoroughly and through voice dictation so just like if he were talking to you and you could hear his tone of voice. Smont is one of the most helpful guys on the forum, he definitely didn't mean any slight by it.

Lots of good stuff going on in here! Little late to the party.

Keep your head up man you have accomplished a lot this last year! It can be hard especially when life throws things that feel like it’s always beating ya down from all angles. Sounds like you have a rough plan just keep going and when that spark comes back BOOM it will be on like donkey Kong!!

Oh and don’t forget…
View attachment 247220

Thanks!

Maybe someone can help me understand what just happened here lol

Just a mistaken tone of voice kind of thing I think.

Had a great session last night. Back Rear Delts, and Biceps

Pull Ups 0RIR MyoRep Match
8
4>2>1>1 - I was surprised, I literally could not complete the final pull up here. Something was just kind of off. I finished of vertical pulling with Lat Pulldowns.

Isolateral Lat Pull Downs 1RIR
35x13
35x9

HS Chest Supported Rows 1-2RIR
70x13
70x11>45x12

HS Chest Supported Rows Wide Grip1-2RIR
45x15
45x13

Db Supinating Curls 1-2RIR
30x10
30x8>2
30x6>3>1

Lying DB Curls 1-2RIR
15x11
15x10
15x8

My back and biceps were massively pumped when I left the gym. Went home and strapped on the feedbag, about 75p, 150c, and 15f with my post workout meal.

One thing I will say is that milk may do the body good, but it immediately increases my weight multiple pounds. I had about 2 cups with dinner last night and woke up at 214.2 this morning. That is a big jump. Could also partially be all the fiber. I had a big bowl of Raisin Nut Bran, 2 cups milk, 1 TBSP Almond butter and a whey shake for my last meal.

My libido is kicking up this week, like noticeably. I am hoping as my hormone levels increase that drive will come back, and break through the malaise. The libido bump is actually welcome.

Just want to lay out some praise for my wife. She went through prep with me, and obviously isn't looking forward to another, but she has been the kick in the ass to get me to the gym lately. Once I am there the love of the thing gets me going but she has been the source of my consistency with my training the last month. Damn near pushing me out the door when I just wanted to stay home spending time with her and chilling because I wasn't motivated. She has been the driver that has kept me making progress.

On a good note, I have been getting comments about how much bigger I am now and how thick I look while still retaining good shape. So regardless of my drive, or recent nutritional shortcomings I am still making progress.

 

[Dustin07]

Went home and strapped on the feedbag,

being a farm boy, this term cracks me up

One thing I will say is that milk may do the body good, but it immediately increases my weight multiple pounds.

same, has for many years for me.

My libido is kicking up this week, like noticeably. I am hoping as my hormone levels increase that drive will come back, and break through the malaise. The libido bump is actually welcome.

maybe it's just me, but this sorta makes the down turn period you've been experiencing make a lot more sense.

 

[MrKleen73]

being a farm boy, this term cracks me up

same, has for many years for me.


maybe it's just me, but this sorta makes the down turn period you've been experiencing make a lot more sense.

Yes, this is something I was considering as well. Dosing @30mg EOD had my total test dose at 105mg a week, which might be just a little to low for me considering my TRT dose has been 150mg a week for 10 years. Which had my levels above normal ranges at all times including the trough. That was part of why I was mentioning hopefully as my hormone levels came up the situation would self remedy. We will see because I will be bumping my dose up next week to take advantage of the incoming surplus of food. I think stepping up the last 2 weeks should help me not get too aggro when I bump to a blasting dose next week. Stepping up has helped me in the past instead of jumping right to the blast dose. This titration is going a bit faster because I had other things going on that got in the way of me getting to the Doc for my physical. So had to wait on the bloodwork first.

 

[Dustin07]

Yes, this is something I was considering as well. Dosing @30mg EOD had my total test dose at 105mg a week, which might be just a little to low for me considering my TRT dose has been 150mg a week for 10 years. Which had my levels above normal ranges at all times including the trough. That was part of why I was mentioning hopefully as my hormone levels came up the situation would self remedy. We will see because I will be bumping my dose up next week to take advantage of the incoming surplus of food. I think stepping up the last 2 weeks should help me not get too aggro when I bump to a blasting dose next week. Stepping up has helped me in the past instead of jumping right to the blast dose. This titration is going a bit faster because I had other things going on that got in the way of me getting to the Doc for my physical. So had to wait on the bloodwork first.

you guys have a much more intense PED rotation than me obviously, but I don't have an TRT to fall back on (yet) so when I read that comment from you it just seemed very familiar to when I came off my mega dosing of Epi last spring, and even this fall when I wrapped up gear cream etc and then went into a hard cut. Was spinning my wheels a bit without direction. now that I'm ramping things back up with a little var and epi, I'm feeling that drive to go chase some heavy weights again. so again... you guys are the scientists, I can't really speak on that behalf but it just felt familiar the way you described it. Last spring when I was feeling a bit blue coming off the epi, I actually (probably against better judgement) through in a single epiandro cap (300mg) 2-3 x per week preWO for a couple weeks which seemed to give me a softer landing. I think my epi was running in the realm of 1100-1300mg at peak, although that was a mix of td and oral. so it wasn't like I was just taking 10mg of creatine or something lol.

 

[MrKleen73]

you guys have a much more intense PED rotation than me obviously, but I don't have an TRT to fall back on (yet) so when I read that comment from you it just seemed very familiar to when I came off my mega dosing of Epi last spring, and even this fall when I wrapped up gear cream etc and then went into a hard cut. Was spinning my wheels a bit without direction. now that I'm ramping things back up with a little var and epi, I'm feeling that drive to go chase some heavy weights again. so again... you guys are the scientists, I can't really speak on that behalf but it just felt familiar the way you described it. Last spring when I was feeling a bit blue coming off the epi, I actually (probably against better judgement) through in a single epiandro cap (300mg) 2-3 x per week preWO for a couple weeks which seemed to give me a softer landing. I think my epi was running in the realm of 1100-1300mg at peak, although that was a mix of td and oral. so it wasn't like I was just taking 10mg of creatine or something lol.

Oh no, you are definitely on to something there. My levels may very well have been in normal ranges and likely were at 100mg a week, but it was also 33% less than my usual TRT, and more than 90% less androgens than my prep so it simply may not be enough to keep me feeling top notch even being in "normal" ranges.

 

[Smont]

Oh no, you are definitely on to something there. My levels may very well have been in normal ranges and likely were at 100mg a week, but it was also 33% less than my usual TRT, and more than 90% less androgens than my prep so it simply may not be enough to keep me feeling top notch even being in "normal" ranges.

I know a lot, real lot of ppl who use large amounts of test and gear and general and I've heard many of them say that after a big blast they need Is a much higher dose of testosterone than they're normal trt Just to feel normal. If they stay off for a while then everything kind of balances bout but trt isn't enough to "feel right".

I can't for the life of me.Remember what podcast?But a long time ago I remember listening to 1 where the guy said his cruise was five hundred milligrams testosterone per week because that was the dose he needed just to feel normal after his blast. These are guys running 1.5-2+ grams of test on top of other stuff

 

[Smont]

Sorry got a new cell phone again. and the talk to text loves to put these punctuation marks everywhere.

 

[MrKleen73]

I know a lot, real lot of ppl who use large amounts of test and gear and general and I've heard many of them say that after a big blast they need Is a much higher dose of testosterone than they're normal trt Just to feel normal. If they stay off for a while then everything kind of balances bout but trt isn't enough to "feel right".

I can't for the life of me.Remember what podcast?But a long time ago I remember listening to 1 where the guy said his cruise was five hundred milligrams testosterone per week because that was the dose he needed just to feel normal after his blast. These are guys running 1.5-2+ grams of test on top of other stuff

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, my total was just under 2 grams when you added everything up from my prep. 350T, 700 Mast, 350 proviron, 350 winstrol - 1750mg total a week. So not crazy, but I am sure it was enough to raise the bar so to speak.

 

[MrKleen73]

We are having our office thanksgiving luncheon today, they had one of the best BBQ spots in Houston cater for it. So it should be pretty amazing. About to head in there and grab myself a big ol plate of brisket, and some other yummy grub!

 

[Dustin07]

Oh no, you are definitely on to something there. My levels may very well have been in normal ranges and likely were at 100mg a week, but it was also 33% less than my usual TRT, and more than 90% less androgens than my prep so it simply may not be enough to keep me feeling top notch even being in "normal" ranges.

I know a lot, real lot of ppl who use large amounts of test and gear and general and I've heard many of them say that after a big blast they need Is a much higher dose of testosterone than they're normal trt Just to feel normal. If they stay off for a while then everything kind of balances bout but trt isn't enough to "feel right".

I can't for the life of me.Remember what podcast?But a long time ago I remember listening to 1 where the guy said his cruise was five hundred milligrams testosterone per week because that was the dose he needed just to feel normal after his blast. These are guys running 1.5-2+ grams of test on top of other stuff

It definitely has me giving TRT more serious consideration. I haven't accomplished anything mind blowing with my cycles but the general energy and improved moods I get from it become very very apparent.

 

[johnny412]

I'm really confused right now

lol im just pickin at you

 

[MrKleen73]

Hey guys, I haven't really updated much here. Training has been good, and enjoying the slight freedom I am allowing myself through the holidays while accruing mass.

I weighed in this morning at 211, and still have abs. My lower pecs, and back are getting a bit softer but I am pretty happy with my current situation. I have been floating between 210 and 214 slowly increasing weight. I will keep bodyfat around where I am now throughout the holidays. Then, possibly even do a mini-cut, or an extended fast after the new year before deciding to push up further or go to a maintenance type situation letting the gear help to grow me leaner. Either way, if I do a show next year it will be later in the year, so I won't be rushing or pushing things based on someone else's time schedule and picked shows. If I do one it would likely be in October, or if I am really motivated and the money is right then possibly Nationals in December.

Other updates, I got my new shoes, a pair of Nike Air Training shoes, and a pair of BROOKS Running shoes. The Nikes still press on the ball of my foot where it is bruised, it felt like the cushioning would be better for it in the store but after a while the air pocket pushing back into the ball of my foot started aggravating it. The Brooks are much better. Although, I think I am going to have to take a couple weeks off of any type or squatting or any movements that put additional weight and stress on my foot. Now that I have a pair of shoes that help, I want to make sure I am doing whatever I can to actually allow the foot to heal so I can train appropriately.

In the mean time for leg training I am going to push leg extensions and curls with a decent amount of direct adductor work on the good girl machine. Contemplating like 3x MyoRep match sets followed by 2-3 BFR sets while everything is already pumped and engorged to push the metabolic factors since I may not be able to supply enough mechanical tension to optimize hypertrophy with it.

Looking forward to a helluva session tomorrow before we head over to my cousins for dinner. Going to make some room with a nice almost full body session since I can't make it to the gym tonight due to errands I have to run. I will be hitting chest, triceps, and lower body, but may toss in some pull ups just to make it full body and get a little more practice in on pull ups. I want to use them for my hypertrophy for upper back for a little while. Might just be for the ego of being able to do them, but I prefer to be able to at least hit 10 bodyweight in a row, and right now that simply isn't the case. I am sure some of that is my bodyweight is higher but also pull ups are a proficiency based movement. You don't use it, you lose it.

 

[Dustin07]

I am sure some of that is my bodyweight is higher but also pull ups are a proficiency based movement. You don't use it, you lose it.

My experience is that both of these things are true. they come back super fast, like how conditioning does, but every 5lbs-10lbs added in BW definitely adds a noticeable challenge.

Sounds like you have a good plan and are well on track to set yourself up for a great 2025! As i was reading your comments about where weight is, and your plan to hold it there, it made me think of how you always have the ability to throw in a fast or a 20:4 regiment at some point too if you decide you've spilled over after one too many holiday meals Lord knows I have had a few moments where I was OK with gaining on the scale, then realized maybe.... just maybe I overshot, and followed up with a fasted day lol

 

[gphagan1]

Hey guys, I haven't really updated much here. Training has been good, and enjoying the slight freedom I am allowing myself through the holidays while accruing mass.

I weighed in this morning at 211, and still have abs. My lower pecs, and back are getting a bit softer but I am pretty happy with my current situation. I have been floating between 210 and 214 slowly increasing weight. I will keep bodyfat around where I am now throughout the holidays. Then, possibly even do a mini-cut, or an extended fast after the new year before deciding to push up further or go to a maintenance type situation letting the gear help to grow me leaner. Either way, if I do a show next year it will be later in the year, so I won't be rushing or pushing things based on someone else's time schedule and picked shows. If I do one it would likely be in October, or if I am really motivated and the money is right then possibly Nationals in December.

Other updates, I got my new shoes, a pair of Nike Air Training shoes, and a pair of BROOKS Running shoes. The Nikes still press on the ball of my foot where it is bruised, it felt like the cushioning would be better for it in the store but after a while the air pocket pushing back into the ball of my foot started aggravating it. The Brooks are much better. Although, I think I am going to have to take a couple weeks off of any type or squatting or any movements that put additional weight and stress on my foot. Now that I have a pair of shoes that help, I want to make sure I am doing whatever I can to actually allow the foot to heal so I can train appropriately.

In the mean time for leg training I am going to push leg extensions and curls with a decent amount of direct adductor work on the good girl machine. Contemplating like 3x MyoRep match sets followed by 2-3 BFR sets while everything is already pumped and engorged to push the metabolic factors since I may not be able to supply enough mechanical tension to optimize hypertrophy with it.

Looking forward to a helluva session tomorrow before we head over to my cousins for dinner. Going to make some room with a nice almost full body session since I can't make it to the gym tonight due to errands I have to run. I will be hitting chest, triceps, and lower body, but may toss in some pull ups just to make it full body and get a little more practice in on pull ups. I want to use them for my hypertrophy for upper back for a little while. Might just be for the ego of being able to do them, but I prefer to be able to at least hit 10 bodyweight in a row, and right now that simply isn't the case. I am sure some of that is my bodyweight is higher but also pull ups are a proficiency based movement. You don't use it, you lose it.

I think that sounds like a good plan, and allows you the freedom to enjoy the process without all the added pressure of someone pressuring you to do shows that put you in the stress zone, and having to push to hit a show quicker than you may be comfortable with. Shows later in the year gives you time to not only train and eat with a little more freedom, but that freedom allows you to enjoy family time without stressing out. I really think that will bring the fun back into something you love. And actually the gains you’ve made and the ability you have to maintain reasonable body fat and muscle even when you enjoy cheat days, it seems you have honed that skill and are able to reel things back in pretty quickly. To be honest, without that added stress and pressure, I wouldn’t be surprised if you came in looking better than ever for later shows in 2025.

 

[akboom87]

Hope you had a great thanksgiving and time with family & friends!

 

[Dustin07]

Sent you a text homie, just wanted to see how you're doing.

 

[Hyde]

Hope you’re doing alright my brother! Thinking about ya.

 

[akboom87]

It’s been quite in here, hope everything is all good brother!!

 

[gphagan1]

Hope everything is going alright…..hopefully you’re just enjoying family and the Holidays and just chilling out.

 

[MrKleen73]

Hope you had a great thanksgiving and time with family & friends!

Thanks, it was good, we spent it with family, and let someone else cook.

Sent you a text homie, just wanted to see how you're doing.

Thanks Brother!

Hope you’re doing alright my brother! Thinking about ya.

Thanks @Hyde

It’s been quite in here, hope everything is all good brother!!

Thanks Brother, it's getting better slowly.

Hope everything is going alright…..hopefully you’re just enjoying family and the Holidays and just chilling out.

Thanks GP!

Just wanted to thank everyone for checking in on me. I have been dealing with a bit of depression, not sure if I just overtrained myself into the ground over the last 2 years or what. Once things got calmed down and the fight or flight response to the prep was over I think I just cratered. Even on cycle my strength was dropping from about Christmas on, and I was bulking until April, so it wasn't due to lower calories or rest. So it had to be overtraining which makes sense going to failure with no deloads (outside of minor injuries) for a year straight. I have never dug in that deep as far as overtraining, but I am now a believer in the fact it can actually crush things physically, but emotionally, and motivation wise as well. Either way, I have been trying to fight my way out of a depressive event.

Sorry for disappearing on everyone, it just got to be a negative feedback loop. Being too depressed to really do what is needed, then having to explain why I wasn't doing what I needed to do in order to reach my goals was just making me more ashamed that I wasn't doing what was needed. So it was just creating a cycle that kept making me feel worse. It is hard to have the humility as a man to just say this is just too much for me right now. So rather than doing that, I fell into isolating myself.

I had to let some things kind of fall off my back, take a little weight off. I no longer intend to do a show this year. I am releasing myself of that pressure, as it really isn't something I want to do this year at all. I am not saying I will not compete again. I am a bodybuilder whether I am competitive or not. However, if i do compete again it will be another mile marker type of thing. I may decide to push for another show at 55 if things go well, and that is a desire at that point. For now, I intend to lift, and enjoy it, while trying to maintain a physique that makes me proud. I will be going back to more of a lifestyle effort on nutrition, incorporating fasts, and other things I have found to be effective as well. I will track nutrition but it won't be the 5 regimented meals a day type of thing.

If anyone is interested, I am thinking of creating a challenge / resolution / accountability thread for the new year. We have done these in the past, and often will set goals, and then set up something we have to do to hold ourselves accountable. One year I did a challenge where if i didn't get my abs by the end of the challenge I had to put a video of myself dancing in a tutu on youtube and leave it for a while. Well... I got my abs back in... Other times we made it a competition or sorts. We would have people who wanted to cut, gain, or recomp and they would compete against one another and we would all vote for the winner at the end. We all put up a supplement, and the winner of each section got all the supplements from the people in their category. Things like that. If anyone is interested in something like this let me know and we can get things going so we are all ready to start with some before pics on Jan 1.

Current Condition 217.7lbs - abs only visible when flexed hard.

 

[Hyde]

Glad to see your face back here! There are always times in lifting even as a hobby where you need to try to do something you don’t really want to of course, but for the most part you should do what makes you happy! If you don’t want to compete, definitely do not - enjoy the process.

Every day is a gift, and you should try to find purpose & satisfaction in them. You like to train how you like to train, and eat, so live in a way that resonates with you. You don’t need to be actively competing to have a great physique.

And you don’t need to do anything for us - we’re your friends! We just enjoy your company & want you to thrive.

 

[Dustin07]

glad to see you back posting here!!

If anyone is interested, I am thinking of creating a challenge / resolution / accountability thread for the new year. We have done these in the past, and often will set goals, and then set up something we have to do to hold ourselves accountable.

well you know from my text I'm 100% down for January. I'll probably be ready to kick something off myself 12/29 through 1/29. Once I get back in Feb I can explore additional long term goals/plans but as of right now I'm 100% down for a mini cut in Jan and then I expect to resume the bench growth focus when I get back in feb

 

[gphagan1]

Thanks, it was good, we spent it with family, and let someone else cook.

Thanks Brother!

Thanks @Hyde

Thanks Brother, it's getting better slowly.

Thanks GP!

Just wanted to thank everyone for checking in on me. I have been dealing with a bit of depression, not sure if I just overtrained myself into the ground over the last 2 years or what. Once things got calmed down and the fight or flight response to the prep was over I think I just cratered. Even on cycle my strength was dropping from about Christmas on, and I was bulking until April, so it wasn't due to lower calories or rest. So it had to be overtraining which makes sense going to failure with no deloads (outside of minor injuries) for a year straight. I have never dug in that deep as far as overtraining, but I am now a believer in the fact it can actually crush things physically, but emotionally, and motivation wise as well. Either way, I have been trying to fight my way out of a depressive event.

Sorry for disappearing on everyone, it just got to be a negative feedback loop. Being too depressed to really do what is needed, then having to explain why I wasn't doing what I needed to do in order to reach my goals was just making me more ashamed that I wasn't doing what was needed. So it was just creating a cycle that kept making me feel worse. It is hard to have the humility as a man to just say this is just too much for me right now. So rather than doing that, I fell into isolating myself.

I had to let some things kind of fall off my back, take a little weight off. I no longer intend to do a show this year. I am releasing myself of that pressure, as it really isn't something I want to do this year at all. I am not saying I will not compete again. I am a bodybuilder whether I am competitive or not. However, if i do compete again it will be another mile marker type of thing. I may decide to push for another show at 55 if things go well, and that is a desire at that point. For now, I intend to lift, and enjoy it, while trying to maintain a physique that makes me proud. I will be going back to more of a lifestyle effort on nutrition, incorporating fasts, and other things I have found to be effective as well. I will track nutrition but it won't be the 5 regimented meals a day type of thing.

If anyone is interested, I am thinking of creating a challenge / resolution / accountability thread for the new year. We have done these in the past, and often will set goals, and then set up something we have to do to hold ourselves accountable. One year I did a challenge where if i didn't get my abs by the end of the challenge I had to put a video of myself dancing in a tutu on youtube and leave it for a while. Well... I got my abs back in... Other times we made it a competition or sorts. We would have people who wanted to cut, gain, or recomp and they would compete against one another and we would all vote for the winner at the end. We all put up a supplement, and the winner of each section got all the supplements from the people in their category. Things like that. If anyone is interested in something like this let me know and we can get things going so we are all ready to start with some before pics on Jan 1.

Current Condition 217.7lbs - abs only visible when flexed hard.

Just glad to see you back brother…..and definitely understand how overtraining can affect every area of your life. You should be very proud of what all you accomplished, and just realize we are all impressed with the dedication it took to reach those goals, but in the end we are all friends here and just want to see the best for you and do what makes you happy and fulfilled. Being an older guy I was amazed at how much you accomplished, and how you pushed through injuries… I haven’t talked about it much but you, Hyde, SkRaw, Dustin have all been inspirational to me to try to stick with it through numerous injuries I’ve dealt with since 2019. So don’t feel bad brother the AM community is like a family, and is here for you.

 

[Dustin07]

Just glad to see you back brother…..and definitely understand how overtraining can affect every area of your life. You should be very proud of what all you accomplished, and just realize we are all impressed with the dedication it took to reach those goals, but in the end we are all friends here and just want to see the best for you and do what makes you happy and fulfilled. Being an older guy I was amazed at how much you accomplished, and how you pushed through injuries… I haven’t talked about it much but you, Hyde, SkRaw, Dustin have all been inspirational to me to try to stick with it through numerous injuries I’ve dealt with since 2019. So don’t feel bad brother the AM community is like a family, and is here for you.

I love this group. the perfect blend of accountability and support and inspiration. A real friend knows how to lift you up and also knows how to kick you in the balls when needed.

 

[MrKleen73]

Just glad to see you back brother…..and definitely understand how overtraining can affect every area of your life. You should be very proud of what all you accomplished, and just realize we are all impressed with the dedication it took to reach those goals, but in the end we are all friends here and just want to see the best for you and do what makes you happy and fulfilled. Being an older guy I was amazed at how much you accomplished, and how you pushed through injuries… I haven’t talked about it much but you, Hyde, SkRaw, Dustin have all been inspirational to me to try to stick with it through numerous injuries I’ve dealt with since 2019. So don’t feel bad brother the AM community is like a family, and is here for you.

@gphagan1 Thanks Brother! That means a lot, it is really easy to get in your own head and beat yourself up when you feel a bit out of control over something you feel you should be able to control. In my head the not sticking to my guns and pushing through to do another show pretty much wiped out all the positive of the hard work and dedication I was able to muster over the last few years just to do the show I did. To be honest, with my ADHD I am surprised I was able to stay focused as long as I did. It just took a little more out of me than even I realized.

I love this group. the perfect blend of accountability and support and inspiration. A real friend knows how to lift you up and also knows how to kick you in the balls when needed.

@Dustin07 Agreed! It is almost crazy that my idea of how to fix my situation was to leave my place of support because I felt I was letting everyone here down. Obviously the only thing that was negative to all of you was my absence which is pretty awesome. It just goes to show that we are often so much harder on ourselves than we need to be. I also want to thank you again personally for reaching out to me. It was you and @PolishHamm3r77 reaching out to me that woke me up to the fact people were worried about me and I needed to get over my silliness, that I had people here who care about me, only want the best for me, and are willing to support me regardless of how I am feeling about myself currently. So thanks to you all, and thanks to everyone who popped in here to check in on me when I was not posting. It means a lot!

 

[SkRaw85]

Glad you’re back brother! Sometimes we all need to step away and figure things out.

I will gladly cheerlead from the sidelines while driving cheeseburgers in to my gut for the new years thread. It’s been a while but I think that’s a great idea to start. Takes me back

 

[Dustin07]

@Dustin07 Agreed! It is almost crazy that my idea of how to fix my situation was to leave my place of support because I felt I was letting everyone here down. Obviously the only thing that was negative to all of you was my absence which is pretty awesome. It just goes to show that we are often so much harder on ourselves than we need to be. I also want to thank you again personally for reaching out to me. It was you and @PolishHamm3r77 reaching out to me that woke me up to the fact people were worried about me and I needed to get over my silliness, that I had people here who care about me, only want the best for me, and are willing to support me regardless of how I am feeling about myself currently. So thanks to you all, and thanks to everyone who popped in here to check in on me when I was not posting. It means a lot!

dude nobody here would be let down if you decided you were never going to compete again, you are an massive wealth of knowledge and inspiration! You have already done the work and got the results, what you have to tell us is worth listening to!

 

[MrKleen73]

Glad you’re back brother! Sometimes we all need to step away and figure things out.

I will gladly cheerlead from the sidelines while driving cheeseburgers in to my gut for the new years thread. It’s been a while but I think that’s a great idea to start. Takes me back

Thanks, and yeah, no doubt. Plus we need to get some transformation pics up in this biatch! All the old ones disappeared with the forum update.

dude nobody here would be let down if you decided you were never going to compete again, you are an massive wealth of knowledge and inspiration! You have already done the work and got the results, what you have to tell us is worth listening to!

Thanks, it was obviously me being upset with myself for not sticking to my guns. Plus the fact I have told a few people on here to stop making excuses for themselves, and realize everything is a choice. Which I still stand behind. So I didn't want to sit here and wine about me not doing what was needed, when I knew it was my decision in the end. What I really needed to do was come to the realization that the reason I was not doing the things I said I was going to do was because I honestly no longer wanted to do those things. I had made a choice, and for that period of time that choice was okay. Once I was able to just say I am not going to the gym because I don't really want to go, and I am not dieting because I don't want to diet right now is when I felt like a little healing was coming.

It's funny last week was the point that my wife came to me and was like Babe, you haven't been to the gym since before Thanksgiving. I need you to get back in the gym, you are depressed. I told her, I am not getting depressed because I am not going to the gym. I am not going to the gym because I am depressed. I did tell her then that I wasn't saying I wasn't going back to the gym before the new year, but I had told myself already that the New Year was going to be a catalyst to push me back into things this year. So the rest of the year I am still unsure of how much I will train, or if I will allow myself to want to train a little more without doing it so I really miss it come Jan 1 and be ready to just kick off a serious transformation. Either way, I will stay online, and be involved, try to set things up for this challenge thread and be ready to crush starting Jan 1.

 

[Dustin07]

Thanks, it was obviously me being upset with myself for not sticking to my guns.

a long time ago I came to the conclusion that it's OK to let go of some goals if you get into the trenches and realize that the cost of the goal is higher than the reward. I first recognized this in business, when my competitors were buying customers hookers and blow for contracts, and I simply was not willing to go down that road. I have seen it in many aspects of life and it requires introspection. Am I bailing on the goal because I'm a slacker, or am I bailing because I'm learning that the costs of this goal are not worth the cost on my health, morals, relationships, etc. I still stand by this idea. The things I could accomplish if I were not married, for example are great, but the cost of giving up my wife is greater.

I told her, I am not getting depressed because I am not going to the gym. I am not going to the gym because I am depressed.

Man depression is like man cold. They don't understand why we created an entire genre of music called the blues. They do become sympathetic and clearly your wife is on your team, but I think when they see their man go down it's confusing lol. Depression is a cruel fuckin' bitch of a mistress who will chase us around until the day we die. I will say as I get more years distance between the head injuries of my youth and myself, my own bouts of depression are fewer and further between, but it's the most brutal incapacitating injury that I experience from time to time. I get it!

10 or 12 years ago I got my headphones on, my shoes laced up, I stretched a bit on the front porch, started up my mp3 player and running app and ran all of about 150ft before I just stopped, turned around, and walked home feeling absolutely destroyed and emotional completely out of the blue. I think that moment stuck with me forever because that day I learned it's OK sometimes to take mental health breaks as well as our physical health breaks. I'm happier and healthier for it.

So the rest of the year I am still unsure of how much I will train, or if I will allow myself to want to train a little more without doing it so I really miss it come Jan 1

hell ya could always just go ride a bike or hit the trampoline park for a little fun exercise! I keep telling my wife I want to go to the trampline park for my birthday

let yourself live in the moment for a while here and just enjoy chilling out on the couch with the football game on!

 

[akboom87]

Thanks, it was good, we spent it with family, and let someone else cook.

Thanks Brother!

Thanks @Hyde

Thanks Brother, it's getting better slowly.

Thanks GP!

Just wanted to thank everyone for checking in on me. I have been dealing with a bit of depression, not sure if I just overtrained myself into the ground over the last 2 years or what. Once things got calmed down and the fight or flight response to the prep was over I think I just cratered. Even on cycle my strength was dropping from about Christmas on, and I was bulking until April, so it wasn't due to lower calories or rest. So it had to be overtraining which makes sense going to failure with no deloads (outside of minor injuries) for a year straight. I have never dug in that deep as far as overtraining, but I am now a believer in the fact it can actually crush things physically, but emotionally, and motivation wise as well. Either way, I have been trying to fight my way out of a depressive event.

Sorry for disappearing on everyone, it just got to be a negative feedback loop. Being too depressed to really do what is needed, then having to explain why I wasn't doing what I needed to do in order to reach my goals was just making me more ashamed that I wasn't doing what was needed. So it was just creating a cycle that kept making me feel worse. It is hard to have the humility as a man to just say this is just too much for me right now. So rather than doing that, I fell into isolating myself.

I had to let some things kind of fall off my back, take a little weight off. I no longer intend to do a show this year. I am releasing myself of that pressure, as it really isn't something I want to do this year at all. I am not saying I will not compete again. I am a bodybuilder whether I am competitive or not. However, if i do compete again it will be another mile marker type of thing. I may decide to push for another show at 55 if things go well, and that is a desire at that point. For now, I intend to lift, and enjoy it, while trying to maintain a physique that makes me proud. I will be going back to more of a lifestyle effort on nutrition, incorporating fasts, and other things I have found to be effective as well. I will track nutrition but it won't be the 5 regimented meals a day type of thing.

If anyone is interested, I am thinking of creating a challenge / resolution / accountability thread for the new year. We have done these in the past, and often will set goals, and then set up something we have to do to hold ourselves accountable. One year I did a challenge where if i didn't get my abs by the end of the challenge I had to put a video of myself dancing in a tutu on youtube and leave it for a while. Well... I got my abs back in... Other times we made it a competition or sorts. We would have people who wanted to cut, gain, or recomp and they would compete against one another and we would all vote for the winner at the end. We all put up a supplement, and the winner of each section got all the supplements from the people in their category. Things like that. If anyone is interested in something like this let me know and we can get things going so we are all ready to start with some before pics on Jan 1.

Current Condition 217.7lbs - abs only visible when flexed hard.

Man glad to see you back! Sounds like you had a lot of irons in the fire and running on fumes but still petal to the metal. Don’t think you have disappointed anyone here you have worked your ass off and accomplished a lot!!

Definitely down for another accountability log!!

 

[kjscatch]

Kleen you truly are in inspiration and wealth of knowledge. Glad that you were able to get out of your funk with your wife and the support you have here. That depression crap is no joke.

I am down for an accountability log. At a near all time strong but also an all time weight!

 

[Segansational]

Kleen, good to see you back brother. If you needed to step away from this all, from lifting, bodybuilding goals, etc. don't feel ashamed about it. At the end of the day, it's your perogative to do what you want. Us AM bros want you to succeed either way. Plus, you've already done the dang thing - twice now if I'm correct! You've accomplished more than many will ever do in their physique endeavors by stepping on stage. So no one in here questions your work ethic.

And FWIW, depression and mental health are worth keeping a close eye on. Do your best to make sure you have some type of outlet, whether it be a friend, therapist, etc. to talk to. I think @Dustin07 mentioned in another thread, unfortunately sometimes our wives aren't the best ones to talk to about it. That's just my PSA for now. We're just glad to see you back in here!

 

[Dustin07]

we're like a giant circle jerk of man love in here !

 

[MrKleen73]

a long time ago I came to the conclusion that it's OK to let go of some goals if you get into the trenches and realize that the cost of the goal is higher than the reward. I first recognized this in business, when my competitors were buying customers hookers and blow for contracts, and I simply was not willing to go down that road. I have seen it in many aspects of life and it requires introspection. Am I bailing on the goal because I'm a slacker, or am I bailing because I'm learning that the costs of this goal are not worth the cost on my health, morals, relationships, etc. I still stand by this idea. The things I could accomplish if I were not married, for example are great, but the cost of giving up my wife is greater.



Man depression is like man cold. They don't understand why we created an entire genre of music called the blues. They do become sympathetic and clearly your wife is on your team, but I think when they see their man go down it's confusing lol. Depression is a cruel fuckin' bitch of a mistress who will chase us around until the day we die. I will say as I get more years distance between the head injuries of my youth and myself, my own bouts of depression are fewer and further between, but it's the most brutal incapacitating injury that I experience from time to time. I get it!

10 or 12 years ago I got my headphones on, my shoes laced up, I stretched a bit on the front porch, started up my mp3 player and running app and ran all of about 150ft before I just stopped, turned around, and walked home feeling absolutely destroyed and emotional completely out of the blue. I think that moment stuck with me forever because that day I learned it's OK sometimes to take mental health breaks as well as our physical health breaks. I'm happier and healthier for it.



hell ya could always just go ride a bike or hit the trampoline park for a little fun exercise! I keep telling my wife I want to go to the trampline park for my birthday

let yourself live in the moment for a while here and just enjoy chilling out on the couch with the football game on!

A lot of great insight in this post Brother! I agree on the cost of things, I know last year was a challenge for my wife and bless her beautiful heart she was willing to go through it again for me this year. However, it simply was not as important to me this time around. As mentioned I actually did what I set out to do, and even a bit more. So there wasn't really anything I did not accomplish regarding my initial bodybuilding plans. Just the stuff I said while I was swept up in the moment of prep, and post show excitement.

Agreed, depression is a serious thing and it is so much worse for men who aren't comfortable enough to share that feeling with others out of pride.

Man glad to see you back! Sounds like you had a lot of irons in the fire and running on fumes but still petal to the metal. Don’t think you have disappointed anyone here you have worked your ass off and accomplished a lot!!

Definitely down for another accountability log!!

Thanks Brother, and awesome we will get the specifics lined out over the next few days.

Kleen you truly are in inspiration and wealth of knowledge. Glad that you were able to get out of your funk with your wife and the support you have here. That depression crap is no joke.

I am down for an accountability log. At a near all time strong but also an all time weight!

Much Appreciated Sir! Keep an eye out for discussion in here regarding the accountability thread.

Kleen, good to see you back brother. If you needed to step away from this all, from lifting, bodybuilding goals, etc. don't feel ashamed about it. At the end of the day, it's your perogative to do what you want. Us AM bros want you to succeed either way. Plus, you've already done the dang thing - twice now if I'm correct! You've accomplished more than many will ever do in their physique endeavors by stepping on stage. So no one in here questions your work ethic.

And FWIW, depression and mental health are worth keeping a close eye on. Do your best to make sure you have some type of outlet, whether it be a friend, therapist, etc. to talk to. I think @Dustin07 mentioned in another thread, unfortunately sometimes our wives aren't the best ones to talk to about it. That's just my PSA for now. We're just glad to see you back in here!

Thanks Segan! That means a lot Brother!

Agreed, honestly most of my Bro's who I discuss this stuff with are right here in this thread. Unfortunately I don't have a lot of friends in the real world. I am super social and have millions of acquaintances, but most of my close friends have moved away over the years. Basically you all are my friends I trust and value opinions from more than anyone else in my face to face life. Outside of my family that is.

It's kind of wild, I read this much earlier but some of your responses got me right in the feels! It is odd to have emotions so close to the surface, and seeing how many of you feel about me just tugged on my heart strings a bit. Feeling loved Gentlemen, feeling loved! Thanks for all of you guy's support!

we're like a giant circle jerk of man love in here !

Yes Indeed we are!!!!

 

[love2liftkat]

Dropped in here to check on you and tell you Merry Christmas! Just saw your updates and you never cease to amaze me at how open you are with everything! I completely understand taking the step back- that has been a huge part of my healing process over the past few years and as much as I miss everyone on here, I continue to keep my distance choosing this to be one of the things I let go. Still keeping training and nutrition as important parts of my life while not having the desire for it to consume my life like before. Anyway- all that to say I’m proud of all you do to take care of yourself and your family, how you continually make adjustments as needed, and find new goals to pursue!

 

[MrKleen73]

Dropped in here to check on you and tell you Merry Christmas! Just saw your updates and you never cease to amaze me at how open you are with everything! I completely understand taking the step back- that has been a huge part of my healing process over the past few years and as much as I miss everyone on here, I continue to keep my distance choosing this to be one of the things I let go. Still keeping training and nutrition as important parts of my life while not having the desire for it to consume my life like before. Anyway- all that to say I’m proud of all you do to take care of yourself and your family, how you continually make adjustments as needed, and find new goals to pursue!

AWWWWW!!!! Thanks Kat, MUCH LOVE TO YOU!!!!

I hope everyone else had a Very Merry Christmas! I did, ate a bit too much of course.

We had the family to the house for Christmas Eve dinner. I made 20+lbs of prime rib for 17 people at the house. It was quite the event and everyone loved the dinner. I loved being able to cook for everyone!

So I was thinking about the accountability thread. I thought we could make it just accountability like I will do X and if I don't succeed then I must do Y. The we all bare witness to that being done or to the task of accountability we chose. Another option is to do it something like a competition.

I like the idea of tossing a donation to a charity into this to also make it positive for others so here are a couple thoughts.

One thought is:
Contest Style: All agree to a $20-50 donation to a charity, winner of each category gets to choose their favorite charity and then everyone in that category send the money to the winners choice of charity.

Accountability Style: $25 donation to charity of your choice if you succeed, $50 donation made if you do not reach your resolution goal. Participants choose if you if you actually met your goal so the goal must be measurable. IE target weight gained or weight lost, visible abs, increase strength by something measurable.

Feel free to add any thoughts and if you would be willing to do one of these and which would be the preference.

 

[Dustin07]

Agreed, depression is a serious thing and it is so much worse for men who aren't comfortable enough to share that feeling with others out of pride.

This has been on my mind a lot lately. 2023 and 2024 I largely worried about our women. After my wife had her breast cancer diagnosis, I became aware of so many other woman down that path, their fear, the things they went through. we did that walk and I was shocked how many people were impacted. I was very focused on "what are we doing to our women??? why are they all getting this?" then in the past few months I've also had men largely on my mind. Mental illness, addiction, homelessness, suicide, and just sadness in general I think is largely on the male side and also largely ignored. Robin Williams has been on my mind a LOT lately, not only for his humor and his healing through humor, but for his own sadness and depression. I went from "we need to take better care of our women" to "we need to take better care of our men" to ... "actually, we all need some help" lol.

We had the family to the house for Christmas Eve dinner. I made 20+lbs of prime rib for 17 people at the house. It was quite the event and everyone loved the dinner. I loved being able to cook for everyone!

That sounds awesome! One day I want to head down for some TX prime rib! we had 4 Christmas events, including one with our kids, all knocked out by Christmas Eve, then she and I woke to a perfectly quiet house for a mimosa, Christmas movies, and Chinese food. It sounds so untraditional but it's become a favorite special tradition for us.

So I was thinking about the accountability thread. I thought we could make it just accountability like I will do X and if I don't succeed then I must do Y. The we all bare witness to that being done or to the task of accountability we chose. Another option is to do it something like a competition.

scary! lol

One thought is:
Contest Style: All agree to a $20-50 donation to a charity, winner of each category gets to choose their favorite charity and then everyone in that category send the money to the winners choice of charity.

Accountability Style: $25 donation to charity of your choice if you succeed, $50 donation made if you do not reach your resolution goal. Participants choose if you if you actually met your goal so the goal must be measurable. IE target weight gained or weight lost, visible abs, increase strength by something measurable.

I love this idea. maybe a small portion of our contribuition could go towards like @sns8778 or @delsolrob and they'd pitch in like a prize for the winner, they both have great PreWO's out right now....

I know personally, I'd prefer to go by the scale. my low of 183 Nov 1st is now 197/198, so I've had a great run on this bench cycle, but I'd like to get back into the 180s before I start my next run up.