So I have gastric paresis which is when your stomach is paralyzed, no reason for it, but it sucks you can't eat or you get sick, I have dropped to 119 pds at 5'9 and am now on TPN we're I have a PICC line and I get a pharmacy bag made especially for me and run it at night , well 12 hours. Tuesday I am going in for a g tube, and I still try the gym, not to lose weight but it's my happy place
I'm trying to hang in there but enough is enough, I'm over this and it's just starting
First, I would like to start off by saying that I'm so sorry to hear about the things and challenges that you're going through.
That is very commendable of you that you still go to the gym and its great that you're able to do something like that, that as you refer to is your happy place.
People very commonly say things like how they can relate or that they know what a person is going through, but that's never really true because we all react to, handle, and process situations differently - and many times the ones that break us may not be about the particular thing or event, but just a cumulation of things. So, I don't know what you're going through personally or the full toll of how it is affecting you mentally, but I can relate to being at a point of just trying to hang in there but feeling like enough is enough - and yet things just won't quit going wrong.
A lot of times when someone expresses what's wrong or what's going on with them, especially in a public setting like this, people will share experiences with them and have the best of intentions and just trying to relate to them, but sometimes it may come off as trying to change the emphasis from being on the person (in this case, you), to being about them.
I just wanted to make sure that you knew that that was not what I'm trying to do at all, my only goal in mentioning my own personal struggles and journey is to let you know that even though I know that no one can exactly know how a particular situation affects me, you, or anyone else, that I can relate to the feelings of being at a breaking point and being totally overwhelmed at health, at life, and the impact that health issues have on the desire to even be here any more.
I have a lot of health issues including a rare endocrinology condition and an autoimmune disorder that make it hard, if not impossible some days to get out of bed or get into my vehicle; and even on days where I can, it can be so discouraging that there are many days I sit down at my desk and just think to myself - whey even bother; and then, last February I was run over by a car and broke my shoulder and my right leg in 3 places, including completely snapping my tibia and having it come out through my calf muscle. I was airlifted, in a trauma center for 10 days, a wheelchair for 5 weeks, and then did physical therapy 5 days a week for 6 months, and now almost a year later I'm still in constant pain and am learning how to walk again.
You mentioning the gym as your happy place made me smile because I'm so happy for you that you can still go and I so respect your motivation and dedication to it.
My favorite thing in life is helping people and I love doing disaster response work and work overseas and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to walk well enough to do a lot of the things I had hoped to get to do; and I love whitewater rafting and on the river doing that is one of the things I would have described as my happy place, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to again - but as much as my heart hurts for you and what you're going through, your comment about the gym being your happy place made me smile and so happy for you.
Thanks I'm so tired to be honest and I'm only here because I don't want my nephews to not have an auntie. That's the only reason I'm here
That is very sweet and very respectable and commendable of you.
Sometimes when we have bad thoughts, its important to have a plan to be here for - whether its an event next week or just something to look forward to that will get us through the next day, sometimes just the next hour.
I would encourage you to think of things, plans, things to look forward to with your nephews as something to kind of mentally say to yourself that 'okay, I'm going to be around until at least then'.
I am a therapist lol so no I don't talk to anyone I just do it
This is the post that I read from you that made me really sure I wanted to reply here.
My background and education is in counseling myself. I already worked in the supplement industry by the time I finished my degree and certifications, and I never wanted counseling to be a 'job' because I do it because I want to, because I like to help people. For me, my passion is trauma counseling and disaster response.
I've struggled with anxiety and depression since 6th grade and for most of my life, even in the darkest of moments, I haven't had many people that were really truly here for me - and that led to a goal for me that I wanted to be the person for other people that I had wished that I had someone be for me.
I know that people with counseling and therapist backgrounds are sadly some of the ones that are the least likely to seek help when we could probably use it ourselves, because its like we're programmed in that mindset that we're supposed to be the ones helping others people.
It doesn't matter anymore I don't care I've begun cleaning out my clothes. I'm putting my phone is an order and whatever happens happens I honestly could give a ****. The only thing I care about is my cat so I wanted to make sure they have a good homes and that's it. I don't really have much else I have an inheritance which goes to my nephews I have a car which means if you can have I don't really care, so yeah so I'm starting to get my affairs in order and we'll see what happens.
It does matter because you do matter - I don't know your situation or story, but I would say that you matter at least to your nephews and your cat; and even if you feel you don't matter to others now, maybe getting through the challenges that you're facing will turn out to be something that you can share with someone in the future that may matter to them and make all the difference in the world.
I do know how it feels though to feel that you don't matter, because I spend almost every day of my life feeling that way myself - feeling overwhelmed, like I don't have it in me to beat or even face anymore challenges. I can't honestly tell you that I myself will make it through the ones I'm going through now, but I'd like to encourage you to try to yourself - for yourself, your nephews, your cat, and for anyone else whose life your story and victories may inspire in the future.
Sadly this is not my first time with this and it will not be my last so you're right my cats don't want my money or my nephews but I'm too tired. I've done this too many times before and it never works for long so it's almost like a lupus or a cancer you get a remission than bam it's a year long flare ......people have a lot worse things than I do I get that and I'm not trying to have a pity party for myself. I just have no place to put anything because I can't post on my Facebook page, I can't talk to my friends about this, because they would all run back to my sister and just be a complete in a disaster.
You mentioned Lupus here and that's very similar to the autoimmune condition that I have - it can flare up for a week to months at a time and it may be a few times a year or I've felt like I've lost entire years to it.
You mentioned that there are people that have worse things - and that's true, but that doesn't diminish what you're going through and how overwhelmed your are and what you're going through. There are always people that are going through worse things, there are people that are going through lesser things - but what we as people go through is unique and significant to us - and you expressing that, I don't take as a pity party at all. I take it as you needing to get some things out and this being one of the only 'safe' places that you feel like you can.
I truly respect that your nephews and cats give you motivation and encouragement - I'm a single dad myself to a special needs daughter and her and my pets are the only reason I'm still here myself; and even with them as a focus, its still super hard and very much a day by day process to try to hang in here.
I hope that I've been able to provide at least a little bit of encouragement to you and even though I don't know you, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
