Hello Everyone. I am very new to all this, so im going to give a bit of background, and hopefully someone can point me in the right direction. Ill try my best to keep it shot, otherwise I could go on forever talking about everything leading up until now.
Anyway, I am 27 years old, 6 feet tall and weigh 160lbs. (I lost a LOT of weight)
So back in Nov of last year, I ended up in the hospital for over a month and half, and almost died. Yeah, like my whole family and friends came in and said their goodbye's and ****. Lets just say it wasn't the most fun I have had in a while. I was diagnosed with crohns disease. Lost a ton of weight, including all my muscle mass. I lost my job, my gf of 5 years told me the day before our 5 year anniversary that she was cheating on me since i was in the hospital. (the day before I was going to ask her to marry me.) Awesome. We had been living together that entire time, so I dumped her, moved out of the condo, back in with my parents, and I have been laying on the couch trying to get better for the last 11 months. A few treatments have failed, Im still running the risk of surgery if this new med regiment does not work. etc etc.. so thats where i at with that.
Well. I just had a meeting with my GI up at Ceader Sini. Im seeing one of the leading specialists in the Country. During that, it was brought up about the possible use up steroids. Specifically testosterone. She is going to give me a recommendation to an endo.
The reasons for this is that I probably have low T - I need to get tested, but I am tired all the time, I have absolutely 0 sex drive. Iv messed around with steroids and PH when I was younger and had no clue what I was doing. But when its all said and done. Im really trying to get on test.
As a plus on top of fixing all the symptoms from low T. I really want to reap the anabolic affects from it and put on a good 15-20 lbs of muscle. If you know anything about crohns, nutrition and food absorption is a problem and makes gaining muscle hard. and I have a very very sever case of crohns.
So I have a few questions.
1. Could anyone recommend a less than conservative endo in the orange county, ca area? (I'm guessing this should be ok to ask because im talking about something legal) If this is agaist forum policy, please just let me know and I will edit this part out.
2. How can I get my doc to give me a high-end dose of test? or whatever he is giving me? I want to be on the high-end of the levels. and more importantly. I dont want to be stick thin anymore. I use to be 220, and I was power lifting. When I first started ****ting blood, I just thought it was from squatting so hard. haha... if I only knew.. That's besides the point.. Anyway, I have seen so many doctors, and I have a damn pharmacy in my bedroom. I have no problem walking in and kinda saying look. "This is what I want" So I want to kinda have a good idea of what I am looking for so I can try and get it.
3. If I end up just getting regular dosing trt.. what can I add on top of that to add pure lean size? I can get my hands on dbol or I could order some Hdrol online. But I really really want to try and get everything though a doc so I know its clean, because I have a low immune system due to the amino suppressants that I am on.
4. Are there any tips, recommendations etc that anyone would like to add that can help me accomplish what I am looking to do.
In the end, I want to simply cure my symptoms, have a sex drive again. and put on muscle. Like a real steroid cycle. I want that god like feeling of being on test. I dont think I could put it into words how much I want that. From losing everything, and being in the rust for almost a year. and taking over 30 pills a day, I now have an opiate addiction, xanex issues, **** tons of other drugs im throwing into my system. its all "downers" to say the least. Which my GI checked and from other patients that are taking testosterone, there are no signs of any adverse side effects from the mixture of drugs. So the way I see if, If I can throw on one more drug that will make me feel better, have a sex drive again, have more energy levels, make my workouts meaningful, and help me put some serious mass back on my body, that would also help get me out of this rut of depression. (No help from my ex fiancé, well was going to be, ****ing had to cheat on me with some buffed out guy.) I mean, I dont have anything against him, But here I am , this skinny sick guy, and im pale as **** form the loss of iron and blood. - Its very depressing.
I want to get BIG. I want to feel confident. Even if its drug induced. Im also going to go see a therapist and a nutritionalist and probably get a personal trainer all at the same time while doing this.
So ill stop rambling on, and see what people have to say.
But please, dont flame me, I am openly admitting that I am new to all of this, I dont know what im doing. and Im trying to go though the proper legal channels to do it. (mostly cus im scared of getting "dirty" product from one of my friends if I run something ( like a 12 week cycle of test e @ 500mg a week. pinned 2x a week.) which was what i was literally juts getting ready to order 3 days before I got hospitalized.
I dunno. I wanna find a doc that will understand me, (if anyone could rec someone), I want to feel better, feel stronger, feel more confident (all the stories you hear from people taking test and how they say they feel like gods)... after a year of losing everything that means anything to me.. I want that god feeling.. and I want to get big. I want my arms to stretch out my armholes in my shirts again.
And unfortunately. I honestly don't think that I am going to be able to achieve that naturally. Ok, I should rephrase that to "Naturally on a reasonable timeline" It will take my 2-3 times the amount of work to get the muscle i use to have, and to get that summer body back... but heres the catch, when my next flare up hits..boom! Im going to lose everything once again. Natural is not an option. And I wont I WILL NOT just accept myself for who I am, or this is gods plan for you bull ****. Im already taking 30 different medications. if I could add on an anabolic cycle to at least feel good for once, is a priceless thing to me. I dont know what else to say.
Sorry for my little bit of venting their right at the end. It still gets back to me when I type out everything that has happened to me.
Thank you for any help that anyone an provide on any of the topics or ideas on how to achieve what im looking for.
I appreciate your time and effort to explain it. I really do.