Im going to try and keep this short. But it will probably turn out long.

So to start off, I have crohns disease. Not just a mild or significant case of crohns, But one of the worse cases my doctors have ever seen, It almost killed me last Nov. I have been laying in a bed, lost 90+ lbs, and all of my muscle. Lost my job, my gf of over 4 years left me for some buff guy. and I pretty much have nothing now.

So to make it quite simple. I cant doing things "naturally" anymore. Like taking a long time to bulk, then cut, to get a nice body, cus by the time Im looking good, I could get another flair up and lose it all again. So, its not going to happen.

Im sure there are people that are going to tell me not to take anything, but please. save your time for something else, I want a body, I dont want to be a stick, Im not going to do it naturally, and I need help from drugs. I have done research in the past and was set and ready to run a test cycle before I got sick, and well.. I got sick.. so that didnt work out.

Here is the deal. Im reallly skinny, like, caner patient skinny. I lost ALL off my strength.. I just started weight training again, and I had to start almost all the movements with the bar by itself.

I want something to make me BIG. I want my arms to fill out my shirt again, I want my chest to stick out, I want all my "pretty" muscles back.. I wanna look good to go out and find some sluts to **** to get over my ex.

I just dont know what would be the safest (as possible) option is that will get me the result I want as quick as possible.

I was looking at running either PH like Hdrol, or going on some anavar, or dbol only cycles, which I hear are bad to run alone without a test base. Unfortunately, My source might not have test when im ready to take it.. Im going to wait until I get into remission before I start taking something.

Im even going to try and get test though my doc, but I dont know how well thats going to work cus the dosing would be too little anyway.. unless I run HRT with a PH or some Dbol? I dunno.

Any suggestions ? Please dont flame me. I know the risks, and honestly. Iv said goodbye to my family once in the past year. The rewards of doing a cycle outweigh the risk (IN MY OPINION). So I am coming to this site to (HOPEFULLY) get some good info, before I just grab whatever I can get my hands on to try and put some mass back on my bones before my next fair-up comes and I lose it all again.

Ill just stop for now until some people chime in, but im just looking for a good compund thats going to stack on lots of lean muscle and make me looked jacked, FAST. (On top of diet and lifting... I know)