PREVIEWS AND PICKS TO THE LAST WEEK OF THE NFL REGULAR SEASON!!! - AnabolicMinds.com

PREVIEWS AND PICKS TO THE LAST WEEK OF THE NFL REGULAR SEASON!!!

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    Talking PREVIEWS AND PICKS TO THE LAST WEEK OF THE NFL REGULAR SEASON!!!


    FIRST A RANT (mind you I've had enough time to get over this so it's NOT JUST sheer rage fueling this - not a fair weather fan by any means but COME - THE - F*CK - ON!!!!)

    Single Worst Closing Minutes of the Season -- So Far: Sure, the Fins are disappointed that an expected playoff season is a bust. But they couldn't hold a 10-point lead with five minutes remaining in the fourth quarter at home against Detroit, which entered the contest on a 1-26 road streak. That's just miserable.
    After the Lions rallied to knot the score at 27, Miami faced third-and-8 on its 22 just before the two-minute warning. Detroit middle linebacker Deandre Levy, who doesn't exactly possess blazing speed, intercepted the pass. Only the offensive linemen gave chase. Miami's speed guys (yea, you too Ricky, Davone, and and Marshal!!) just stood around watching Levy run, and, because the down began with Miami in a five-wide set, there were four speed guys on the field for the Dolphins. According to the gamebook, the play lasted 14 seconds -- very long by NFL standards -- as Levy repeatedly cut back while Miami's speed guys stood around doing nothing.
    And if you have a lead late and your team rushed for 154 yards on the day, why are your coaches calling passes? From the moment the Dolphins led 24-14 and took possession with seven minutes remaining to the moment Detroit led 34-27, here are the calls: run, incomplete pass, complete pass, run, incomplete pass, run, punt; run, incomplete pass, interception; incomplete pass, called pass results in scramble, interception returned for a touchdown. From the point the Dolphins reached a clock-killer situation, Miami coaches called four rushing plays and eight passing plays, the latter resulting in four incompletions (stopping the clock and keeping Detroit in the game) and two interceptions.
    Lazy Miami players and retarded Miami coaches (probably it's mainly their OC Dan Henning, but the HC is always the main "fall guy" even though I still love having Sparano as the HC in Miami) -- you are guilty of the single worst final minutes of the season. So far. Lets get to this week's games, shall we?
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    (Home teams in caps)
    Dolphins (-4.5) over PATRIOTS
    At stake: The Pats already clinched a No. 1 seed. Miami could become the first team ever to finish 1-7 at home and 7-1 on the road, easily one of the five or six dumbest accomplishments in sports history.
    Why you should pick the Dolphins: The last time New England was locked into a playoff spot and faced Miami in a meaningless Week 17 game (Jan. 1, 2006), Tom Brady played only one quarter, Doug Flutie tried a dropkick, a rookie receiver named Bam Childress played some snaps at cornerback and Bill Belichick said afterward, "We played guys to get them experience, get them out there to play, give them a chance so they will be better prepared to play if they are called upon." Hmmmmm. I wish the Pats would try one of my favorite ideas that hasn't happened yet: play the starters for the second half and that's it. Why not use your best guys at the end instead of the beginning? Or is that too logical? Ok, ok, ok…maybe not the Pats this week for the sake of my blood pressure. What about the Colts? Wouldn’t this pacify their urge to sit their starters in week 17 AND grab an important win?
    Why your 2010 MVP should be Tom Brady (from a Dolphins Fan): Fifteen games, 3,700 yards, 34 touchdowns and four picks (through 15 games), flanked by a former practice squad running back, a Jets castoff, two rookie tight ends, a slot guy eight months removed from major knee surgery and someone that a losing team gave away during the season ... and if that's not enough, he lost his security blanket (Kevin Faulk in September) and his only deep threat (Randy Moss in October), and he maintained the trust of New England fans despite changing his hair and becoming an Uggs spokesman. Just when you thought the Manning-Brady *****ry was dead ...

    Bills (+8) over JETS
    At stake: The Jets are locked into the No. 6 seed unless Pittsburgh somehow blows the Cleveland game, leaving them little incentive other than it would be funny if they won the game and then, instead of giving Rex Ryan a Gatorade bath, they dumped a bucket of slim-fast on him. Meanwhile, the Bills are in a three-way battle for the second pick of the NFL draft. In other words, don't bet this game ... just stay away.

    Cowboys (+10) over EAGLES
    At stake: Philly already clinched the No. 3 seed and can't move any higher. The Cowboys are playing for Jason Garrett's job ... and unfortunately for Jason Garrett, the only person who probably cares is Jason Garrett.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: You want Jerry Jones building your football stadium. You don't want Jerry Jones building your football team.

    Giants (-4) over REDSKINS
    At stake: For the Giants, a playoff spot if they win and Green Bay loses. For the Redskins, if they win this game, the odds immediately double that Donovan McNabb will replace Warren Sapp on "Inside the NFL" next season.
    (Cut to Warren bulging his eyes and screaming, "Ooooooooooooooooooooh!")
    Why you should pick the Giants: Because there's no way the Football Gods would crush Giants fans for three solid weeks in the most mind-blowingly way possible, then cap it off with Rex Grossman killing their playoff hopes. It's too cruel. That wouldn't even happen to Cleveland.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: If a ***** coach in your division offers to trade you his starting quarterback -- someone who's been a signature player for his franchise, no less -- and all he wants is a second-round pick, definitely turn this trade down as fast as possible.

    Steelers (-5.5) over BROWNS
    At stake: For the banged-up Steelers, a No. 2 seed and a much-needed bye week. For the Browns, AFC North pride and a feel-good ending for their 30-minute NFL Films 2010 Season In Review video. Don't underestimate the importance there -- those things run on cable at random times for the rest of eternity.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: The Steelers are headed for a bye even though Ben Roethlisberger has been playing with "Two Mississippi" protection these past two months, which means that either offensive lines are overrated or he's better than we thought.

    RAVENS (-9.5) over Bengals
    At stake: The Ravens clinch a No. 2 seed (and a bye) with a win and a Pittsburgh loss. Meanwhile, Carson Palmer is playing for the right to say, "The 2010 season wasn't my fault! It was T-Ocho's fault! See what happened these past two weeks? I'm back, baby!!!"
    Why you should pick the Ravens: Because Carson Palmer isn't back, baby.
    Random stat that warrants at the very least a pay-per-view urine test:Billy Cundiff has 38 touchbacks. That is insanely high. I didn't recall him having a particularly strong leg, so I looked over his past stats: 38 of 75 kickoffs for touchbacks (this year); 11 of 209 kickoffs for touchbacks (previous five seasons).
    Enduring lesson from 2010: Hell will freeze over before another NFL team trots out two starting wide receivers who both have their own reality TV shows.

    Vikings (+3) over LIONS
    At stake: For Minnesota, the hope that Joe Webb might be more Willie Beamon 2.0 than Tarvaris Jackson 2.0. Meanwhile, the Lions could finish the year on an improbable 10-2 streak ... against the spread, but still, 10 and 2!
    Why you should pick the Vikings: Because the Lions are too banged up. And also, because it might be Brett Favre's last game ever, at least until next August, when he comes back to Green Bay as Aaron Rodgers' backup and everyone there forgives him.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: Any time your Super Bowl hopes hinge on a fading, banged-up, over-40 legend who had to be physically dragged out of retirement, then thrown on a plane by three teammates who spent the ride guilt-tripping him into coming back ... you're probably headed for 6-10.
    Favre stat time: I noted that for the past four years, Brett Favre's final play of the season has been an interception or a sack. My $hit talking Football Buddy (Jets Fan) adds that Favre's final play of the 2001 season was an interception; of the 2002 season, a fumble; of the 2003 season, an interception. Thus for seven of Favre's past 10 seasons, his last play was an interception, sack or fumble. Maybe the football gods are trying to tell him something!

    PACKERS (-10) over Bears
    At stake: The No. 6 seed and a playoff spot for Green Bay; a potential No. 1 seed for Chicago (with a win and some luck); and the upper hand in a nine-decade *****ry that dates back to 1921 (when the Bears were known as the Chicago Staleys).
    Why you should pick the Packers: If Atlanta takes care of business at 1 p.m. ET, the Bears lock into that 2-seed before this game starts (making it meaningless for them). And also, we've been playing musical chairs for "They look like a Super Bowl team" NFC honors for four straight months; doesn't it make sense that we'd go into the playoffs with the No. 5 and No. 6 seeds riding the most momentum? And really – if the Pack lose at home to the Bears there will be anarchy….
    By the way, whenever Mike McCarthy has to battle the clock, the clock always wins. I'm waiting for the day when he calls for a fake FG in the two-minute offense with the Packers down four. MCCARTHY NEEDS TO START PLAYING MADDEN IN THE OFF SEASON!!!!!"

    Titans (+9.5) over COLTS----------JUST FOR THE POINTS!!!!!
    At stake: The No. 4 seed (and possibly the No. 3 seed if Kansas City loses) for Indy; the chance to take one last 53-man dump on the field that spells the letters "F-I-S-H-E-R" for Tennessee.
    Why you should pick the Titans (WITH THE 9.5 POINT SPREAD OF COURSE): You know how one wacky thing happens in Week 17 every season? What about the Colts and Jags both losing, then Indy backing into the AFC South title? I do think the Colts win…but some crazy $hit always happens in week 17 – and for once the Sunday Night game at the end of the season will be between 2 losing teams for a playoff spot! So I’m thinking the crazy $hit will end up happening to a game that people are actually watching.
    Best way to describe either the 2010 Titans season or Kerry Collins' career: During last week's Chiefs game, Titans defensive end William Hayes was sitting innocently on the Titans' bench when an errant Collins incompletion nailed him in the head and concussed him.
    Underrated subplot: It will be interesting to see how Peyton Manning responds in this game, his first since the Colts placed Austin Collie on IR and Manning found out that he couldn't break the record for "most times a QB led his receiver over the middle and right into a safety who was coming at him at 30 miles an hour" in one season.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: If Bill Belichick is offering to trade you someone who is allegedly one of his best players during the season, and all he wants is a third-round draft pick for him, turn this trade down. And if the player's new team waives him within three weeks, don't put in a waiver-wire claim for him.

    TEXANS (-3) over Jaguars
    At stake: Houston fans want Gary Kubiak to be fired so badly that they're organizing a "FIRE KUBIAK!" rally before the game. Meanwhile, the fading Jags need a win AND an Indy collapse against Tennessee to sneak into the playoffs, a sentence that just sent chills down the spine of every CBS executive because they'd have to downgrade their promos from "Manning! Lewis! Freeney! Flacco! It's the Colts and the Ravens, Round 1, Sunday afternoon on CBS!" to "Baltimore! Jacksonville! (Three seconds of awkward silence.) Um ... it's a playoff game! WIN OR GO HOME! Sunday on NBC!" Lots going on here.
    Why you should pick the Texans: Because "Arian Foster rushing 45 times and trying to lock up the rushing title" plus "the NFL and CBS wanting Indy in the playoffs instead of Jacksonville" trumps "Trent Edwards and a one-legged Maurice Jones-Drew."

    FALCONS (-14.5) over Panthers
    At stake: For Atlanta, the No. 1 seed in the NFC. For the Panthers, they've already clinched the No. 1 pick -- that means John Fox already boxed up his office, tipped the janitors, put his house on the market and took one last regretful, "It didn't have to play out this way" glare at Matt Moore.
    Why you should pick the Falcons: Because you don't want to be stuck with Clausen trailing by 17 in the Georgia Dome as the announcer says, "It's time for Jimmy Clausen to make something happen."
    Enduring lesson from 2010: You can't win a Super Bowl by playing it safe. Atlanta's offense played missionary position football for four quarters and blew a winnable Saints game on Monday; it was almost like Marty Schottenheimer had put on a Mike Smith mask and hijacked the team. If the Falcons play that passively in January, they will lose just like Marty always did. Mark my words. Take it to the bank. Lock it down. End of story. Period. Fin. (And any other authoritative and slightly condescending conclusion you want to put here.)

    Bucs (+7.5) over SAINTS
    At stake: The Saints clinch a No. 1 seed with a win coupled with Carolina somehow beating Atlanta (if not, they're locked into No. 5). The Bucs clinch the No. 6 seed if they win AND the Giants (at Washington) and Packers (at Chicago) both lose. And then there's this wrinkle: Saints-Bucs and Falcons-Panthers are happening at the same time, which means the Saints might start resting everyone once the scoreboard reads "Falcons 28, Panthers 3 (3Q)."
    Why you should pick the Bucs: Because Jaaaaaash Freeman wins football games! And also, because Sean Payton's history in Week 17 has always been, "If we don't need it, then I don't care." (He's 0-4 in Week 17.) You don't want to lay eight with the Saints, then get stuck with their second string in the second half because Atlanta is crushing Carolina.

    CHIEFS (-3.5) over Raiders
    At stake: The Chiefs clinch a No. 3 seed with a win (and drop to No. 4 if they lose and Indy wins); Jamaal Charles could become the first running back with a 6.4 yards-per-carry average and at least 200 rushes; the Raiders could become the first team to win every division game but fail to make the playoffs in 40 years; and the Raiders could finish 8-8 for the first time since Al Davis was alive.
    Why you should pick the Chiefs: Wouldn't you rather play the Jets (home) and Steelers (road) than the Ravens (home) and Patriots (road) in Rounds 1 and 2? Of course you would. I would be shocked if the Chiefs didn't go all out in this game. By the way they are undefeated in Arrowhead – something to think about in that 1st Round Playoff Game.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: This game features a top-10 fantasy QB (Matt Cassel), two of the top-5 fantasy running backs (Jamaal Charles and Darren McFadden) and the best fantasy receiver (Dwayne Bowe), proving yet again that FANTASY FOOTBALL IS A COMPLETE F------ CRAPSHOOT AND WE ARE IDIOTS FOR DOING FOUR WEEKS OF MOCK DRAFTS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE F--- IS GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE THERE IS NO F------ WAY TO KNOW!!!!!! Sorry. Had to go all caps there. There's a solid chance I'm locking myself out for the 2011 fantasy football season if the NFL expands to 18 weeks. I can't take it anymore. Any time there's a 90 percent chance you're going to end up unhappy, what's the point?

    BRONCOS (+3.5) over Chargers
    At stake: For Denver, a raging collective Tebowner. For San Diego, the chance to make history by finishing 8-8 while also being the league's No. 2 offense and No. 1 defense ... a feat almost as dumb as Miami's 1-7/7-1 achievement.
    Why you should pick the Broncos: As Denver's Champ Bailey said about Tim Tebow, "I've never seen a winner lose. He's a winner." If anyone would know about winners, it's a guy named Champ.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: I watched Dan Marino. Hell, I worshipped Dan Marino. I got a Marino chub when he had “that look” of cold steel with 2 minutes and 80 yards away from taking the lead for the late win. You knew when he was about to just get in the zone and become an unstoppable force. Phil Rivers ... you're NO Dan Marino.

    Cardinals (+6.5) over 49ERS
    At stake: Less than nothing. "I bet on the Week 17 Cards-49ers game" is a great opener for any Gamblers Anonymous meeting.
    Why you should pick the Cardinals: When in doubt and battling severe apathy, take the points.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: You might be the greatest receiver who ever lived ... but if your quarterback stinks, it just doesn't matter. (Cut to Larry Fitzgerald solemnly nodding.)

    Rams (-3) over SEAHAWKS
    At stake: The title, "Worst division champion in the history of the National Football League." By the way I do think the Rams win…but I think it’d be sweet to see the Seahawks win to become “that team” who gets the home playoff game at 7-9. I love when crazy $hit happens like that. Either good or bad. Know what would have been better than an 0-16 Lions team? The Lions winning the Superbowl the next year!!! Didn’t happen but they are gonna be nasty next year. Hopefully Detroit become the new New Orleans feel good story.
    Why you should pick the Rams: The Seahawks have lost nine of 15 games; each defeat was by 15 points or more. They've scored 32 touchdowns and given up 47. They've been out-rushed by 40 yards per game and outpassed by nearly 50 yards per game. They don't have a 500-yard rusher or a receiver with 750 yards. They have the fifth-worst turnover differential (minus-9). Their DVOA rating on Football Outsiders is minus-27.7 (third worst in the league). They're 2-7 in November and December, with those two wins coming against Arizona and Carolina (combined record: 7-23). They're almost definitely starting Charlie Whitehurst, aka Clipboard Jesus. And what's the biggest thing they have going in their favor?
    The stadium can get loud.
    Look, I'm all for fans affecting games, but come on: Even if you put someone in the best possible situation, that doesn't guarantee they will come through. Just look at "Wall Street II." How does that movie not work when (A) it came on the heels of a real-life financial meltdown; (B) it brought Gordon Gekko, one of the great mainstream movie characters of the past 30 years, back into our lives; and (C) everyone who liked the original "Wall Street" was pumped for the sequel? Because it sucked. Just like the Seahawks. Besides, you really think the NFL wants any part of a 7-9 team in the playoffs? Get ready to see Albert Pujols and Jon Hamm on the officiating crew.
    Enduring lesson from 2010: You realize an 18-game schedule would mean 24 more hours of NFC West football, right?
    IN 27 YEARS I'VE NEVER GONE 0-4 IN WILDCARD WEEKEND!!!
    until now. yup I put money on every game too. excuse me while i go drink myself smart.

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    Damn that took a long time!!! Anyone wanna add anything?
    IN 27 YEARS I'VE NEVER GONE 0-4 IN WILDCARD WEEKEND!!!
    until now. yup I put money on every game too. excuse me while i go drink myself smart.
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    tampa bay is going to the playoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! go bucs!!!!!!!!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by mich29 View Post
    tampa bay is going to the playoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! go bucs!!!!!!!!!!
    You should have done your research....great game by the Bucs, and they deserve to be there 100x more than the Seahawks - but you're wrong.
    The Buccaneers woke up on the last Sunday of the regular season with a chance to make the playoffs, something very NFL prognosticators saw coming. They then put together one of the most impressive victories in franchise history, a 23-13 win over the playoff-bound New Orleans Saints in the Superdome and an outcome they had to have to stay alive. A few hours later, they boarded a plane pointed back to Tampa with their eyes on a couple of very close 4:00 p.m. games.



    Unfortunately, the Buccaneers' playoff hopes descended before their plane could do the same in Florida. Both the Green Bay Packers and the New York Giants won while the Bucs were in flight; both needed to lose for Tampa Bay to get in. It's the Packers who will head into the postseason with the NFC's sixth seed.
    Link to Official story by the Bucs' Official Website
    IN 27 YEARS I'VE NEVER GONE 0-4 IN WILDCARD WEEKEND!!!
    until now. yup I put money on every game too. excuse me while i go drink myself smart.
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    I would say just like the season, these playoffs look to be crazy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fastone View Post
    I would say just like the season, these playoffs look to be crazy
    Indeed, Frank.

    I have a feeling we'll be seeing a classic AFC championship game.






    -John

    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trauma1 View Post
    Indeed, Frank.

    I have a feeling we'll be seeing a classic AFC championship game.






    -John
    No doubt
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