Kick me in the F'N head!!!

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    Kick me in the F'N head!!!


    Kinda long so go back if you dont want to read some.

    a few years ago i was on the verge of someone with a horriable eating disorder (anorexia) that wasnt something that i wanted so i looked up a little site (bbing.com) i know i know save me the heartache but if you look at my registering date on here youll see that ive been loyal to this site too. But i think (i have to guess because nobody will admit to it) i may be slipping into that category again in my mindset. I know how to eat, TRUST ME i know, but my mind is telling me that im getting fat (im not im about 10% and 195 LBS at 5'7ish,) since ive picked up a weight ive wanted to be HUGE and at times i have packed on the mass like crazy but that little bug in my head says that i need to lose all the excess which is normal but its STRESSFULL as hell to eat to gain for me lately. i wouldnt be bringing this up but just the other day i had my wife sick of the way i have been eating lately,-- which i must say hasnt been Bodybuilder that wants to gain muscle friendly (she knows all about dieting too). she knows my goals and what i need to get into the huge category and it is driving her **** crazy, she even went as far as saying that if i dont eat more then shes going to divorce me and go marry the fattest f'n guy she can find. (not literally but as a figure of speech of course) she is behind me 100% in whatever i do and knows what i am trying to do.

    its just that i cannot get over this "fat phobia" **** i have going on in my head.

    KICK ME!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by wildman536
    Kinda long so go back if you dont want to read some.

    a few years ago i was on the verge of someone with a horriable eating disorder (anorexia) that wasnt something that i wanted so i looked up a little site (bbing.com) i know i know save me the heartache but if you look at my registering date on here youll see that ive been loyal to this site too. But i think (i have to guess because nobody will admit to it) i may be slipping into that category again in my mindset. I know how to eat, TRUST ME i know, but my mind is telling me that im getting fat (im not im about 10% and 195 LBS at 5'7ish,) since ive picked up a weight ive wanted to be HUGE and at times i have packed on the mass like crazy but that little bug in my head says that i need to lose all the excess which is normal but its STRESSFULL as hell to eat to gain for me lately. i wouldnt be bringing this up but just the other day i had my wife sick of the way i have been eating lately,-- which i must say hasnt been Bodybuilder that wants to gain muscle friendly (she knows all about dieting too). she knows my goals and what i need to get into the huge category and it is driving her **** crazy, she even went as far as saying that if i dont eat more then shes going to divorce me and go marry the fattest f'n guy she can find. (not literally but as a figure of speech of course) she is behind me 100% in whatever i do and knows what i am trying to do.

    its just that i cannot get over this "fat phobia" **** i have going on in my head.

    KICK ME!!!
    I share your affliction. Maybe you can kick me after you wake up from mine?
    Recent log:http://anabolicminds.com/forum/supplement-reviews-logs/213350-lean-efx-refined.html
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    ---->Me<-------Wildman

    And for BP too...

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    Quote Originally Posted by bpmartyr
    I share your affliction. Maybe you can kick me after you wake up from mine?
    I swear man, its rough, but i know that i have to eat big to get big but dang i just cannot get over this crap ill be gaining great but looking at that little excess i get scared skinny again. Good Luck bro!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mulletsoldier
    ---->Me<-------Wildman

    And for BP too...

    ------>Me<--------BP
    lol thats great!! thanks!!
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    I want some pizzaizza:
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    have you tried talking to a professional psychiatrist, or doctor about it. Maybe if you havent already try full arming yourself with complete knowledge about anorexia and trying to let your rational mind prevail over this little demon on your shoulder. Mine tells me to smoke pot but my rational brain knows better and i try to keep reminders around me. Some times im strong sometimes im weak so constant reminders have helped me stay focused on what is really happening.
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    Quote Originally Posted by somewhatgifted
    have you tried talking to a professional psychiatrist, or doctor about it. Maybe if you havent already try full arming yourself with complete knowledge about anorexia and trying to let your rational mind prevail over this little demon on your shoulder. Mine tells me to smoke pot but my rational brain knows better and i try to keep reminders around me. Some times im strong sometimes im weak so constant reminders have helped me stay focused on what is really happening.
    Very true, maybe i should just go in and have a talk about this with a professional (not that im crazy or anything) and as far as my rationale is concerned i know that i have control over my mind and body, but when it comes to this i just fold and give in to my body getting to that lean stage. i need to squash that though
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    wildman536, i share your pain, sometimes i get kind of freaked out of the way tham im eating, i dont have the cleanest diet ever but i try to keep it healthy but sometimes i get that felling that i might be getting fat, but that push me to try to give more in the gym.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie
    wildman536, i share your pain, sometimes i get kind of freaked out of the way tham im eating, i dont have the cleanest diet ever but i try to keep it healthy but sometimes i get that felling that i might be getting fat, but that push me to try to give more in the gym.
    you know i like how you have transformed that negative thought into a positive one in the gym, ill have to channel that stress that im getting from the thoughts i get from how i am eating and just say-- to heck with it im going to eat and push harder in the gym!!

    Thanks for the info.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spitdeath
    I want some pizzaizza:
    the funny thing is is that i do eat about a pizza a week and on that day i really enjoy it but for the rest of the week i feel that i need to eat just the bare minimum so i dont gain. I guess its just something that i have to come to terms with again.
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    I'd second the talking to a professional. He/she can teach you coping techniques to deal with these negative feelings. You're strong, you can tackle this, you just may need some advice on how best to do it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeahright
    I'd second the talking to a professional. He/she can teach you coping techniques to deal with these negative feelings. You're strong, you can tackle this, you just may need some advice on how best to do it.
    ill look into it. Thanks for the encouragment.
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    I'm big 20% bf so I have no reason to gryp, but now i'm forcing myself to eat, i really don't have an appetite, but if you saw my post in here I lost all my energy from lowering my cals to much.

    I was going to post in here a question saying that who here was happy with there body, and i'm somewhat confident few were going to be satisfied with what they have, and I see this being somewhat a part of being in this culture. Always striving to be the best they can be, and rarely being happy with what you attain.

    The only advice I can give you is go to mcdonalds get something small and just watch all the gordo's come in and out and know that your not like them. You have discipline, you eat right and exercise and that's all you can do. Be happy with what you have, I know i'm on the same path as all of you guys with always wanting to be lean and mean, but i can give you an outside perspective saying once your in the top 5% of the country when it comes to being in shape there should be some satisfaction there.

    Sorry if this doesn't make sense,

    but i hear ya and I think that you getting a professional perspective will help a bunch, to put things in perspective.

    kam
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    i totally understand what you are saying and you have made a GREAT point!! thanks for the input.
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