Who here has in laws that are fat and out of shape?

[CompeteNPC]

Man I'll tell ya, it drives me crazy. I avoid my in laws most of the year but I do have to see them on holidays and special occasions such as birthdays for some members and so forth. I act civil and do my best to be the better person and treat them nice. But ****, they are so out of shape and not into fitness whatsoever. They are clueless when it comes to proper diet and just don't get it. Some are just lazy AF when it comes to working out. My brother in law's personality drastically changed when he gained weight and became morbidly obese. He used to be much more social and dressed better when he was not fat, but ever since he became fat his sense of fashion is non existent and his personality is like talking to a brick wall. He also is a hermit who just sits on his couch when he is home and drinks cases of beer playing video games. The guy is 40 years old! I could see a 16 year old doing that but a 40 year old? What a joke.

Anyway anyone here have any fat in laws who make you want to throw up when you look at them?

 

[Godstrength]

Lol

 

[SFreed]

If my son in law were as judgmental as you are, I would avoid him at all costs.

 

[CompeteNPC]

If my son in law were as judgmental as you are, I would avoid him at all costs.

What is there to be judgemental about if a person takes care of themselves and their weight gain is not self inflicted? **** I mean have some respect. People treat their bodies like **** and accept being a fat ****ing slob. "Hey mirror on the wall, look I'm the biggest fat ass of them all. I like being fat so now I'm gonna go grab another beer and order a pizza instead of going to the gym. See you tomorrow!"

 

[bloodnthunder]

I’m the only one In my family or extended family in shape. But I don’t think of them any differently, they r who they r. If they want to make a change I’d help them as I could but they don’t and while I know it’s not healthy for them who am I to judge them. My best friends 400 lbs at 5 ft 6 and I’ve asked him to workout tons of times, so should I not be friends with him anymore? We are who we are.

 

[CompeteNPC]

I’m the only one In my family or extended family in shape. But I don’t think of them any differently, they r who they r. If they want to make a change I’d help them as I could but they don’t and while I know it’s not healthy for them who am I to judge them. My best friends 400 lbs at 5 ft 6 and I’ve asked him to workout tons of times, so should I not be friends with him anymore? We are who we are.

No you can be friends with people of all shapes and sizes. Everyone has the right to associate with anyone they want to. I just choose to only associate with people who I have stuff in common with. Being a unsocial hermit and playing video games is not the type of person Im going to really want to hang out with.

 

[CompeteNPC]

I’m the only one In my family or extended family in shape. But I don’t think of them any differently, they r who they r. If they want to make a change I’d help them as I could but they don’t and while I know it’s not healthy for them who am I to judge them. My best friends 400 lbs at 5 ft 6 and I’ve asked him to workout tons of times, so should I not be friends with him anymore? We are who we are.

No you can be friends with people of all shapes and sizes. Everyone has the right to associate with anyone they want to. I just choose to only associate with people who I have stuff in common with. Being a unsocial hermit and playing video games is not the type of person Im going to really want to hang out with.

 

[bloodnthunder]

No you can be friends with people of all shapes and sizes. Everyone has the right to associate with anyone they want to. I just choose to only associate with people who I have stuff in common with. Being a unsocial hermit and playing video games is not the type of person Im going to really want to hang out with.

And that’s you’re prerogative. It’s fine bc I know this guy, met him in the gym. He used to get arrested all the time just by being around ppl he grew up with. Eventually he had to make a decision and that was leave Chicago and for some reason he chose buffalo but he changed the type of ppl he was around and is much better off for it. And also to your point about choice. If ppl are not supportive of your passions then perhaps they aren’t ppl u want to be around either.

I do have to laugh though just a smidgen, bc my 400 lb buddy is 44 and all he does is sit around and play video games too. He suffers from severe depression though but still I wonder if there’s a correlation between obesity and video game play

 

[CompeteNPC]

And that’s you’re prerogative. It’s fine bc I know this guy, met him in the gym. He used to get arrested all the time just by being around ppl he grew up with. Eventually he had to make a decision and that was leave Chicago and for some reason he chose buffalo but he changed the type of ppl he was around and is much better off for it. And also to your point about choice. If ppl are not supportive of your passions then perhaps they aren’t ppl u want to be around either.

I do have to laugh though just a smidgen, bc my 400 lb buddy is 44 and all he does is sit around and play video games too. He suffers from severe depression though but still I wonder if there’s a correlation between obesity and video game play

Its not even the weight that bothers me about my brother in law, its the way he presents himself with no confidence. His body language represents how unhappy he is with himself. But I can't blame anyone but him because he is the one that caused himself to be that way through his lifestyle choices. For some reason he continues to live his life this way knowing he is gaining more weight and destroying himself. No respect at all for himself therefor no respect from me. The fat tub of ****.

 

[skinnybones]

Maybe your bro in law has developed low T & just needs a friendly boost

 

[bloodnthunder]

Its not even the weight that bothers me about my brother in law, its the way he presents himself with no confidence. His body language represents how unhappy he is with himself. But I can't blame anyone but him because he is the one that caused himself to be that way through his lifestyle choices. For some reason he continues to live his life this way knowing he is gaining more weight and destroying himself. No respect at all for himself therefor no respect from me. The fat tub of ****.

I obviously don’t know your bro in law but if I was one way when u first knew him and then he just started changing for the worse up to where he is now he may be suffering from depression. Low self confidence/esteem, lack of social connection, introverted mannerisms etc all all symptoms of depression. Perhaps there was a trigger that happened that you’re unaware of, loss of job, financial tragedy, loss of loved one, or even a traumatic event that one would not consider could’ve happened. Perhaps if you talked to your sister or wife whoever he’s related to privately and see if anything may have happened to trigger the change. Prob not going to change him, but at least if there’s a problem you’d at least gain some understanding to the underlying causes and who knows from that perhaps there’d be some little things that you or others could do to nudge him back towards the path of reclaiming what he’s given up. Anyhow just my completely non professional armchair psychologist at work

 

[CompeteNPC]

I obviously don’t know your bro in law but if I was one way when u first knew him and then he just started changing for the worse up to where he is now he may be suffering from depression. Low self confidence/esteem, lack of social connection, introverted mannerisms etc all all symptoms of depression. Perhaps there was a trigger that happened that you’re unaware of, loss of job, financial tragedy, loss of loved one, or even a traumatic event that one would not consider could’ve happened. Perhaps if you talked to your sister or wife whoever he’s related to privately and see if anything may have happened to trigger the change. Prob not going to change him, but at least if there’s a problem you’d at least gain some understanding to the underlying causes and who knows from that perhaps there’d be some little things that you or others could do to nudge him back towards the path of reclaiming what he’s given up. Anyhow just my completely non professional armchair psychologist at work

All he has to do is start going to the gym and he will gain confidence back. I think he's just a lazy fat **** who wants people to feel sorry his sorry ass. He is an alcoholic btw.

 

[bloodnthunder]

All he has to do is start going to the gym and he will gain confidence back. I think he's just a lazy fat **** who wants people to feel sorry his sorry ass. He is an alcoholic btw.

Another sign of depression is alcohol abuse. But yeah he’ll definitely get confidence by lifting, just being active

 

[Outofbody]

He also is a hermit who just sits on his couch when he is home and drinks cases of beer playing video games. The guy is 40 years old! I could see a 16 year old doing that but a 40 year old? What a joke.

Lol I'm 40. Nothing wrong with videos games and beer But I prefer MJ.

 

[Whisky]

All he has to do is start going to the gym and he will gain confidence back. I think he's just a lazy fat **** who wants people to feel sorry his sorry ass. He is an alcoholic btw.

Duck me, there’s more compassion in my Christmas baubles than you sunshine.

You think deep down your in laws want to be fat? That they want to look like they do? Odds are they don’t, odds are that after a lifetime/longtime of obesity that journey to Fitness and good health seems like an impossible challenge.

Rather than just assume you know why they act as they do why don’t you try talking to them with some empathy and see if it’s something they want to change, I can tell your natural instinct will be to try and fat shame them into action btw - don’t be a dick and do that, that’ll just make them think your a bigger c unt than they already think you are.

Try asking them about their health and how they are feeling. Offer to support them if they want to make changes but tell them it needs to come from them, if they want to do it then break it down into basic steps and help them realise it’s possible.

Totally agree you can choose who you associate with btw, just don’t make that decision because you think you know their mindset (you don’t)

And get this, you might even find that being genuinely nice and helpful to your fellow man feels good (for you being like that probably feels like the same impossible journey facing your brother in law but trust me brother you can do it).

Why did I waste my time on you with this post........4 years ago I was obese (140lbs overweight), used to wear the cheapest clothes that would fit (you know why is fatties do this - it’s because we don’t see the point spending good money on expensive clothes when people like you will just see a fat bastard anyway) and a full blown alcoholic.

Fast forward 4 years

I’ve been sober 5 and a half years, I’m a qualified PT, I’m in better shape than most people in any room I walk into and I finally feel good about myself. Took me 32 years of my life to get the point where I could make the changes I needed and I had for friends support me every step of the way.

 

[Outofbody]

I’ve been sober 5 and a half years

Congrats on being 5.5 yrs sober!! Pretty ironic username though! lol

I also agree, depression and stress plays a big part in people being overweight and how they eat. People don't tend to choose it. I've known several people heavily into fitness who've fallen off over the years and back to their old ways, and I know that their life stress is primarily to blame.

 

[Whisky]

Congrats on being 5.5 yrs sober!! Pretty ironic username though! lol

Lol, yeah it’s always been my online user name and is because that was my drink of choice. Guess now it just serves as a reminder of a place I never want to go back to.

Thanks brother

 

[SFreed]

Duck me, there’s more compassion in my Christmas baubles than you sunshine.

You think deep down your in laws want to be fat? That they want to look like they do? Odds are they don’t, odds are that after a lifetime/longtime of obesity that journey to Fitness and good health seems like an impossible challenge.

Rather than just assume you know why they act as they do why don’t you try talking to them with some empathy and see if it’s something they want to change, I can tell your natural instinct will be to try and fat shame them into action btw - don’t be a dick and do that, that’ll just make them think your a bigger c unt than they already think you are.

Try asking them about their health and how they are feeling. Offer to support them if they want to make changes but tell them it needs to come from them, if they want to do it then break it down into basic steps and help them realise it’s possible.

Totally agree you can choose who you associate with btw, just don’t make that decision because you think you know their mindset (you don’t)

And get this, you might even find that being genuinely nice and helpful to your fellow man feels good (for you being like that probably feels like the same impossible journey facing your brother in law but trust me brother you can do it).

Why did I waste my time on you with this post........4 years ago I was obese (140lbs overweight), used to wear the cheapest clothes that would fit (you know why is fatties do this - it’s because we don’t see the point spending good money on expensive clothes when people like you will just see a fat bastard anyway) and a full blown alcoholic.

Fast forward 4 years

I’ve been sober 5 and a half years, I’m a qualified PT, I’m in better shape than most people in any room I walk into and I finally feel good about myself. Took me 32 years of my life to get the point where I could make the changes I needed and I had for friends support me every step of the way.

This^^^^. Or op can just continue being a judgmental douche towards anyone who is different. If you're going to continually point out others flaws and shame them into trying to be more like you, maybe you should work on your people skills. Have you ever volunteered to help someone less fortunate? Maybe try inviting your Brother in law to the gym. Use some of your knowledge and try to better his life. Or maybe just not start a thread on an online forum pointing out what a fat lazy sack of **** he is. Baby steps.

 

[CompeteNPC]

This^^^^. Or op can just continue being a judgmental douche towards anyone who is different. If you're going to continually point out others flaws and shame them into trying to be more like you, maybe you should work on your people skills. Have you ever volunteered to help someone less fortunate? Maybe try inviting your Brother in law to the gym. Use some of your knowledge and try to better his life. Or maybe just not start a thread on an online forum pointing out what a fat lazy sack of **** he is. Baby steps.

I don't have any sympathy when a person destroys themselves and is content with it.

He does nothing to improve his personal well being nor his health. He has two children on top of it and chooses to play video games and drink beer. Is he a good father? Good hearted yes, but setting a good example of what kind of man a person should be he is not. His kids will get a little older and I can't wait till they ask him why he is so fat. I will then explain to them cause he's a fat ****ing slob who has mental issues and can't lift worth ****. This makes me so ****ing mad, fawk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Whisky]

I don't have any sympathy when a person destroys themselves and is content with it.

He does nothing to improve his personal well being nor his health. He has two children on top of it and chooses to play video games and drink beer. Is he a good father? Good hearted yes, but setting a good example of what kind of man a person should be he is not. His kids will get a little older and I can't wait till they ask him why he is so fat. I will then explain to them cause he's a fat ****ing slob who has mental issues and can't lift worth ****. This makes me so ****ing mad, fawk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly brother I feel like you have a lot of hatred built up inside you. Do you feel like that?

Drop me a pm anytime if you’d like to try and change, to become a happier person. Always happy to talk my friend

 

[Wobmarvel]

Many obese people want to get I shape. None want to be the obese guy at the gym. Offer to help and be his personal trainer of sorts. Get some dumbells he can use at home. Go for walks, talk about lowering calories whilst still eating the stuff he likes. Ease him in. I obviously don't know what type of lifter you are but if you drag him to the gym with your mates, show him how you can bench 4 plates then tell him he needs to cut out all crap from his diet and eat chicken and rice he will never lift a weight again in his life.

 

[CompeteNPC]

Honestly brother I feel like you have a lot of hatred built up inside you. Do you feel like that?

Drop me a pm anytime if you’d like to try and change, to become a happier person. Always happy to talk my friend

lol Im ****ing around but hey it does piss me off a little bit. My post was not literally supposed to be taken seriously with the cussing.

 

[CompeteNPC]

Many obese people want to get I shape. None want to be the obese guy at the gym. Offer to help and be his personal trainer of sorts. Get some dumbells he can use at home. Go for walks, talk about lowering calories whilst still eating the stuff he likes. Ease him in. I obviously don't know what type of lifter you are but if you drag him to the gym with your mates, show him how you can bench 4 plates then tell him he needs to cut out all crap from his diet and eat chicken and rice he will never lift a weight again in his life.

Lets be honest, most obese people are that way because they hate physical activity. They are not comfortable doing it. Being Sedentary is their preference and it is a reflection on their lifestyle they live. As they get older that choice and preference causes them to gain weight. Many don't notice it being a problem till they develop high blood pressure and become morbidly obese. By then for many they just end up accepting it as the way they are supposed to be. They probably say things like "Oh well this is the way I was created, and Its just something I have to accept." Its very rare for a person to change themselves and their lifestyle especially the older they get. That is why people who are older than you are always said "Do it now when you are younger cause as you get older it becomes more difficult."

 

[Whisky]

lol Im ****ing around but hey it does piss me off a little bit. My post was not literally supposed to be taken seriously with the cussing.

I wasn’t just basing it on that post bro, it’s an open offer. If you realise you have issues and would like some help drop me a message anytime

 

[Wobmarvel]

Lets be honest, most obese people are that way because they hate physical activity. They are not comfortable doing it. Being Sedentary is their preference and it is a reflection on their lifestyle they live. As they get older that choice and preference causes them to gain weight. Many don't notice it being a problem till they develop high blood pressure and become morbidly obese. By then for many they just end up accepting it as the way they are supposed to be. They probably say things like "Oh well this is the way I was created, and Its just something I have to accept." Its very rare for a person to change themselves and their lifestyle especially the older they get. That is why people who are older than you are always said "Do it now when you are younger cause as you get older it becomes more difficult."

Your clearly the wrong person for the job.

 

[SFreed]

I don't have any sympathy when a person destroys themselves and is content with it.

He does nothing to improve his personal well being nor his health. He has two children on top of it and chooses to play video games and drink beer. Is he a good father? Good hearted yes, but setting a good example of what kind of man a person should be he is not. His kids will get a little older and I can't wait till they ask him why he is so fat. I will then explain to them cause he's a fat ****ing slob who has mental issues and can't lift worth ****. This makes me so ****ing mad, fawk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! FAWKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol Im ****ing around but hey it does piss me off a little bit. My post was not literally supposed to be taken seriously with the cussing.

I don't have an issue with the swearing. I have a huge issue with you feeling the need to tell someone's kids that their parents are ".......a fat ****ing slob who has mental issues and can't lift worth ****." WTH gives you the right to do that???

 

[thebigt]

I don't have an issue with the swearing. I have a huge issue with you feeling the need to tell someone's kids that their parents are ".......a fat ****ing slob who has mental issues and can't lift worth ****." WTH gives you the right to do that???

100% agree....
like whisky I'm a recovering alcoholic.

for some people food is an addiction, I have empathy/sympathy for those struggling with addictions.....they just replace my vodka with a plate of food-but for the grace of GOD there go i.

btw Whiskey congrats on your 5 years!!!!

 

[Juicedeez utz]

Wow man.... do you have kids? If you had problems, not necessarily weight, would you like someone say that to your kids? I had drug problems in my past and I would be devastated if anyone had spoke about me like that. Why not try to talk to the guy rather than be a c unt... we should never avoid people, help who wants to be help but be nice who wants to deal with their own sh!t. You come across as a damaged person man, why do you bring your aggro to such a generally nice community? We’re here to help push people to better themselves, not shame them into a corner.

 

[rascal14]

Just let me know your location and I can find a great psychiatrist for you. You're mentally insane and nothing you say has any substance whatsoever. You spout ignorant bull**** and are terrified of and despise anything that doesn't fit your own personal agenda. In your mind if someone doesn't think, look, or act like you, they are a worse person than you. I hope you realize this makes you the worst person in ANY room that you ever step foot into, no matter who else is there.

 

[AntM1564]

Jesus, why do feel the need to overly worry and judge others. If you are really like this, I feel sorry for you. You will live a very lonely life, not to mention, you attention goes to things that don't even concern you. This is going off an accumulation of your posts, not just this one.

 

[cubsfan815]

Hmmm, interesting thread. I also come from addictive family. Everyone but me was alcoholic. Unfortunately my issue is I used food to cope with my upbringing. I still fight it daily.

I've been on AM a long time. Started here fat with no muscle. Lost like 125 lbs. Took PHs and gained a lot of muscle. Got fat again, skinny again, fat again, see the trend? It's a struggle for some people, everyone's different. I work out with friends that are in way better shape than me, however my heart rate is better than theirs, they gas the F out.

Anywho... I hate when people judge others without knowing the whole story. Not necessarily at OP since I don't follow all his post, just anyone really.

 

[CompeteNPC]

I don't have an issue with the swearing. I have a huge issue with you feeling the need to tell someone's kids that their parents are ".......a fat ****ing slob who has mental issues and can't lift worth ****." WTH gives you the right to do that???

Quite simply being their uncle and setting the right example because their father lives a lifestyle that is unhealthy!!!! If they follow in his foot steps they are facing a very tough and mean road ahead of them in life.

 

[Whisky]

Quite simply being their uncle and setting the right example because their father lives a lifestyle that is unhealthy!!!! If they follow in his foot steps they are facing a very tough and mean road ahead of them in life.

And the example you are setting by being a judgemental, condescending, anger filled, self righteous prick is better how exactly?

 

[CompeteNPC]

And the example you are setting by being a judgemental, condescending, anger filled, self righteous prick is better how exactly?

It will save their lives for the better. Tough love goes a long way. I could be a real prick and take their fathers photo, print out a thousand copies and post them as flyers all over the neighborhood asking if anyone has seen the fat abominable snowman That will get their attention!

 

[SFreed]

Quite simply being their uncle and setting the right example because their father lives a lifestyle that is unhealthy!!!! If they follow in his foot steps they are facing a very tough and mean road ahead of them in life.

If you want to set the right example, then help their Dad change his lifestyle. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life, but it will be the right example to set.

 

[ELROCK]

I don't have an issue with the swearing. I have a huge issue with you feeling the need to tell someone's kids that their parents are ".......a fat ****ing slob who has mental issues and can't lift worth ****." WTH gives you the right to do that???

Agree.

 

[u_e_s_i]

There are a few good posts above, be there to support them and if they wish, to help them.
Obesity and depression are self feeding and when a person has both they'll feed one another and it's a downward spiral.

Depression, low self esteem etc as causes of obesity, all true. It's also the case that some people are reluctant to believe how shallow the world is. Some people are reluctant to believe that people will be nicer to them if they looked better. Some people are reluctant to believe that being skinnier is correlated to looking better. This being the 21st century, most people were brought up being told they should love themselves for who they are. Perhaps even if they're fat, shallow, judgemental etc. Some of these things are difficult to challenge or point out as they are ugly truths and people don't like to talk about them.
A few things to consider

 

[jtmass]

Okay.. my 0.2 here..

1) Get a life
2) Get a F***ing life
3) Stop being a judgemental piece of S#!T
4) Try to be positive about life or just in general
5) Help people (or at least try to) to whatever extend you can. I am sure that’s going to be hard for you to do.
6) why don’t write a diary.

 

[kenpoengineer]

I’m curious. All the recovering alcoholics, food addicted members that posted in this thread. What people in your lives took it upon themselves to “help” and what exactly did they say to make you realize you had a problem that needed to be fixed? Everyone here is saying “help the guy” but not explaining “how”.

Those writing about being “judgemental”, you don’t know anything about the OP. Aren’t you being judgemental as well?

Also, is it possible that this hit a nerve for those here that are recovering from addiction? Sticking up for a fellow recovering addicted person because it reminds you of your past self?

I’m looking for constructive suggestions because I also have family members that are food and alcohol addicted.

 

[CompeteNPC]

There are a few good posts above, be there to support them and if they wish, to help them.
Obesity and depression are self feeding and when a person has both they'll feed one another and it's a downward spiral.

Depression, low self esteem etc as causes of obesity, all true. It's also the case that some people are reluctant to believe how shallow the world is. Some people are reluctant to believe that people will be nicer to them if they looked better. Some people are reluctant to believe that being skinnier is correlated to looking better. This being the 21st century, most people were brought up being told they should love themselves for who they are. Perhaps even if they're fat, shallow, judgemental etc. Some of these things are difficult to challenge or point out as they are ugly truths and people don't like to talk about them.
A few things to consider

Some people also learn to play the poor me card after they gain weight and learn to like that feeling. So they refuse to change. I believe my BIL falls in this category as well.

 

[scherbs]

I’m curious. All the recovering alcoholics, food addicted members that posted in this thread. What people in your lives took it upon themselves to “help” and what exactly did they say to make you realize you had a problem that needed to be fixed? Everyone here is saying “help the guy” but not explaining “how”.

Also, those writing about being “judgemental”, you don’t know anything about the OP. Aren’t you being judgemental as well?

Just to throw another $.02 in, I would argue that most of the posts calling the OP judgemenal are not necessarily in response to this thread per se but rather to the fact that well over half of the many threads he has started on this forum have been, at root, judgemental of those around him.

To answer your first question as someone who recovered from an eating disorder,I would say the biggest help I received was from those family and friends who refused to be pushed away and were always there to emotionally support me as I struggled to beat my demons.
Thanks be to God that no one (who mattered to me) behaved like the OP seems to want to. Sorry to say, but “telling it like it is” and “tough love” never really helps anyone.

And if someone like him were to take it upon themselves to tell my kids all of my problems (as he seems to want to do for his brother In law) I am pretty sure it would not end well for that individual

 

[Juicedeez utz]

I’m curious. All the recovering alcoholics, food addicted members that posted in this thread. What people in your lives took it upon themselves to “help” and what exactly did they say to make you realize you had a problem that needed to be fixed? Everyone here is saying “help the guy” but not explaining “how”.

Those writing about being “judgemental”, you don’t know anything about the OP. Aren’t you being judgemental as well?

Also, is it possible that this hit a nerve for those here that are recovering from addiction? Sticking up for a fellow recovering addicted person because it reminds you of your past self?

I’m looking for constructive suggestions because I also have family members that are food and alcohol addicted.

I’ll tell you one thing my family never did, they never give up on me or think I was a lost cause. Supported me through recovery when I never asked for anything..... sometimes just being there is helping.

 

[Whisky]

I’m curious. All the recovering alcoholics, food addicted members that posted in this thread. What people in your lives took it upon themselves to “help” and what exactly did they say to make you realize you had a problem that needed to be fixed? Everyone here is saying “help the guy” but not explaining “how”.

Those writing about being “judgemental”, you don’t know anything about the OP. Aren’t you being judgemental as well?

Also, is it possible that this hit a nerve for those here that are recovering from addiction? Sticking up for a fellow recovering addicted person because it reminds you of your past self?

I’m looking for constructive suggestions because I also have family members that are food and alcohol addicted.

The main thing for me was knowing that my family and friends were there for me when I was ready to make a change. They didn’t give up on me (and I gave plenty of reasons over the years).

I was actually a drug addict (cocaine) and kicked that before realising I was an alcoholic as well - the alcohol took longer to beat. Over a 12 year period not once did I feel I had no where to turn, I was in a dark place for a lot of that but always had something there that I could cling too and that was people who had offered support.

It was different people for the coke, drink and then finally the food but especially in the early days those people were 100% essential. The desire to change came from me but the ability to make it happen was significantly aided by the non judgemental support of those around me.

You’ll note my comments above offering the op support whenever he is ready to change his approach to the world. If he has issues which make him take the approach he does to people I want him to know he has someone he can privately message to talk about it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery......

 

[kenpoengineer]

Sorry, these are not constructive suggestions. What exactly does “being there for me” mean? How do you approach the “addict”? What do you do when they push you away?

Quitting the addiction has to be physically and mentally excruciatingly hard to do. How, as a family member, do you convince the addict to stop the behavior?

 

[Whisky]

Sorry, these are not constructive suggestions. What exactly does “being there for me” mean? How do you approach the “addict”? What do you do when they push you away?

Bro, you just need them to know you aren’t going anywhere and that ‘when they are ready’ you’ll help them.

Sorry but there’s no approach which can instantly change an alcoholic or addict, for many of us we have to hit rock bottom first (that’s relative by the way, my view of rock bottom was being arrested for DUI and facing losing my wife and kids if I didn’t address my issues, for others it’s losing homes, jobs etc).

You can try to ask some opening questions to give them an opening to talk to you but you can’t force it. Stuff like

‘Do you feel like sometimes your eating/drinking/drug taking gets on top of you?’

 

[kenpoengineer]

So family members are supposed to wait for the addict to reach the low point? I personally have a hard time hearing this as I feel useless in helping them. I believe in proactive approaches to all problems in life and not waiting until things get so bad that it’s near or too late. This is totally frustrating.

 

[Juicedeez utz]

So family members are supposed to wait for the addict to reach the low point? I personally have a hard time hearing this as I feel useless in helping them. I believe in proactive approaches to all problems in life and not waiting until things get so bad that it’s near or too late. This is totally frustrating.

Lol you are useless until you’re needed basically. Try force a situation and it 9 times out of 10 wont go your way. You could try to approach and say whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to help you take the steps you want.... there’s no definitive answer to addictions.... you may be ‘proactive’ but a drug addict usually isn’t. Trying to force your way into other is just as bad as OPs thinking

 

[kenpoengineer]

Lol you are useless until you’re needed basically. Try force a situation and it 9 times out of 10 wont go your way. You could try to approach and say whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to help you take the steps you want.... there’s no definitive answer to addictions.... you may be ‘proactive’ but a drug addict usually isn’t. Trying to force your way into other is just as bad as OPs thinking

So addicts consider family members/friends interventions (yes, have to be “forced” as no addict is going to do it on their own accord) as a bad thing? Really? Rather than trying to help the addict you sit back and watch them hit the low point? Isn’t this heartless?

 

[Juicedeez utz]

No you’re being dumb about it. People don’t do **** if they’re forced to.... if you drag someone out and drop them in rehab or lock them in a house for a while, yeah it may work or they may end up resenting you for trying to control their life. Gotta look at it both ways. Either you try to force it and it works or you try to force it it doesn’t work and then they may hate you. It’s up to you if you wanna take that risk but if someone is truly going to destroy their lives, they’re going to do it regardless. I’ve still got a few friends who are addicts and I always say whenever you’re ready man I’m here to take the steps but I’m not gonna go and say look we need to sort you out now. All they would do is lie and try to avoid me, you know why? Because at that point the drugs are more important.

 

[kenpoengineer]

Can we go back to food addiction per the original post. I know some will say addiction is addiction but how does a family member help someone with a FOOD addiction? Maybe the answer is nothing as you guys are saying already.