Mashed Needs help on getting over his wife
- 03-22-2008, 09:21 AM
Mashed Needs help on getting over his wife
As some of you may know things have happened between me and my wife. Without going into details, how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.
This is driving me crazy, everything in our home reminds me of her, everything i do, i see or hear. Shes now having feelings for a mutual friend of ours, we hadnt even split up, so this is real hard on me. I know where she is right at this moment, in a hotel, in the same bed, and kissing this guy.
I need help. This is hard guys. Real hard.
- 03-22-2008, 09:45 AM
Well my friend, I'm truly sorry for your situation. I personally haven't been married yet and have no idea what your experiencing. But as I see it man, you just have to move on, distance yourself from the constant reminders and find something that makes you happy again.
I wish you the best my friend and I hope that things work out, have faith and we are all shown the way.
03-22-2008, 09:50 AM
I Wish I had something to say that would help besides that I feel for you. As they say time heals all wounds. My best advice is to throw your energy into something positive and stay busy to try to keep your mind off of your current situation. Seek help if you feel you need it.
03-22-2008, 10:02 AM
Thanks guys. The advice is truly appreciated.
Right now im keeping myself busy with endless family guy. Brightens any day up lol.
03-22-2008, 10:07 AM
I'm sorry Mashed, but time is the only healer of this sort of thing. Have faith, keep your head clear, and above all, never stop moving forward.
Have you ever been Sky-Diving? Trust me, it puts things in perspective. Try it - It's the perfect time of year!
Good luck with your quest to healing, Mashed.
03-22-2008, 10:24 AM
First, hopefully this mutual friend isn't one of your good friends. Second if she's already moving on and your not even split up yet then pack her $hit and throw it out on the lawn (if you haven't already). Now that you have her stuff is out, I would refurnish some of the house and make it my own. Sex swing, flat screen, you know the usual.
It's impossible to make sense out of a situation like this but the reality of it all is it's happening. Don't sit around and drive yourself crazy. Sit down and right out a list of all the things you want to accomplish and then go after them. We tend to want what we can't have (a sick cosmic joke) so the more she pulls away the more you'll miss and want her. Understand this is a natural instinct, in reality your not missing her but the comfort of being in a relationship and not being alone.
Oh one last thing when you meet other women don't compare them to her. Your upgrading so why compare to the old model that wasn't reliable or trustworthy?
03-22-2008, 10:58 AM
Time, realization that she was just a bump in the road to finding your true love, and that she really doesn't deserve you.
You're a young dude that has a world of options. Move forward with a positive attitude (yes this is painful and don't be afraid to let your feelings known to your buddies and AM.)
I second the notion of turning the house into your domain. Give her stuff back to her and let her think about what she just did and lost (turn the tables.)
I hope you find the best way of coping with such a rough situation. Now go meet up with some friends and have a good time tonight!
03-22-2008, 11:35 AM
1 - mutual friend is a d*ck if he is your true friend
2- feel for ya bro, sucks bigtime, time will help though, trust me.
03-22-2008, 11:41 AM
God I want to kick his a$$. He knew we we're having problems, he told me he would look after. I don't call making out with my wife and sleeping in the same bed looking out for her.
It seems no one has any respect for others these days. God I hate this.
03-22-2008, 11:49 AM
sorry to hear this MP.
so far my wife has been good to me.
but i did have a girlfriend of 4yrs that did the exact same thing to me.
it fcuked me up kinda bad for awhile.
and i'll admit i'm still not completly over her today and it's been 10yrs since.
i think jminis gave some good advice.
if the relationship is unsalvagable then i say do everything you can to move on as quickly as possible.
03-22-2008, 11:49 AM
Sorry to hear about your situation Mashed, but try to look at it as an opportunity. Do the things you have wanted to do for a while but haven't been able too. My best advice is surround yourself with as much friends and family as possible and let them know what kind of support you need. I know this may sound weird too, but if you have a lot of free time on your hands pick up a part time job, kills time, gives you a little cash, keeps you occupied, and you meet new people. Good luck buddy.
Muscle Pharm Rep
03-22-2008, 11:57 AM
I'm really sorry to hear about this mashed. I know it's hard to fathom at this time point, but in the end you'll move past this and on to better things. Keep your head up buddy. We're here for you.
Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
03-22-2008, 12:20 PM
Mashed and myself live close to eachother. Found that out about a week ago.
I foresee some hanging out, and the clanking of heavy weights.
03-22-2008, 12:44 PM
You my carbohydrate laden friend have answered your own question.
This is what I went through twice with my ex, but actually only felt like you are feeling once.
The second time it all happened I had it figured out.
Lets take a quick look.
how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.
Well, THERES your problem. Why waste a SECOND loving someone that doesn't love you back? Love isn't love unless its mutual. If she isn't going to give you the consideration do not give it to her. Try as hard as you can to realize that the relationship is over, but your life definitely isn't. When I was in your shoes both 2 years ago and 5 years ago, at first I though it was the end of the world because she WAS my world. Then I realized that I WASN'T her world. Not even close.
Now, an abused dog will keep coming back for more, and how often does the abuser say "Oh, how sweet! I kick him and he still loves me!" Never. That person does not care if you love them. Don't be that dog. Don't hang on just because its all you know right now. There is a lot more out there.
After my split with my ex I was sad at first, then I realized that I was no free to truly find out what I wanted, and to find what I wanted. Its out there. You have to be willing to find it because it will not just come to you.
Take the opportunity NOW to be in charge of your life, and to improve yourself. It will hurt for a while, but don't let it consume you any longer than it has to. Pain like that is a mental cancer, and once it gets so big, it can be impossible to stop. Don't martyr yourself, don't sacrifice yourself, just heal, grow stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and move forward. Its hard to move forward when you're looking backward.
A wise man once said, "You know I'm bad! I'm bad! You know it! You know it! You know! You know! You know! Shamon! And the whole world has to answer right now, so I'll tell you once again who's bad!"
03-22-2008, 12:57 PM
03-22-2008, 01:02 PM
03-22-2008, 02:14 PM
aww shyt MP. Sorry to hear man. Well i think alot of other said it right already so ill keep it simple and make you smile some...
1. I cared deeply for someone before and man, it was hard ot get over, but youre just missin the new ones going by.
2. The other guy is a douche. Friend my a$$. Dont kick his a$$ cause he will end up on top in that and youll end up with a record.
3. If she is goin to be like that, i agree with the above. Get that shyt outta your house, re decorate and start ballin' homie.
4. As hard as it is to understand and believe, i strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Not sure why or how, but youll be happy again. Joy wouldnt feel so good if it wasnt for pain.
And most importantly, train. Like you said. Keep busy, ofcus on schooling, GOOD and TRUE friends, just dont be lazy. Keep up with things, go out enjoy your life. Casue its just that, yours. No one else will chaneg what you can do with your time, so enjoy it broski.
PS- Does this mean that fukcin evil demon cat is gone!? Maybe if it goes the the other half it fukc that guy up for you.
Be easy man, dont miss any opportunities that arise.
03-22-2008, 02:16 PM
keep yourself as busy as possible, and give it time. it's really all you can do. i would cut off contact with both of them as well, and try to get rid of anything that reminds you of her if possible. good luck man, that is a rough situation, but you're better off without her
03-22-2008, 02:32 PM
Oh yeah, while the best advice concerning your "friend" is not to kick his A S S ) I would F U C K him up just on principle alone :bruce1: .. BUT like stated above, it could cause you lots of problems.. Then again, I have always had my "boys" who would be more than happy to take care of it to keep my nose clean since you have the X to deal with..
There is always more than one way to get someone
Best of luck to you bro, just dont do anything crazy.. She is not worth it my friend
03-22-2008, 02:36 PM
I think stuff her and your cat into the microwave, and set it to popcorn.
On a more serious note, I think most of the other guys have covered it pretty well. Get her out of your day to day life as quickly as possible. Redecorate or move even if its realistic. Not sure whether you are in an apartment or house. Doesn't have to be far, just someplace different. Or it could be far, if you've always had an itch to live someplace else.
I think once some time has passed you can get to where you realize that even if you still "love" her in terms of wanting the best for her and for her to be happy, that doesn't mean you have to like or associate with a skank who'd screw one of her husbands friends. i have previous "friends" both male and female (including an exwife) who I feel that way about. I wish no harm to them, and hope they are happy where they are going and with what they are doing, but i won't associate with them. If I bump into them at a mall, or some other public place, i'll exchange pleansant conversation for a while, but thats all
03-22-2008, 02:52 PM
Sorry to read about this, MP! Complex emotional things of this type that cannot be explained rationally are usually deeply disturbing and distracting. And can haunt us years after, if not managed properly. There have been many useful pieces of advice by earlier posters, but in the final analysis only you can decide your next step. To make that happen, it might help to have a serious talk with her to help you focus yourself. It might help you put the events of the recent past into perspective. This may also help cement your resolve to move forward. I wish you a lot of strength in these trying times. Like Verner (at NutraPlanet) would say: "Peaceful Journey", my friend!
Product Educator | USPowders
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03-22-2008, 03:33 PM
03-22-2008, 04:47 PM
Buy, then hang up your new sex swing then invite her over to grab the rest of her stuff. She will walk out of your house thinking "what the hell have I done".
hang in there brother, ygpm
03-22-2008, 05:13 PM
You are hurting, and its legitimate pain. Emotional pain is just as real as physical pain, and just like we cannot pretend that it doesn't hurt when we break a bone we cannot pretend that it doesn't hurt when our hearts are broken.
The only thing that will make you hurt less is time. It sucks, but its true.
I totally agree that you shouldn't do anything but look forward. This woman and your mutual friend are the past, and while one day you might choose to forgive them that doesn't mean that you have to or that you should restore your relationship with them.
You are young, and it is actually good that she cheated this early in your relationship. Think about how much more this would suck if you guys had been married for 10-15 years, and especially if you guys had a few kids. You would also have more stuff to lose in the divorce later in life.
Another positive thing that you probably haven't considered is this:
Women peak between 18-25. You are 23 and when you are newly single you are going to be a hot commodity on the dating scene. You are just going to get bigger, better looking, and have more money. You sir are going to be getting some high quality action, and will be the envy of many.
Right now don't be afraid to lean on your family, and friends for support (including your friendly neighborhood muscleheads here at AM). You will get through this.
03-22-2008, 09:40 PM
Hey Mashed, I thought this might cheer you up,
[nomedia="http://youtube.com/watch?v=q7uyKYeGPdE&feature=re lated"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/nomedia]
03-22-2008, 10:03 PM
lmao t-bone, thanks for that.
Thank you so much guys. Im finding the inner strength to stand against this, but my heart and brain are constantly battling, emotions vs logic.
She keeps messing with my mind, her messages go from sweet, to hate, to sweet, to hate.
What the hell?! This is a case of i want my cake and to eat it. She wants everything, but in the end she will have nothing.
Damnit man, what gets me most is when she justifies her behavior. Right.....
Thanks so much guys, your continued support is really helping have the strenght to battle this. The sex swing is in (puerley for aesthetic reasons haha), gucci bags are out.
03-22-2008, 10:30 PM
i'm in for the support........
i don't think i can add any more than whats been said. But, i am here for ya! I am SO GLAD i offered you the 3-AD! POUND THE FUKCING WEIGHTS, BRO!
03-23-2008, 02:36 PM
If she is messing with you, change your number, you dont need the rollar coaster ride, have all contact through a lawyer, time is the only thing, be busy.....I myself find, working 3 jobs, school and the gym a EXCELLENT way to heal the heart......
But seriously, good luck And remember someday, someone is going to love you for you......just be aware, dont let one A** spoil it for someone who will love you for you...........
RIP Ryan, :(
03-23-2008, 02:47 PM
03-23-2008, 03:50 PM
Keep your head up Mashed. Don't ever feel like you did something wrong. I don't condone treating girls like sh*t, but this should make you feel better.
[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6V9j5qHEqY"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/nomedia]
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