Mashed Needs help on getting over his wife
03-22-2008 08:21 AM
Mashed Needs help on getting over his wife
As some of you may know things have happened between me and my wife. Without going into details, how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.
This is driving me crazy, everything in our home reminds me of her, everything i do, i see or hear. Shes now having feelings for a mutual friend of ours, we hadnt even split up, so this is real hard on me. I know where she is right at this moment, in a hotel, in the same bed, and kissing this guy.
I need help. This is hard guys. Real hard.
03-22-2008 08:45 AM
Axis Labs Rep
Well my friend, I'm truly sorry for your situation. I personally haven't been married yet and have no idea what your experiencing. But as I see it man, you just have to move on, distance yourself from the constant reminders and find something that makes you happy again.
I wish you the best my friend and I hope that things work out, have faith and we are all shown the way.
03-22-2008 08:50 AM
I Wish I had something to say that would help besides that I feel for you. As they say time heals all wounds. My best advice is to throw your energy into something positive and stay busy to try to keep your mind off of your current situation. Seek help if you feel you need it.
03-22-2008 09:02 AM
Thanks guys. The advice is truly appreciated.
Right now im keeping myself busy with endless family guy. Brightens any day up lol.
03-22-2008 09:07 AM
I'm sorry Mashed, but time is the only healer of this sort of thing. Have faith, keep your head clear, and above all, never stop moving forward.
Have you ever been Sky-Diving? Trust me, it puts things in perspective. Try it - It's the perfect time of year!
Good luck with your quest to healing, Mashed.
03-22-2008 09:24 AM
First, hopefully this mutual friend isn't one of your good friends. Second if she's already moving on and your not even split up yet then pack her $hit and throw it out on the lawn (if you haven't already). Now that you have her stuff is out, I would refurnish some of the house and make it my own. Sex swing, flat screen, you know the usual.
It's impossible to make sense out of a situation like this but the reality of it all is it's happening. Don't sit around and drive yourself crazy. Sit down and right out a list of all the things you want to accomplish and then go after them. We tend to want what we can't have (a sick cosmic joke) so the more she pulls away the more you'll miss and want her. Understand this is a natural instinct, in reality your not missing her but the comfort of being in a relationship and not being alone.
Oh one last thing when you meet other women don't compare them to her. Your upgrading so why compare to the old model that wasn't reliable or trustworthy?
03-22-2008 09:58 AM
Time, realization that she was just a bump in the road to finding your true love, and that she really doesn't deserve you.
You're a young dude that has a world of options. Move forward with a positive attitude (yes this is painful and don't be afraid to let your feelings known to your buddies and AM.)
I second the notion of turning the house into your domain. Give her stuff back to her and let her think about what she just did and lost (turn the tables.)
I hope you find the best way of coping with such a rough situation. Now go meet up with some friends and have a good time tonight!
03-22-2008 10:35 AM
1 - mutual friend is a d*ck if he is your true friend
2- feel for ya bro, sucks bigtime, time will help though, trust me.
03-22-2008 10:41 AM
God I want to kick his a$$. He knew we we're having problems, he told me he would look after. I don't call making out with my wife and sleeping in the same bed looking out for her.
It seems no one has any respect for others these days. God I hate this.
03-22-2008 10:49 AM
sorry to hear this MP.
so far my wife has been good to me.
but i did have a girlfriend of 4yrs that did the exact same thing to me.
it fcuked me up kinda bad for awhile.
and i'll admit i'm still not completly over her today and it's been 10yrs since.
i think jminis gave some good advice.
if the relationship is unsalvagable then i say do everything you can to move on as quickly as possible.
03-22-2008 10:49 AM
Sorry to hear about your situation Mashed, but try to look at it as an opportunity. Do the things you have wanted to do for a while but haven't been able too. My best advice is surround yourself with as much friends and family as possible and let them know what kind of support you need. I know this may sound weird too, but if you have a lot of free time on your hands pick up a part time job, kills time, gives you a little cash, keeps you occupied, and you meet new people. Good luck buddy.
03-22-2008 10:57 AM
I'm really sorry to hear about this mashed. I know it's hard to fathom at this time point, but in the end you'll move past this and on to better things. Keep your head up buddy. We're here for you.
Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
03-22-2008 11:20 AM
Mashed and myself live close to eachother. Found that out about a week ago.
I foresee some hanging out, and the clanking of heavy weights.
03-22-2008 11:44 AM
You my carbohydrate laden friend have answered your own question.
This is what I went through twice with my ex, but actually only felt like you are feeling once.
The second time it all happened I had it figured out.
Lets take a quick look.
how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.
Well, THERES your problem. Why waste a SECOND loving someone that doesn't love you back? Love isn't love unless its mutual. If she isn't going to give you the consideration do not give it to her. Try as hard as you can to realize that the relationship is over, but your life definitely isn't. When I was in your shoes both 2 years ago and 5 years ago, at first I though it was the end of the world because she WAS my world. Then I realized that I WASN'T her world. Not even close.
Now, an abused dog will keep coming back for more, and how often does the abuser say "Oh, how sweet! I kick him and he still loves me!" Never. That person does not care if you love them. Don't be that dog. Don't hang on just because its all you know right now. There is a lot more out there.
After my split with my ex I was sad at first, then I realized that I was no free to truly find out what I wanted, and to find what I wanted. Its out there. You have to be willing to find it because it will not just come to you.
Take the opportunity NOW to be in charge of your life, and to improve yourself. It will hurt for a while, but don't let it consume you any longer than it has to. Pain like that is a mental cancer, and once it gets so big, it can be impossible to stop. Don't martyr yourself, don't sacrifice yourself, just heal, grow stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and move forward. Its hard to move forward when you're looking backward.
A wise man once said, "You know I'm bad! I'm bad! You know it! You know it! You know! You know! You know! Shamon! And the whole world has to answer right now, so I'll tell you once again who's bad!"
03-22-2008 11:57 AM
Originally Posted by MashedPotato
Sorry Mr.Potato. The fist thing I would do MOVE. It will make you feel better if you are in a different town, city or even state, plus different surroundings. Sell anything that you purchased with her and get new stuff.
03-22-2008 12:02 PM
Originally Posted by MashedPotato
This is a sad and unfortunate reality in society. Infidelity is as common as fat people are.
03-22-2008 01:14 PM
aww shyt MP. Sorry to hear man. Well i think alot of other said it right already so ill keep it simple and make you smile some...
1. I cared deeply for someone before and man, it was hard ot get over, but youre just missin the new ones going by.
2. The other guy is a douche. Friend my a$$. Dont kick his a$$ cause he will end up on top in that and youll end up with a record.
3. If she is goin to be like that, i agree with the above. Get that shyt outta your house, re decorate and start ballin' homie.
4. As hard as it is to understand and believe, i strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Not sure why or how, but youll be happy again. Joy wouldnt feel so good if it wasnt for pain.
And most importantly, train. Like you said. Keep busy, ofcus on schooling, GOOD and TRUE friends, just dont be lazy. Keep up with things, go out enjoy your life. Casue its just that, yours. No one else will chaneg what you can do with your time, so enjoy it broski.
PS- Does this mean that fukcin evil demon cat is gone!? Maybe if it goes the the other half it fukc that guy up for you.
Be easy man, dont miss any opportunities that arise.
03-22-2008 01:16 PM
keep yourself as busy as possible, and give it time. it's really all you can do. i would cut off contact with both of them as well, and try to get rid of anything that reminds you of her if possible. good luck man, that is a rough situation, but you're better off without her
03-22-2008 01:32 PM
Thats solid advice right there bro.. Had a girl I was madly in love with about 7 years ago s h i t on me too.. It hurts bro, honestly I understand, but as everyone has pointed out.. you just gotta move on.. get rid of the things that remind you of her and make you cry.. If thats all your stuff, then have a hell of a sell and start over.. crib included..
Originally Posted by Dr Packenwood
Oh yeah, while the best advice concerning your "friend" is not to kick his A S S ) I would F U C K him up just on principle alone :bruce1: .. BUT like stated above, it could cause you lots of problems.. Then again, I have always had my "boys" who would be more than happy to take care of it to keep my nose clean since you have the X to deal with..
There is always more than one way to get someone
Best of luck to you bro, just dont do anything crazy.. She is not worth it my friend
03-22-2008 01:36 PM
I think stuff her and your cat into the microwave, and set it to popcorn.
On a more serious note, I think most of the other guys have covered it pretty well. Get her out of your day to day life as quickly as possible. Redecorate or move even if its realistic. Not sure whether you are in an apartment or house. Doesn't have to be far, just someplace different. Or it could be far, if you've always had an itch to live someplace else.
I think once some time has passed you can get to where you realize that even if you still "love" her in terms of wanting the best for her and for her to be happy, that doesn't mean you have to like or associate with a skank who'd screw one of her husbands friends. i have previous "friends" both male and female (including an exwife) who I feel that way about. I wish no harm to them, and hope they are happy where they are going and with what they are doing, but i won't associate with them. If I bump into them at a mall, or some other public place, i'll exchange pleansant conversation for a while, but thats all
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