Mashed Needs help on getting over his wife

[MashedPotato]

Hey guys,

As some of you may know things have happened between me and my wife. Without going into details, how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.

This is driving me crazy, everything in our home reminds me of her, everything i do, i see or hear. Shes now having feelings for a mutual friend of ours, we hadnt even split up, so this is real hard on me. I know where she is right at this moment, in a hotel, in the same bed, and kissing this guy.

I need help. This is hard guys. Real hard.

Thanks guys

 

[Newlife4me]

Well my friend, I'm truly sorry for your situation. I personally haven't been married yet and have no idea what your experiencing. But as I see it man, you just have to move on, distance yourself from the constant reminders and find something that makes you happy again.

I wish you the best my friend and I hope that things work out, have faith and we are all shown the way.

 

[shortblock]

I Wish I had something to say that would help besides that I feel for you. As they say time heals all wounds. My best advice is to throw your energy into something positive and stay busy to try to keep your mind off of your current situation. Seek help if you feel you need it.

 

[MashedPotato]

Thanks guys. The advice is truly appreciated.

Right now im keeping myself busy with endless family guy. Brightens any day up lol.

 

[matthew76]

I'm sorry Mashed, but time is the only healer of this sort of thing. Have faith, keep your head clear, and above all, never stop moving forward.

Have you ever been Sky-Diving? Trust me, it puts things in perspective. Try it - It's the perfect time of year!

Good luck with your quest to healing, Mashed.

 

[jminis]

First, hopefully this mutual friend isn't one of your good friends. Second if she's already moving on and your not even split up yet then pack her $hit and throw it out on the lawn (if you haven't already). Now that you have her stuff is out, I would refurnish some of the house and make it my own. Sex swing, flat screen, you know the usual.

It's impossible to make sense out of a situation like this but the reality of it all is it's happening. Don't sit around and drive yourself crazy. Sit down and right out a list of all the things you want to accomplish and then go after them. We tend to want what we can't have (a sick cosmic joke) so the more she pulls away the more you'll miss and want her. Understand this is a natural instinct, in reality your not missing her but the comfort of being in a relationship and not being alone.

Oh one last thing when you meet other women don't compare them to her. Your upgrading so why compare to the old model that wasn't reliable or trustworthy?

 

[OCCFan023]

Time, realization that she was just a bump in the road to finding your true love, and that she really doesn't deserve you.

You're a young dude that has a world of options. Move forward with a positive attitude (yes this is painful and don't be afraid to let your feelings known to your buddies and AM.)

I second the notion of turning the house into your domain. Give her stuff back to her and let her think about what she just did and lost (turn the tables.)

I hope you find the best way of coping with such a rough situation. Now go meet up with some friends and have a good time tonight!

 

[john123131]

1 - mutual friend is a d*ck if he is your true friend
2- feel for ya bro, sucks bigtime, time will help though, trust me.

 

[MashedPotato]

God I want to kick his a$$. He knew we we're having problems, he told me he would look after. I don't call making out with my wife and sleeping in the same bed looking out for her.

It seems no one has any respect for others these days. God I hate this.

 

[Hank Vangut]

sorry to hear this MP.

so far my wife has been good to me.
but i did have a girlfriend of 4yrs that did the exact same thing to me.
it fcuked me up kinda bad for awhile.
and i'll admit i'm still not completly over her today and it's been 10yrs since.
i think jminis gave some good advice.
if the relationship is unsalvagable then i say do everything you can to move on as quickly as possible.

 

[pmiller383]

Sorry to hear about your situation Mashed, but try to look at it as an opportunity. Do the things you have wanted to do for a while but haven't been able too. My best advice is surround yourself with as much friends and family as possible and let them know what kind of support you need. I know this may sound weird too, but if you have a lot of free time on your hands pick up a part time job, kills time, gives you a little cash, keeps you occupied, and you meet new people. Good luck buddy.

 

[Trauma1]

I'm really sorry to hear about this mashed. I know it's hard to fathom at this time point, but in the end you'll move past this and on to better things. Keep your head up buddy. We're here for you.

 

[Gtarzan81]

Mashed and myself live close to eachother. Found that out about a week ago.
I foresee some hanging out, and the clanking of heavy weights.

 

[Dr Packenwood]

You my carbohydrate laden friend have answered your own question.

This is what I went through twice with my ex, but actually only felt like you are feeling once.

The second time it all happened I had it figured out.

Lets take a quick look.
how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.


Well, THERES your problem. Why waste a SECOND loving someone that doesn't love you back? Love isn't love unless its mutual. If she isn't going to give you the consideration do not give it to her. Try as hard as you can to realize that the relationship is over, but your life definitely isn't. When I was in your shoes both 2 years ago and 5 years ago, at first I though it was the end of the world because she WAS my world. Then I realized that I WASN'T her world. Not even close.

Now, an abused dog will keep coming back for more, and how often does the abuser say "Oh, how sweet! I kick him and he still loves me!" Never. That person does not care if you love them. Don't be that dog. Don't hang on just because its all you know right now. There is a lot more out there.

After my split with my ex I was sad at first, then I realized that I was no free to truly find out what I wanted, and to find what I wanted. Its out there. You have to be willing to find it because it will not just come to you.

Take the opportunity NOW to be in charge of your life, and to improve yourself. It will hurt for a while, but don't let it consume you any longer than it has to. Pain like that is a mental cancer, and once it gets so big, it can be impossible to stop. Don't martyr yourself, don't sacrifice yourself, just heal, grow stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and move forward. Its hard to move forward when you're looking backward.

A wise man once said, "You know I'm bad! I'm bad! You know it! You know it! You know! You know! You know! Shamon! And the whole world has to answer right now, so I'll tell you once again who's bad!"

Good luck:djparty:

 

[T-Bone]

Hey guys,

As some of you may know things have happened between me and my wife. Without going into details, how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.

This is driving me crazy, everything in our home reminds me of her, everything i do, i see or hear. Shes now having feelings for a mutual friend of ours, we hadnt even split up, so this is real hard on me. I know where she is right at this moment, in a hotel, in the same bed, and kissing this guy.

I need help. This is hard guys. Real hard.

Thanks guys

Sorry Mr.Potato. The fist thing I would do MOVE. It will make you feel better if you are in a different town, city or even state, plus different surroundings. Sell anything that you purchased with her and get new stuff.

 

[ReaperX]

God I want to kick his a$$. He knew we we're having problems, he told me he would look after. I don't call making out with my wife and sleeping in the same bed looking out for her.

It seems no one has any respect for others these days. God I hate this.

This is a sad and unfortunate reality in society. Infidelity is as common as fat people are.

 

[MentalTwitch]

aww shyt MP. Sorry to hear man. Well i think alot of other said it right already so ill keep it simple and make you smile some...
1. I cared deeply for someone before and man, it was hard ot get over, but youre just missin the new ones going by.

2. The other guy is a douche. Friend my a$$. Dont kick his a$$ cause he will end up on top in that and youll end up with a record.

3. If she is goin to be like that, i agree with the above. Get that shyt outta your house, re decorate and start ballin' homie.

4. As hard as it is to understand and believe, i strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Not sure why or how, but youll be happy again. Joy wouldnt feel so good if it wasnt for pain.

And most importantly, train. Like you said. Keep busy, ofcus on schooling, GOOD and TRUE friends, just dont be lazy. Keep up with things, go out enjoy your life. Casue its just that, yours. No one else will chaneg what you can do with your time, so enjoy it broski.

PS- Does this mean that fukcin evil demon cat is gone!? Maybe if it goes the the other half it fukc that guy up for you.

Be easy man, dont miss any opportunities that arise.
:djparty:

 

[warnerve]

keep yourself as busy as possible, and give it time. it's really all you can do. i would cut off contact with both of them as well, and try to get rid of anything that reminds you of her if possible. good luck man, that is a rough situation, but you're better off without her

 

[PumpDogg]

You my carbohydrate laden friend have answered your own question.

This is what I went through twice with my ex, but actually only felt like you are feeling once.

The second time it all happened I had it figured out.

Lets take a quick look.
how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.


Well, THERES your problem. Why waste a SECOND loving someone that doesn't love you back? Love isn't love unless its mutual. If she isn't going to give you the consideration do not give it to her. Try as hard as you can to realize that the relationship is over, but your life definitely isn't. When I was in your shoes both 2 years ago and 5 years ago, at first I though it was the end of the world because she WAS my world. Then I realized that I WASN'T her world. Not even close.

Now, an abused dog will keep coming back for more, and how often does the abuser say "Oh, how sweet! I kick him and he still loves me!" Never. That person does not care if you love them. Don't be that dog. Don't hang on just because its all you know right now. There is a lot more out there.

After my split with my ex I was sad at first, then I realized that I was no free to truly find out what I wanted, and to find what I wanted. Its out there. You have to be willing to find it because it will not just come to you.

Take the opportunity NOW to be in charge of your life, and to improve yourself. It will hurt for a while, but don't let it consume you any longer than it has to. Pain like that is a mental cancer, and once it gets so big, it can be impossible to stop. Don't martyr yourself, don't sacrifice yourself, just heal, grow stronger mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and move forward. Its hard to move forward when you're looking backward.

A wise man once said, "You know I'm bad! I'm bad! You know it! You know it! You know! You know! You know! Shamon! And the whole world has to answer right now, so I'll tell you once again who's bad!"

Good luck:djparty:

Thats solid advice right there bro.. Had a girl I was madly in love with about 7 years ago s h i t on me too.. It hurts bro, honestly I understand, but as everyone has pointed out.. you just gotta move on.. get rid of the things that remind you of her and make you cry.. If thats all your stuff, then have a hell of a sell and start over.. crib included..

Oh yeah, while the best advice concerning your "friend" is not to kick his A S S ) I would F U C K him up just on principle alone :bruce1: .. BUT like stated above, it could cause you lots of problems.. Then again, I have always had my "boys" who would be more than happy to take care of it to keep my nose clean since you have the X to deal with..

There is always more than one way to get someone:cheers:

Best of luck to you bro, just dont do anything crazy.. She is not worth it my friend

 

[EasyEJL]

I think stuff her and your cat into the microwave, and set it to popcorn.

On a more serious note, I think most of the other guys have covered it pretty well. Get her out of your day to day life as quickly as possible. Redecorate or move even if its realistic. Not sure whether you are in an apartment or house. Doesn't have to be far, just someplace different. Or it could be far, if you've always had an itch to live someplace else.

I think once some time has passed you can get to where you realize that even if you still "love" her in terms of wanting the best for her and for her to be happy, that doesn't mean you have to like or associate with a skank who'd screw one of her husbands friends. i have previous "friends" both male and female (including an exwife) who I feel that way about. I wish no harm to them, and hope they are happy where they are going and with what they are doing, but i won't associate with them. If I bump into them at a mall, or some other public place, i'll exchange pleansant conversation for a while, but thats all

 

[strategicmove]

Sorry to read about this, MP! Complex emotional things of this type that cannot be explained rationally are usually deeply disturbing and distracting. And can haunt us years after, if not managed properly. There have been many useful pieces of advice by earlier posters, but in the final analysis only you can decide your next step. To make that happen, it might help to have a serious talk with her to help you focus yourself. It might help you put the events of the recent past into perspective. This may also help cement your resolve to move forward. I wish you a lot of strength in these trying times. Like Verner (at NutraPlanet) would say: "Peaceful Journey", my friend!

 

[Zero Tolerance]

I've been there. When people tell you that when one door closes, another door opens - believe them. Just don't walk around with your eyes closed.

Hey guys,

As some of you may know things have happened between me and my wife. Without going into details, how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.

This is driving me crazy, everything in our home reminds me of her, everything i do, i see or hear. Shes now having feelings for a mutual friend of ours, we hadnt even split up, so this is real hard on me. I know where she is right at this moment, in a hotel, in the same bed, and kissing this guy.

I need help. This is hard guys. Real hard.

Thanks guys

 

[jminis]

Buy, then hang up your new sex swing then invite her over to grab the rest of her stuff. She will walk out of your house thinking "what the hell have I done".

hang in there brother, ygpm

 

[Dadof2]

You are hurting, and its legitimate pain. Emotional pain is just as real as physical pain, and just like we cannot pretend that it doesn't hurt when we break a bone we cannot pretend that it doesn't hurt when our hearts are broken.

The only thing that will make you hurt less is time. It sucks, but its true.

I totally agree that you shouldn't do anything but look forward. This woman and your mutual friend are the past, and while one day you might choose to forgive them that doesn't mean that you have to or that you should restore your relationship with them.

You are young, and it is actually good that she cheated this early in your relationship. Think about how much more this would suck if you guys had been married for 10-15 years, and especially if you guys had a few kids. You would also have more stuff to lose in the divorce later in life.

Another positive thing that you probably haven't considered is this:

Women peak between 18-25. You are 23 and when you are newly single you are going to be a hot commodity on the dating scene. You are just going to get bigger, better looking, and have more money. You sir are going to be getting some high quality action, and will be the envy of many.

Right now don't be afraid to lean on your family, and friends for support (including your friendly neighborhood muscleheads here at AM). You will get through this.

 

[T-Bone]

Hey Mashed, I thought this might cheer you up,

[nomedia="http://youtube.com/watch?v=q7uyKYeGPdE&feature=related"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/nomedia]

 

[MashedPotato]

lmao t-bone, thanks for that.

Thank you so much guys. Im finding the inner strength to stand against this, but my heart and brain are constantly battling, emotions vs logic.

She keeps messing with my mind, her messages go from sweet, to hate, to sweet, to hate.

What the hell?! This is a case of i want my cake and to eat it. She wants everything, but in the end she will have nothing.

Damnit man, what gets me most is when she justifies her behavior. Right.....

Thanks so much guys, your continued support is really helping have the strenght to battle this. The sex swing is in (puerley for aesthetic reasons haha), gucci bags are out.

 

[macedaddy]

i'm in for the support........

i don't think i can add any more than whats been said. But, i am here for ya! I am SO GLAD i offered you the 3-AD! POUND THE FUKCING WEIGHTS, BRO!

 

[toughchick401]

lmao t-bone, thanks for that.

Thank you so much guys. Im finding the inner strength to stand against this, but my heart and brain are constantly battling, emotions vs logic.

She keeps messing with my mind, her messages go from sweet, to hate, to sweet, to hate.

What the hell?! This is a case of i want my cake and to eat it. She wants everything, but in the end she will have nothing.

Damnit man, what gets me most is when she justifies her behavior. Right.....

Thanks so much guys, your continued support is really helping have the strenght to battle this. The sex swing is in (puerley for aesthetic reasons haha), gucci bags are out.

If she is messing with you, change your number, you dont need the rollar coaster ride, have all contact through a lawyer, time is the only thing, be busy.....I myself find, working 3 jobs, school and the gym a EXCELLENT way to heal the heart......

But seriously, good luck And remember someday, someone is going to love you for you......just be aware, dont let one A** spoil it for someone who will love you for you...........

(((HUGZ))))

TC

 

[Trauma1]

If she is messing with you, change your number, you dont need the rollar coaster ride, have all contact through a lawyer, time is the only thing, be busy.....I myself find, working 3 jobs, school and the gym a EXCELLENT way to heal the heart......

But seriously, good luck And remember someday, someone is going to love you for you......just be aware, dont let one A** spoil it for someone who will love you for you...........

(((HUGZ))))

TC

Very solid advice TC!

 

[Alexander]

Keep your head up Mashed. Don't ever feel like you did something wrong. I don't condone treating girls like sh*t, but this should make you feel better.
[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6V9j5qHEqY"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/nomedia]

 

[slow-mun]

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSJxvi767kQ"]YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.[/nomedia]
Here's another video to make you smile. I don't disrespect women, but this seems like it will at least make you laugh.

 

[datBtrue]

Hey guys,

As some of you may know things have happened between me and my wife. Without going into details, how the hell do you get over someone you love who doesnt love you back.

This is driving me crazy, everything in our home reminds me of her, everything i do, i see or hear. Shes now having feelings for a mutual friend of ours, we hadnt even split up, so this is real hard on me. I know where she is right at this moment, in a hotel, in the same bed, and kissing this guy.

I need help. This is hard guys. Real hard.

Thanks guys

Bro this is gonna sound silly I know...I've been around a long-assed time (I'm 41)...I've seen a lot of guys suffer from break ups.

The quickest most thorough way to get rid of those thoughts & feelings about your soon to be ex-wife is this....you MUST get the scent of another woman on your body. I mean that literally. There is something about having sex with a woman and taking in her essence that changes you chemically...it rewires the brain a bit...creates mild attachment to the new woman and reduces attachement to the old woman.

This doesn't by any stretch of the imagination wipe out the memory of feeling you had (or may still have) for you "old woman" but it will dampen down the intensity. You will not think about her constantly and when you do it won't be as intense because chemically you have bonded with someone else.

I'm not talking about getting a new girlfriend...take your time with that. I'm talking about a sexual encounter(s) with another woman...get her to sweat some and then rub it on yourself... Trust me on that.

 

[jmh80]

Mashed and myself live close to eachother. Found that out about a week ago.
I foresee some hanging out, and the clanking of heavy weights.

Stick close to him. He'll need a friend now more than ever.

You can help him out more than anyone else.

 

[3clipseGT]

Bro this is gonna sound silly I know...I've been around a long-assed time (I'm 41)...I've seen a lot of guys suffer from break ups.

The quickest most thorough way to get rid of those thoughts & feelings about your soon to be ex-wife is this....you MUST get the scent of another woman on your body. I mean that literally. There is something about having sex with a woman and taking in her essence that changes you chemically...it rewires the brain a bit...creates mild attachment to the new woman and reduces attachement to the old woman.

This doesn't by any stretch of the imagination wipe out the memory of feeling you had (or may still have) for you "old woman" but it will dampen down the intensity. You will not think about her constantly and when you do it won't be as intense because chemically you have bonded with someone else.

I'm not talking about getting a new girlfriend...take your time with that. I'm talking about a sexual encounter(s) with another woman...get her to sweat some and then rub it on yourself... Trust me on that.

This is so true. I went thru a pretty hard brakeup and while it was me who ended it, it needed to be done it was still so hard. Everything reminded me of her, smells, songs, food, EVERYTHING, even the damn gym! Found myself a new lady in school and we both just clicked, didnt date, didnt have sex for 6 months BUT the smell of her and everything changed me so much and made it that much easier.

Also definately guys, if you live close get some workout time in especialy under the iron. The gym has always been my "home" away from home so to speak when i have problems with the lady friend. Stick in there taters and were here for ya man!

 

[Dadof2]

Bro this is gonna sound silly I know...I've been around a long-assed time (I'm 41)...I've seen a lot of guys suffer from break ups.

The quickest most thorough way to get rid of those thoughts & feelings about your soon to be ex-wife is this....you MUST get the scent of another woman on your body. I mean that literally. There is something about having sex with a woman and taking in her essence that changes you chemically...it rewires the brain a bit...creates mild attachment to the new woman and reduces attachement to the old woman.

This doesn't by any stretch of the imagination wipe out the memory of feeling you had (or may still have) for you "old woman" but it will dampen down the intensity. You will not think about her constantly and when you do it won't be as intense because chemically you have bonded with someone else.

I'm not talking about getting a new girlfriend...take your time with that. I'm talking about a sexual encounter(s) with another woman...get her to sweat some and then rub it on yourself... Trust me on that.

Well your method definately sounds like the most fun :cheers:

 

[PumpDogg]

Datbrut hit it right on the head all nice and PC like.. so I will give the old non pc saying below

The old saying, " nothing gets you over old P U S S Y like New P U S S Y".... :chick: No offense to any womens..

 

[strategicmove]

...I'm talking about a sexual encounter(s) with another woman...get her to sweat some and then rub it on yourself... Trust me on that.

Depending on one's emotional state of attachment, this might need something like Aspire36 to implement. The first one or two encounters, at least.

 

[Gtarzan81]

Stick close to him. He'll need a friend now more than ever.

You can help him out more than anyone else.

Thanks for that. I will try. We live about 1/2 hour apart here in the Dallas area.
We hung out and had a few beers last night. He's a good guy. Too good of one to deserve this shite happening to him.

 

[TripDog]

Mashed, keep strong no matter what. It's something everyone goes through at some point, and I got mine ..trust!. You are a funny ass dude, and a great addition to Anabolic Minds. Family guy is perhaps the best show in the world to laugh like a school girl....Trauma, and I can agreee here!!! Hit that 3-ad bro, and pound the weights!!!!!!

~Trip

 

[RenegadeRows]

Here's what has helped me with recent breakups:

1. Spoil yourself (go shopping)
2. Buy pheromones (smell nice & attract women)
3. Run a cycle (either natty or not ... get your confidence and endorphins going)
4. Go on dates
5. Realize that everything happens for a reason. There's probably a hot woman out there right now waiting to get some mashedpotato on her plate.
:clean:

Stay strong bro, we're all here for you.

 

[DmitryWI]

There's probably a hot woman out there right now waiting to get some mashedpotato on her plate.
:clean:

LOL This is good one.

 

[crader]

There is not too much I can say to make it better. But I would cut off all contact with her. Get a lawyer now so you can get it over with. Keep your self busy and keep friends around. And we are all here if you need us...

 

[macedaddy]

There is not too much I can say to make it better. But I would cut off all contact with her. Get a lawyer now so you can get it over with. Keep your self busy and keep friends around. And we are all here if you need us...

Good advice here! :thumbsup:

 

[Sunder]

All solid advice already given: block her out and participate in casual sex with new pussy.

Do you have any super trusted friends or family? You might want to consider "giving" them certain important items from your home as well as "pay back" that loan you took from them before letting her know you know about her or your intentions, etc.

She owns half of your stuff now - yes, including your sports supplements and comic book collection from when you were 12.

My dad used to collect beer cans from all over the world. When he divorced, my mother claimed she wanted them (out of spite) - and essentially forced my dad to pay $1000 for something he collected before getting married to her. She had moved several of her "items" before all this while he was at work - I may hate my mother but I guess I inherited her evil thoughts and self-preservation skills. My father got raped so bad in court it wasn't even funny. Protect yourself 1st and DO NOT CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS. Trust me on this. Sorry to offend the opposite sex, but women are generally superior to men when it comes to emotional manipulation and are usually a few steps ahead of you when it comes to the end of a relationship. She's already been talking and scheming with her friends long ago, while males generally try to keep it private and handle it themselves - which is the worst thing to do. (Luckily you already took a step when you posted here).

Just like when taking anything that manipulates hormones, proper PCT should be on hand. You need the same backup/recovery plan for this. Which also reminds me - any evidence of any "illegal" or "suspicious" fitness items should be removed from your place ASAP or you may find yourself defending your roid rage in court against physical evidence of such drugs... "He was never the same after taking this your honor. I was so scared - I thought he was going to hit me. He gets mad so easily I had to leave for my own safety, etc"

Once lawyers get involved and assessments are made - bye bye. But it's more difficult to lose what you don't have and don't know where it went. I read a story once where the hero takes the day off of work and moves his important items, then changes the locks and accuses her of stealing the stuff...

I'd also make sure you keep your focus and intensity in the gym and NOT fall into the wallow in self pity trap - which can be easy to fall into.

Best of luck to you! After you have all those affairs in order, make sure you have a few wingmen that will take you out. Try to have a few wing girls too - they always make a guy look "safer". Time heals all wounds - you need as many distractions as you can to survive the most painful of those times.

 

[MashedPotato]

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE (and GT especially ).

I spent the past 4 days wallowing in self pity, but today i feel so much better - albeit incredibly depressed, hurt and lonely, but most of the frustration has gone.

To summarize my wife has, since I have known her and for several years before suffered from severe depression. She would occasionaly have bouts of mania (increased urge to spend money on bags, clothes etc), but I always took care of her, no matter what.

Now however I feel she has hit a new state of mania. She does not care about anyone, she desires to spend sooo much money, she talks about life and trees and wind etc....how beautiful everything is, yet she cannot see the consiquences of her actions. I feel so angry at her, yet so hurt that she is like this. It really isnt her fault, yet I cannot forgive her.

This guy she is with, even had the nerve to send me messages about how she needed love and how to treat her, etc! WTF! he knows nothing about my wife, he was my friend, he knew we were married and he still persued there relationship. Not only that I find out my wife has paid for everything since they have "had relations", he pays for nothing. Apparently he has "no money". Not only that, he lies (i have 7% bf....ugh yeh sure you do bud) He even told me he had a 3 yr girlfriend which is not true. Yet my wife accepts his lies and pardons him, yet she never accepts anyones lies, no matter the reason.

I cannot for the life of me understand why she is with him. Hes disrespectful (he knew we were married), hes a scrub and he lies. I see my wife and she is euphoric, shes not the same. I pray to god that this ends quickly as its tearing me apart. Not only because i love her, but because i have cared for her for so long.

Guys i dont know what to do. This isnt as easy as saying my wife cheated on me, she is incapable of thinking logically right now, she has no negative emotions. What do i do. Why is she with this guy?

She still expects to come home to me every day and for me to care for her. NO ONE understands her guys except me. I have emailed both of her doctors (pyschologist and pysciatrist (sp?)) and they also think she has mania.

What do i do guys. She is not herself, she is someone else inside my wifes body and soul.

MANIA:

Symptoms of mania include

rapid speech,
racing thoughts
decreased need for sleep
hypersexuality,
euphoria,
grandiosityincreased interest in goal-directed activities

My wife has all the bold items. She doesnt see her mania and thinks she is really, really into this guy. What do i do? Each day that passes it gets harder. He wont be there for her when she falls back down, only i know how to help her. Its soo hard guys it really is. Normally she is the most sweetest, loyal, caring and full of high values person you will ever meet. But now she is cold and heartless and can only think about herself.

 

[TripDog]

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE (and GT especially ).

I spent the past 4 days wallowing in self pity, but today i feel so much better - albeit incredibly depressed, hurt and lonely, but most of the frustration has gone.

To summarize my wife has, since I have known her and for several years before suffered from severe depression. She would occasionaly have bouts of mania (increased urge to spend money on bags, clothes etc), but I always took care of her, no matter what.

Now however I feel she has hit a new state of mania. She does not care about anyone, she desires to spend sooo much money, she talks about life and trees and wind etc....how beautiful everything is, yet she cannot see the consiquences of her actions. I feel so angry at her, yet so hurt that she is like this. It really isnt her fault, yet I cannot forgive her.

This guy she is with, even had the nerve to send me messages about how she needed love and how to treat her, etc! WTF! he knows nothing about my wife, he was my friend, he knew we were married and he still persued there relationship. Not only that I find out my wife has paid for everything since they have "had relations", he pays for nothing. Apparently he has "no money". Not only that, he lies (i have 7% bf....ugh yeh sure you do bud) He even told me he had a 3 yr girlfriend which is not true. Yet my wife accepts his lies and pardons him, yet she never accepts anyones lies, no matter the reason.

I cannot for the life of me understand why she is with him. Hes disrespectful (he knew we were married), hes a scrub and he lies. I see my wife and she is euphoric, shes not the same. I pray to god that this ends quickly as its tearing me apart. Not only because i love her, but because i have cared for her for so long.

Guys i dont know what to do. This isnt as easy as saying my wife cheated on me, she is incapable of thinking logically right now, she has no negative emotions. What do i do. Why is she with this guy?

She still expects to come home to me every day and for me to care for her. NO ONE understands her guys except me. I have emailed both of her doctors (pyschologist and pysciatrist (sp?)) and they also think she has mania.

What do i do guys. She is not herself, she is someone else inside my wifes body and soul.

MANIA:

Symptoms of mania include

rapid speech,
racing thoughts
decreased need for sleep
hypersexuality,
euphoria,
grandiosityincreased interest in goal-directed activities

My wife has all the bold items. She doesnt see her mania and thinks she is really, really into this guy. What do i do? Each day that passes it gets harder. He wont be there for her when she falls back down, only i know how to help her. Its soo hard guys it really is. Normally she is the most sweetest, loyal, caring and full of high values person you will ever meet. But now she is cold and heartless and can only think about herself.

Mash, it seems that she may in fact have issues with making rational decisions, and understanding that. If a person has a unstable pshyce, they are probably fighting a war with themselves everyday. Don't think less of yourself because someone else(even a very close person) may have a instability. You did nothing wrong here is the take home message.....it's out of your hands at this point. Loose contact is strongly advised!

 

[fitnecise]

What do i do guys. She is not herself, she is someone else inside my wifes body and soul.

Biologically, all we are is the sum of a bunch of chemical reactions, if she is changing her personality quickly it could be just the start of what (bad) is to come. You mentioned that she is under a psychiatrist's care so let them handle it. Odds are she will never again be the person you used to know. If you don't disassociate yourself from her problems she will drag you down also. I suppose, easier said than done, I couldn't imagine being in your place so I do sympathize.

Beta blockers and meditation may help to cut the emotional response from your memories but try other avenues first. Meditation itself can be extremely useful, here is a good start if you wish to explore: http://mindandmuscle.net/articles/scott_la_pidus/relieving_stress

 

[diminuendo]

Mashed...look at it this way. If your stats are right, you are only 23. Not even close to your physical/spiritual/intellectual prime. Just think how much it would suck if you gave her the best years of your life and THEN this all happened. Go out and make you some sweet lovin' and whatever you do, don't jump back into a relationship. Find your zen. Find yourself. Find some cheap sleazy sex, and then when you feel whole again go find a real woman.

p.s. I got into working out from a similar situation...only I was fourteen. I told myself I would do pushups every time I thought of her until I could forget. I wanted to make her jealous so badly that I wound up finding something that has given me far more satisfaction than a silly adolescent relationship. Many are the roads and convoluted are the paths that lead us to our destiny.

 

[EasyEJL]

She still expects to come home to me every day and for me to care for her.

its time to move out then mashed, let her come home to an empty place.

 

[Gtarzan81]

I dont know what to tell you bro, and I do have a degree in psychology, so I know more about mania than most. Whatever you decide bro, I got your back. If you need to hit my couch, hit a bar, hit the iron, get out of town for a few days, I got your back.

oh ya....some of us are playing paintball on Saturday...your invited. :numbered:

Edit: an austin road trip isisnt a bad idea either.