Mashed Needs help on getting over his wife
- 03-24-2008, 05:19 PM
- 03-24-2008, 07:26 PM
There is not too much I can say to make it better. But I would cut off all contact with her. Get a lawyer now so you can get it over with. Keep your self busy and keep friends around. And we are all here if you need us...
- 03-24-2008, 09:09 PM
03-25-2008, 12:36 AM
All solid advice already given: block her out and participate in casual sex with new *****.
Do you have any super trusted friends or family? You might want to consider "giving" them certain important items from your home as well as "pay back" that loan you took from them before letting her know you know about her or your intentions, etc.
She owns half of your stuff now - yes, including your sports supplements and comic book collection from when you were 12.
My dad used to collect beer cans from all over the world. When he divorced, my mother claimed she wanted them (out of spite) - and essentially forced my dad to pay $1000 for something he collected before getting married to her. She had moved several of her "items" before all this while he was at work - I may hate my mother but I guess I inherited her evil thoughts and self-preservation skills. My father got raped so bad in court it wasn't even funny. Protect yourself 1st and DO NOT CARE ABOUT HER FEELINGS. Trust me on this. Sorry to offend the opposite sex, but women are generally superior to men when it comes to emotional manipulation and are usually a few steps ahead of you when it comes to the end of a relationship. She's already been talking and scheming with her friends long ago, while males generally try to keep it private and handle it themselves - which is the worst thing to do. (Luckily you already took a step when you posted here).
Just like when taking anything that manipulates hormones, proper PCT should be on hand. You need the same backup/recovery plan for this. Which also reminds me - any evidence of any "illegal" or "suspicious" fitness items should be removed from your place ASAP or you may find yourself defending your roid rage in court against physical evidence of such drugs... "He was never the same after taking this your honor. I was so scared - I thought he was going to hit me. He gets mad so easily I had to leave for my own safety, etc"
Once lawyers get involved and assessments are made - bye bye. But it's more difficult to lose what you don't have and don't know where it went. I read a story once where the hero takes the day off of work and moves his important items, then changes the locks and accuses her of stealing the stuff...
I'd also make sure you keep your focus and intensity in the gym and NOT fall into the wallow in self pity trap - which can be easy to fall into.
Best of luck to you! After you have all those affairs in order, make sure you have a few wingmen that will take you out. Try to have a few wing girls too - they always make a guy look "safer". Time heals all wounds - you need as many distractions as you can to survive the most painful of those times.
03-25-2008, 01:36 AM
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE (and GT especially ).
I spent the past 4 days wallowing in self pity, but today i feel so much better - albeit incredibly depressed, hurt and lonely, but most of the frustration has gone.
To summarize my wife has, since I have known her and for several years before suffered from severe depression. She would occasionaly have bouts of mania (increased urge to spend money on bags, clothes etc), but I always took care of her, no matter what.
Now however I feel she has hit a new state of mania. She does not care about anyone, she desires to spend sooo much money, she talks about life and trees and wind etc....how beautiful everything is, yet she cannot see the consiquences of her actions. I feel so angry at her, yet so hurt that she is like this. It really isnt her fault, yet I cannot forgive her.
This guy she is with, even had the nerve to send me messages about how she needed love and how to treat her, etc! WTF! he knows nothing about my wife, he was my friend, he knew we were married and he still persued there relationship. Not only that I find out my wife has paid for everything since they have "had relations", he pays for nothing. Apparently he has "no money". Not only that, he lies (i have 7% bf....ugh yeh sure you do bud) He even told me he had a 3 yr girlfriend which is not true. Yet my wife accepts his lies and pardons him, yet she never accepts anyones lies, no matter the reason.
I cannot for the life of me understand why she is with him. Hes disrespectful (he knew we were married), hes a scrub and he lies. I see my wife and she is euphoric, shes not the same. I pray to god that this ends quickly as its tearing me apart. Not only because i love her, but because i have cared for her for so long.
Guys i dont know what to do. This isnt as easy as saying my wife cheated on me, she is incapable of thinking logically right now, she has no negative emotions. What do i do. Why is she with this guy?
She still expects to come home to me every day and for me to care for her. NO ONE understands her guys except me. I have emailed both of her doctors (pyschologist and pysciatrist (sp?)) and they also think she has mania.
What do i do guys. She is not herself, she is someone else inside my wifes body and soul.
Symptoms of mania include
decreased need for sleep
grandiosityincreased interest in goal-directed activities
My wife has all the bold items. She doesnt see her mania and thinks she is really, really into this guy. What do i do? Each day that passes it gets harder. He wont be there for her when she falls back down, only i know how to help her. Its soo hard guys it really is. Normally she is the most sweetest, loyal, caring and full of high values person you will ever meet. But now she is cold and heartless and can only think about herself.
03-25-2008, 01:50 AM
The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2
03-25-2008, 03:55 AM
Beta blockers and meditation may help to cut the emotional response from your memories but try other avenues first. Meditation itself can be extremely useful, here is a good start if you wish to explore: http://mindandmuscle.net/articles/sc...lieving_stress
03-25-2008, 05:31 AM
Mashed...look at it this way. If your stats are right, you are only 23. Not even close to your physical/spiritual/intellectual prime. Just think how much it would suck if you gave her the best years of your life and THEN this all happened. Go out and make you some sweet lovin' and whatever you do, don't jump back into a relationship. Find your zen. Find yourself. Find some cheap sleazy sex, and then when you feel whole again go find a real woman.
p.s. I got into working out from a similar situation...only I was fourteen. I told myself I would do pushups every time I thought of her until I could forget. I wanted to make her jealous so badly that I wound up finding something that has given me far more satisfaction than a silly adolescent relationship. Many are the roads and convoluted are the paths that lead us to our destiny.
03-25-2008, 07:03 AM
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03-25-2008, 07:14 AM
I dont know what to tell you bro, and I do have a degree in psychology, so I know more about mania than most. Whatever you decide bro, I got your back. If you need to hit my couch, hit a bar, hit the iron, get out of town for a few days, I got your back.
oh ya....some of us are playing paintball on Saturday...your invited.
Edit: an austin road trip isisnt a bad idea either.
03-25-2008, 07:29 AM
03-25-2008, 08:03 AM
Don't beat yourself up!
Since thinking about your wife is going to do you no bit of good because you are only going to be thinking of jealous thoughts, or negative thoughts in general try to focus your mind on logic and not emotion. Yes I know its easier said than done, but the point is...it can be done!
The first thing I suggest to you...focus on living for yourself and develop an independence you never thought possible. Secondly, focus all of the negativity that surrounds you into bodybuilding...use it as fuel for aggression to become the absolute best you can be because in the end that negativity will turn into positivity. Thirdly, get it in your head and come to grips that you are better off without her and she did not deserve you! Furthermore, to quote Jerry Stiller "*****es Be Crazy, now get out there and crush yourself some new *****!" .
You have to develop yourself a strong foundation of loving yourself man and not needing a woman. Let reciprocated love find you because in due time it will. The more you long for it or want it the less likely you are to find it and have it.
I give you this advice because I've dealt with my share of heartbreaks and dealt with the repercussions of sexual addiction and let me tell you bodybuilding is what changed my life because bodybuilding is not just a hobby, or something you do...it is a way of life! Through bodybuilding I have learned to overcome the weak side of emotion and learn to love myself to the point where I don't need the love of woman, but rather want it at some point in time. Other things take precedence first though! At the same time I always look at it as if its in the cards it is, if it isn't then so what its not going to stop me from getting the most out of life I can. Nuff said! Hopefully what I have shared with you and said can not only help you out and make you feel better, but also give you motivation to strive for more than complacency. Take care bud and do what you have to do for you to make yourself happy! If you ever need advice, or just someone to talk to my pm box is always available...
"Never trust a b*tch because b*tches be crazy, now get out there and go crush some P***Y!" - Jerry Stiller.
03-25-2008, 08:19 AM
good advice sean. time to take care of yourself mashed
03-25-2008, 09:55 AM
If she is so deluded that she thinks you should come home to her I would either leave if you don't want the house in the divorce. Or throw her stuff out. She will not be allowed on the property until the courts determine the division of property.
Get a lawyer, people seldom change, if she cheated once it will always be a possibility. You can leave abd find someone better after time heals. Think about it like this. If she does have a form of mania, would you ever want kids with her? Even if that does not get passed down to the kids ( which it can) Do you want them to be hurt by her irrational manner?
I understand how hard it is to walk away from someone you love, someone you want to be able to fix. But it really is better for you. You deserve better! You seem like a genuinely good guy. Sadly things like this happen to all of us. I'm divorced myself. Now I don't think sleeping around is going to make it right. But otherwise everyones advice is right on. Think hard about what you really want your future to be like!
03-25-2008, 10:09 AM
In lieu of this incident, it is understandable to be upset.
However, I don't think that using a random woman's vaginal orifice as an object or play toy is the answer. Unless you are into degrading her as a human being as well.
03-25-2008, 10:16 AM
So graphic it is shattering! I get your drift!Originally Posted by ReaperX;
Product Educator | USPowders
Statements made by this online persona are the sole property of the owner, and do not necessarily reflect USPowders opinion as a whole.
04-24-2008, 10:24 PM
Hey, Mashed, where are you? I really hope you didn't get mashed up, man.
04-25-2008, 01:01 PM
You are retarded. It takes 2 to tango. Maybe she is out on the prowl and you are just an 'object' to her too? Don't think it doesn't work that way too...
Just need to find a willing participant that is interested in some no-strings encounters, random sex with strangers is a good thing. Any woman you pull from a bar some night is probably NOT expecting a relationship out of it, you are not objectifying or degrading women in the least. Sex shouldn't cause you guilty feelings, if it does you need to re-evaluate yourself.
I wholeheartedly agree with datBtrue, find some new pvssy and move on.
04-25-2008, 01:58 PM
It's got nothing to do with being unable to 'manage your feelings', but when you are sitting there alone thinking about some dude nailing your wife, you might think its a better option than homicide too.
04-29-2008, 02:08 AM
04-29-2008, 07:11 AM
so do you still hang out with this guy gtarzan ?
04-29-2008, 08:53 AM
Is she on any meds for her metal problems? I have a condition called Cyclothymia, which is a form of Bipolar disorder. It went undiagnosed for years. I never had the depression, but I was often hypo-manic. Helped in the gym, but nearly destroyed everything that mattered in my life. I never cheated, but I spent money like mad (thank you Full Tilt Poker!), and drank like no tomorrow. I am not justifying anything about what she has done/doing, there is no excuse. But she may not even realize the pain she is causing. Deep down she does, but remember, she is delusional. I might try to get her help, but I don't think I would reconcile, too much has gone on and the bridge has been destroyed. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and feel for you terribly. The folks here have offered some great advice and support, gotta love this place.
I would definitely move, at least out of the house. No way you will be able to banish the memories, good and bad. I would log everything she is/has done and get some friends to back you up on them. I hate it when I see these things happen, no one wins, at least in the short run. That said, you now DO have a fresh start and a real chance at happiness.
BTW, my younger brother suckered me into meeting with a doctor. Best thing that ever happened to me. Been on a drug called Lamictal for four years and have been a completely changed man. Never been happier, nor has my family. Hope this helps in some way. You deserve more.
Praying for peace for you....
04-29-2008, 02:45 PM
I know this went down a month ago, but I wanted to offer my 2 cents just in case it can help.
Man, I know the feeling all too well. I've never been married, but the girl who I was certain I'd one day end up with decided it would be a better idea to hook up with some guy she met at a bar. It really messed me up bad, and if there's one piece of advice I can give you it's STOP TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT. Thinking too much is your enemy here. You start asking yourself all these questions -- what went wrong? and how did you deserve it? -- and the problem with that is that you probably will never find an answer. It doesn't always make sense, and it doesn't need to. Especially if she's manic! She screwed up. Bad. You don't owe her anything. Who cares how well you think you understand her. I bet you if she stopped for a second she wouldn't even be able to make sense of it. Everything happens for a reason. Try to look at it as HER LOSS - not yours. Think of this as your chance to "upgrade". You've gotta find a way to get past everything and move on with your life otherwise it can be an endless, self-torturing cycle.
Look bro, you're a young dude. 23 years old? Man, you've got a whole lot of life left to live, brother. Looking back at my failed relationship I was 22 when we broke up and on the verge of settling down, and while that's all fine and dandy, when I think about all the great things I would've missed out on these past 7 years I can't help but feel grateful that we're not together. Time heals broken hearts, and that's all it's gonna take. In the meantime you have to find a way to get past thinking about it all the time. Work on you. Hit the gym. Do your best to get into the best shape of your life. Think about all the beautiful women you now have the potential to meet and who will have the honor of hanging out with you. You might've forgotten already, but single life can be damn good too! Surround yourself with positive people and don't forget to love yourself. It's easy to fall in a rut and sit at home depressed, but that won't do you any good. Get out of the house, be active, and don't look back! It might seem tough, but you'll notice in due time that you're a lot stronger than you credit yourself for being. I hope you're doing better, and I wish you all the best, brother.
04-29-2008, 08:13 PM
04-30-2008, 02:29 PM
04-30-2008, 05:57 PM
Well, I'm glad you're still alive and not locked up for killing someone. LOL I really hope things working out for the better, man.
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