Men Rules™

Jayhawkk

Jayhawkk

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1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

5: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar
of the birthday boy's choice.

6: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

7: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but
you may never ask who's playing.

8: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the
covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

9: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless
model and only when it's free.

10: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

15: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

16: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your
response.

17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating,
both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod
is all the conversation you need.

19: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with
her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

20: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal,
drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason
for you not to nail each other again beforethe discussion about what a big
mistake it was occurs.

We've all heard about people having guts or
balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep
you informed, the definition of each is listed below:


"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a
broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying
somewhere?"


"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
a$$ and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
 

rafter

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17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

LANBANE - didnt a certain someone we know used to say these?
 
sdmf45

sdmf45

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:toofunny: I know a few ppl that need to follow these.
 
Mega NRG Man

Mega NRG Man

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18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating,
both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod
is all the conversation you need.

19: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with
her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
Most important rules ever. I know so many people who NEED to obey Rule 18, and Rule 19 is common sense if you ever want to be more than "just a friend".
 
Iron Warrior

Iron Warrior

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I would like to add to the list

21) No 2 guys should ever be singing along to the same song in unison.

22) Don't use the urinal next to another guy if there are others available

23) If you're crying then it better be because you were chopping some strong onions

24) You never ever EVER drink non-alcoholic beer. This can be punishable by death or public humiliation.
 
Jayhawkk

Jayhawkk

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LMAO, I was in Myrtle beach at a place called Dicks and one of the guys I was with ordered a Odouls and the waiter said. "Man, i'm not ****ing getting you an Odouls!"

I never laughed so hard when dealing with a place to eat.
 
Mega NRG Man

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25) Drinking Budweiser/Coors/Miller or any LITE beer is grounds for severe punishment and humiliation. After which the drinker must be introduced to Guinness. Extra Stout.
 
Skyblue

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26) You may only pork a fat/ nasty girl if and only if
A. you are completely and hopelessly drunk
B. you will receive a massive raise
C. your life depends on it
D. its your wife (sadly)
 
Iron Warrior

Iron Warrior

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26) You may only pork a fat/ nasty girl if and only if
A. you are completely and hopelessly drunk
B. you will receive a massive raise
C. your life depends on it
D. its your wife (sadly)
E. You do it so you can tell your ex that you screwed her mom or sister
F. All of the above :D
 
Jayhawkk

Jayhawkk

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G. You are jumping on a grenade for your buddy( I.e., in order to have him get hooked up). He must be a damn good friend.
 
Iron Warrior

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G. You are jumping on a grenade for your buddy( I.e., in order to have him get hooked up). He must be a damn good friend.
The same should apply to chicks, let's make that a unisex law :D

Here's my extension of Man Laws tm

28) It is acceptable to date a friends ex-girlfriend only if you ask said friend beforehand. However, said friend has full rights to say things like, "You're gonna love the way she licks your balls!"

29) If you have ever had an STD, prepare to be ridiculed about it for as long as you live. Unless it's aids, hard to make fun of that . . . unless you got it from a hooker LOL.

30) Any one shorter than 5'8'' is open for ridicule for being a midget. If said midget is balding, feel free to belittle him without remorse.

31) You can NEVER, under ANY circumstances date your friends' sister....................unless she is really hot!

32) You may never ask a guy how he got such great abs or even glance at a man for more than 4.72 seconds without being called a fag.
 
Mega NRG Man

Mega NRG Man

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32) You may never ask a guy how he got such great abs or even glance at a man for more than 4.72 seconds without being called a fag.
So much for this entire forum.

Might as well put on our fag hats right now.

29) If you have ever had an STD, prepare to be ridiculed about it for as long as you live. Unless it's aids, hard to make fun of that . . . unless you got it from a hooker LOL.
Hard NOT to get those when you sleep around a lot. Comes with the territory.
 
Jayhawkk

Jayhawkk

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****, you can have that territory and make sure it's borders are secure. You run sex like the US runs its borders :)
 
Mega NRG Man

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****, you can have that territory and make sure it's borders are secure. You run sex like the US runs its borders :)
Plz. I don't run sex.

How the hell am I supposed to compete against you dudes and your wonderfully roided biceps? :ntome:
 
Jayhawkk

Jayhawkk

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Direct penile injection? Curl a 15 pound dumbell with your **** and you could be the next Don Juan.
 
Iron Warrior

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So much for this entire forum.

Might as well put on our fag hats right now.



Hard NOT to get those when you sleep around a lot. Comes with the territory.
Good point, but if you're caught staring at a guy for more then 4.72 seconds then you're still a fag :D
 
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