The Unofficial Helen Keller & Chuck Norris Joke Thread

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  1. The Unofficial Helen Keller & Chuck Norris Joke Thread


    Helen Keller and Chuck Norris Jokes only. I will neg the crap out of you if you post any dead baby jokes.


    So to start you off, here's a Helen Keller joke:

    Have you ever seen a pic of Helen Keller's father?




    .......neither has she.


  2. I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
    You're just about as useless as jpegs to Hellen Keller

    -weird al

  3. Instant reputation points to anyone who successfully combines Helen Keller and Chuck Norris all in one quality joke
    •   
       


  4. Not trying to get points or laughs, but there's already a Helen Keller/Chuck Norris Fact: Helen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris.
    RcB Since 09-06-2011 20:55 EST, Post 49

  5. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

  6. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

    Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

  7. Quote Originally Posted by stxnas
    Not trying to get points or laughs, but there's already a Helen Keller/Chuck Norris Fact: Helen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris.
    Lol never heard that one before, guess I shoulda known there would be one considering the Chuck Norris joke plague spread to pandemic proportions
  8. Smile


    It is a well kown fact that Chuck Norris' tears can cure blindness,

    sadly even if Helen Keller was still alive she would still be blind;

    because Chuck Norris has never cried!!!!

  9. Quote Originally Posted by stxnas
    Not trying to get points or laughs, but there's already a Helen Keller/Chuck Norris Fact: Helen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris.
    ...Pure Brilliance!!!

  10. Sinner - Helen convinced Bobo to take away the negitive rep option because every time someone was negged - it made Chuck's balls itch - badly.

  11. Quote Originally Posted by anabolicrhino
    It is a well kown fact that Chuck Norris' tears can cure blindness,

    sadly even if Helen Keller was still alive she would still be blind;

    because Chuck Norris has never cried!!!!
    Ha ha...that's pretty funny too!
    RcB Since 09-06-2011 20:55 EST, Post 49

  12. Quote Originally Posted by jmh80
    Sinner - Helen convinced Bobo to take away the negitive rep option because every time someone was negged - it made Chuck's balls itch - badly.

    Well in that case, posting a dead baby jokes will result in a roundhouse to the face: the Chuck Norris equivalent to 10^100000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000000000 000000000000000000000000003 negative reps.

  13. Have you heard about the new Helen Keller doll? Wind it up and it walks in to walls.

  14. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

  15. How did Helen Keller's Parents Punish her?

    They re-arranged the furniture.


    I wanted to parallel with how Chuck Norris's parents Punished him, but no one punishes Chuck Norris unless he punishes himself.

  16. There is no such thing as a "Theory of Evolution". There is only the creatures that Chuck Norris has allowed to survive.

    Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
    ~ Nothing can kill the Grimace!!



  17. Quote Originally Posted by prld2gr8ns View Post
    Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
    That seriously just made my day.

  18. Glad you liked it, I heard it on the radio a couple of weeks ago and basically laughed till I was out of breath.
    ~ Nothing can kill the Grimace!!



  19. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...twice

    Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

    i had the number 1 Mr. T joke when the joke sites like blew up i was proud of myself

  20. this is a great thread... Subscribed.

  21. Quote Originally Posted by East1600Plus View Post
    Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

    I thought they took him out because Chuck Norris always won.



  22. I think this speaks for itself.

    HL

  23. Playing Macro Polo is definitely not as fun as listening to her read a basketball.

  24. Quote Originally Posted by thesinner View Post
    I thought they took him out because Chuck Norris always won.
    well lets think...if he always did a roundhouse kick of course he's always going to win

  25. What do Chuck Norris and cheap toilet paper have in common? They don't take no crap off of no one.

    Why did Hellen Kellers dog jump off of a cliff? You would too if your name was uurlggggaaaaaaaaaappppt.

  26. what do you call a tennis match between helen keller and stevie wonder? endless love

    Adams
    The Historic PES Legend

  27. Quote Originally Posted by Uberfreak View Post
    Why did Hellen Kellers dog jump off of a cliff? You would too if your name was uurlggggaaaaaaaaaappppt.
    Why did Helen Keller's dog eat chocolate?

    You'd kill yourself too if your name was uurlgggaaaaaaaappppt

  28. great thread... bookmarked

  29. Quote Originally Posted by thesinner View Post
    Playing Macro Polo is definitely not as fun as listening to her read a basketball.
    Wow, that is wrong, but so funny.

  30. Guys,

    I have a fever. The doctor says the only cure is a Chuck Norris joke, featuring the total gym. Do you think you can help me out?

  31. How can you have a joke with both Chuck Norris and the total gym when Chuck Norris is the total gym.

  32. upon request::

    No matter what the infomercial tells you, if you buy a Total Gym, you will not recieve anything but a videotape of Chuck Norris having sex with your mother.

    It is a little known fact that anyone who buys a Total Gym will also recieve a free naked picture of Chuck Norris. Should you decide to return your Total Gym, you will get your ass kicked, but may keep the picture as a free gift

  33. Helen Keller may have been blind and deaf, but her ability to sense what's in front of her didn't prevent her from getting a roundhouse kick to the head by Chuck Norries. No one can make sense out of what Chuck Norris does!

  34. Christy Brinkley doesn't have success with the total gym by having good workouts. It's because she gave Chuck Norris head, and swallowed.

  35. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

    Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

  36. omfg this thread is hilarious. Im shedding a tear. To bad i dont know any chuck norris jokes, i actually never heard one in my life until visiting the sinner's threads on chuck. Chuck Norris jokes are hella funny i must say, keep um coming!

  37. Quote Originally Posted by Mach .78 View Post
    Regarding the beard.

    Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
    Taken from Who would be the last standing?

  38. Quote Originally Posted by thesinner View Post
    You are correct sir, as well as other places.

    Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.

    While searching online for a quicker, more efficient way to bake muffins, Chuck Norris encountered the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google. Taking this as a snide remark, Chuck Norris proceeded to destroy the search engine and fourteen orphanages for good measure. Chuck Norris is the only known man to have roundhouse kicked a search engine.

    A man once fired a bullet at Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris swallowed the bullet and proceeded to drop his pants. Chuck Norris then bent over and fired the bullet out of his ass, blowing the man's head off.

    It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
    Last edited by Mach .78; 02-05-2007 at 12:27 PM.

  39. Funny stuff. I started a Chuck Norris thread a while back but I think this one has gotten alot more publicity. Chuck Norris = Awesome

  40. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris... Pure brilliance
  

  
 

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