Ahem....bow down
http://www.dead-frog.com/:jaw:
A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
First they all leave the room. Then the daughter appears, 10 years old, blond curls looking like Hayley Mills from Pollyanna except, she's completely naked and covered from head to toe in her own feces. How she manages to do that to herself in the 5 seconds she was out of the room is completely amazing to the agent who claps wildly. **** covered naked Hayley Mills raises her hand in a gesture that indicates there is more to come.
Next the son walks in with the Koran and the dead body of Pope John Paul II, whom he has been keeping on ice since the day of his passing, which has kept most of the fleshy parts intact albeit extremely squishy and pungent. The agent is no dummy and realizes that this family has some pretty powerful connections, which brings a smile to his quavering lips. The son begins to rip pages from the Koran and shove each page up the dead pope’s rotted anus. It makes a distinct squishing noise like ****ing a porn star’s ******* at the end of an extensive gang- bang, all loose and full of other men’s semen.
Then the daughter begins wiping all the **** off her body with the pope's ecclesiastical vestments and the rest of the holy book of Islam. She then brings out a match and strikes alight the last page that's dangling from dead Karol Józef Wojty’s rectum. The pope’s body had obviously been soaking in gasoline prior to this show because he goes up like a burning cross. The brother then takes his sister in an embrace that is reminiscent of the poster for “Gone With The Wind”.
A tear comes to the agent’s eye as the brother using some **** that has fallen to the floor to lube his penis enters his sister in a very classic missionary position.
The daughter whispers that she doesn't want to get pregnant and the son pulls out a punch card for twenty free abortions that he received from the Democratic National Committee.
Now as a special guest appearance the grandfather arrives on the scene with a machete and dressed as the prophet Muhammad. The son and daughter having finished their lovemaking rub the pope’s ashes all over their bodies until they are as black as Webster, or Wesley Snipes, or maybe Nelson Mandela (they’re all about the same). The grandfather, son and daughter begin acting out the genocides in Darfur. The grandfather rapes the daughter and cuts off her breasts. Then he chases the son down, chops off his hands and feet and finally his lips and eyelids leaving him to live out the rest of his short life in excruciating pain.
Then the mother comes in with a shirt that says “U.N.”, does nothing and promptly leaves the room.
The family dog comes in, eats the sons disembodied lips and ****s out a living preemie that is supposed to represent the baby Jesus hinted at by the white t-shirt it's wearing with “Baby Jesus” airbrushed onto it and a rainbow.
Then the father comes in and begins to preach “Intelligent Design” to the family and tells the son that his suffering will end if he only accepts Jesus. The son attempts to kill himself by shoving his own severed foot down his throat with his stumps, but the father kicks it away and says that God doesn't give him the right to take his own life.
The grandfather still overcome with bloodlust begins to torture fetal stem cells that he recovered from a dumpster outside a California research lab.
The daughter with blood gushing from her chest crawls over to the baby Jesus and starts shaking it like a welfare mother and repeats over and over “What kind of god would do this?”
Finally the mother comes back in wearing a NASCAR T-shirt, cut-off jeans and yellow high-heels. She sits down in the middle of the room shouting at the top of her lungs that she can't find parking for her hummer at Wal-Mart.
The agent sinks back in his chair utterly horrified by this act when he realizes that yes she is wearing yellow high-heels and cut-off jeans.
On that cue they all stand up as best they can and take a bow.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
