Public Restrooms 101.
If your a man then you have seen it a thousand times. It could be at work, the mall, gas station, almost anywhere. I'm talking about a dirty ass bathroom. Why is it that men can't control themselves when it comes to a public throne? Laides I must warn you now, this is information you may not want to know. It is my guess that one of every two men who steps into a public bathroom is guilty of at least one of the crimes I mention below. So if you and your girlfirend both read this then one of you have a man that's guilty.
The public bathroom in my opinion is a privelage that shouldn't be taken advantage of. Personally I hate a public bathroom but it's a must at times. Nevermind the fact that you always have the "take a **** anywhere" guy who is always stinking up the joint. He sits there and groans as if he's pushing out a brown poundcake and is not at all concerned that others might be slightly offended of the odor. This is the same guy who makes it a point to fart as loudly as possible, shuffle his newspaper to make sure everyone knows he is a man of the times, and tugs on the toilet paper roll making it sound as if he's ripping it off the wall. The worst part about this guy is that when he's done, he makes a b-line to the exit without making the customary pit stop to wash his hands.
The second type of person you find is the "I ain't going to flush" guy. Now if it's just piss in there it's no big deal. I will use my foot to hit the flusher and do my thing. It's the one who takes a ginormous **** and leaves it to fester in the bowl that really bothers me. Think about it for a second. He goes in and takes the time to build a bird nest on top of the seat with toilet paper so his ass doesn't make contact with the seat, he pulls his pants down, cops a squat, spends at minimum 3-5 minutes dropping his load, takes another 1-2 minutes (hopefully) cleaning his ass up, puts his pants back on and rolls out. I'm thinking "Damn, you couldn't take an extra two seconds and flush that nasty ****? He wouldn't do that at home. ****ing bastard!
The next culprit is the "piss on the floor, toilet seat, and walls" guy. I know for a fact this man has a fetish with doing this. He will spray the entire joint down as if it were on fire. What really ticks me off is when he pisses on the roll of toilet paper as well. Why in the hell would you do that? It's not enough that you hosed the ****ing place down with your 2 inch ****? I know the guys who do this have got to be equipped with little ****s. It's just too much work to raise your **** up out of the toilet water and try to wrestle it into submission so you can get your jolly's off by pissing everywhere but in the urinal or bowl (So I've heard)
This one is in my opinion the worst of them all. It's the "I'm going to wipe my boogers on the wall" guy. I can't stand going into a bathroom and seeing a booger on the damn wall. Who does that? What on earth moves you to shove your finger up your nose and then place it upon a wall? Do you think we want to see your green boys? Most times I see several boogers placed close to eachother as if it was an annonymous contest of who's is bigger. I just don't get it.
This one is not so bad but it still bugs me a bit. It's the "let's write on the bathroom stall guy". Should you want to write a ****ing novel or even a short story for that matter then do so with a pen and paper, or a computer. It's still defacing property in my eyes and I have never been to another man's home and found myself reading his bathroom wall while taking a leak. I appreciate you letting me know your ex-girlfirend is a slut and passing along her number via the bathroom stall. There is a good chance however that she is butt ****ing ugly and the fact that I know she dated a man who feels the need to mark upon the bathroom stall kinda turns me off. If she put up with your stink ass then I can only imagine what she would be like. Hell your number might be on the wall in the girl's room as well. I would also like to add that viewing your gang signs is not entertainment nor is the remnant of your klan meeting you felt the need to tell us about via the wall. I always knew that the KKK were a bunch of ***s as apparently they have most of their meetings in a bathroom stall.
In closing I would like to add that I have compiled this data over years of public restroom use. I am mainly a person who chooses to take a leak in a stall rather then a urinal. I'm a bit homophobic and I feel if another man has his crank whipped out when I do then there is a 10 foot rule in place if no shield of some kind is between us. I'm not into sword fighting, checking out another man's pecker, or having him laying his eyeballs on mine. As always your results may vary and good luck in your next public bathroom adventure.
Lol that was an awsome read. At first I saw how long it was and started skimming, but then went back and read the whole thing. Absolutely brilliant!
reminds me of a more detailed public restrooms dane cook skit. Great read though
this is why i never use a public crapper... i dont like seeing the burn outs of past users... gross..
ADVANCED MUSCLE SCIENCE STRONGEST ON THE MARKET
ROFLMAO nice one
Dude- howabout the "Im old so Im gonna **** on the floor guy?" Seriously. I used to be a manager for a busy restaurant, end every couple of weeks Id have to go ask our poor mexican dishwasher to come and clean the **** of the floor of the men's room stall.
Or the "Im a business man who wasted my youth making money so Im going to **** all over the place and pretend Im 2 years old" guy? At the company I work for now, we have *really* nice,well maintained restrooms. All Kohler hardware, etc. So anyway, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands,and as I was leaving a bunch of high-level execs walked in, I think from a visiting corporation because i didnt recognize any of them.
Anyway, I got back in shortly after to take a wizz or something...and man the smell. Put it this way I havent smelled that godawful odor since the NLarge2 days. I go into one of the stalls - there's **** *everywhere*. On the toilet seat, all over the bowl, even on the chrome toilet paper dispenser.
What the hell? Freaking projectile diareahha and you cant clean up after yourself? Nasty.