Live...today!

[B5150]

A post by Dr.D in LO's resurgence thread hit home (or affirmed some of my thinking) this very morning.

I always say that only a fool doesn't plan for his future, but only a bigger fool assumes he even has a future. Look ahead, but live for the day my friend! Be happy with the work of your hands, it's one of the few satisfactions a man gets in his limited number of days he calls a life.

Here is my scenario. I live in one of the fastest growing cities in the country. I believe Phoenix (and subs) is rated around the 10 largest city in the country. Here is a sample of the huge rise of the cost of living. In May of 1998 I bought my 2000sqft house for 129k. Today my house in on the market for 329k. In 7.5 years my house has appreciated about 200k. Now if and when it sells the scenario is as follows. Because of the past struggle (other topics cover this) I have had a home equity, I re-fy'd, and now, I have a home equity and that previous re-fy (btw, it has a car payoff in it this time) for mortgage payments. I have a total of ~160k in total mortgage payment.

With my (voluntary) child support, two sets of braces and health care expenses I see about 3 of 4 of my paychecks a months. Basically ~65% of my net is take home. I balance my life from week to week just getting by week to week. In the 7.5 years that the cost of living has risen here I have seen no rise of the glass ceiling that my career has hit. In the last 7 years my anual gross has been just about the same (include lay-offs, seperations ets.)

So, I sell my 2000sqft house for 329k. Gross 170k and net about 150k after realtor fee's etc. Now guess what. The same 2000sqft is gonna cost me 330-400k. Lets just say I find something for 350k. I need to put down all of my equity to bring my mortgage amount to 200k. That will be 40k more than the mortgage I am busting my ass to just bearly support (less my dependent expensess). The same amount of house with more mortgage and likely more miles to and from work. And keep in mind that is assuming I can find 2000sqft for 350k.

Now in a job/career that has little to no fulfillment at best, and makes me completely miserable otherwise. Not to mention that at the current rate of living expenses I put in a minimum of 50-55 hrs a week to just get by. I am always disgruntled with my work conditions and environment. To add to this, I do all of this struggeling to living in a city where only my immediate family still resides. My kids live in NC and I see them for 8 weeks of summer (working 50-55 hrs a week) and Christmas (two weeks). The family I have here I see once every couple few months (everyone has their own lives).

But...that 150k will buy several to many houses in NC within 20 miles of my kids....cash. I have researched the area and a modest house in the area of the school district of my kids can range from 100-125k, depending of size and year built. This means if I wanted to I could pay cash for my home and still have between 25-50k in the bank. Be able to see my daughter finish her senior year of HS. See and be with my son for his Jr and Sr years of HS. Have an at home wife/mom who has no need to work. No longer be bound to a life of the never ending cycle working for nothing more tham paying bills in the end.

You see I have looked at this very closely. I am busting my ass to just get by. Will likely have very little, to nothing more than SS when I retire, not seeing much of my kids and being miserable all the while. In the end I will have just been a sad use of the 'LIFE' in the life I have been given.

Or I can change what I am doing...TODAY!. I can move to NC, pay cash for that home, spend time with those blessings of children that I have been given, be free of the constant rate race that I will never even place in. I may or may not have much of anything when retirement time comes, but along the way the taxation on my life to just get by will be reduced significantly. I will be able to have LIFE and share more of my life with the ones I love. I will be able to provide more of me to my family TODAY because today the only real asset all I have today is me. When it is all said and done my little girl cares not about the upwardly mobile life but rather the upwardly loving and sharing dad she has. My son will not care about the mediocre life insurance policy that is left behind for him but will consider those fishing trips that were missed and thos eball game that were never attended. My oldest daughet will have know a dad who SPENT all of his life rather than lived it.

People, I post this in this forum for a reason. Most of you and I are in the same place in life. Dr.D, thanks for saying outloud what I have had on my heart for many years. Lean One, follow that direction that your heart leads you.

Thanks for letting me share my rambles

 

[mab904]

NC is an awesome place to live!

 

[CROWLER]

HI B5150,

We have never really 'talked' before but I have always respected your posts and you are only 1 of approximately 20 members I do NOT have on my 'hide posts' list. lol

I never would have known how rough things have been going for you from your posts over the years. I am troubled that you are in such a tough situation.

I wish I had some good advice but perhaps my well wishes and prayers will help more than anything I could try to think up to say.

Best of luck and keep us up to date on what you are thinking.


CROWLER

 

[B5150]

NC is an awesome place to live!

It is quite beautiful. BTW...I changed my 'closing statement' from 'Men' to 'people'. I forget that there is a woman or two out there aound us old men's ages. Thanks for being on board.

 

[B5150]

CROWLER,

Thanks for the respect and moreso for the kindness of your post. Really things are not bad. I am in the age group and catagory of what most all 'normal' fathers and husbands are living. It is really OK. I am doing pretty well with all the the adversity and folly I have had in my life. But I want more than OK with the number of breaths I may have left on the planet. I want serenity and peace knowing that there is LIFE in my life.

Thank you friend...you do make a difference.

 

[Matthew D]

I really like down south.. B, come down to Alabama, you will like it a lot especially if you like to hunt, fish, or enjoy the lake

 

[chasec]

the south is where it's at. a little bit slower paced and a lot more laid back. plus the real estate market is wonderful here for buyers.

 

[ryansm]

I'm not 35 or older, but it sounds to me like you have already made your decision, and it's the one I would choose as well. Move on bro, it's time.:head:

 

[B5150]

I'm not 35 or older, but it sounds to me like you have already made your decision, and it's the one I would choose as well. Move on bro, it's time.:head:

I tell you ryan...the depth of the connection you and I have made is a God send. It is precious to me.

 

[ryansm]

I feel the same Brian, I actually see myself in you down the road some day.

 

[Bering C]

B5150 move closer to where your children are. I live in Alaska everything is going crazy up here also, my wife and I talk alot about maybe moving but to "where" the best place is where your family is. take your equity move out of the 60 square miles of pavement they call phoenix and really enjoy your life, I just went to Vegas for the O and was blown away by the " keep up with the jones's drive the Hummer $400,000 starter homes" lifestyle . I'll take little ol Homer Alaska any day. Do what is in your heart and you can never regret it. Good luck!

 

[Beelzebub]

I can move to NC

or you could go one state up to VA and we can train in the same gym.

i like to put on hurtin' on the old ppl. :whip:

 

[B5150]

Actually there is a Stihl plant in VA (Virginia Beach area) that I did some work in a long way back earlier in my career. Spent a few weks ther during one of those hurricanes you guys get. Grew up driving up and down the east coast with my folks on vacations and remember the Chesapeak Bay Bridge and Tunnel...good times. Myrtle Beach, Virginia Beach, Busch Gardens, Kings Dominion.

(moved this thread to the General Conversation board)

 

[Beelzebub]

about 30 minutes from kings dominion. south end of richmond.

myrtle beach....ahhh. many good times there. VA beach has cleaned up a lot and is starting to resemble myrtle.

 

[toughchick401]

I lived in NC when I was a kid, I remember the house we had was a mansion, and the price was very low, I say follow your heart life is to short, belive me I know!

 

[DmitryWI]

Brian, do what God tells you to do, but you already know that.

 

[WATERLOGGED]

B5150 ,very good idea , i made sorta the same decision myself i sold my house and property and moved ,bought a cheaper house close to where my wife works and now i spend more time with my children and spend on my kids instead of a big morgage and instead of buyin that new truck i bought my kids a pool. ,so yeah follow yer heart man "there only kids once" !and they should have good memories growin up !

 

[jonny21]

Whenever following spirit look for the path of least resisitance. Best way I ever heard it put was "walk out the door, when you hit a wall turn left"
Hey B, we have a similar history from what I can tell. I have been waking up one day at a time for a little over 6 1/2 years feeling like Lazarus. I don't have the family concerns as you do, but nonetheless I always do my best to stay on the path my Father lays before me. I know it is the true path when things flow.

 

[TINYTOAD]

B5150,

What’s there not to like about Phoenix… the 5th largest city in the U.S.
We have dust storms, “Valley Fever” disease, lots of auto theft, lots of property theft, lots of mail theft, and lots of ID theft, scorpions, and summer temperatures that are hard to beat (115+ for three weeks in a row in July this year alone), unless you live in Death Valley.

I'd really like to leave Phoenix myself.

There's a really cute "you know you're in Phoenx when" list here: http://www.joke-archives.com/youmaybe/inphoenix.html

You're a man of great character, and i'm sure you'll do just fine, wherever you decide to go.

-Tinytoad

 

[natedogg]

I love and miss the west coast, but you absolutely cannot beat the cost of living here in the south east. I'm actually looking into purchasing a 2 story, 4 bedroom house in a brand new subdivision here in SC for under $100000. In Cali, the same house would go for 4 times that. Not only that, but you'll be close to the family and that's what's important. Just do it.

 

[Jayhawkk]

Out of the many US states i've lived in Colorado has to be one of the more beautiful althougth expensive places to live.

Maryland is nice and as you move towards PA the cost of living isn't too bad. As long as you stay out of Fayetteville in NC you're okay

 

[SJA]

I feel the same Brian, I actually see myself in you down the road some day.

"in you"?? :jaw: You two need to take your sex life out of this thread :whip:

B - sounds like you hit the mid-life my friend. If you didn't have that cute little girl of yours at home...you'd be in full throttle my (like me) :head: . I've been having those "life is ticking by" thoughts lately as well. It's true...you could be 80 years old and shitting in a diaper by tomorrow (of course you'll have a pin up of me posing for Depends):dance: Be sure to research it (duh....like you won't) so that you are set up well. See what the job market is yada yada yada. But most importantly....ACT on it. No more shoulda woulda coulda. You've come such a long ass way since we've met. It's time to enjoy the things that you missed out on previously. Be sure that your Wife is on board so that you do not taint your dream with attitude. I certainly hope that you find what you are looking for.....you definitely deserve it.

 

[natedogg]

"in you"?? :jaw: You two need to take your sex life out of this thread :whip:

I was going to say something, but I didn't feel like being an asshole. J/K. I find my myself inside you too someday.

 

[B5150]

Some great input guys. Speaking of input...nate you may consider going first...you see the size of Beelzebub. Thank goodness though...he'll be done in 90 secs or less. But he's a cuddler... that is soooo not me.

Steve...yes to all of what you said. Midlife? If it was only just happening now it would be new. You know I'm well into the research as we speak of it. But yes, the ACT on it is important. My wife and I have discussed it and we are begining to have an 'understanding'. She has seen us through some bad times in the past. She is a strong woman and will stand by me reagrdless. But I do have a plan of action in mind and part of it is helping her embrace it as our plans not just mine. BTW...we were out for the day yesterday at a pumpkin festival up north of here. Missed your call and will get back to you ASAP.

 

[ryansm]

"in you"?? :jaw: You two need to take your sex life out of this thread :whip:

I knew sowmone would catch that.:numbered:

 

[jmh80]

B - do it bro.

Good luck with everything.

What are you kids aspirations in life?

 

[EEmain]

B you know what the book says... ask for guidance and direction from your HIGHERPOWER and it will be given.

 

[B5150]

EE...on it 24-7

 

[B5150]

B - do it bro.

Good luck with everything.

What are you kids aspirations in life?

Thanks.
My daughter is interested in Nursing and or Physician Assistant type schooling. She is a senior in HS and plans to attend a local college in the field of nursing assistant. She is very athletic and competes in advanced cheer competitions and at the HS level for sports teams. She has also expressed interest in being involved in the sport or sports in some capacity for a vocation.

My son nearly 16...aspirations??? He plays some music and rides his skate board and dirt bike and obsesses on girls...right on pace with what is to be expected

 

[jmh80]

:djparty:

I've always wanted to use this one.
Well, as long as he's not drinking and druggin, sounds all good.

 

[B5150]

Well, as long as he's not drinking and druggin, sounds all good.

Truth!

 

[Iron Warrior]

Do it Brian, it sounds like a good situation and you get a house for 150K, I could only buy a trailor home for 150K.

 

[bioman]

Do it bro, go hang with your kids and take them fishing.

Phoenix blows. I lived there for about 8 years prior to coming up north to Flag and Sedona..and now back to flag next week. After I left Phx, I realized I was an incredibly angry young man and needed to check my head. Best thing I ever did was to get out of there.

The SE coast really seems to be the up and coming place to be. Get in while the prices are low because I don't thinkit will stay that way for long. retiring baby boomers are going to be flooding into all the warm places with cheap real estate.

Above all else, do what brings you happiness because you're right..you only have so many days to do so.

 

[natedogg]

The SE coast really seems to be the up and coming place to be. Get in while the prices are low because I don't thinkit will stay that way for long. retiring baby boomers are going to be flooding into all the warm places with cheap real estate.

True. Real estate is on the rise out here. I'm thinking if I stay here long enough, I might get into flippin' houses for profit. Get in while the gettin's good.

 

[B5150]

True. Real estate is on the rise out here. I'm thinking if I stay here long enough, I might get into flippin' houses for profit. Get in while the gettin's good.

Those were my thoughts exactly. Get a realtors/brokers license, by rental and flippin' properties. Having a chunk in the bank would give me a nice pad to rest on while I get up on my feet.

 

[B5150]

As long as you stay out of Fayetteville in NC you're okay

care to elaborate on this a bit...just curious.

 

[TheUnlikelyToad]

"I'm Unemployed... and I feel Grrreat!" :dance:

:toofunny:

 

[refrieddreams]

Man, I have moved from coast to coast with 2 stops in TN chasing my daughter. I now live in the last place I want to, but I am near my kid and that is whats important.

You can always stay in the realesate market in AZ. You don't need to live there.

 

[TheUnlikelyToad]

To God:

I get all my bad habits watchin' you
It's true
Well, I wish that things were so different
Change it myself
It's what i'll do

But, I can't figure it out, yet
Just how to make it perfect for you
But, I'm closer than I was
Yesterday

Yeah, I'm closer than I was yesterday

They say that life is for learning
Well, teach to me to live
While I'm here
Messages twisted and turning
What should I give
Make it clear

'Cause I can't figure it out, yeah
I can't figure it out, yet
Just how to make it perfect for you
But, I'm closer than I was
Yesterday

Yeah, I'm closer than I was yesterday

...Thank You

 

[DmitryWI]

:thumbsup:

 

[SJA]

Hey B.....bump this for update. You still alive out there?

 

[Shock133]

care to elaborate on this a bit...just curious.

I would imagine he's former military and, like me, spent some "nice" years at Ft. Bragg/Fayetteville. Frankly it's just a large military town and a shithole at that.

NC has so many beautiful places to live and, yes, the cost of living is great. There are also plenty of things to do and you're close to a ton of cool things to visit.

I say make the move. You will look back on it and beat yourself for not doing it sooner. I don't have kids but I would imagine it would kill me to be away from them.

I lost that passion for life about a year ago and it totally drained me. I made a bold move and it's paying off big time. So, obviously, my advice to you is follow the decision you've already made in your heart and mind.

By the way, that was a great quote you mentioned in your first post by Dr. D. It hit me also. I need that reminder here and there.

 

[B5150]

Just got back in town from Colorado. My cousin got married. Little family reunion. Bought my plane tickets to NC for the Christmas/NewYear holidays. Will explore the housing market as planned while there. Still doing my job research and working some other details out in my head.

 

[B5150]

I wanted to share this real quick. I find it so ironic.

I'm at a new job as of the last two weeks. I get back from Colorado late Monday night. I have car troubles Tuesday morning. As my wife is driving me in through the usual major rush our congestion I am ranting about how I have spent the last 'forever' doing this and working 10 hour days forever...getting nowhere but even. I finally get t work to find out that they have upped our hours to 12 hour days. You read that right...12hr days! That 5 days a week too. UUhhGG!!!

I can always test to see if my hearts desires are a worthy ambition by the obstacles that are placed in my path to achieving them. Well...5-12's for 60 hours a week is a rather large obstacle to my desire to live...today.

In short; I have had a lot less time to be present on the board. My new job does not offer the freedom I once had. I get home to find some 500 or so new posts. I just can't keep up with you guys My computer is a dog and this makes for very frustrating check in...takes forever to navigate. So i will be short for time and less visible for a little while. I will be getting a new PC this weekend so at least when I do get on board it will be more efficient.

This is not just an addictive hobby or habit. I really do enjoy sharing my experience with this board. Not that I am some guru of any sort. I am just a regular guy (use the term loosely) with a passion for making a difference if I can. I realize that my ambition to live and work in this capacity is a worthy and reasonable ambition because life has a way of getting in the way of following our passions. I will be realigning my schedule and time to alllow me to continue to contribute. I just need some time to get things balanced out.

Steve, Jordan...I'm not MIA. ring my phone this weekend if you get the chance. Guys...I miss being a round as much as I got used to. Send me mail if you feel the need.

Back soon.

 

[TheUnlikelyToad]

Steve, Jordan...I'm not MIA. ring my phone this weekend if you get the chance. Guys...I miss being a round as much as I got used to. Send me mail if you feel the need.

I did get concerned for a hot minute, but glad that things are alright. Just remember to keep tha faith. There will always be change but God will always remain tha same... unconditional love. Similarily, I kinda know how you feel. Not that long ago I was bitching about being a college grad and sitting my ass at home. Well guess what? Now I'm working seven days a week and have no time off... kinda ironic don't you think? Although I've been stressed I really can't complain. Look how blessed I am. Hopefully you got that email with those links I sent last week. I think they'll help to put an extra smile on your face.

 

[SJA]

I FOUND YOU KUNTA KINTAY

 

[milwood]

Good to see this kinda dialogue and support from members at AM. Speaks to the quality of the discussion and the trust and friendship felt by those who hang here. Good feedback, and very legit concern, B. I think the "follow your heart" idea is certainly a valid one. Can't really go wrong when you do that!!! :thumbsup:

 

[B5150]

I just wanted to wish you guys a happy holiday from North Carolina.

As planned I am here with my wife and daughter spending the holidays with my two oldsest and my x-wife and husband. To say the least, it has been a blessing to be able to provide a Christmas morning for my kids with 'all' their parents present.

There has been much fruit to my prayer regarding potential career change and relocation potential. The realestate market is very good and my x-wife and husband are in the business. There are some very good opportunities to become a property investor/landlord/flipper generating revenue while still being in AZ. This would be something I could do from AZ and have an income being generated so that if I just up and leave AZ I already have the ability to support myself...without a job. Much too much detail to cover here.

I just wanted to testify and witness to the great work that God is doing in my life.

Hope you guys enjoy your Holidays. Off to NYC tomorrow morning to visit the family in Brooklyn.

Happy New Year!

 

[DmitryWI]

I'm very happy for you, Brian. Wish you happy holidays too. God bless you.

 

[B5150]

SOME PEOPLE FLY
Music and Lyrics by: Chris DeGarmo, Geoff Tate

Used to be a time
we held the world.
Wrapped 'round our finger tips
Laughing at what others missed. Someday, yesterday
The magic we felt went away.
Grow up somebody said... tell me where it's gone
so I can go find it now. I can't live your way.
Go ahead without me.
I'll find my own way

Some people fly... and some of us worry about touching
the sun with wings. I know if I try I'll get where I'm going,
Keeping my eyes on the sky.

The box you live within is strong and it's up to you
to see beyond the comfort zone you've grown to love.
There's more to life than that. The expectations
that you hold will keep you down and make you old
If you can't see what I'm trying to say, maybe you just
need to wear my shoes for awhile. I can't live your way.
Go ahead without me.
I'll find my own way

Some people fly...and some of us worry
I'd risk it all to have wings.
I know if I try I'll get where I'm going,
Keeping my eyes on the sky.

While you sit there and think about it, there's another
unfolding their wings. I can tell you what it's like, but,
until you try, you'll never see what I mean.

Some people fly...and some of us worry
I'll touch the sky with my wings.
I know if I try I'll get where I'm going,
Keeping my eyes on the sky.
Keeping my eyes, keeping my eyes on the sky.