Heartache/Break up, how do you cope?

[Pec.Major]

Hi, lads.

I feel the need to write myself of a bit. Some background;

I met, what feels like, the women of my life for a bit over 3 years ago, 2 of this years we lived together. Neither of us was searching for love, love found us. Something I thought never would happen. It was amazing!

This was my first real relationship, surely there as been other girls before, but nothing serious and not even sexual. So she was the first one for me on everything, and I was the first for her too.

But because of some personal issues I have in my life, my health got worsen. Which unfortunately affected her. Something I felt/feel bad for, but I thought that everything will get solved, and I have her by my side, so in the end everything will be fine, I will get my life straighten out and I will make up to her for standing by my side.

So without going anymore in detail, she broke up with me last Christmas over the phone. Emotionally I broke down, world caved in, literally.
She and I decided to met to say goodbye about 3 weeks after that phone call. Never ever felt that much hollow pain before in my life, I still do.

So you could say it as been a bit over 2 months seen it ended. We haven´t talked sense then can´t really see how I can get anything good from that beside from more pain and tears.

The problem is, it is not over for me, I am still in love with this women. I think about her 80-90% of the time as I am awake.
There is association of her everywhere! Social media does not make it easier either.

My sleep is bad. I fall asleep 3-4 am. And I wake up with anxiety, wondering where she is. The entire thing feels like a nightmare, and you just wonder when it all will end.
I could not eat for the first month, Could´t train for 2 months. I can eat now, and I have been training for 1 month now, thank god.

Do you guys have any recommendation, beside that time heel all wounds? Because even though it as gone a bit over 2 months now, I cant imagine a life without her, and the pain is killing me from the inside, because there is nothing I can do about it.

[video=youtube;NHOf3s70w-c]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHOf3s70w-c[/video]

 

[MidwestBeast]

Sorry to hear about this. How old are you?

One of the first things that sticks out to me is a breakup over the phone after that long of a relationship seems odd to me; even if it's hard to do (which, it should be), that's just not typically something you see.

I don't know anything about you, but I can tell you that I'm wired to fall hard and fast. So I've had a handful of experiences in my life where I was head over heels with someone and never thought I would move past her. But each time I did. Sometimes it took a lot longer than others. I don't have any magic timeframes, but I do think knowing your age may play a role in it.

 

[ryox82]

Time. I still wonder about some of them once and a while myself. I think it is an age thing too. When I was in my early and mid 20's a breakup could feel soul shattering. Now I am 34, first anniversary of marriage is coming up in may to a girl I have been with since 2012. I think you require a couple of those relationships to prepare you for the long haul. Love my wife but to be honest if we split tomorrow I could deal with it in a much colder manner than I could have previously. Might seem hard to believe now that there will be someone else and that it could end just as bad, but the upside to that is you get to experience that new relationship feeling again.

 

[ryox82]

Two months isn't that long btw. The last ex was from 2009 but it was a flame that burned bright and fizzled out within 6 months and it was a sudden breakup with not much in the way of closure for my end...which means I am still stuck on it. I have had others before her and they don't even come into my mind. Weird how that works.

 

[muscleupcrohn]

Without getting into my story too much, one of the biggest things I've learned is not to view everything as a failure simply because it comes to an end. While you may be sad that it ended, and this isn't the outcome you had hoped for, if you can look back fondly on the good times you had, learn from your mistakes going forward, and learned more about yourself in the process, then it is better to see it not as a failure, but just as closing one chapter in the book of your life, and keep yourself ready for the next chapter. Looking back on my last relationship, with a woman who I loved with all my heart, I realize that she basically was my life; I didn't have many other friends, which made losing her that much worse, luckily I had my family to be by my side. After I got back home from seeing her one last time (it was long distance at the end, not for the first time in our relationship, an I wanted to be sure that it was over in person), I started going to Church, not so much to "find God," at first, but just as a way to meet some new people who could be good influences on my during a more vulnerable time in my life. Long story short, I met some great people, and now have many more friends, people who I can have fun with, but also turn to for advice and help, than I did during my relationship, and I feel that this is very, very important to being able to sustain a relationship. I'm not saying that you shouldn't spend a lot of time with you significant other, or that you shouldn't love them and care about them dearly, but I don't think it's healthy to feel that your life would be over if a relationship hypothetically came to an end, and that's why it's important to have a strong support system of friends and family.

It's hard at first, you think of them all the time, but it does get easier. My advice is to stay busy, keep your mind occupied, have some good friends, and realize that you always have the option of being happy or unhappy, as simple as that sounds. Make the best of your situation, don't be complacent, but don't let depression take hold. Going forward, think of the things that you want and don't want in a relationship, think of the things that you did well, and the things that you perhaps could have done better, and apply these to any relationships going forward; do not let what you have learned go to waste.

I did a lot of reading in the months following my breakup, which is something I've kept up since, and I feel that this is a good habit, and has helped me not just "get over it," but grow as a person and learn more about how to be happy and deal with the journey of life.

At first I kept thinking to myself "this isn't fair." I thought about what I could have done differently to get a different outcome, but all that did was prevent me from moving on, and made me miserable. One saying that really stuck with me is something Bruce Lee said, "what IS is more important than what SHOULD BE." At the end of the day, even if I think that she "shouldn't have" broken up with me, and we "should" still be together, what do I gain by this thinking? Nothing, just pain and misery, preventing me from moving on.

Some books that really helped me to move on, and that have helped me improve my outlook on life in general are Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and Tao Te Ching by Lao Tze. They're not religious texts, more philosophical and spiritual, so you don't have to be religious to understand or apply the lessons they teach.

Change may not always be comfortable, and it may not be something that we want, but sometimes it is inevitable, a fact of life. There are times that no matter how hard you fight to keep things the way they are, it's just beyond your power, and it's vital to realize that, or you'll burn yourself out to no avail. The key is to know when it's time to move on, and when it's better to roll with the blows and use their momentum than to fight them head on and try to weather the storm when it's not possible. As Bruce Lee said, "notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind."

TL;DR
-Learn not to view a relationship as a failure simply because it came to an end (this was a big one for me).
-Find some good friends. People who you can "hang out" with, but also turn to for advice and help when you need it.
-Learn to find happiness within yourself, and don't depend on others for it (but that doesn't mean don't love or don't care for people).
-Try reading. I recommend something philosophical/spiritual (or religious if that's your thing). I don't really recommend much modern "Western" philosophy, as that often just leads to more questions and existential crises. I'm a huge fan of Tao Te Ching and Meditations as somewhat different starting points. They're approachable, insightful, not overly wordy or difficult at all, and are pretty quick reads, although I still go back to them often. They're both less than $5 on Amazon (edit: I have a few online versions of them both, but there's something about having the actual book for me, and I found translations that I really like).

 

[Pec.Major]

Sorry to hear about this. How old are you?

One of the first things that sticks out to me is a breakup over the phone after that long of a relationship seems odd to me; even if it's hard to do (which, it should be), that's just not typically something you see.

I don't know anything about you, but I can tell you that I'm wired to fall hard and fast. So I've had a handful of experiences in my life where I was head over heels with someone and never thought I would move past her. But each time I did. Sometimes it took a lot longer than others. I don't have any magic timeframes, but I do think knowing your age may play a role in it.

I´m 26 years old now, she is one year younger then me. Let me tell you some background behind the phone call to make it clearer. She his from another nationality, she moved to my country to study. And she decided to move back home last summer. 800km away from each others.

So we had a long distance relationship for 5-6 month after 2 years living together. Which kind of now in retrospective when I think about it, was a way for her to make an "easy" break up. But in reality, the day she decided to move back home is actually the day she left me. But I guess she was still in love with me and thought there was a chance things would work out, that I would get my life straighten out.

The problem is that the distance made me realize have much she meant for me but not the other way around. She told me how her feelings for me have faded in the autumn. I tried to convince her that things would work out and we decided to keep on going.
I visited her a week in October. I felt happiness and "whole" for the first time sense she had left. But after that she was still unsure how things would work out, but I kept on pushing that we can solve this.

I was supposed to travel to her to celebrate the holiday, but decided to let her be with her family, as I did not want to come in between as things was complicated. We decided that I would come to the New Year instead but that did not happen as she dropped that phone call during Christmas.
I regret that I did not go during the holiday maybe things would have been different, I doubt it though.

But at least I would have had one last Christmas together with her.

 

[hairygrandpa]

Hi, lads.

I feel the need to write myself of a bit. Some background;

I met, what feels like, the women of my life for a bit over 3 years ago, 2 of this years we lived together. Neither of us was searching for love, love found us. Something I thought never would happen. It was amazing!

This was my first real relationship, surely there as been other girls before, but nothing serious and not even sexual. So she was the first one for me on everything, and I was the first for her too.

But because of some personal issues I have in my life, my health got worsen. Which unfortunately affected her. Something I felt/feel bad for, but I thought that everything will get solved, and I have her by my side, so in the end everything will be fine, I will get my life straighten out and I will make up to her for standing by my side.

So without going anymore in detail, she broke up with me last Christmas over the phone. Emotionally I broke down, world caved in, literally.
She and I decided to met to say goodbye about 3 weeks after that phone call. Never ever felt that much hollow pain before in my life, I still do.

So you could say it as been a bit over 2 months seen it ended. We haven´t talked sense then can´t really see how I can get anything good from that beside from more pain and tears.

The problem is, it is not over for me, I am still in love with this women. I think about her 80-90% of the time as I am awake.
There is association of her everywhere! Social media does not make it easier either.

My sleep is bad. I fall asleep 3-4 am. And I wake up with anxiety, wondering where she is. The entire thing feels like a nightmare, and you just wonder when it all will end.
I could not eat for the first month, Could´t train for 2 months. I can eat now, and I have been training for 1 month now, thank god.

Do you guys have any recommendation, beside that time heel all wounds? Because even though it as gone a bit over 2 months now, I cant imagine a life without her, and the pain is killing me from the inside, because there is nothing I can do about it.

See that?
Each star represents a single lady, worthy of love.
Cheesy? Maybe -but true.

 

[B5150]

Not sure if anyone is old enough to remember these guys...




Edit: wont run here but follow it to YT...its worth it

 

[Pec.Major]

Without getting into my story too much, one of the biggest things I've learned is not to view everything as a failure simply because it comes to an end. While you may be sad that it ended, and this isn't the outcome you had hoped for, if you can look back fondly on the good times you had, learn from your mistakes going forward, and learned more about yourself in the process, then it is better to see it not as a failure, but just as closing one chapter in the book of your life, and keep yourself ready for the next chapter. Looking back on my last relationship, with a woman who I loved with all my heart, I realize that she basically was my life; I didn't have many other friends, which made losing her that much worse, luckily I had my family to be by my side. After I got back home from seeing her one last time (it was long distance at the end, not for the first time in our relationship, an I wanted to be sure that it was over in person), I started going to Church, not so much to "find God," at first, but just as a way to meet some new people who could be good influences on my during a more vulnerable time in my life. Long story short, I met some great people, and now have many more friends, people who I can have fun with, but also turn to for advice and help, than I did during my relationship, and I feel that this is very, very important to being able to sustain a relationship. I'm not saying that you shouldn't spend a lot of time with you significant other, or that you shouldn't love them and care about them dearly, but I don't think it's healthy to feel that your life would be over if a relationship hypothetically came to an end, and that's why it's important to have a strong support system of friends and family.

It's hard at first, you think of them all the time, but it does get easier. My advice is to stay busy, keep your mind occupied, have some good friends, and realize that you always have the option of being happy or unhappy, as simple as that sounds. Make the best of your situation, don't be complacent, but don't let depression take hold. Going forward, think of the things that you want and don't want in a relationship, think of the things that you did well, and the things that you perhaps could have done better, and apply these to any relationships going forward; do not let what you have learned go to waste.

I did a lot of reading in the months following my breakup, which is something I've kept up since, and I feel that this is a good habit, and has helped me not just "get over it," but grow as a person and learn more about how to be happy and deal with the journey of life.

At first I kept thinking to myself "this isn't fair." I thought about what I could have done differently to get a different outcome, but all that did was prevent me from moving on, and made me miserable. One saying that really stuck with me is something Bruce Lee said, "what IS is more important than what SHOULD BE." At the end of the day, even if I think that she "shouldn't have" broken up with me, and we "should" still be together, what do I gain by this thinking? Nothing, just pain and misery, preventing me from moving on.

Some books that really helped me to move on, and that have helped me improve my outlook on life in general are Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and Tao Te Ching by Lao Tze. They're not religious texts, more philosophical and spiritual, so you don't have to be religious to understand or apply the lessons they teach.

Change may not always be comfortable, and it may not be something that we want, but sometimes it is inevitable, a fact of life. There are times that no matter how hard you fight to keep things the way they are, it's just beyond your power, and it's vital to realize that, or you'll burn yourself out to no avail. The key is to know when it's time to move on, and when it's better to roll with the blows and use their momentum than to fight them head on and try to weather the storm when it's not possible. As Bruce Lee said, "notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind."

TL;DR
-Learn not to view a relationship as a failure simply because it came to an end (this was a big one for me).
-Find some good friends. People who you can "hang out" with, but also turn to for advice and help when you need it.
-Learn to find happiness within yourself, and don't depend on others for it (but that doesn't mean don't love or don't care for people).
-Try reading. I recommend something philosophical/spiritual (or religious if that's your thing). I don't really recommend much modern "Western" philosophy, as that often just leads to more questions and existential crises. I'm a huge fan of Tao Te Ching and Meditations as somewhat different starting points. They're approachable, insightful, not overly wordy or difficult at all, and are pretty quick reads, although I still go back to them often. They're both less than $5 on Amazon (edit: I have a few online versions of them both, but there's something about having the actual book for me, and I found translations that I really like).

This is basically what happen in my case. My life practically went on hold, it meant that she became everything, and this is not good. Which I have learned the hard way now, exactly as you describe it.

Practically everything you have wrote make sense and relatable, I will copy your TL;DR, thank you!

I only wish I could look back at the relationship as not a failure and stop blaming myself for all the mistakes that I have done and promises I haven't kept.
It´s easy to be after wise, I know. Maybe with time I will be able to look back and smile about the good memories we had, instead for pain and grief.

I only wished that I would have met this girl during same presupposition. Feels like I been fighting in headwind sense the start, but I always thought that things would get better. But that did not happen, which I blame myself for. She made life easier and brighter, hard to let that go. But as you say, sometimes change is inevitable, even how much you try to fight against it, you cant do anything or change someones mind.

 

[Pec.Major]

Two months isn't that long btw. The last ex was from 2009 but it was a flame that burned bright and fizzled out within 6 months and it was a sudden breakup with not much in the way of closure for my end...which means I am still stuck on it. I have had others before her and they don't even come into my mind. Weird how that works.

True, two months is not much. But it feels like an eternity. But that is probably because I´m wondering around in a emotional limbo most of the days.

 

[Pec.Major]

View attachment 146519

See that?
Each star represents a single lady, worthy of love.
Cheesy? Maybe -but true.

I might not be in the state to think in those terms, but it is a nice reminder that there is more fish in the sea. I just wish you could catch/reach the same star and get a second chance. But I guess that is life, you rarely get a second chance. So always make the most out of the time.

 

[Pec.Major]

Not sure if anyone is old enough to remember these guys...




Edit: wont run here but follow it to YT...its worth it

Great song! Music really helps in so many ways in life. It definitely helps with coping, in my opinion.
This one is one of my favourites;

 

[muscleupcrohn]

This is basically what happen in my case. My life practically went on hold, it meant that she became everything, and this is not good. Which I have learned the hard way now, exactly as you describe it.

Practically everything you have wrote make sense and relatable, I will copy your TL;DR, thank you!

I only wish I could look back at the relationship as not a failure and stop blaming myself for all the mistakes that I have done and promises I haven't kept.
It´s easy to be after wise, I know. Maybe with time I will be able to look back and smile about the good memories we had, instead for pain and grief.

I only wished that I would have met this girl during same presupposition. Feels like I been fighting in headwind sense the start, but I always thought that things would get better. But that did not happen, which I blame myself for. She made life easier and brighter, hard to let that go. But as you say, sometimes change is inevitable, even how much you try to fight against it, you cant do anything or change someones mind.

I have also learned that while it is beneficial to look back and take note of any mistakes you may have made, as not to repeat them in the future, but do not beat yourself up over them, as there is nothing to be gained from that thinking; you can't change the outcome, and only extend your suffering instead of moving on. Also, sometimes the outcome/end isn't the result of anything you did or didn't do, even if you did make some mistakes, that's just the way of the world. As much as we like to think that we can control the outcome of anything and get the desired result if we do everything right, but that's ultimately not the case, and things can go "wrong" even if we do everything right. Again, what IS is more important than what SHOULD BE. It's been several months since my last relationship ended, and if I'm being entirely honest, I still feel a little sadness when I look back, but I also can't help but smile a bit when I remember the good times we had together. By looking back on the good and the bad, I am able to see what I want and don't want going forward, but I have to focus primarily on moving forward, not looking back; I've heard it said that the rear-view mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason. I know it may seem unfair, and you may seem alone, but looking back on the good times and the love can be the impetus you need to actually put yourself back out there and not give up, to look for love again, to get that feeling back. It may not be the same exact feeling ever again, but it doesn't have to be, it can be something different but just as special.

I've heard many times that some people are just meant to be seasonal, only to be in our lives for a certain period of time, perhaps to teach us something about the world or about ourselves. Sometimes these people are friends or acquaintances, but sometimes they're people we love dearly. I learned this in perhaps the most literal way possible. My last ex was a dressage rider who spent the summer in Canada and the Winter Show Season in South Florida. In the most literal sense of the word, she was seasonal in my life. Things were amazing the first winter we met and spent together, and we went through a brief rough patch the first summer, but patched it up, and were back to smooth sailing and spending almost every minute, waking or otherwise, together the second winter, but things just fell apart the second summer. I went back one final time to be sure, and we went our separate ways. We didn't exactly end on a cheerful note, but we were peaceful and civil about everything, and sent each other nice texts wishing each other well (I sent the first one when I got back home, and meant every word of it). As much as I wanted to spend every day and night with her, it just seems that it wasn't meant to be, and I've come to realize that I don't think I could have done anything differently to change the outcome. Could I have done some things differently or better? Of course, I'm not perfect, none of us are, but that's not the point. This is all part of life, and all we can do is learn from it, try not to make the same mistakes again. Learn to change your outlook; it is always within your control to be happy, even when circumstances are less than ideal. Do not let heartbreak and setbacks keep you from moving foward. Look back at the positives and learn from the negatives.

As Bruce Lee once said, "are you going to make your obstacles stepping stones to your dreams, or stumbling blocks?"

 

[B5150]

Hi, lads.

I feel the need to write myself of a bit. Some background;

I met, what feels like, the women of my life for a bit over 3 years ago, 2 of this years we lived together. Neither of us was searching for love, love found us. Something I thought never would happen. It was amazing!

This was my first real relationship, surely there as been other girls before, but nothing serious and not even sexual. So she was the first one for me on everything, and I was the first for her too.

But because of some personal issues I have in my life, my health got worsen. Which unfortunately affected her. Something I felt/feel bad for, but I thought that everything will get solved, and I have her by my side, so in the end everything will be fine, I will get my life straighten out and I will make up to her for standing by my side.

So without going anymore in detail, she broke up with me last Christmas over the phone. Emotionally I broke down, world caved in, literally.
She and I decided to met to say goodbye about 3 weeks after that phone call. Never ever felt that much hollow pain before in my life, I still do.

So you could say it as been a bit over 2 months seen it ended. We haven´t talked sense then can´t really see how I can get anything good from that beside from more pain and tears.

The problem is, it is not over for me, I am still in love with this women. I think about her 80-90% of the time as I am awake.
There is association of her everywhere! Social media does not make it easier either.

My sleep is bad. I fall asleep 3-4 am. And I wake up with anxiety, wondering where she is. The entire thing feels like a nightmare, and you just wonder when it all will end.
I could not eat for the first month, Could´t train for 2 months. I can eat now, and I have been training for 1 month now, thank god.

Do you guys have any recommendation, beside that time heel all wounds? Because even though it as gone a bit over 2 months now, I cant imagine a life without her, and the pain is killing me from the inside, because there is nothing I can do about it.

I´m 26 years old now, she is one year younger then me. Let me tell you some background behind the phone call to make it clearer. She his from another nationality, she moved to my country to study. And she decided to move back home last summer. 800km away from each others.

So we had a long distance relationship for 5-6 month after 2 years living together. Which kind of now in retrospective when I think about it, was a way for her to make an "easy" break up. But in reality, the day she decided to move back home is actually the day she left me. But I guess she was still in love with me and thought there was a chance things would work out, that I would get my life straighten out.

The problem is that the distance made me realize have much she meant for me but not the other way around. She told me how her feelings for me have faded in the autumn. I tried to convince her that things would work out and we decided to keep on going.
I visited her a week in October. I felt happiness and "whole" for the first time sense she had left. But after that she was still unsure how things would work out, but I kept on pushing that we can solve this.

I was supposed to travel to her to celebrate the holiday, but decided to let her be with her family, as I did not want to come in between as things was complicated. We decided that I would come to the New Year instead but that did not happen as she dropped that phone call during Christmas.
I regret that I did not go during the holiday maybe things would have been different, I doubt it though.

But at least I would have had one last Christmas together with her.

Forgive me in advance and I mean no disrespect but what's YOUR issue? I have my suspicions but only you can tell us the truth.

FWIW I lost my first wife before 26 because of my history of multiple substance abuse and sexual deviancy. She broke my heart but saved my life!

 

[Jiigzz]

Sounds similar to my story.

Probably similar to a lot of others as well. Trust me when I say it gets easier, but you have to learn to come to terms with it. It sounds like you were in it more than she was, especially if you were telling her that it would work out but she wasnt sure but tried anyway. To me that sounds like she was doing that for you, but never intended to make it work herself. While that may be hard to hear, it may also be a blessing. Why be with someone who is not 100% committed to making it work? First relationship beeak ups are hard, and even moreso once you get older. But you'll find someone who fits be better than you ever thought they could.

 

[hamzazaidas]

Simple and short..

You WILL move on.. believe me.

And it will happen over night. You will wake up one day feeling like a king, and then you will look back and think "What the hell was I thinking? Why on earth was I doing that to myself?"

You can ask/talk to people as much as you want.. but if YOU don't help yourself first, no one else can help you.

Set your mind to moving on, keep yourself busy.. and keep looking and moving forward.

 

[AdelV]

Honestly, I went on/off with an ex for 12 months+. She wanted to work it out, deep down I did too but I couldn't.

I blocked her from all social media, but she actually still checks my Snapchat stories and it's been 3 years since we broke up.

I'm sure she thinks about me, and I her but that's life.

I felt like I'd never replace her, tho the relationship just faded due to many factors.

Truth is, there is great people about and you'll meet someone one day who wants to be with you as much as you them.


Time is the main healer.

I met some Norwegian girl in Bali, and that's when I realised I was over my ex. However, I really liked this girl who lived very far from me. I'm from Australia, I actually went to Europe and stayed with her. I cut off speaking to her after 6 months, because I didn't want to develop deeper feelings.

Life doesn't go as planned unfortunately, try learn from the experience.

Just try keep busy! Get on Tinder, and talk to some new girls.

Supplement wise, look into some herbal calm/anxiety products which will numb you enough to take the edge.

Stay positive and strong mate, it only gets tougher as we get older too! Haha

 

[justhere4comm]

It doesn't have to be solely about lost love either. Any loss.I lost my parents from cancer, and every bit of my savings in the process and had to start over professionally at a not so ripe age.It was filled with heartache and discovery. I would do it all over again.

There are no secrets to dealing with heart break of any kind for me.

1. Time - It's true, time heals all wounds if you give it enough time. Emotional wounds don't show but we apply physical terms such as 'painful' and heart ache, but those aren't all bad.

2. Be productive - use this energy put into your self-absorption of heart ache, and use it. Take the time to do something for yourself. What are your passions? Address them with the time you would not normally have had. I emerged myself in my art, and self-improvement. It's using that as a positive energy.

3. Realize it's ok to be sad - Nothing wrong with being aloof and permitting yourself to be sad because those moments are some of the finest to be open to epiphany. Be ready for those moments where you realize something really special. Embrace the loss, but also look to the future and what it affords you. It's not easy, but worth it.

You aren't going to die because of it, but you are also going to have a choice to be strong and reflect with happiness on what you had, and what is now possible elsewhere. It's true. You have a future and it's going to be great if you give it a chance. Be inspired by how resilient we are as human beings in the most horrible of circumstances in life. Don't belittle your circumstance, but also realize there are far worse things in the world and be thankful for what you do have.

I hope these words help.

 

[Pec.Major]

Forgive me in advance and I mean no disrespect but what's YOUR issue? I have my suspicions but only you can tell us the truth.

FWIW I lost my first wife before 26 because of my history of multiple substance abuse and sexual deviancy. She broke my heart but saved my life!

I have been battling with depression and anxiety sense the age of 18. I got an viral encephalitis at the age of 17, I practically thought I was going to die, kind of a traumatic experience. I was feeling very bad for a long time even after the infection, you could say my brain took damage. And I developed depression during this time, not so much anxiety at this point. I was put on anti depressants when I was 18, things got a bit better, I could go to school and have a "normal life". But around the age of 19-20 if I remember correctly, I started to get anxiety problems. Which at the start lasted just some days but got worse.

This affected my life more and more. I started to develop OCD and was diagnosed with it at age 21. I was put on some more medication, SSRI +TCA and at the same time going through CBT treatment.
Things was a bit better and I could go back to school and the OCD was a bit under control.. Then I met my ex-girlfriend at age 22-23, and I thought now I finally get some luck in my life. Things was alright, and life felt hopeful.
But after one year together my anxiety got more and more severe, and the OCD went from controllable to severe. And I was declared not fit for studying or working sense autumn 2015 and forward. That is basically the reason why everything went downhill.
The doctors don´t have any clue why things got worse. I´m currently going to go through a medical investigation do see if they can find any reason or solution to the problem. I only wish that could have happen earlier, or that I did more to push for it. I feel like my ex-girlfriend waited for me to getting better but could not see that as an option in the end, and decided to move on. I can´t blame her for that, but I blame myself for not trying more to get my health straighten out. If it wouldn't have worked, at least I would have know I had tried to do everything in my power.

I actually dropped my anti depressant medication last autumn, as they did not do anything for my health. I was looking for a change to the situation. This was an eye opener for me, I felt motivation and emotion that I haven't felt for a long time after 7-8 years on different anti depressants."Where is my life going, I am about to lose the love of my life, etc." but it was too late.

 

[puccah8808]

Sorry to hear that. Breakups are never easy. You take all that pain and you self improve, and get rid of social media because curiosity kills.


Always self improve after a breakup instead of self destruct...

Breakups make bodybuilders...

 

[B5150]

You've got a huge pair of balls for sharing so candidly and transparently.

I am sorry for what you've been dealing with and how it has interfered with your relationship in a negative way.

I would encourage you, if you don't already, to get a counselor to talk to. Our emotional and psychological development is influence significantly by the experiences positive and negative while we are young boys and teens. People places and things model behaviors, trigger reactions and eventually solidify our self image, self esteem, and or lack of and emotional and psychological stability or instability. How's your relationship with your mother and father? How was there marriage?

I grew up in an alcoholic home. I was abused emotionally and physically by my step father. My parents modeled caustic disfunctionsl codeoendent enabling behaviors and my home was tense and I was often fearful of my step father. To make matters worse I was lured by the attention and affirmation of a male HS teacher and his attention ultimately lead to my molestation.

My point is that we sometimes display behaviors that are rooted in the experiences good and bad by those we should have model healthy emotional psycholigical and intellectual behaviors. When we or it is tampered with it can manifest itself his many emotional and psychological issues.

I abuse substance from the age of 12 or so. I had been a sexual deviant from around that same time. The self destructive behaviors associated with my substance abuse and sexual deviancy lead to much self loathing. It wasn't until I got sober was I able to look at what happened to me and how and why what happened manifested itself in my behaviors.

My ex-wife freed me from a relationship I was emotionally and psychologically incapable of sustaining. I was devaststed because we were repeating the cycle of divorce and I was responsible for the damage it was going to do to my kids. I'm still tortured by regret.

It it took many years of relentless and brutal self examination before I began to really recover. I still dailybsrlf examine the motives of my behaviors.

Again, I applaud you for your candor and transparency and pray that you can find healing and hope in and for your life - first - and relationships later.

Thanks for letting me share.
Be blessed!

 

[Pec.Major]

Sounds similar to my story.

Probably similar to a lot of others as well. Trust me when I say it gets easier, but you have to learn to come to terms with it. It sounds like you were in it more than she was, especially if you were telling her that it would work out but she wasnt sure but tried anyway. To me that sounds like she was doing that for you, but never intended to make it work herself. While that may be hard to hear, it may also be a blessing. Why be with someone who is not 100% committed to making it work? First relationship beeak ups are hard, and even moreso once you get older. But you'll find someone who fits be better than you ever thought they could.

I think it turned out that way, that i was more in to it then her. She has been patient and understanding. Because it as surely not been easy to live together, especially not in the end when things went downhill. She got fed up, and did not see a future together. Which is not hard to understand.

I think I wanted to be with her even though she did not feel 100% committed to making it work in the end, just to show her that I did try to get my life in order and prioritize right things in life. And that I would show her that I would make it. But I guess I have to show her I can make it even though shes not in the picture. If not for her at least for my own life.

Simple and short..

You WILL move on.. believe me.

And it will happen over night. You will wake up one day feeling like a king, and then you will look back and think "What the hell was I thinking? Why on earth was I doing that to myself?"

You can ask/talk to people as much as you want.. but if YOU don't help yourself first, no one else can help you.

Set your mind to moving on, keep yourself busy.. and keep looking and moving forward.

Yeah, I truly need to focus on myself. It´s bittersweet how life gives you the right person but at the wrong time. That's is exactly how it feels at the moment.

Honestly, I went on/off with an ex for 12 months+. She wanted to work it out, deep down I did too but I couldn't.

I blocked her from all social media, but she actually still checks my Snapchat stories and it's been 3 years since we broke up.

I'm sure she thinks about me, and I her but that's life.

I felt like I'd never replace her, tho the relationship just faded due to many factors.

Truth is, there is great people about and you'll meet someone one day who wants to be with you as much as you them.


Time is the main healer.

I met some Norwegian girl in Bali, and that's when I realised I was over my ex. However, I really liked this girl who lived very far from me. I'm from Australia, I actually went to Europe and stayed with her. I cut off speaking to her after 6 months, because I didn't want to develop deeper feelings.

Life doesn't go as planned unfortunately, try learn from the experience.

Just try keep busy! Get on Tinder, and talk to some new girls.

Supplement wise, look into some herbal calm/anxiety products which will numb you enough to take the edge.

Stay positive and strong mate, it only gets tougher as we get older too! Haha

We have actually not blocked each others on social media. I thought about it, and might/need to do it.

I have thought about Tinder, and it would probably work great for just hooking up for fun, relationship is not an alternative right now,. But I don´t know how I would react if I got chance to just casually jump in bed with a girl. Never done that before. I have game, look alright and lift weights.
But I´ might be a bit conservative when it comes to sex, I feel like there need to be some love and relationship ambition to take that step. Might just be how my life how turned up. Kind of sure if I would have been hitting the night club in my 18-20´s I would have been getting laid regularly.

It doesn't have to be solely about lost love either. Any loss.I lost my parents from cancer, and every bit of my savings in the process and had to start over professionally at a not so ripe age.It was filled with heartache and discovery. I would do it all over again.

There are no secrets to dealing with heart break of any kind for me.

1. Time - It's true, time heals all wounds if you give it enough time. Emotional wounds don't show but we apply physical terms such as 'painful' and heart ache, but those aren't all bad.

2. Be productive - use this energy put into your self-absorption of heart ache, and use it. Take the time to do something for yourself. What are your passions? Address them with the time you would not normally have had. I emerged myself in my art, and self-improvement. It's using that as a positive energy.

3. Realize it's ok to be sad - Nothing wrong with being aloof and permitting yourself to be sad because those moments are some of the finest to be open to epiphany. Be ready for those moments where you realize something really special. Embrace the loss, but also look to the future and what it affords you. It's not easy, but worth it.

You aren't going to die because of it, but you are also going to have a choice to be strong and reflect with happiness on what you had, and what is now possible elsewhere. It's true. You have a future and it's going to be great if you give it a chance. Be inspired by how resilient we are as human beings in the most horrible of circumstances in life. Don't belittle your circumstance, but also realize there are far worse things in the world and be thankful for what you do have.

I hope these words help.

Thanks for the words. They make absolutely sense. And I´m sorry to hear that you lost your parents from cancer. I´m thankful that I have my parents alive still, I can´t imagine what it will feel like when you lose your parents. Probably a lot like how it feels like now, like you stated, it does not have to be just about lost love.

 

[Pec.Major]

You've got a huge pair of balls for sharing so candidly and transparently.

I am sorry for what you've been dealing with and how it has interfered with your relationship in a negative way.

I would encourage you, if you don't already, to get a counselor to talk to. Our emotional and psychological development is influence significantly by the experiences positive and negative while we are young boys and teens. People places and things model behaviors, trigger reactions and eventually solidify our self image, self esteem, and or lack of and emotional and psychological stability or instability. How's your relationship with your mother and father? How was there marriage?

I grew up in an alcoholic home. I was abused emotionally and physically by my step father. My parents modeled caustic disfunctionsl codeoendent enabling behaviors and my home was tense and I was often fearful of my step father. To make matters worse I was lured by the attention and affirmation of a male HS teacher and his attention ultimately lead to my molestation.

My point is that we sometimes display behaviors that are rooted in the experiences good and bad by those we should have model healthy emotional psycholigical and intellectual behaviors. When we or it is tampered with it can manifest itself his many emotional and psychological issues.

I abuse substance from the age of 12 or so. I had been a sexual deviant from around that same time. The self destructive behaviors associated with my substance abuse and sexual deviancy lead to much self loathing. It wasn't until I got sober was I able to look at what happened to me and how and why what happened manifested itself in my behaviors.

My ex-wife freed me from a relationship I was emotionally and psychologically incapable of sustaining. I was devaststed because we were repeating the cycle of divorce and I was responsible for the damage it was going to do to my kids. I'm still tortured by regret.

It it took many years of relentless and brutal self examination before I began to really recover. I still dailybsrlf examine the motives of my behaviors.

Again, I applaud you for your candor and transparency and pray that you can find healing and hope in and for your life - first - and relationships later.

Thanks for letting me share.
Be blessed!

Thanks buddy!

I get help from professional people, in this case, a psychologist. It helps. It feels better to ventilate with them, because talking to your family is not optimal in the long run, they mostly don´t know how to come with constructive help or recommendation. And it mostly feels like you whine when you try to communicate. Due to my situation I don´t have any friends, pretty much completely lonely. My saver right now is the gym. And valium, without that I don´t know where I would be right now. It helps to cope when things get out of control. I have not done anything stupid yet, drinking, fighting or trying drugs/AAS. I been in the thoughts about it but it would just be self destructive and not end well.

My relationship with my parents have been up and down. They separated when I was 5-6 years old. It as probably been tougher for me then I realize. My relationship with my mother as always been very closely, I had at young age a hard time to let her go, was very much attached to her. My father and I had a period when we did not talk or meet each other, don´t remember how long it lasted, maybe 1-2 years.
I started drinking at a young age as well. But after my encephalitis I stopped drinking, I have only taken a beer or glass of wine now and then, cant even remember last time I was drunk.

I´m sorry to hear your story, it sounds like you have had it really rough! Life is truly hard, unfair and unpredictable.But I like this quote, and I always find some comfort by it.

 

[muscleupcrohn]

Thanks buddy!

I get help from professional people, in this case, a psychologist. It helps. It feels better to ventilate with them, because talking to your family is not optimal in the long run, they mostly don´t know how to come with constructive help or recommendation. And it mostly feels like you whine when you try to communicate. Due to my situation I don´t have any friends, pretty much completely lonely. My saver right now is the gym. And valium, without that I don´t know where I would be right now. It helps to cope when things get out of control. I have not done anything stupid yet, drinking, fighting or trying drugs/AAS. I been in the thoughts about it but it would just be self destructive and not end well.

My relationship with my parents have been up and down. They separated when I was 5-6 years old. It as probably been tougher for me then I realize. My relationship with my mother as always been very closely, I had at young age a hard time to let her go, was very much attached to her. My father and I had a period when we did not talk or meet each other, don´t remember how long it lasted, maybe 1-2 years.
I started drinking at a young age as well. But after my encephalitis I stopped drinking, I have only taken a beer or glass of wine now and then, cant even remember last time I was drunk.

I´m sorry to hear your story, it sounds like you have had it really rough! Life is truly hard, unfair and unpredictable.But I like this quote, and I always find some comfort by it.

View attachment 146584

I love Bruce Lee man. Besides being an amazing martial artist, he was truly a great philosopher who brought together Eastern and Western beliefs together in a way that is easy to understand and right to the point. I read a few of his books, and really enjoyed and learned a lot from them (Striking Thoughts and The Warrior Within). I can definitely see that he was influenced by Tao Te Ching (both place significant emphasis on being "like water"), which was also a very good read. Perhaps reading something like that will help you out, or at least take your mind off things for a little while.

 

[B5150]

I´m sorry to hear your story, it sounds like you have had it really rough! Life is truly hard, unfair and unpredictable.

i know now that it wasn't nearly as rough as I took it.

Today when life puts the dog pile on I literally say out loud; what are you (for me it's God) going to do with me and thru me and for me with this pain I am experiencing.

Perspective for me is everything today.

Be well!

 

[celc5]

MuscleCrohn nailed it when he listed FRIENDS. Use ur friends and family for help. Accept their help, do not turn them away (which happens quite frequently when people are coping with depression).

Work on ur social skills. At 26, you should have dozens of social and relationship options. Dunn asked what ur issue was... although he helped u unveil health issues, he may have also been referring to ur social skills.

I disagree with the advice to look back on fond memories. It's always easier to start a new relationship from scratch then mend relationship mishaps. Get out there socially bro!

 

[horizons]

You're way too invested in the other person. The most important person in a relationship or anything is YOU

 

[ManimalPatB]

Rejection for ANYONE sucks. There is that old saying "It is better to have loved and lost....then to have never loved at all" and it's true. While it does suck, TIME helps one move on. I was with my ex for about 4 years and then one day, it just ended (substance abuse was a major reason for me ending it) and it sucks. I was a wreck, I still for the most part am not over it because she chose drugs over me; I haven't talked or seen her in about 3 years now

But eventually time healed all wounds and I finally fell into love with my now wife (she was my best friend for 6 years) and I am the happiest I am.

It sucks, but eventually TIME will heal your heart

Best of luck in this situation

 

[Pec.Major]

MuscleCrohn nailed it when he listed FRIENDS. Use ur friends and family for help. Accept their help, do not turn them away (which happens quite frequently when people are coping with depression).

Work on ur social skills. At 26, you should have dozens of social and relationship options. Dunn asked what ur issue was... although he helped u unveil health issues, he may have also been referring to ur social skills.

I disagree with the advice to look back on fond memories. It's always easier to start a new relationship from scratch then mend relationship mishaps. Get out there socially bro!

My social network is pretty much non existent, mostly because of the health problems. Which as practically left me alone. But I can change that, by working on my problems and take steps towards getting my life back. Close relationships with friends are important, something I have most definitely realized.
I have always had it easy to communicate and being social with people. So that is a plus. Right now I have to focus on the things that I can actually do something about. Even though it is painful with the heartbreak. There is only two option, fighting or quieting.

You're way too invested in the other person. The most important person in a relationship or anything is YOU

Yes, I agree with you. Her proportion got way to big at the same time as I got more sick. The feeling when you cant or have a hard time loving yourself but you know that the love to her was truly real, so you dived too deep, and got too attached to her. Which is probably one of the reason my world properly caved in.

Rejection for ANYONE sucks. There is that old saying "It is better to have loved and lost....then to have never loved at all" and it's true. While it does suck, TIME helps one move on. I was with my ex for about 4 years and then one day, it just ended (substance abuse was a major reason for me ending it) and it sucks. I was a wreck, I still for the most part am not over it because she chose drugs over me; I haven't talked or seen her in about 3 years now

But eventually time healed all wounds and I finally fell into love with my now wife (she was my best friend for 6 years) and I am the happiest I am.

It sucks, but eventually TIME will heal your heart

Best of luck in this situation

he whom love touches not walks in darkness

I agree with you, even though I don´t really feel like it now, if that make any sense. This is actually not the first girl I have been rejected by. I remember a girl I was fond of in high school. I practically was on my knees for her, but it was in vain. That don´t come remotely close to this situation though.
With this women it feels like I truly lost something, a part of myself. "love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies".

Sorry to hear about your ex. I´m happy for you that your happy now though!

 

[TruthWalker]

I just cut the emotion off. Im divorced. Marriage was terrible, a majority of it my fault because I was trying to be someone I thought she wanted me to be, instead of just being me.

We cannot control what happens to us, only how we respond to it. I am for whatever reason able to flip a switch when I need to. I don't like to and I debt do it often, but I've never had a hard break up.

I found the love of my life within a year of being divorced. Don't get me wrong I allowed myself to grieve for my divorce and the future that never happened, but I didn't let it hold me back. Ive been with my girlfriend for over a year now and things are amazing because she accepts me for me 100%, faults and all.

You did the right thing reaching out for support. that definitely helps. don't isolate yourself, don't drink, eat healthy. Take some OTC sleeping aids if you need to, but it's a bad time to a use any recreational chemicals.

Pick up a new hobby, read books you read before you got with your ex, read new books, go visit places you've never been.

You will be ok. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there again.

 

[horizons]

Yes, I agree with you. Her proportion got way to big at the same time as I got more sick. The feeling when you cant or have a hard time loving yourself but you know that the love to her was truly real, so you dived too deep, and got too attached to her. Which is probably one of the reason my world properly !

How can you ever expect someone to love you if you don't even love yourself

I think people need to stop concentrating on someone else and how to please them. Start being way more selfish. Write down what you want from a relationship or a girlfriend and stick by it. Never change who you are or what you want in life for NO ONE lol

You're on your own path whether you're married or have kids. You're the man. Everyone follows your direction and if you're too invested in someone else's and totally neglecting your own, no one will take you seriously. Shows that your life is not worthy.

Get out there man. Get on tinder. Meet new people, even if it's **** scary (even better). Have sex with random girls, or don't, just date or get to know dif woman and people

Do you. Coz at the end of the day that's alllll you got to deal with!

 

[Aleksandar37]

Get out there man. Get on tinder. Meet new people, even if it's **** scary (even better). Have sex with random girls, or don't, just date or get to know dif woman and people

Do you. Coz at the end of the day that's alllll you got to deal with!

So much this! You really have to keep looking because there are a lot of amazing people out there. I was married for 12 years and was with that person 5 years before getting married, but divorce was the best thing that ended up happening. Go out and meet people and keep growing as a person. You have nothing but options!

 

[horizons]

So much this! You really have to keep looking because there are a lot of amazing people out there. I was married for 12 years and was with that person 5 years before getting married, but divorce was the best thing that ended up happening. Go out and meet people and keep growing as a person. You have nothing but options!

And it's fine to be upset or miss your ex. Everyone always wants to distract or look for a fix to "get over" it. Don't even try. Just accept that you're devastated, never resist any feeling whether they're uncomfortable or not. Sit in the room and be down. Do whatever you want but never try to stop any hurt, that only causes it to be alive for longer

Life goes on, no one dies

 

[ChocolateClen]

I deal with break ups by running cycles lol. Probably not the best habit but it works for me

 

[ryox82]

I deal with break ups by running cycles lol. Probably not the best habit but it works for me

I think people spend break ups getting back into things they should have never stopped making time for in the first place

 

[jt75]

Women always say ''the best way to get over a man is to get under one''. Men should take that attitude and move on quickly by sowing their oats and not dwell on the lost love that's getting nailed by everyone since the break up,this may not help everyone but I go by this.

 

[Pec.Major]

I just cut the emotion off. Im divorced. Marriage was terrible, a majority of it my fault because I was trying to be someone I thought she wanted me to be, instead of just being me.

We cannot control what happens to us, only how we respond to it. I am for whatever reason able to flip a switch when I need to. I don't like to and I debt do it often, but I've never had a hard break up.

I found the love of my life within a year of being divorced. Don't get me wrong I allowed myself to grieve for my divorce and the future that never happened, but I didn't let it hold me back. Ive been with my girlfriend for over a year now and things are amazing because she accepts me for me 100%, faults and all.

You did the right thing reaching out for support. that definitely helps. don't isolate yourself, don't drink, eat healthy. Take some OTC sleeping aids if you need to, but it's a bad time to a use any recreational chemicals.

Pick up a new hobby, read books you read before you got with your ex, read new books, go visit places you've never been.

You will be ok. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there again.

I envy your ability to cut of emotion, wish I could do that in this case. "So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time"

Thats the thing with this girl, I opened up to her, and she accepted me even though all my faults and trouble in life. Surely, things was not as bad then as it turned out to be, but I was still very afraid to open up and being judged.

You have any good supplement advice? I use KSM-66 and melatonin, but the only thing that truly works for cutting of emotion and grief is benzo. But that I only want to use when things gets out of control.

I was looking at going to church, we used to do that together, or mostly she wanted to do it. I might pick that up. I´m going to try reading some of the suggestion from muscleupcrohn.

How can you ever expect someone to love you if you don't even love yourself

I think people need to stop concentrating on someone else and how to please them. Start being way more selfish. Write down what you want from a relationship or a girlfriend and stick by it. Never change who you are or what you want in life for NO ONE lol

You're on your own path whether you're married or have kids. You're the man. Everyone follows your direction and if you're too invested in someone else's and totally neglecting your own, no one will take you seriously. Shows that your life is not worthy.

Get out there man. Get on tinder. Meet new people, even if it's **** scary (even better). Have sex with random girls, or don't, just date or get to know dif woman and people

Do you. Coz at the end of the day that's alllll you got to deal with!

Yeah I know, you cant expect that. But I did love myself, but when the health went downhill I lost myself and the only thing I could grasp on to was the love to her.

I guess I could get some casual fun, but it would be easier if I had some friends to do it with. My best friend right now is the barbell and the weights.

So much this! You really have to keep looking because there are a lot of amazing people out there. I was married for 12 years and was with that person 5 years before getting married, but divorce was the best thing that ended up happening. Go out and meet people and keep growing as a person. You have nothing but options!

Yes, there is a lot of people out there, I just think I am in the state right now when all I can see is her. Shes f*cking haunts me in my sleep as well.

I deal with break ups by running cycles lol. Probably not the best habit but it works for me

Been thinking on that. But with my mental health I´m not sure it would be advisable.

Women always say ''the best way to get over a man is to get under one''. Men should take that attitude and move on quickly by sowing their oats and not dwell on the lost love that's getting nailed by everyone since the break up ,this may not help everyone but I go by this.

As in getting in to another relationship? Is not that a recipe for rebound?

What do you mean with "sowing their oats and not dwell on the lost love that´s getting nailed by everyone since the break up"?

The "nailed by everyone since the break up", I think I understand what you mean. If I know my ex, as I hope I do after 3 years together, shes not jumping in bed with different guys. Shes not a hoe. I would never get in to an relationship with a girl with that kind of behavior. Not my cup of tea.

 

[jt75]

I envy your ability to cut of emotion, wish I could do that in this case. "So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time"

Thats the thing with this girl, I opened up to her, and she accepted me even though all my faults and trouble in life. Surely, things was not as bad then as it turned out to be, but I was still very afraid to open up and being judged.

You have any good supplement advice? I use KSM-66 and melatonin, but the only thing that truly works for cutting of emotion and grief is benzo. But that I only want to use when things gets out of control.

I was looking at going to church, we used to do that together, or mostly she wanted to do it. I might pick that up. I´m going to try reading some of the suggestion from muscleupcrohn.



Yeah I know, you cant expect that. But I did love myself, but when the health went downhill I lost myself and the only thing I could grasp on to was the love to her.

I guess I could get some casual fun, but it would be easier if I had some friends to do it with. My best friend right now is the barbell and the weights.



Yes, there is a lot of people out there, I just think I am in the state right now when all I can see is her. Shes f*cking haunts me in my sleep as well.



Been thinking on that. But with my mental health I´m not sure it would be advisable.



As in getting in to another relationship? Is not that a recipe for rebound?

What do you mean with "sowing their oats and not dwell on the lost love that´s getting nailed by everyone since the break up"?

The "nailed by everyone since the break up", I think I understand what you mean. If I know my ex, as I hope I do after 3 years together, shes not jumping in bed with different guys. Shes not a hoe. I would never get in to an relationship with a girl with that kind of behavior. Not my cup of tea.

I mean don't get into another relationship but have casual sex with chicks it will numb the pain and make you feel better,don't waste your days wondering where she is and what she's doing cos it will drive you nuts. Sowing your oats means having sex by the way.
Time to man up and move on with your life cos she's not coming back, harsh but it's true dude. Hope things get easier real soon

 

[B5150]

Or...face your emotions head on like a man and negotiate through them without the use of sexual gratification or sexual promiscuity to continue to stuff and anesthetize them. Shutting of your emotions and or exploiting woman is emotionally immature and not a long term solution to the needs of your heart and is likely to complicate matters further. This behavior will no better equip you for an emotional healthy life and relationships.

 

[UCSMiami]

Hi, lads.

I feel the need to write myself of a bit. Some background;

I met, what feels like, the women of my life for a bit over 3 years ago, 2 of this years we lived together. Neither of us was searching for love, love found us. Something I thought never would happen. It was amazing!

This was my first real relationship, surely there as been other girls before, but nothing serious and not even sexual. So she was the first one for me on everything, and I was the first for her too.

But because of some personal issues I have in my life, my health got worsen. Which unfortunately affected her. Something I felt/feel bad for, but I thought that everything will get solved, and I have her by my side, so in the end everything will be fine, I will get my life straighten out and I will make up to her for standing by my side.

So without going anymore in detail, she broke up with me last Christmas over the phone. Emotionally I broke down, world caved in, literally.
She and I decided to met to say goodbye about 3 weeks after that phone call. Never ever felt that much hollow pain before in my life, I still do.

So you could say it as been a bit over 2 months seen it ended. We haven´t talked sense then can´t really see how I can get anything good from that beside from more pain and tears.

The problem is, it is not over for me, I am still in love with this women. I think about her 80-90% of the time as I am awake.
There is association of her everywhere! Social media does not make it easier either.

My sleep is bad. I fall asleep 3-4 am. And I wake up with anxiety, wondering where she is. The entire thing feels like a nightmare, and you just wonder when it all will end.
I could not eat for the first month, Could´t train for 2 months. I can eat now, and I have been training for 1 month now, thank god.

Do you guys have any recommendation, beside that time heel all wounds? Because even though it as gone a bit over 2 months now, I cant imagine a life without her, and the pain is killing me from the inside, because there is nothing I can do about it.

[video=youtube;NHOf3s70w-c]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHOf3s70w-c[/video]

Only time worked for me. The more you invest, the more you were deceived, the longer it takes.

Stay busy. Avoid reflecting on the past. Don't take it out on other women. Learn the lesson in life and move. This is an opportunity to grow as an adult. I realize it made me a much better person in the end.

Did not read your post, only the subject line. Stories fluctuate-sentiment is the same. You can get over anything if you want to. Wallowing is the worse action you can take. If you want to do that, then do so and note it does not improve you one bit and life is all about getting better.

 

[Rollinbeer]

Hit the gym bubba. That always helped get my frustration out. But im not the one to "get over" ended relationship. I tend to sulk in it for a while. But as stupid as it sounds.. i always listen to sad heartbreak songs.. dont make no sense to all my people, but thats my way of coping so to speak. Keep you a good support system around ya, buddies, family or what not. Keep your mind off of things! It aint easy hoss believe me, its a bitch! But just gotta accept it in most cases. I know im new on the forum but hell hoss you need to vent or get some **** off your chest pm me! But inwork like a damn hebrew slave so dont expect a quick response! Haha but From what ive seen this place is full of good people! Keep that chin up big man.. theres a plan bigger than any of us can imagine (not sure if your a religious fella) but the good lord is an awful mysterious individual.. but hold tight cuz! And it never hurts to throw some weights around. Chin up bossman!

 

[TruthWalker]

I envy your ability to cut of emotion, wish I could do that in this case. "So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time"

Thats the thing with this girl, I opened up to her, and she accepted me even though all my faults and trouble in life. Surely, things was not as bad then as it turned out to be, but I was still very afraid to open up and being judged.

You have any good supplement advice? I use KSM-66 and melatonin, but the only thing that truly works for cutting of emotion and grief is benzo. But that I only want to use when things gets out of control.

I was looking at going to church, we used to do that together, or mostly she wanted to do it. I might pick that up. I´m going to try reading some of the suggestion from muscleupcrohn.

Awesome man, those are great ideas. I am a big proponent of church

As for sleep, I don't know what ksm-66 is, but one thing you may want to look at is phenibut. It's orc, and like valium-lite. It does carry with it if not quite the same risk of addiction as benzos, but you still gotta be careful with it. it's really cheap though.

And I can't cut off all emotion, just most of it. It's definitely a great and useful tool, but I haven't always been able to do it. What we think of as uncontrollable is actually quite controllable and it gets easier over time. If you practice, eventually your thoughts control your emotions and not the other way around. It took me a lot of acid to get to this point to be quite honest. I don't necessarily suggest doing lsd, but it IS like a year of therapy in paper blotter form.

I went through a year of counseling - it helped a lot, but lsd helped me more in just one night. Was also quite spiritual. I'm pretty experienced with psychedelics though, and I have a mindset that Im beginning to think is not all that common.

Create new memories to replace the old. Think good thoughts. Work hard and be nice to people - the universe gives back what you put into it.

Aside from

 

[Pec.Major]

I mean don't get into another relationship but have casual sex with chicks it will numb the pain and make you feel better,don't waste your days wondering where she is and what she's doing cos it will drive you nuts. Sowing your oats means having sex by the way.
Time to man up and move on with your life cos she's not coming back, harsh but it's true dude. Hope things get easier real soon

I cant say that i waste my days completely , I still keep on fighting and do the things I have been planned to do. But shes like 80-90% in my thoughts anyway. Sometimes it is completely devastating, sometimes the thoughts are manageable.

Yeah, I will move on, either that or probably dying.

I understand that casual sex could be a option to at least get my mind of my ex with the sexual part.
Thanks buddy!

Or...face your emotions head on like a man and negotiate through them without the use of sexual gratification or sexual promiscuity to continue to stuff and anesthetize them. Shutting of your emotions and or exploiting woman is emotionally immature and not a long term solution to the needs of your heart and is likely to complicate matters further. This behavior will no better equip you for an emotional healthy life and relationships.

Exactly what my shrink told me, face everything. It is only you that can choose how you are going to deal with that emotion or feeling. Sometimes I want to blow my head off or get in to a fight just for feeling physical pain, but I have the gym for that, thank lord!

Only time worked for me. The more you invest, the more you were deceived, the longer it takes.

Stay busy. Avoid reflecting on the past. Don't take it out on other women. Learn the lesson in life and move. This is an opportunity to grow as an adult. I realize it made me a much better person in the end.

Did not read your post, only the subject line. Stories fluctuate-sentiment is the same. You can get over anything if you want to. Wallowing is the worse action you can take. If you want to do that, then do so and note it does not improve you one bit and life is all about getting better.

One of the hardest part for me.

I would never want to put anyone else in this emotional limbo, Yes, if something good would come out from this kind of pain it would be maturity and see it as a life experience.
I don't want to wallow, I try to do things even though things feels like a living hell.

Hit the gym bubba. That always helped get my frustration out. But im not the one to "get over" ended relationship. I tend to sulk in it for a while. But as stupid as it sounds.. i always listen to sad heartbreak songs.. dont make no sense to all my people, but thats my way of coping so to speak. Keep you a good support system around ya, buddies, family or what not. Keep your mind off of things! It aint easy hoss believe me, its a bitch! But just gotta accept it in most cases. I know im new on the forum but hell hoss you need to vent or get some **** off your chest pm me! But inwork like a damn hebrew slave so dont expect a quick response! Haha but From what ive seen this place is full of good people! Keep that chin up big man.. theres a plan bigger than any of us can imagine (not sure if your a religious fella) but the good lord is an awful mysterious individual.. but hold tight cuz! And it never hurts to throw some weights around. Chin up bossman!

I'm hitting the gym mate. The only thing that works right now.

 

[puccah8808]

No lie... this is why I don't date. I don't have time in my busy schedule to be distracted.

 

[horizons]

A relationship with another girl is never ever more important than your relationship with yourself

 

[puccah8808]

A relationship with another girl is never ever more important than your relationship with yourself

Definitely! You have to enjoy your own company.

 

[Pec.Major]

Awesome man, those are great ideas. I am a big proponent of church

As for sleep, I don't know what ksm-66 is, but one thing you may want to look at is phenibut. It's orc, and like valium-lite. It does carry with it if not quite the same risk of addiction as benzos, but you still gotta be careful with it. it's really cheap though.

And I can't cut off all emotion, just most of it. It's definitely a great and useful tool, but I haven't always been able to do it. What we think of as uncontrollable is actually quite controllable and it gets easier over time. If you practice, eventually your thoughts control your emotions and not the other way around. It took me a lot of acid to get to this point to be quite honest. I don't necessarily suggest doing lsd, but it IS like a year of therapy in paper blotter form.

I went through a year of counseling - it helped a lot, but lsd helped me more in just one night. Was also quite spiritual. I'm pretty experienced with psychedelics though, and I have a mindset that Im beginning to think is not all that common.

Create new memories to replace the old. Think good thoughts. Work hard and be nice to people - the universe gives back what you put into it.

Aside from

It is Ashwagandha, standardized for 5% withanolides. Phenibut sounds alright. I been thinking if 5-htp and mucuna pruriens could be good? I think 5-htp is usually used for sleep/insomnia?

My libido is crap as well. I guess that is common in this kind of situations? It seriously feels like my testosterone is zeroed and my estrogen is sky high. Might pick up CEL M-TEST or Testruction. Seems to work for peoples libido at the forum.

Yeah, I have always had a hard time controlling my emotion.. But it as surely been getting better with age. Nowadays I always try to think before I do, will this get me in to more trouble then I am already in, or if I do this will it benefit me or just make the situation worse. Sometimes it does not help. But, if you can avoid some situations, then its worth it.

Cool to hear that lsd have been beneficial for you!

Aside from?