Talking to women, I'm at a loss.

[AllTheGainz]

I've never been one with the ladies, I'm average on my best days and I'm pretty damn shy. If I happen to catch a glance from a girl I never know what to say to start the conversation, and holding one is a whole new battle. If I some how have the balls to go up and ask how she's doing we will talk for a bit and then there's a lull in the conversation, where it naturally dies off. I call it the moment of truth. Typically I'd wait for her to fill it in, sometimes give her a look that reads "well what are you going to say" without actually saying anything.

Sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn't, the conversation ends up dying right then and there and I finish it off with some bull **** goodbye like "It was nice talking to you but I have to get back to my friends" or something along those lines. If it happens to work there's almost always another moment of truth. The conversation will die off again at some point and at this point I make it blatantly obvious that I'm expecting her to fill in the awkward silence that has befallen the conversation. I mean it is her job after all right? I kicked the ball into her court by making the first move and talking to her, so shouldn't she be doing most of the talking? I always hear women I'm friends with say the same things after they go on failed dates. It goes something like this, "I just felt like I never had the room to talk" or "he never let me get my point out" or even simply "he just wouldn't shut up".

So if I give them room to talk then why does the conversation die? I follow the breadcrumbs they lay out, if they tell me about a place they used to go to I'll ask what it was like and so on.

Am I missing something here? It doesn't seem like rocket science but it damn sure feels like it.

 

[lifted67]

Sometimes it's all in the person your with. If your personalities really click you'll both end up talking so much it'll seem like neither of you shut up the whole time but it'll be so much fun it won't matter.

When you find the right one it'll flow naturally. You're over thinking it based on stereotyped perceptions of motor mouth males on dates that only talk about themselves.

 

[AllTheGainz]

Makes sense, thanks for the advice.

 

[youngandfree]

Most women aren't going to hold the hand of a guy that walks up and tries to talk game. If you can't figure it out, you're at the mercy of finding the right one.

I am much like you, when it came to shyness. Now if a chic was obviously in to me, I didn't worry much about it and just ran with it. The last girl it worked out with I married over 10 years ago.

 

[AllTheGainz]

Yeah I know women don't like handholding, so why should I hold their hand in the conversation? I can't be the man AND the woman, I can't come up with ideas to talk about and talk about them all at the same time.

 

[FireTitan]

Brother, before I was married I was all about the chase. Thats part of my wife's problem now, she thinks I want to go back to that.lol. Anyway, back to you. They like confidence, and not arrogance. You should never be afraid to approach and to talk to one. Itll either A-work, B-youll make a new friend or C- the worst, shell not be interested. And thats not gonna kill you. The way I learned, was everytime I was rejected, I etched a bit of the shock away, to eventually I would laugh it off and move on. Once I realized that, I was able to land what I wanted... Typically. Its no ones "place" to continue the conversation, as far as you know, shes just as shy as you, and youd be a perfect fit. Just gotta learn to improvise, and try to make her laugh. Once that happens, youll both lower your guard, and it will roll on! Good luck.

 

[youngandfree]

Yeah I know women don't like handholding, so why should I hold their hand in the conversation? I can't be the man AND the woman, I can't come up with ideas to talk about and talk about them all at the same time.

They just expect you to be a man, so nut up.

 

[FireTitan]

They just expect you to be a man, so nut up.

Then theres that too! Lol

 

[AllTheGainz]

They just expect you to be a man, so nut up.

Haha this had me dying.

 

[lifted67]

Just whip "it" they love that.

And/or dick pics to their phone at like 3am, every. Night. Lol

 

[FireTitan]

Just whip "it" they love that.

And/or dick pics to their phone at like 3am, every. Night. Lol

Aww man I love getting those… I mean sending those, yeah, sending

 

[Bartmac36]

This thread hits a little too close to home lol i've had the same problems, although on the nights where im "feelin it" i get an almost superhuman like confidence. Problem is those nights are the minority lol

 

[lifted67]

Aww man I love getting those… I mean sending those, yeah, sending

What can I say, I just can't turn down your requests. Lmao

 

[Quest]

I was the same way when I was young.

Really worked out for me. Been with my wife 17 years a few days ago.

Guess what? I met her in a bar, conversation flowed naturally and we fell in love.

Don't force it, you may end up with some psycho and a vd.

 

[FireTitan]

I was the same way when I was young.

Really worked out for me. Been with my wife 17 years a few days ago.

Guess what? I met her in a bar, conversation flowed naturally and we fell in love.

Don't force it, you may end up with some psycho and a vd.

Very true

 

[FireTitan]

What can I say, I just can't turn down your requests. Lmao

Nice to know

 

[gokix811]

We're humans, too. So approach it as one human talking to another human. Sounds awfully clinical, but it may help to get your brain thinking "OMGERD ITZ A GURL" to just natural, flowing conversation. Can you think of someone you're comfortable around, and figure out what that thing is about them that gets you to be more open and yourself when you're in their presence? If you find yourself running out of conversation, try observing your surroundings and making comments. But yeah, if she's giving you one word answers or nothing to work with, then she doesn't want to be bothered and I think it'd be fine to just mention you have to get back to your friends.

 

[FireTitan]

We're humans, too. So approach it as one human talking to another human. Sounds awfully clinical, but it may help to get your brain thinking "OMGERD ITZ A GURL" to just natural, flowing conversation. Can you think of someone you're comfortable around, and figure out what that thing is about them that gets you to be more open and yourself when you're in their presence? If you find yourself running out of conversation, try observing your surroundings and making comments. But yeah, if she's giving you one word answers or nothing to work with, then she doesn't want to be bothered and I think it'd be fine to just mention you have to get back to your friends.

Spoken well!

 

[AllTheGainz]

I mean in short here's what I've learned from my experiences talking to women.

-Don't force any feelings, it's similar to a fake smile in a picture, everyone knows.
-Don't force the conversation, if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
-Don't try to impress her, sure strut your stuff but most guys only try to impress her instead of conversing with her.
-Don't talk too much. Simple right?
-Don't talk to little.
-Follow her bread crumbs. If she mentions vacationing somewhere then ask her what it was like etc.
-Don't think about what your going to say, once you start getting in your head you focus less on her and more on your next line. Convo=ruined.
-Be respectful and assume every other girl in the room is watching your every move. Because they most likely are.
-Don't try to be a man and a women in the conversation, let her do the talking unless she asks you questions as well.
-Stay out of your head. The moment you get in there the convo is ruined (like above).

Please correct any of those if I'm wrong. I like having an updated list of things not to do so I can help my friends who are in the same boat.

 

[FireTitan]

I mean in short here's what I've learned from my experiences talking to women.

-Don't force any feelings, it's similar to a fake smile in a picture, everyone knows.
-Don't force the conversation, if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
-Don't try to impress her, sure strut your stuff but most guys only try to impress her instead of conversing with her.
-Don't talk too much. Simple right?
-Don't talk to little.
-Follow her bread crumbs. If she mentions vacationing somewhere then ask her what it was like etc.
-Don't think about what your going to say, once you start getting in your head you focus less on her and more on your next line. Convo=ruined.
-Be respectful and assume every other girl in the room is watching your every move. Because they most likely are.
-Don't try to be a man and a women in the conversation, let her do the talking unless she asks you questions as well.
-Stay out of your head. The moment you get in there the convo is ruined (like above).

Please correct any of those if I'm wrong. I like having an updated list of things not to do so I can help my friends who are in the same boat.

You learn well grasshopper!!

 

[UCSMiami]

They will signal to you at the very onset if you are welcomed, interesting or a pest when approaching a woman.

Body language is the key.

 

[AllTheGainz]

They will signal to you at the very onset if you are welcomed, interesting or a pest when approaching a woman.

Body language is the key.

That's the hard part.

 

[UCSMiami]

Then holding the attention after the first few words, then parlaying it to an extended conversation, etc.etc.

Lots of work. Easier if she is initally interested or attracted to you but one false move and Next!.

As mentioned, women fascinated by male confidence, unless it is an alpha female then they look for other attributes. Confidence tends to be the key, how straightforward without going porno, weirdo/creeper, stereotype, etc. on them.

But heck, young women so aggressive nowadays it reminds me of males 20-25 years ago.

 

[lifted67]

I mean in short here's what I've learned from my experiences talking to women.

-Don't force any feelings, it's similar to a fake smile in a picture, everyone knows.
-Don't force the conversation, if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
-Don't try to impress her, sure strut your stuff but most guys only try to impress her instead of conversing with her.
-Don't talk too much. Simple right?
-Don't talk to little.
-Follow her bread crumbs. If she mentions vacationing somewhere then ask her what it was like etc.
-Don't think about what your going to say, once you start getting in your head you focus less on her and more on your next line. Convo=ruined.
-Be respectful and assume every other girl in the room is watching your every move. Because they most likely are.
-Don't try to be a man and a women in the conversation, let her do the talking unless she asks you questions as well.
-Stay out of your head. The moment you get in there the convo is ruined (like above).

Please correct any of those if I'm wrong. I like having an updated list of things not to do so I can help my friends who are in the same boat.

I'd say one huge factor is *make her laugh* back when my wife was my boss at work and we weren't dating yet I would make it a point to try to make her snarf her coffee whenever she'd stop by my desk.

 

[AllTheGainz]

I'd say one huge factor is *make her laugh* back when my wife was my boss at work and we weren't dating yet I would make it a point to try to make her snarf her coffee whenever she'd stop by my desk.

That's huge but I'd say try not to force either. The best thing to do is just hold a decent conversation with her and if you make her laugh that's even better, at least for the first date or meet.

 

[lifted67]

That's huge but I'd say try not to force either. The best thing to do is just hold a decent conversation with her and if you make her laugh that's even better, at least for the first date or meet.

Yeah definitely don't force but if there is a good moment to crack her up take it! Especially if it's self deprecating. Most women love that **** lol, makes us seem vulnerable in a good way.

 

[AllTheGainz]

Yeah definitely don't force but if there is a good moment to crack her up take it! Especially if it's self deprecating. Most women love that **** lol, makes us seem vulnerable in a good way.

Yeah but the problem is that if you aren't funny then trying to be funny may make it awkward.

 

[FireTitan]

Yeah but the problem is that if you aren't funny then trying to be funny may make it awkward.

Ok, let me add something new here. Remove the word "but" from your vocabulary as of now. Every Time you say "but", youre making it seem as if youre doubting everything's possibility. When someone says something to you, and you "but" it is showing self doubt, and lack of confidence. Lack of confidence shows a type of weakness, weakness removes the manliness that MOST women are searching for, and youre done. When lifted67 says to make them laugh, instead of "but when youre not funny"....lack of confidence. The appropriate way to answer would have been, that it makes sense and that you will find a way to make them laugh. Its not always by jokes, just little remarks, gestures and jokingly poking at yourself. Once you see what makes them kick, build on it.

 

[AllTheGainz]

Ok, let me add something new here. Remove the word "but" from your vocabulary as of now. Every Time you say "but", youre making it seem as if youre doubting everything's possibility. When someone says something to you, and you "but" it is showing self doubt, and lack of confidence. Lack of confidence shows a type of weakness, weakness removes the manliness that MOST women are searching for, and youre done. When lifted67 says to make them laugh, instead of "but when youre not funny"....lack of confidence. The appropriate way to answer would have been, that it makes sense and that you will find a way to make them laugh. Its not always by jokes, just little remarks, gestures and jokingly poking at yourself. Once you see what makes them kick, build on it.

Totally understand your point, never noticed I said it so much. Not sure if i say it a lot in person, however, i will def be making sure i don't say it as much.Its the little things like this that you don't pick up on till you've been through the ringer a few times.

 

[UCSMiami]

Ok, let me add something new here. Remove the word "but" from your vocabulary as of now. Every Time you say "but", youre making it seem as if youre doubting everything's possibility. When someone says something to you, and you "but" it is showing self doubt, and lack of confidence. Lack of confidence shows a type of weakness, weakness removes the manliness that MOST women are searching for, and youre done. When lifted67 says to make them laugh, instead of "but when youre not funny"....lack of confidence. The appropriate way to answer would have been, that it makes sense and that you will find a way to make them laugh. Its not always by jokes, just little remarks, gestures and jokingly poking at yourself. Once you see what makes them kick, build on it.

True I was taught to say and instead of but

 

[gokix811]

Its not always by jokes, just little remarks, gestures and jokingly poking at yourself. Once you see what makes them kick, build on it.

This. Ask any girl what they're looking for in a guy. One of the first things they say is a guy that can make them laugh/ is funny/has a good sense of humor.