Marriage issue

[FireTitan]

Hey guys, and ladies who read this. I have a question and looking for unbiased opinions. Ive been married for 17 years, and she has always been controlling. To the point that if she THINKS I looked at a woman, she snaps. Ive lost the majority of my friends because of her, and outside if work and the gym, I have no life. And when I say gym, I mean the rec center and the gym at work. If she knew I went to the campus gym, shed lose it because of the girls. Ive tolerated it and went along with it all for the most part, but now, shes at war with my parents. Shes pissed at me because Im not jumping their sh1t, so I finally told her it's because I really feel as if shes wrong. Today, she told me to make a choice, either cut my ties with them or her. When i told her i wasnt making a choice, and that it was stupid, she said that Ive made my decision. Now it looks like divorce. After 18 years together, I do love her, but in all honesty, I just dont like her anymore. What do you guys think?

 

[SFreed]

Sounds like a real b1tch. Sorry to say that, but from everything you've said, I'd say you're better off without her.

 

[mickc1965]

Sorry to hear it has got like this, do you have children? Have you had any marriage councelling?

 

[FireTitan]

Sounds like a real b1tch. Sorry to say that, but from everything you've said, I'd say you're better off without her.

She can be. Problem is, I love her and thinking about not having her saddens me. I am at a complete loss right now. Thanks

 

[FireTitan]

Sorry to hear it has got like this, do you have children? Have you had any marriage councelling?

We have a 15 year old son. And Im going to bring up counseling with her and see what she says. But I really dont think theres a fix to her. She'll just argue with the Doc, unless the Doc agrees with her.

 

[cubsfan815]

Is she on medication?

 

[mickc1965]

Hope it goes well for you as it sounds like you do not want the marriage to end.

 

[FireTitan]

Is she on medication?

Antidepressants, but so am I. She actually just called me telling me she needs me and cant be without me. We talked a bit,and will do more tomorrow. Im going to give it one more try

 

[mickc1965]

Antidepressants, but so am I. She actually just called me telling me she needs me and cant be without me. We talked a bit,and will do more tomorrow. Im going to give it one more try

Fingers crossed

 

[FireTitan]

Fingers crossed

Thanks for that, really.

 

[cubsfan815]

Good luck, hopefully you can work it out.

I'd drop the antidepressants and switch to Marijuana. That would probably help a ton.

***If in a legal/medicinal state***

 

[rugger48]

Google narcissistic sociopath .

 

[FireTitan]

Good luck, hopefully you can work it out.

I'd drop the antidepressants and switch to Marijuana. That would probably help a ton.

***If in a legal/medicinal state***

no

 

[FireTitan]

Google narcissistic sociopath .

Ive about got it memorized

 

[love2liftkat]

It's sounds like a rough situation but you've made it this far! Does she need to work on some things? Yes, absolutely! I'm sure you both have areas to work on! I would also suggest seeing a counselor. I would also suggest, if you're willing to, take some time together as a couple to do a bible study on marriage and pray together! I got married very young(barely 18/17) we have grown up together and gone through a lot including all of the changes you go through from 18-25. If is wasn't for God being in the middle of our marriage, I know that there is no way we would've made it through! Anytime we've struggled or even I have struggled individually, it's because I've gotten caught up in "doing it myself"

 

[JDybya]

No easy answers here, but we're here for you brother. Stay strong. Be true to yourself.

 

[FireTitan]

It's sounds like a rough situation but you've made it this far! Does she need to work on some things? Yes, absolutely! I'm sure you both have areas to work on! I would also suggest seeing a counselor. I would also suggest, if you're willing to, take some time together as a couple to do a bible study on marriage and pray together! I got married very young(barely 18/17) we have grown up together and gone through a lot including all of the changes you go through from 18-25. If is wasn't for God being in the middle of our marriage, I know that there is no way we would've made it through! Anytime we've struggled or even I have struggled individually, it's because I've gotten caught up in "doing it myself"

In agreement with God young lady! Thank you. I think were going to really work on resolving our issues and moving forward. Thank you.

 

[FireTitan]

No easy answers here, but we're here for you brother. Stay strong. Be true to yourself.

Thank you. I was actually skeptical about posting this, but none of you have let me down yet. Believe it or not, after reading some of the replies, I was able to swallow some pride and actually talk to her which is what led to us smoothing some things over. Still going to be a bit of a battle, but I know itll be worth it either way. At least Ill know i tried everything. Thank you!

 

[JDybya]

Great to hear. Marriage is hard f'n work. But for some people (myself included), well worth the effort!

 

[lifted67]

Ugh, this is the pits, you already know what happened in my marriage, constant controlling, total lack of intamacy, and my own insecurity issues pushed me into the arms of another woman.

Don't make my mistake, I always threatened to leave and insisted we get counseling "or else." Never followed through until I actually cheated and was so upset with myself I packed up and left. I'm not saying to cheat but say unless you both get counseling together and maybe each find a good therapist to see apart say you're going to leave and mean it.

People usually don't know what they have until it walks away from them. You have to dictate your own happiness and don't let her issues bring you both down. No one ever says, "man, I wish I would have stayed in my horrendous marriage 20 more years."

 

[FireTitan]

Great to hear. Marriage is hard f'n work. But for some people (myself included), well worth the effort!

Thats good you feel that way about your marriage. She and I Are both head strong, and that creates a LOT of the issues. But my 15 year old son is everything to me. He's following my footsteps and mimics all that I do. Getting into lifting, and all about the fire department. Gotta keep my head up for him! Thanks

 

[FireTitan]

Ugh, this is the pits, you already know what happened in my marriage, constant controlling, total lack of intamacy, and my own insecurity issues pushed me into the arms of another woman.

Don't make my mistake, I always threatened to leave and insisted we get counseling "or else." Never followed through until I actually cheated and was so upset with myself I packed up and left. I'm not saying to cheat but say unless you both get counseling together and maybe each find a good therapist to see apart say you're going to leave and mean it.

People usually don't know what they have until it walks away from them. You have to dictate your own happiness and don't let her issues bring you both down. No one ever says, "man, I wish I would have stayed in my horrendous marriage 20 more years."

You are correct brother. We finally talked last night and she was in tears telling me she cant live without me, and I really believe her. Im going to bring up therapy and see what she thinks, and go from there. Thank you.

 

[lifted67]

No problem, here whenever you need.

 

[Rocket3015]

It's sounds like a rough situation but you've made it this far! Does she need to work on some things? Yes, absolutely! I'm sure you both have areas to work on! I would also suggest seeing a counselor. I would also suggest, if you're willing to, take some time together as a couple to do a bible study on marriage and pray together! I got married very young(barely 18/17) we have grown up together and gone through a lot including all of the changes you go through from 18-25. If is wasn't for God being in the middle of our marriage, I know that there is no way we would've made it through! Anytime we've struggled or even I have struggled individually, it's because I've gotten caught up in "doing it myself"

This is the best advice you could get, seek some help and pray !!

 

[FireTitan]

This is the best advice you could get, seek some help and pray !!

Who'd of thought I could go to Anabolic Minds of all places to find friends and have people to turn to for anything? You guys (and love2liftkat) are awesome

 

[Rocket3015]

Who'd of thought I could go to Anabolic Minds of all places to find friends and have people to turn to for anything? You guys (and love2liftkat) are awesome

It is like a family !!

 

[FireTitan]

It is like a family !!

Yes it is!

 

[myankee286]

Hey guys, and ladies who read this. I have a question and looking for unbiased opinions. Ive been married for 17 years, and she has always been controlling. To the point that if she THINKS I looked at a woman, she snaps. Ive lost the majority of my friends because of her, and outside if work and the gym, I have no life. And when I say gym, I mean the rec center and the gym at work. If she knew I went to the campus gym, shed lose it because of the girls. Ive tolerated it and went along with it all for the most part, but now, shes at war with my parents. Shes pissed at me because Im not jumping their sh1t, so I finally told her it's because I really feel as if shes wrong. Today, she told me to make a choice, either cut my ties with them or her. When i told her i wasnt making a choice, and that it was stupid, she said that Ive made my decision. Now it looks like divorce. After 18 years together, I do love her, but in all honesty, I just dont like her anymore. What do you guys think?

That's harsh bro. She should not be making g you choose between her and your parents. That's just some cold ass ****. Sorry for language but dam. I'm sorry to hear this but she is wrong. What exactly are they fighting over. If u don't mind me asking.

 

[youngandfree]

Thats good you feel that way about your marriage. She and I Are both head strong, and that creates a LOT of the issues. But my 15 year old son is everything to me. He's following my footsteps and mimics all that I do. Getting into lifting, and all about the fire department. Gotta keep my head up for him! Thanks

If you don't get the marriage relationship figured out, he'll follow you down this road too.

There's a great book written by Dr. Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages. You both need to decide that you will do what it takes to change what needs changing. This book opened my eyes about the fact your mate most likely doesn't "feel loved" the same way you do. If you don't know what makes your mate feel loved, you're missing the boat. Doing for them, what makes YOU feel loved is usually wrong and inneffective.

You aren't the first couple to pull through a tough relationship and flourish. But you both have to make the decision to change yourselves, and then ACT on it. Your son is statistically likely to go down the same road if you don't turn it around.

Good luck man.

 

[Captn_the]

Google narcissistic sociopath .

Bingo. You've in a destructive relationship which is likely un fixable. Cut you losses or become a slave. Harsh choices.

 

[FireTitan]

If you don't get the marriage relationship figured out, he'll follow you down this road too.

There's a great book written by Dr. Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages. You both need to decide that you will do what it takes to change what needs changing. This book opened my eyes about the fact your mate most likely doesn't "feel loved" the same way you do. If you don't know what makes your mate feel loved, you're missing the boat. Doing for them, what makes YOU feel loved is usually wrong and inneffective.

You aren't the first couple to pull through a tough relationship and flourish. But you both have to make the decision to change yourselves, and then ACT on it. Your son is statistically likely to go down the same road if you don't turn it around.

Good luck man.

Thank you, Ill look for the book.

 

[Aleksandar37]

Another vote here for at least trying a counselor. It didn't work for me, but I've seen other couples benefit from it.

 

[FireTitan]

Another vote here for at least trying a counselor. It didn't work for me, but I've seen other couples benefit from it.

Im working towards it, but in all honesty I have issues with them. Ive seen to many therapist have alcohol issues and be divorced, so how can they fix me? Lol
But a big help this time... Her mom chewed her ass and told her she was being childish. Well see how long it lasts.

 

[lifted67]

Find a good one who can moderate fairly when issues are brought up

 

[FireTitan]

Find a good one who can moderate fairly when issues are brought up

Thats what Im looking for, but theres one on every block in the closest city, its hard to figure out whos worth a crap and who just wants the money

 

[lifted67]

google reviews

 

[FireTitan]

google reviews

Lol. That's what Im using

 

[lifted67]

our doctor rambles a bit but generally he keeps us on task to fix our issues.

 

[Aleksandar37]

google reviews

This! Really you just need an outside person who can be impartial. That can be a counselor, pastor, etc. The key is that you both need to be open-minded and willing to compromise.

 

[bighulksmash]

Hey guys, and ladies who read this. I have a question and looking for unbiased opinions. Ive been married for 17 years, and she has always been controlling. To the point that if she THINKS I looked at a woman, she snaps. Ive lost the majority of my friends because of her, and outside if work and the gym, I have no life. And when I say gym, I mean the rec center and the gym at work. If she knew I went to the campus gym, shed lose it because of the girls. Ive tolerated it and went along with it all for the most part, but now, shes at war with my parents. Shes pissed at me because Im not jumping their sh1t, so I finally told her it's because I really feel as if shes wrong. Today, she told me to make a choice, either cut my ties with them or her. When i told her i wasnt making a choice, and that it was stupid, she said that Ive made my decision. Now it looks like divorce. After 18 years together, I do love her, but in all honesty, I just dont like her anymore. What do you guys think?

It comes down to what you want in life . Our opinions may help you . IMHO , the answer will be found In your heart . I stay with mine for the sake of the kids . What I do on my time is on me . Iam captain douchebag sometimes but we always make it work .

If there is no children involved ID say get your self a place first before breaking up . 99.9999 % of the time things will get physical if you break up with her and try to still live there .


PM me anytime man I been there done that 2x .

God bless!

 

[FireTitan]

It comes down to what you want in life . Our opinions may help you . IMHO , the answer will be found In your heart . I stay with mine for the sake of the kids . What I do on my time is on me . Iam captain douchebag sometimes but we always make it work .

If there is no children involved ID say get your self a place first before breaking up . 99.9999 % of the time things will get physical if you break up with her and try to still live there .


PM me anytime man I been there done that 2x .

God bless!

I appreciate it. We Have a 15 year old son. Im gonna do all I can to keep it going strong, and shes now saying the same. Well see where it takes us

 

[bighulksmash]

I appreciate it. We Have a 15 year old son. Im gonna do all I can to keep it going strong, and shes now saying the same. Well see where it takes us

great choice ... make time for a movie at home with her ALONE . Ask her questions about her hobbies and most important be genuine .
YOU CAN DO THIS BRO !!!! YOU RIPPED ONE IN SADDAMS CHAIR YOUR FOREVER MY HERO !

 

[FireTitan]

great choice ... make time for a movie at home with her ALONE . Ask her questions about her hobbies and most important be genuine .
YOU CAN DO THIS BRO !!!! YOU RIPPED ONE IN SADDAMS CHAIR YOUR FOREVER MY HERO !

that made me smile and I seriously needed that!! Thanks bro!

 

[bighulksmash]

that made me smile and I seriously needed that!! Thanks bro!

No prob !!!
https://youtu.be/di3oIIOBJuA
https://youtu.be/zTunzYfU-uM
2 very powerful videos!

 

[lifted67]

Bro:

 

[GreenMachineX]

I second the recommendation for the 5 Love Languages book, and Christian counseling.