low self esteem help

[smithstetics]

Hey guys im 17 and have been lifting for about 2-3 years. Towardsthe beginning i got gyno from puberty, also some skin condition so that my cheeks are always red. long story short these two combined have completely killed my confidence and self esteem. A girl blatantly likes me but i wont let myself accept it as i feel worthless and ugly. the girls really pretty and nice and we went and saw a movie. i just feel like she could do a lot better than me and that i dont deserve this. whats wrong with me? can any brahs offer up some advice to keep my head up?

 

[puccah8808]

Nooooo, don't feel like that. You deserve happiness, everyone does!!! We are our own worse critic, believe me. You got this!

 

[smithstetics]

Nooooo, don't feel like that. You deserve happiness, everyone does!!! We are our own worse critic, believe me. You got this!

cant help it, people putting me down and me believing them kinda brought me to this point

 

[Todd Garner]

Eat tons of food and lift heavy brother. Grow until people think twice about putting you down. Just get your mind straight and get feeling better for you, not other fools.

 

[Jiigzz]

Hey guys im 17 and have been lifting for about 2-3 years. Towardsthe beginning i got gyno from puberty, also some skin condition so that my cheeks are always red. long story short these two combined have completely killed my confidence and self esteem. A girl blatantly likes me but i wont let myself accept it as i feel worthless and ugly. the girls really pretty and nice and we went and saw a movie. i just feel like she could do a lot better than me and that i dont deserve this. whats wrong with me? can any brahs offer up some advice to keep my head up?

Is it a skin condition or are you just flushed a lot of the time?

Self esteem is a tricky beast and I doubt anything we say will help change your view of yourself, but if this girl likes you, dont use your insecurities to push her away.

If she likes you for who you are right now, then youre doing something right! Keep that up!

 

[smithstetics]

Is it a skin condition or are you just flushed a lot of the time?

Self esteem is a tricky beast and I doubt anything we say will help change your view of yourself, but if this girl likes you, dont use your insecurities to push her away.

If she likes you for who you are right now, then youre doing something right! Keep that up!

skin condition, and yeah it kinda came outta nowhere, i never pursued it.

 

[rtmilburn]

I believe the mind is powerful and you can believe whatever you want to. The key is you really have to want to believe with everything in you. Also talk to someone even if its just your parents. You might be surprised how much that can make a difference. This may even eliminate all of your self doubt about how you look and feel. Although if it is that big of a deal gyno is treatable(might take surgery but i doubt gyno from puberty would need surgery to get rid of it) and most skin conditions are as well or at least manageable so just see doctor

P.S. been there and still kinda there but getting better every day. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and i haven't been on medication for over 6 months and feel better than ever . I'm 18

 

[Jiigzz]

skin condition, and yeah it kinda came outta nowhere, i never pursued it.

One thing I always say is that we are in control of our own happiness. If this condition is something that makes you shy away, why not see a doc to try rectify it? It may seem like a pain to go to one, but it could end your issues within a month

 

[choccyswag]

One thing I always say is that we are in control of our own happiness. If this condition is something that makes you shy away, why not see a doc to try rectify it? It may seem like a pain to go to one, but it could end your issues within a month

yea this is so true, right?
Btw beauty is skin deep, if you are a good person inside thats what is attractive. Don't be ungrateful, start thinking about the things you are GOOD at and your GOOD qualities. Being confident is sexy.

 

[smithstetics]

thanks a bunch guys, i think i was having a bad day yesterday. thanks for the support and advice!

 

[kisaj]

If you have insurance, maybe see a dermatologist because it sounds like you may simply have roseca and it can be addressed. It can be a confidence killer never knowing when you are going to flush, but it can be helped. Besides, half the time you are the one feeling it and noticing and others aren't. Hell, I sit in front of CEOs on a weekly basis and some of them flush when talking to a room- it's not a terrible thing.

 

[smithstetics]

If you have insurance, maybe see a dermatologist because it sounds like you may simply have roseca and it can be addressed. It can be a confidence killer never knowing when you are going to flush, but it can be helped. Besides, half the time you are the one feeling it and noticing and others aren't. Hell, I sit in front of CEOs on a weekly basis and some of them flush when talking to a room- it's not a terrible thing.

i did, its this Keratosis Pilaris Rf

 

[youngandfree]

If the girl likes you, there's no hard work. You don't have to go chasing some chic. I was never a chic magnet growing up, I did start lifting and growing. But if a good looking chic was into me, and she wasn't psycho, I rode that train till the ride ended. It's not like you are getting shot down all the time.

There will always be someone better looking than you, me, everyone. You can't change that, unless you want to be Bruce Jenner. The chic digs you, so accept the chic likes you. It's safe to assume she's seen your red cheeks, and didn't get scared off. You're 17 and have a long road in life, you need to figure out how to like yourself first, or its going to be miserable.

Doesn't it sound rediculuous to say, "I have red cheeks and some baby fat on my nips, so this good looking chic shouldn't like me". Not trying to bust your balls, just trying to get you to see the obvious.

 

[youngandfree]

Besides, look at all the smoking girls with ugly ass dudes, and you say, how did that dude land a girl like him.

Case in point. My wife babysits for a couple. She is smoking hot, around a 7-8 in my book. Dude is about 6'2, probably about 275-300 with a Dunlap gut that probably measures 50"+ at his belly button. And he has some roseacia that would make Ronald McDonald jealous. Maybe he used to be a stud, I know I was in much better shape when I met my wife. But she was obviously not concerned about some red cheeks. He treats her like gold, as far as I can tell, she does too.

Don't major in the minors.

 

[Shasow]

17 is a tough age man. All those hormones and getting to know the world, etc its kinda manic. Of the many things I could say I'll say a couple. First, learn to focus your mind on being a problem solver. Any kink or "thing" you don't like about yourself seek out a way to fix it, there is literally a way to do everything in this day and age, obviously lots of info out there on improving self-esteem and i guarantee theres a way to fix your lovely rosy cheeks. You take this approach to life for thing after thing after thing. I call this self development But it takes WORK. Nothing is for free, just depends how badly you want change. The second thing is chill out because if you follow number one you can be rest assured at some point you'll get there!!

 

[smithstetics]

If the girl likes you, there's no hard work. You don't have to go chasing some chic. I was never a chic magnet growing up, I did start lifting and growing. But if a good looking chic was into me, and she wasn't psycho, I rode that train till the ride ended. It's not like you are getting shot down all the time.

There will always be someone better looking than you, me, everyone. You can't change that, unless you want to be Bruce Jenner. The chic digs you, so accept the chic likes you. It's safe to assume she's seen your red cheeks, and didn't get scared off. You're 17 and have a long road in life, you need to figure out how to like yourself first, or its going to be miserable.

Doesn't it sound rediculuous to say, "I have red cheeks and some baby fat on my nips, so this good looking chic shouldn't like me". Not trying to bust your balls, just trying to get you to see the obvious.

thanks a bunch man! yeah sometimes i think im pretty hard on myself. its just after being made fun of and insulted and pushed around for most of when i was a twig, i started to believe the sh*t people said to me. this girl was the first girl ive had directly tell me she thought i was attractive. she was surprised when i told her id never even gone on a date with a girl or even kissed one. apparently it should be easy for me is what she said. but seriously man thank you!!

 

[smithstetics]

17 is a tough age man. All those hormones and getting to know the world, etc its kinda manic. Of the many things I could say I'll say a couple. First, learn to focus your mind on being a problem solver. Any kink or "thing" you don't like about yourself seek out a way to fix it, there is literally a way to do everything in this day and age, obviously lots of info out there on improving self-esteem and i guarantee theres a way to fix your lovely rosy cheeks. You take this approach to life for thing after thing after thing. I call this self development But it takes WORK. Nothing is for free, just depends how badly you want change. The second thing is chill out because if you follow number one you can be rest assured at some point you'll get there!!

Im on it with the problem solving, i ordered some ralox from ADC along with something to help the cheeks, my problems might finally be gone!!!

 

[hvactech]

I usually feel better about myself by making fun of other people

 

[youngandfree]

thanks a bunch man! yeah sometimes i think im pretty hard on myself. its just after being made fun of and insulted and pushed around for most of when i was a twig, i started to believe the sh*t people said to me. this girl was the first girl ive had directly tell me she thought i was attractive. she was surprised when i told her id never even gone on a date with a girl or even kissed one. apparently it should be easy for me is what she said. but seriously man thank you!!

Everyone has had a first kiss and first girlfriend, and it's awkward as hell. My wife has this delusion that since I was decently buff when she met me, I was a ladies man. Wrong. I was a shrimp band nerd that was shy and had anxiety about girls. I took this hot chic to her prom, at a different school. I didn't know anyone, nervous as hell, didn't know how to act since I was square and didn't party. Plus I couldn't dance. She hung out with her friends more and pretty much left me hanging. I was so pissed I couldn't see straight for days. Apparently chic was easy cause a buddy hit it later on.

My point is most teenagers are ass holes to other kids. I got picked on and did my share of picking on kids that had it worse. It's life. Just know it will get better. Try not to let it shape your self worth, which is easy to say now. Being 38 now, I see things much different. Unfortunately you have to go through **** to gain life experience and change your perspective.

Maybe it helped I became an EMT at 16 and volunteered for about 12 years, I don't know. I know if you pour yourself into something and give selflessly to other people, you can let go of your own self loathing. You don't have time for pity parties.

Now my step daughter has a 5 year old that just finished kindergarten. Going to be a small kid. He's been in karate for about a year now, and his first month or 2 in school, some bigger kids were messing with him. I told her to leave him in karate, because one day, he may have to whip someone's ass to get them to leave him alone. Verbal stuff I don't worry about, but they were physically pushing him around. I told her to prepare for a call from the school some day, and she said she will be okay if she does, because he will have given them 2 warnings.

Keep your head up, don't go off the deep end, and control what you can control. That's your actions and your attitude. Happiness is a choice. Don't put stock in negative stuff kids say about you.

Get your mind right, hang with people who like you. Hell I even dropped friends that didn't like my wife when we were dating. Long time friends, wanted me to dump her. I met some people that had healthy relationshios, and we decided to work on ours. We've been married 10 years, and some people havent see since.

 

[rtmilburn]

I know this board it about lifting and getting big or strong or fit. And a lot of peoples answer has something to that but i can tell you from experience that it doesn't matter how big you are or how strong you are. it will not fix your social life. If you have self esteem issue and you get big you will still have self esteem issue for something else. Unless you "exercise" your mind into think other wise. Dont get me wrong lifting can be a tool in that process but don't think your problems will go away if you get big. That is what i did and it made things worse. I grew distant from people because either they were scared of me jealous or i ignored them to focus on getting bigger and stronger or whatever reason it is(there were alot of reasons). I am still trying to fix friendships i messed up because of that. Your mental health should be number 1 then get big. Enjoy life!!! focus on changing they way you think to be more positive go out, try to talk to someone new everyday, and if possible try to do something with someone at least once a week. talk to people about your issues it doesnt matter who it is it will help. Forums are a good start but they should not replace real people you talk to about you issues it is not the same.

 

[choccyswag]

youngandfree; so many good points there i wish there are more sensible people like you!

I love the bit about surrounding yourself with good people, don't listen to haters, and to be generous and kind to others and especially to yourself.

rtmilburn; so true! people who are not happy i see are stuck in their ways, doing one or two things obsessively. Try and do as many new things as you can.. change things up, make fun goals to work towards. that way you'll meet new people and your mind will be busy learning instead of feeling sorry

 

[smithstetics]

Everyone has had a first kiss and first girlfriend, and it's awkward as hell. My wife has this delusion that since I was decently buff when she met me, I was a ladies man. Wrong. I was a shrimp band nerd that was shy and had anxiety about girls. I took this hot chic to her prom, at a different school. I didn't know anyone, nervous as hell, didn't know how to act since I was square and didn't party. Plus I couldn't dance. She hung out with her friends more and pretty much left me hanging. I was so pissed I couldn't see straight for days. Apparently chic was easy cause a buddy hit it later on.

My point is most teenagers are ass holes to other kids. I got picked on and did my share of picking on kids that had it worse. It's life. Just know it will get better. Try not to let it shape your self worth, which is easy to say now. Being 38 now, I see things much different. Unfortunately you have to go through **** to gain life experience and change your perspective.

Maybe it helped I became an EMT at 16 and volunteered for about 12 years, I don't know. I know if you pour yourself into something and give selflessly to other people, you can let go of your own self loathing. You don't have time for pity parties.

Now my step daughter has a 5 year old that just finished kindergarten. Going to be a small kid. He's been in karate for about a year now, and his first month or 2 in school, some bigger kids were messing with him. I told her to leave him in karate, because one day, he may have to whip someone's ass to get them to leave him alone. Verbal stuff I don't worry about, but they were physically pushing him around. I told her to prepare for a call from the school some day, and she said she will be okay if she does, because he will have given them 2 warnings.

Keep your head up, don't go off the deep end, and control what you can control. That's your actions and your attitude. Happiness is a choice. Don't put stock in negative stuff kids say about you.

Get your mind right, hang with people who like you. Hell I even dropped friends that didn't like my wife when we were dating. Long time friends, wanted me to dump her. I met some people that had healthy relationshios, and we decided to work on ours. We've been married 10 years, and some people havent see since.

yeah ive dropped a lot of friends throughout high school, i can see myself being friends with 2 of them once i graduate. it really is funny how far off peoples judgements are man. i heard this girl say she was mean to me because it didnt bother me ha that was pretty ironic

 

[smithstetics]

I know this board it about lifting and getting big or strong or fit. And a lot of peoples answer has something to that but i can tell you from experience that it doesn't matter how big you are or how strong you are. it will not fix your social life. If you have self esteem issue and you get big you will still have self esteem issue for something else. Unless you "exercise" your mind into think other wise. Dont get me wrong lifting can be a tool in that process but don't think your problems will go away if you get big. That is what i did and it made things worse. I grew distant from people because either they were scared of me jealous or i ignored them to focus on getting bigger and stronger or whatever reason it is(there were alot of reasons). I am still trying to fix friendships i messed up because of that. Your mental health should be number 1 then get big. Enjoy life!!! focus on changing they way you think to be more positive go out, try to talk to someone new everyday, and if possible try to do something with someone at least once a week. talk to people about your issues it doesnt matter who it is it will help. Forums are a good start but they should not replace real people you talk to about you issues it is not the same.

I've started to notice that, but it really helps with how you see yourself. I have gained a lot of confidence especially socially from getting bigger. I agree though, i gotta stop being so closed off

 

[youngandfree]

One day we were playing ball at the gym with some guys from school, pretty sure we had already graduated. Kid was being a dick because 3 of us had on our rescue t shirts. We left after playing and on the way home, saw fire trucks heading towards where we lived. Turns out, the dick lived on the street behind us, and his house was on fire. My brother went back to the gym to tell him, and when he showed up, he came unglued because he couldn't go in and get "his stuff". He proceeded to have a panic attack and nearly went to The hospital. He wasn't making fun of us anymore while he's laying on the stretcher. So keep in mind, karma is always keeping score.

Go out of your way to be nice and make friends with kids that also get picked on. Be genuine and don't do things just to keep score.

 

[smithstetics]

One day we were playing ball at the gym with some guys from school, pretty sure we had already graduated. Kid was being a dick because 3 of us had on our rescue t shirts. We left after playing and on the way home, saw fire trucks heading towards where we lived. Turns out, the dick lived on the street behind us, and his house was on fire. My brother went back to the gym to tell him, and when he showed up, he came unglued because he couldn't go in and get "his stuff". He proceeded to have a panic attack and nearly went to The hospital. He wasn't making fun of us anymore while he's laying on the stretcher. So keep in mind, karma is always keeping score.

Go out of your way to be nice and make friends with kids that also get picked on. Be genuine and don't do things just to keep score.

Yeah, i cant hate on people, i hate when i judge but i try to be the nicest dude people meet. thanks for the advice man, really appreciate all the life tips

 

[youngandfree]

No problem at all, just put it to use. When you are genuine and invest time and energy into people, it will help in so many areas. But you have to invest that love into yourself first, because you can't give what you don't have.

Who was it that posted about motivational speakers?

 

[smithstetics]

No problem at all, just put it to use. When you are genuine and invest time and energy into people, it will help in so many areas. But you have to invest that love into yourself first, because you can't give what you don't have.

Who was it that posted about motivational speakers?

Gotcha, i think dating this girl will help me a bunch, and not sure who posted regarding motivation speakers

 

[youngandfree]

I think it was in the douchebag thread.

 

[smithstetics]

I think it was in the douchebag thread.

Oh, over there? Yeah that was me haha

 

[rtmilburn]

Gotcha, i think dating this girl will help me a bunch, and not sure who posted regarding motivation speakers

It can help but dont make that relationship everything. Because if/when it ends you'll end up worse then you started. Make her feel important and spend lots of time with her but save time for other friends, family and YOURSELF!!!!

 

[Aleksandar37]

To echo what a few others already said, being 17 or a teenager in general can be rough, but your confidence will grow with experience. It's hard to realize now, but you'll look back on these times and wonder why you even worried about it.

 

[smithstetics]

It can help but dont make that relationship everything. Because if/when it ends you'll end up worse then you started. Make her feel important and spend lots of time with her but save time for other friends, family and YOURSELF!!!!

id like to be friends no matter what, shes a really cool girl

 

[smithstetics]

To echo what a few others already said, being 17 or a teenager in general can be rough, but your confidence will grow with experience. It's hard to realize now, but you'll look back on these times and wonder why you even worried about it.

Im waiting for that man

 

[drinkyboy]

Yea all the people that pick on you, you may never have to see them after everyone graduates and moves on in life. Don't give them the satisfaction of taking up real estate in your head. At least use that anger/frustration as motivation to push yourself in whatever you enjoy.

 

[smithstetics]

Yea all the people that pick on you, you may never have to see them after everyone graduates and moves on in life. Don't give them the satisfaction of taking up real estate in your head. At least use that anger/frustration as motivation to push yourself in whatever you enjoy.

Yeah, i'm surprised I never fought any of them. i'm one of the more built kids in school now, maybe top 10 or 15 (were seniors now). Maybe they're just haters, but regardless I doubt many of these kids will get far in life