girl problem....

40 in 12

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Where to begin...


Was with this girl for about a year and a half, we werent official, but we were together. I was hers and she was mine...

Basically, i didnt want commitment as far as a gf/bf title, just bc i like my freedom...


now shes with some scumbag, for about a month now, younger then 20, whos a scrub ass, senior citizen boofin' (not kidding) high school drop out...

Now at first, i thought it was simply a case of wanting what i couldnt have, but i am losing my mind. Shes a good girl, has done nothing wrong, and i fucked it up by taking her for granted...

She still loves me, i love her...and she assures me we'll be back together in a lil while....I dont want to lose her as a friend, but at the same time i dont want to be on the sideline being the nice guy...getting jack ****. She called me to hangout everyday last week...and we did, and had an awesome time just chillin..

I want her back, what the **** do i do?
 

pain4pleasure

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kick the **** out of the dude, she will be pissed at you but just tell her that you couldn't stand to be without her, and your sorry but the other dude was an ass, and you are a jealous bastard but she won't find a better guy than you. Like I said she will be pissed but if she is still in love with you she will see the sweet/sadistic side of it, Call me an Idiot, but it worked for me
 
Beelzebub

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kick the **** out of the dude, she will be pissed at you but just tell her that you couldn't stand to be without her, and your sorry but the other dude was an ass, and you are a jealous bastard but she won't find a better guy than you. Like I said she will be pissed but if she is still in love with you she will see the sweet/sadistic side of it, Call me an Idiot, but it worked for me
definately do not use this approach.
 

pain4pleasure

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I should mention, some chicks dig it, others.....not so much. Use discretion, I don't have any.
 

TheUsual

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kick the **** out of the dude, she will be pissed at you but just tell her that you couldn't stand to be without her, and your sorry but the other dude was an ass, and you are a jealous bastard but she won't find a better guy than you. Like I said she will be pissed but if she is still in love with you she will see the sweet/sadistic side of it, Call me an Idiot, but it worked for me
That might work if she is attracted to sociopaths.
 

40 in 12

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no, im not gunna kick ass unless he ever hits her, then i will break his face......(yes hes hit his ex)...

Keep em coming tho...
 

size

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Leave her in the past and look to the future.

She is using you as support and comfort; you are now her friend and nothing more. Women do this often to guys who allow it to happen. A woman finds a man who is supportive and kind. Someimtes, as in your case, it develops into an intimate relationship. However, the woman still looks at the man as a friend more than a companion/partner. Therefore, she is always looking for someone to be her companion while keeping the "friend" close to her for support. This sort of behavior is not going to lead to a healthy state of mind.
 

pain4pleasure

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thats awsome advice, maybe if I used my head everyonce and a while I could think of something like that.
 

40 in 12

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Leave her in the past and look to the future.

She is using you as support and comfort; you are now her friend and nothing more. Women do this often to guys who allow it to happen. A woman finds a man who is supportive and kind. Someimtes, as in your case, it develops into an intimate relationship. However, the woman still looks at the man as a friend more than a companion/partner. Therefore, she is always looking for someone to be her companion while keeping the "friend" close to her for support. This sort of behavior is not going to lead to a healthy state of mind.

Thankyou for the advice, i dont want to leave her in the past though. I dont know what im going to do. Ill see her at parties, and she'll sit there and stare at me all night long and ill catch her...and she gets pissed cause i ignore her

Im certain if i leave it alone, and move on, She'll be back. Right now i dont think id want her back, because even if i got her back, shed think she can walk all over me. I prepared to accept things wont ever be the same as before, but i also dont want her out of my life.....i am stuck smack dab in the middle of a moral dilemmna...

I just want her to be my girl again, keep the advice coming....
 

size

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Thankyou for the advice, i dont want to leave her in the past though. I dont know what im going to do..........Im certain if i leave it alone, and move on, She'll be back. Right now i dont think id want her back, because even if i got her back, shed think she can walk all over me..........
I just want her to be my girl again, keep the advice coming....
Life is tough and people fall in love with people who do not love them back. You can't force someone to love you. Consequently, while you expend all this energy, thoughts, and anguish over her, you are missing the bigger picture. This woman is not a woman who is in love with you. She will probably say that she "loves you" but is not "in love with you".

Any action on your part that is not moving to the future is setting yourself up for more sadness. You need to realize that you are her friend and she is not going to be your "girl" as you are now her friend.

Many people experience what is happening to you. Most have the same reaction that you are having. Most forget once another woman is straggling one's stomach.
 
kwyckemynd00

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If you don't wanna leave her in the past, and you don't wanna kick the other dudes ass, I think the answer is fucking simple. Tell her, not in one of those pussy lame hollywood type ways, that you want her and only her and that's just the way it is...

The one thing I've learned over the years is that the nice guy "romantic", hollywoodesque approach is the most sure way to lose a girl. Girls don't want a guy like that. Just basically tell her that it's time you two are to be together and that you're 100% dead serious. If she declines, the move on. End of story...don't play games w/ women...they usually win one way or another. And if they don't, they sitll drive you nuts.
 

40 in 12

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Life is tough and people fall in love with people who do not love them back. You can't force someone to love you. Consequently, while you expend all this energy, thoughts, and anguish over her, you are missing the bigger picture. This woman is not a woman who is in love with you. She will probably say that she "loves you" but is not "in love with you".

Any action on your part that is not moving to the future is setting yourself up for more sadness. You need to realize that you are her friend and she is not going to be your "girl" as you are now her friend.

Many people experience what is happening to you. Most have the same reaction that you are having. Most forget once another woman is straggling one's stomach.

Thanks again for your input, but the extent of our relationship is different than that you assume. She does love me, you may not believe it, at times i dont believe it, but it shows in everything she does. Nevermind that fact she constantly reminds me of this.

Ive been down that road before with an ex before this that fucked me over many times, and ive grown cold. I was once the nicest person, an angel. Now im cold hearted, arrogant, and cocky. Ive also wisened up, but i can be a complete dick also.

Your pickin at this way to deep, but i do appreciate your feedback, helps me keep my head on straight.
 

40 in 12

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If you don't wanna leave her in the past, and you don't wanna kick the other dudes ass, I think the answer is fucking simple. Tell her, not in one of those pussy lame hollywood type ways, that you want her and only her and that's just the way it is...

The one thing I've learned over the years is that the nice guy "romantic", hollywoodesque approach is the most sure way to lose a girl. Girls don't want a guy like that. Just basically tell her that it's time you two are to be together and that you're 100% dead serious. If she declines, the move on. End of story...don't play games w/ women...they usually win one way or another. And if they don't, they sitll drive you nuts.
I dont what it is, why i began to care. Maybe its the fact that i cant stand the thought of her being with someone else. And i for one am not a romantic, im cocky and confident, know what i want, and usually get it, but i also know how to treat a girl once a while...

By being this way, i had this girl up my ass 24/7 for a year and a half, but i didnt really give two hoots....Now i do
 

size

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Your pickin at this way to deep, but i do appreciate your feedback, helps me keep my head on straight.
Not deep at all. Same situation happens over and over again, and the response is always the same "my situation is different". Truth is the vast majority of the time, one's vision is too cloudy to see the truth.

Jolt of reality, if she is sleeping with anyone other than you, she does not love you. (assuming you believe love is monogamous)

Despite this I wish you the best.
 
kwyckemynd00

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....Maybe its the fact that i cant stand the thought of her being with someone else.....
Probably it....your property, right ;)

Just do what I said and if that doesn't work, refer to size's posts....that seems like ur only option to me.

good luck.
 

40 in 12

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Probably it....your property, right ;)

Just do what I said and if that doesn't work, refer to size's posts....that seems like ur only option to me.

good luck.
I am going to the next time we chill. i just cant have it any other way, it isnt fair to me. Probably do it before the weekend, got some booty coming home from college :whip:


But i am prepared to do it.
 

VanillaGorilla

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Thankyou for the advice, i dont want to leave her in the past though. I dont know what im going to do. Ill see her at parties, and she'll sit there and stare at me all night long and ill catch her...and she gets pissed cause i ignore her

Im certain if i leave it alone, and move on, She'll be back. Right now i dont think id want her back, because even if i got her back, shed think she can walk all over me. I prepared to accept things wont ever be the same as before, but i also dont want her out of my life.....i am stuck smack dab in the middle of a moral dilemmna...
One thing I have learned over the years is don't play games with relationships or take them for granted. Instead of ignoring her at a party.........tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to get back together with her now....... not sometime in the future. For some reason younger and younger generations are being taught to try to live the life of a porn star and that it's not cool to be with one person. IMO it's a bunch of BS. Being in a relationship with one person who you love is much more gratifying than having an assortment of one night stands with various skanks. When you are in a loving relationship you go threw things you will never go threw with someone else and that can not be replaced ever.
You probably really hurt her feelings by not wanting to make a commitment and now she is trying to hurt you. It sounds like you both need to grow up and be more mature. If you really love and want to get back together with her than tell her. Life is too short to play stupid games.
I am going to take a shower because I feel like Dr. F'n Phil.
 

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Newflash, if you two were never official, you're both free to see other people and thats just how it works. If you wanted to be with this girl you shouldn't have putzed around for a year and half NOT being a boyfriend.
 

houseman

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One thing I have learned over the years is don't play games with relationships or take them for granted. Instead of ignoring her at a party.........tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to get back together with her now....... not sometime in the future. For some reason younger and younger generations are being taught to try to live the life of a porn star and that it's not cool to be with one person. IMO it's a bunch of BS. Being in a relationship with one person who you love is much more gratifying than having an assortment of one night stands with various skanks. When you are in a loving relationship you go threw things you will never go threw with someone else and that can not be replaced ever.
You probably really hurt her feelings by not wanting to make a commitment and now she is trying to hurt you. It sounds like you both need to grow up and be more mature. If you really love and want to get back together with her than tell her. Life is too short to play stupid games.
I am going to take a shower because I feel like Dr. F'n Phil.
I agree with this.

I think this philosphy comes from getting old and growing up. I hear all the time from guys to just ignore the girl, let her think you don't want her, act disinterested, etc. In 99% of people... if someone ignores them and acts disinterested they go to people who ARE interested in them.

While you don't have to be all sappy about your feelings and emotions... you should be up front, honest and tell her exactly how you feel.

Game playing is so annoying.
 
Bean

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Not deep at all. Same situation happens over and over again, and the response is always the same "my situation is different". Truth is the vast majority of the time, one's vision is too cloudy to see the truth.

the man speaks the truth!!! :hammer: :hammer:

everyone always wants to believe their situation is different... but in truth, most women are whiny, needy girls that will use your kindness and support for their own gain...

find yourself someone else not in this category... there are some great women out there :) If you can find one 25-35 or so, they are far more mature and honest than those 21 and under
 

houseman

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the man speaks the truth!!! :hammer: :hammer:

everyone always wants to believe their situation is different... but in truth, most women are whiny, needy girls that will use your kindness and support for their own gain...

find yourself someone else not in this category... there are some great women out there :) If you can find one 25-35 or so, they are far more mature and honest than those 21 and under
Explain how you can use the words women and girls in the same sentence and context.

This I'd love to hear.
 

LCSULLA

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I agree with this.

I think this philosphy comes from getting old and growing up. I hear all the time from guys to just ignore the girl, let her think you don't want her, act disinterested, etc. In 99% of people... if someone ignores them and acts disinterested they go to people who ARE interested in them.

While you don't have to be all sappy about your feelings and emotions... you should be up front, honest and tell her exactly how you feel.

Game playing is so annoying.
I disagree to some extent. A person wants a challenge. Think about it. When you have a GF friend and show no intrest in other women, thats when you have the most options being presented to you. I have been with the same women for four years and we both had the "hots for each other" as soon as we met. But since then I have had 18 yr olds telling me they would be my sex slave and all sorts of crazy ****. Oh
 

VanillaGorilla

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I disagree to some extent. A person wants a challenge. Think about it. When you have a GF friend and show no intrest in other women, thats when you have the most options being presented to you. I have been with the same women for four years and we both had the "hots for each other" as soon as we met. But since then I have had 18 yr olds telling me they would be my sex slave and all sorts of crazy ****. Oh
That's probably an indication of a mental problem. It's almost the equivalent of the woman who exclusively go after a guy with a ring on his finger.
 

houseman

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I disagree to some extent. A person wants a challenge. Think about it. When you have a GF friend and show no intrest in other women, thats when you have the most options being presented to you. I have been with the same women for four years and we both had the "hots for each other" as soon as we met. But since then I have had 18 yr olds telling me they would be my sex slave and all sorts of crazy ****. Oh
I hear what you're saying. But what I'm saying... WHY PLAY GAMES?

Say what's on your fucking mind. Say what you think. Say what you feel!

I may look like a fool telling a chick how I am feeling towards her (good or bad) but least I am man enough and brave enough to step to the plate. I've seen MANY guys lose the one girl they said was "perfect for them" because they were too scared to open their mouth and say the things that NEEDED to be said in their relationship.

Are there some that like the chase and the games? Sure there are. Frankly though, that's not a woman I want to be with. If she's into the games... she's into the nagging and bullshit. Same with guys.

Glad I don't have to deal with this **** anymore :)
 

VanillaGorilla

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I disagree to some extent. A person wants a challenge. Think about it.
I have always felt that if you like someone and they like you it should be easy to get together. Why shouldn't it be? The type of people who want a challenge are after the challenge not a relationship. That is basically playing games as I mentioned earlier. As soon as the euphoria of the challenge wears off, they get bored and move on to the next one.
 
Beelzebub

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One thing I have learned over the years is don't play games with relationships or take them for granted. Instead of ignoring her at a party.........tell her how you feel. Tell her you want to get back together with her now....... not sometime in the future. For some reason younger and younger generations are being taught to try to live the life of a porn star and that it's not cool to be with one person. IMO it's a bunch of BS. Being in a relationship with one person who you love is much more gratifying than having an assortment of one night stands with various skanks. When you are in a loving relationship you go threw things you will never go threw with someone else and that can not be replaced ever.
You probably really hurt her feelings by not wanting to make a commitment and now she is trying to hurt you. It sounds like you both need to grow up and be more mature. If you really love and want to get back together with her than tell her. Life is too short to play stupid games.
I am going to take a shower because I feel like Dr. F'n Phil.
:thumbsup:
 
wranglergirl

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Good god reading all these posts.....

My advice coming from a WOMAN :) is walk away i am not saying dont be friendly but let her know that your friends only..let her WANT YOU, make her come after you.....Guys and girls alike always WANT WHAT THEY CANT HAVE,( sad but true )

Make her wonder why your not there on the side any more and I can almost guarentee she will be back...........

Although I am confused??? You state you want her back as your girlfriend than you add you "wouldn't want her back right now " make sure YOU know what you really want also.........Games are for kids, leave them in the clubhouse :)

Good luck, affairs of the heart stink.......
 

40 in 12

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i want her a girlfriend, but i do not wanna be the one following her around, getting jealous and ****.....
y
I just want to be cocky old self
 

size

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My advice coming from a WOMAN :) is walk away i am not saying dont be friendly but let her know that your friends only..let her WANT YOU, make her come after you.....Guys and girls alike always WANT WHAT THEY CANT HAVE,( sad but true )...........make her wonder why your not there on the side any more and I can almost guarentee she will be back...........
.........Games are for kids
You are right, games are for kids. However,your advice seems to point to playing a game of "cat and mouse".

Be an adult, deal with the situation directly or leave it behind for memories.
 

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Well, i was going to give her ultimatum today, when she asked to hungout.......but


Her boyfriend called up and broke up with her via voicemail when i was with her, because i was hanging out with her...so i didnt really feel like putting her on the spot right then...
 
wranglergirl

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You are right, games are for kids. However,your advice seems to point to playing a game of "cat and mouse".

Be an adult, deal with the situation directly or leave it behind for memories.
Your right it is a game, but sadly when your dating it is all a game, until you find the one......I am sure you will disagree, you dont seem to agree with anything i say......LOL
 
ryansm

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This thread makes my damn head hurt. I hate playing these games, that's why I don't play them. I pursue women who also do not pursue them.

40 in 12 I would simply walk away, suck it up and move on. She imo does not love you. Size has had the best points.
 
wranglergirl

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And if your thinking you can be friends with her, dosent usually work out.......I was a beliver that you could be friends with ex's....But no more.........So good luck on this whole issue......:)
 
Bean

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Explain how you can use the words women and girls in the same sentence and context.

This I'd love to hear.
ok, if you reread that sentence again you might see it :)

most women.. this being a quantified amount of women, are whiny girls... which means they act like little children of the female sex

:thumbsup:
 
BodyWizard

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And if your thinking you can be friends with her, dosent usually work out.......I was a beliver that you could be friends with ex's....But no more...
short-term, I can only agree w/ you, WG - hard to be friendly when feelings get hurt & we get all bruised up over stuff. It can take time for things to cool off.

This whole thread make me think about earlier tonight. I went to a school dinner with my daughter's mom. We split 15 years ago & it got pretty hard-edged - for a long time, we plain despised each other. Still, we worked together for the girl's sake. Eventually, we got over it; not because we worked it out, or because we're so cool, we just grew up. We no longer hold our old illusions about each other, and we don't hold old grudges against each other, either. Tonight, we enjoyed seeing each other, and the 4 of us had a great time together - 5 years ago that just wasn't possible.

So, I have to say, it *can* happen - but over time.
 

houseman

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Your right it is a game, but sadly when your dating it is all a game, until you find the one......I am sure you will disagree, you dont seem to agree with anything i say......LOL
No offence here but maybe this is a reason why you're still single?

Dating is not a game. Relationships are not games. When people wake up and realize that life is NOT a fucking game then maybe they'll start living their life with some purpose and thought.
 

VanillaGorilla

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i want her a girlfriend, but i do not wanna be the one following her around, getting jealous and ****.....
y
I just want to be cocky old self
If you want to get back with her and you love her..tell her. You also might want to apologize about not wanting to be committed to her. Chances are she really didn't want to be with that guy any way and was going out with him to piss you off. Again, grow up and stop playing stupid games. To put it another way **** or get off the pot.
 

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Do yourself a favor and kick her to the curb. It's hard to do but there are more fish in the sea.
 
kwyckemynd00

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.... Chances are she really didn't want to be with that guy any way and was going out with him to piss you off......
Exact reason why "I" would dump her. But, if it's his prerogative to get back with her, he just needs to do it....keep us updated ;)
 

VanillaGorilla

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Exact reason why "I" would dump her. But, if it's his prerogative to get back with her, he just needs to do it....keep us updated
To be fair he did tell her he didn't want to commit. Howeve, they both seem to be playing a lot of games.
 

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I would have to say I agree with both WG and Houseman. House, your right man, the second you meet a girl with no games involved, she's the one. The second games begin, its over. However, ex's that were in love, can never become 100% plutonic friends. No matter how much they tell other poeple. WG, your right about the way to make her want 40. For advice I would realllly stress going to www.askmen.com. That website has helped me bigtime in the past and with my previous relationship. Dude, I was in your exact same spot a year ago. That website stresses to "act like a player" because women are so attracted to it. Act like you dont give 2 sh!ts about what she does and with who. If she truly cares about you like you tell us, she will be running back....TRUST ME from experience. But, when she does you cant be arms wide open waiting for her. Like training a dog, you cant give em all their treats when they do only one thing right. You have to let her know (not through words but actions) that your not gonna take this games crap anymore and your willing to bail if she doesnt stop her immaturity because in your mind, your thinking that you know you have other options waiting for you. Sorry for the long ass post.
 

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I feel your pain....My suggestion is sit down with her and ask her what she would like to do right now. Re-tell to her what you heard her say. Ask her how she is feeling about everything and recant that back to her also. Then tell her what you would like and how you feel. Ask her to play that back to you (how she understood you). Then ask her for her help; she may not know how. If between the two of you, you both can't find common ground to move forward then walk away from the girl friend part of the relationship. I would caution you though about having a "friend" relationship if you can't find resolution. I wouldn't tell her you can't ever be her friend but I would suggest time away from each other so you can both move on. I know all of this sounds a little touchy feely but at the end of the day, you need resolution. It just might not be the one you want right now.
 
wranglergirl

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No offence here but maybe this is a reason why you're still single?

Dating is not a game. Relationships are not games. When people wake up and realize that life is NOT a fucking game then maybe they'll start living their life with some purpose and thought.
I am single BY CHOICE,( if i wanted to be with someone i would have not ended it with my ex)........ I have no time for a relationship and I dont/cant add that to my life at this time, i cant handle having lupus, and i dont expect a guy to understand something that I cant at this time....As far as I am concerned its the mature/responsible thing to do for me.............So houseman thats why I am single.....
 
ryansm

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I can understand how you feel WG. But man that avatar sure wouldn't stop me from trying.
 
kwyckemynd00

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I can understand how you feel WG. But man that avatar sure wouldn't stop me from trying.
I have a feeling your post is going to get B-U-M-P-E-D 100x ;) hehehe (oops...I forgot, I've got a girlfriend....:blink:......:sick: .....J/K...hehehehe)
 

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40 in 12 you need to wash your hands of this filth now, don't hesitate, do it now! Then never have anything to do with her again. Having any type of relationship with someone like this will only harm you, in numerous ways, in the future. You got played and used. If you now get back with her it WILL happen again. You said you want to go back to being your old cocky self. If you want to feel like **** in the furture too get back with her. It sounds like you have a lack of self-esteem. Any person with any wouldn't eat the **** shes feeding you. Some will disagree with this but, you need to go out and find yourself a new piece ASAP. Thats likely the only thing that will make you move on and see the light.
 

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