"Opps I **** myself!!"

[motiv8er]

Holy fucking **** man!! Last night I took my girl out for a date and almost died. I have been on SD and tons of protien, so my stomach and GI has been off some. I have been taking enzymes throughout the day to *help* offset my nuclear flatulence. I most have dropped a bomb right before I got out of my truck to pick her up. When we returned to my truck I opened her door for her, and went around to my door. When I sat down and smelled the truck I looked at her she said" Wow, that's quite a smell!" I was a little embarressed and said yeh that is the bad thing about having a gym locker for a truck; smells sometimes." It smelled fucking horrific...

Good luck in the bombs department boys, just be careful not to bomb yourself! :blink: :blink: :blink:

 

[riskarb]

I had a similar scenario when dating my wife about 3 years ago. I had taken 3g of ALCAR before picking her up and *unavoidably* ripped a "silent but deadly" in the car. She literally had to get out of the car at the nearest stoplight, it was truly horrific. She actually threw-up. She takes more alcar than I do, and it affects her the same way.

LMAO Motiv8er

 

[VanillaGorilla]

I had a similar scenario when dating my wife about 3 years ago. I had taken 3g of ALCAR before picking her up and *unavoidably* ripped a "silent but deadly" in the car. She literally had to get out of the car at the nearest stoplight, it was truly horrific. She actually threw-up. She takes more alcar than I do, and it affects her the same way.

She actually hurled and stayed married you after that? Damn that some potent gas.

 

[wranglergirl]

Hahahahahah these are truely funny posts.....!!!!!! You got your self some great girls

 

[Dwight Schrute]

I have had ones that woke my girlfriend up at 3am (ducth oven of course) and made her leave the room while I laughed.

I am also a legend in Portugal for this too. I was riding with my friend and his cousin from Portugal was there and I ripped one while he was in the backseat. It was so bad he literally go mad because I wouldn't roll down the window so now back in Portugal I am known as the big white american with farts of death.

Mr. Methane has nothing on me...

 

[Iron Warrior]

I cut one church that made people stare at me like I killed their mother, mine was loud and nasty

 

[chasec]

people that know me don't even comment when i rip em now. flatulence is my friend!

 

[jminis]

LOL this is some funny ****. It's just a part of the game fella's, I try to hold back but sometimes I just can't. some are bad some you can't tell. A tip for everyone always rip them on the move :thumbsup:

 

[riskarb]

She actually hurled and stayed married you after that? Damn that some potent gas.

Yesss... ALCAR + NAC = Bobo's "Farts Of Death" We weren't even married yet, still dating. She was laughing hysterically about it later that evening.

:run:

This is the perfect emoticon... see the fart-trails?

 

[riskarb]

LOL this is some funny ****. It's just a part of the game fella's, I try to hold back but sometimes I just can't. some are bad some you can't tell. A tip for everyone always rip them on the move :thumbsup:

Yeah, I'll never understand why we make that, "maybe this one is inert" gamble. But as you say, they can be tough to hold back.

 

[motiv8er]

Needless to say, while I didn't getted busted out loud for busting one earlier, my truck does have $10 worth of airfresheners now... if I could only attach one to my ass!
:run: :run: :run:

"Run, run, run as fast ass you can it's flatulence man!"
:run:

 

[Beelzebub]

this thread is funny.

 

[NPursuit]

A tip for everyone always rip them on the move :thumbsup:

The problem with that is, my Wife always says they follow me into the room.

 

[EEmain]

When I worked at the Valley Forge Convention Center the sections were named after the counties in our area.
I farted and my partner 3 counties away nearly gagged :lol:

Also when I was in high school gym class we were sitting on those stupid wood floors in rows.. I let loose in the back and damn it echoed throughout..
What`s a guy to do but point at the guy next to you after everyone one is looking :icon_lol: You should have seen his face.....

 

[griz145389]

I had a similar scenario when dating my wife about 3 years ago. I had taken 3g of ALCAR before picking her up and *unavoidably* ripped a "silent but deadly" in the car. She literally had to get out of the car at the nearest stoplight, it was truly horrific. She actually threw-up.

You are my hero.:box:

 

[wranglergirl]

I know i should be grossed out but Bahahahahahahah this is to funny.....

 

[riskarb]

You are my hero.:box:

One more quick story... was taking the MCAT and obviously it was dead-silent. I let a fat, "pull my finger" one go, thinking nobody would be able to triangulate the location of the offender. Unfortunately, once I let Pandora out of her box I couldn't shut it down[think China Syndrome]. It was so damn hairy and long that the entire group went ballistic and it interrupted the test for like 10mins. Of course, it didn't help that I was blood-red from blushing.

 

[speakle]

I just went back to college this semester after a 2 year break (been lifting for a year) and was wondering how class was going to be with my sometimes atomic ass.

 

[Pfunk47]

I just went back to college this semester after a 2 year break (been lifting for a year) and was wondering how class was going to be with my sometimes atomic ass.

- sit in the back and fan it forward, let it creep out and you will see the trail it travels as peoples faces cringe, you may give yourself away though since you;ll probably start laughing.

 

[custom]

Best. Thread. Ever.

You know its really bad when your own actually grosses you out.

 

[sage]

i dont know why i keep on clicking on this thread. :rant:
Sage

 

[Iron Warrior]

Best. Thread. Ever.

You know its really bad when your own actually grosses you out.

:rofl: for real, mine are pleasant to me but those around me better watch out

 

[jweave23]

I had a similar scenario when dating my wife about 3 years ago. I had taken 3g of ALCAR before picking her up and *unavoidably* ripped a "silent but deadly" in the car. She literally had to get out of the car at the nearest stoplight, it was truly horrific. She actually threw-up. She takes more alcar than I do, and it affects her the same way.

LMAO Motiv8er

I like this one, personally. It was so bad she threw up, then laughed about it later....that's a woman you can live with :thumbsup:

 

[riskarb]

I like this one, personally. It was so bad she threw up, then laughed about it later....that's a woman you can live with :thumbsup:

yeah, I am a lucky guy... she's a great girl, married 3years

 

[GymRat06]

Best. Thread. Ever.

You know its really bad when your own actually grosses you out.

Especially when ur in the shower and you let one go. :lol:

 

[CDB]

There's actually this thing you can get, goes on the inside of your underwear and neutralizes the smell of farts. I read about it in a magazine, and the guys testing it when out and ate the most sulfurous shitty food they could find and spent the day squeezing cheese at work, and smelled nothing. They have to be worn with briefs or some kind of tighter underwear, no boxers.I think this is the link to them: http://www.flatd.com/

 

[t_dot_porkchop]

...so now back in Portugal I am known as the big white american with farts of death.

here you go: ou grande, branco americano que tem pedos que mata!

 

[anadrol75]

Iron warrior, I'm with you. I build cars for a living on an assy. line. After all these supps. I take I'm a little bloated so I try to be respectful of others and squeeze off a round away from them. Sometimes they get caught in the crossfire. I guess every war has it's casualties.

 

[hogiejoe]

ok i got a story that wil beat all of yours! i work in american embassys as a marine guard. we stand post inside this bullet proof box with all the controls to the embassy. so i usually rip them all day in this little 8 foot by 8 foot confined area and strangely enjoy my own scent. well one time i had an incredibly potent one that practically overpowered myself but the worst part is i heard a knock the door and i looked over and it was the freaking ambassador! of course i had to open the door for him and the look on his face was horrific. he pretended he did not smell it but he uttered some words real fast in an attempt to get out of there as fast as possible. the flippin ambassador!!!!

 

[RobInKuwait]

This is a funny ass thread.

Ever fart and run at a crowded party? I'll be at one side of the room talking to someone, then bust a silent but deadly one. Then I'll nonchalantly go elsewhere in the room and act like nothing happened. Then I get to watch the reactions on the people's faces where you just came from. I call it aroma-terrorism :twisted:.

 

[hogiejoe]

ah the trail of tears. a very brutal tactic

 

[tattoopierced1]

LMFAO...

 

[motiv8er]

Pine shaped G-string...

Tonight I am taking my girl back out again. I have taken enzymes throughout the day to try and curb my, uh gasness. However am trying a new product idea. For underwear I am sporting a new g-string. You know those pine fresheners for your car on a string. Well I have strapped one to my ass for underwear!! I let you know how it turns out.


(Editors' note: I didn't really do this!) My truck sure does smell better though!!

 

[kwyckemynd00]

Man, I don't think I can compete with these stories Especially when it's so bad your g/f pukes from it. LOL.

My worst one ever was my trip home from Utah to Cali. (It's a 12hr trip in a car to "mid" Utah where I was visiting.) Anway, I was young and my brother--who was probably 5 at the time-- was sleeping right next to my lap. I had a 12hr attack of the worst farts of my life and after about 5 hrs of it my dad flipped out throwing the biggest hissy-fit I"ve ever seen and screaming at me "if you don't knock that **** off, you're going to kill your damn brother!!". LOLOLOL...I laugh to this day when I think about it.

 

[riskarb]

OK, my last one... Was about 12yo and staying at a buddies for the weekend. There were four or five kids staying over and I had dibs on a queen bed in the finished basement. Caveat; the family dogs sleep in the basement... I sleep like a rock, but was awakened by the dogs, two Great Danes. The were sleeping the the bed with me; both of them had the asses within proximal distance to my face. We were essentially sleeping head to feet. BOTH dogs were ripping horrfic farts as I was in a waking, dazed state. Even at 12yo I had recalled that farts have mass or you wouldn't smell 'em, which set off the gag-reflex. Needless to say, I didn't get any more sleep that night.

Good story, Kwycke

 

[sholiz]

Ahaha, it's hard to compete with you all ...

But, in school I'm in a weight training class and we were doing spot checks / maxes that day and I had a high protein intake that day ... well, I had the squat bar loaded up (not a big crowd ..) so when I got down and started coming up --- RRRIIIPPPPP! It was like a machine gun, it went for the whole half of the rep (which was maybe 5-6 seconds long since I had a hard time coming up with it being my max).

Then, we had to max on leg press aswell. Now, I had a crowd around since I'm the only one who can leg press every plate in the weight room ... so I do 1 rep, 2 rep -- on my 3rd I let another one, MAN! EVERYONE within a 20 foot proximity went out of the room and I called for a spot cause I was laughing and was slipping on my final rep. I realized it's not too funny when the weight was coming back down and the coach came over to help get it up. Got up and fell over laughing ... By the way, we've got 30+ people in my weight training class and everyone was watching .

 

[jmh80]

My dad tells a story about my since passed away grandfather. My dad was 20 or so, before I was born. They were riding in the elevator in their apartment complex in Connecticut (a pretty tall bldg from what I remember). My dad said a grandmother and grandkid got on the elevator 2/3 the way down. My grandfather ripped one. Dad said it was the worst fart he's ever smelled in his life (and he was in the navy...) So, he was trying not to gag (he and I have bad gag reflexes). The grandmother decides her little grandson let one. She started smacking the kid and yelling "don't do that in public!" My dad said he felt so bad for the kid but was only trying not to laugh his ass off. My grandfather was just in the corner smiling.

Dad finishes the story by swearing that he *saw* the fart. He swears up and down it was so potent it was actually green. (He also says my grandfather's insides were rotten.)

 

[Aeternitatis]

Lately I've been having these sticky farts. It's like, it doesn't matter if the wind is blowing or if I'm moving or not, they just swirl around me like some sort of death cloud. Last night my friend and I were out walking and one after another I kept letting loose these sticky farts. Mind you it's breazy out and my friend is at least 3 feet away, yet he is still dying. He doesn't usually complain because we get closed up in a little computer room together all the time and I replace the air with dessicated liver farts, but last night he couldn't handle it! He kept running away from me saying, "You need to see a fuckin doctor." Reminds me of the time we ran to the top of a sand dune to go ahead and take a piss over the edge of it. Just as we started, a gust of wind blew and my stream flowed all over his legs and feet. Hmm, the wind works in mysterious ways.