Sexless marriage!!!

[SlyCamaro]

Hey guys, I dont post to much but I am feeling pretty down. I am wondering if anyone here is going or has gone through this ( sexless marriage) I have been married for 7 years, together for 9 and have a little girl! For the last 3 years my wife has let her self go, let our once great sexlife go and I am lost! I am in great shape, very muscular and good looking guy and I have always got the job done in the sack! But her desire is GONE!!! I have voiced my opinion many times over the last few years and nothing has changed! I feel stuck, but I have a baby girl to take car of now, how do I leave! Why would a woman who says she loves me, not do the things she needs to do for US!!! She makes excuses about work and bills bla bla bla... its a copout to be lazy and not put in effort and try! I dont know what to do... I am tired of feeling this way! I have turned down sex from other woman to stay faithfull but I feel that slipping away, I want to cheat at this point! I dont know if this is a good place for this post, but I felt like I had to get this out of my system!

[Clickster]

I hope it gets worked out. Hopefully you are able to sit down as a couple and discuss some things. I don't think cheating is at all the thing to do. Sex is a very important part of a marriage but it isn't the only part. I hope she can find the marriage important enough to talk things out and make some adjustments. Maybe try to do something crazy and creative to turn her on.

I pray it all ends up working out.

[jimbuick]

This is a video we watch when we go on couples retreats as part of the military. It may be worth you and your wife sitting down and watching it, and using it as a guide to how you to are with each other during the day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uVv_2d-9FA

Hope this can help!

[ThunderHumper]

why dont you just rub her thigh, lick her ear, kiss her neck, caress her nipples, **** like that to turn her on. if that dont work, then just roll over in bed and fart on her. works for me all the time

[Red9]

why dont you just rub her thigh, lick her ear, kiss her neck, caress her nipples, **** like that to turn her on. if that dont work, then just roll over in bed and fart on her. works for me all the time

Hahahaha damnnn homie this just have me a good laugh. "roll over and fart on her, works for me all the time"

[alex beta]

You can go to terapy or check if her hormonal output its ok but .... Im sorry to say this if she dont want You in bed its because youre not in her heart a woman in Love is a woman comitted whit her men so stop jerking off and find a real relationship someone who really cares about You

[FL3X MAGNUM]

If she won't give it to you, just take it from her.

[LiveToLift]

If she won't give it to you, just take it from her.

If she will, still tie her up pretend she won't and take it from her.

[CopyCat]

You can go to terapy or check if her hormonal output its ok but .... Im sorry to say this if she dont want You in bed its because youre not in her heart a woman in Love is a woman comitted whit her men so stop jerking off and find a real relationship someone who really cares about You

Honestly, this is very legit advice. If she is willing, and you may need to convey to her how important it is to you, and be extremely sensative/supportive, get seen medically and have her hormones etc checked out. If they are not right, it could be as simple of a fix as medication. If they are all normal, consider going to therapy. It can be just her, or both together, or a back and forth of the two.

The sad thing is when people do not do what they know they need to do and rather let something fail.

[rugger48]

First is try to make sure something isn't physically wrong hormone, thyroid , etc.

[thyrod]

why dont you just rub her thigh, lick her ear, kiss her neck, caress her nipples, **** like that to turn her on. if that dont work, then just roll over in bed and fart on her. works for me all the time

Awesome!

To OP, have you tried taking her on a date? Maybe plan something to relieve her stress. Go hunting, camping with her or simple shoot something with her. Always works for me to get my women out of a slump.

[R3ACTION]

My wife and I had back to back babies. Literally she was pregnant 4 weeks after my daughter was born. Her hormones got way our of whack and it took a long time for libido to come back to normal. I'd say a marriage is an investment and you have to put in the hard work for a return. There were days I was down right unhappy but things leveled out. Being unhappy in a marriage can be an awful season but eventually that season will change. Those vows aren't always respected these days as they once were. But you are the one who committed to them and need to find a way to make it work.


http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

[CopyCat]

My wife and I had back to back babies. Literally she was pregnant 4 weeks after my daughter was born. Her hormones got way our of whack and it took a long time for libido to come back to normal. I'd say a marriage is an investment and you have to put in the hard work for a return. There were days I was down right unhappy but things leveled out. Being unhappy in a marriage can be an awful season but eventually that season will change. Those vows aren't always respected these days as they once were. But you are the one who committed to them and need to find a way to make it work.


http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

I was actually just reccomended this book the other day. Was going to start it after I finished up Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies.

[Bigcountry08]

First thing, I was in the same boat as you for about a year and a half I refused to have sex with my wife. I got so angry with here with some of the things I thought she wasent doing right in our relationship I didnt want anything to do with here. The biggest thing you need to do is sit down and talk !!! Ask her what you might be doing in your life thats dosent make her happy, are you playing video games more then spending time with here, hanging out with friends, not helping with chours around the house. If you want here to do something for you you have to do something for her. Im on a phone right now so im gonna cut this a little short, you want to get her panties wet, wait till shes out of the house for a whole day and clean the entire thing top to bottom, or build/get her something shes wanted for the house for a while now. Lastly, start buying her a small buqet of flowers once a week, and you put them in a vase for her some where through out the house. This stuff may not work at first but give it a month or two, dont give up man. Always remember the most important thing in this situation is your daughter having a loving family thats the greatest thing you.can give here severthing else is second place. Im routin for ya man hope everything works out for you.

[bigguyn10ec]

OK I know what you are dealing with my friend. I was in a situation a lot like yours. I was married for almost 7 years and the last 4 was hell to be honest. We had kids and yes she didnt work, spent all hours of the day on facebook and tv and finding ways to spend money. We have twin boys together. The last 4 years sex was non existing. I know it sucks and at times its hurt full. The whole time you think, whats wrong with me?
Come to find out we just grew apart ,also she was talking and seeing others ( I found this out later ).
Let me tell you what I did, I talked to a friend she had been my friend for years and I trusted her. When I figured out that I am not whats wrongs with this, I told her I wanted out. The hurt and lonelyness had took its toll. I needed to find me and be happy, with sex or without. It was hard for me and my kids, But In the end I was happy. I ended up getting back into the gym lost over 45 lbs and was back in the lifestyle I learned to love so much. I spent the next year not even worrying about sex ( Yea I was getting it ) but I spent time getting me and my kids where I wanted.

I got the friend and girl off my dreams now, asked for her hand almost one year ago, We are now married and I couldnt have imagined a marriage this great. We are talking about having a kid of our own now. I truly am blessed.

What I am saying is this. When You are not happy, you need to make YOU happy. Nobody else can do it for you. You should talk and see what is truly going on with her first, break plates and punch walls if needed but,! Make sure you take time to listen to what You are really Needing, not just wanting I dont know if this will help or not but good luck and keep us posted we got your back bro!

[SlyCamaro]

Thanks for the replies guys... Yes I have tried allot of things, like clean the hole house, detail her car, ect. I end up trying things like that and my return is "thanks, what else did you do today" its just never enough... the more I try the more I am let down!!! I endend up telling her lastnight that I need her to make a change, that I want her to get back into shape and start taking me more serious! I endend it by telling her I refuse to have another baby with her and this marriage is not going to make it this way unless these thing change! I have had many conversations like this with her before, but this time I made sure she was listening!! I am going to leave this in her hands, I will continue to try and to be a good husband but if she does not step up I am worried we wont make it! With her track record over the last few years, my hopes are not high, and this I am very sad for! I dont understand how a woman that wanted to be married and have a family, let her own marrige get into the dumps and not make a real effort to get it back to what it was... What a joke!

[SlyCamaro]

Another thing about what a person needs... Sex is a big part of being with a woman to me, it makes or breaks things and how close you feel to her! I have always been with a woman that was in shape and had a good drive, when you spend 3 years like I have I know feel like I am wasting away whats left of my youth and shape on someone that does not want to be with me anymore! I feel she is so depressed with how bad she let her self go, that me staying in shape only has made it worse! So why not woman up, and do what she needs to do!

[Beau]

I didn't read the other responses, so some of this may have already be covered.

I am somewhat of an expert on this; seriously. I was married to the most sexually selfish woman in the world for 27 years. It was awful I did everything, and I mean everything to try to change things. Nothing worked.

The more I tried and the more things failed; the more resentful I became.

So what did I learn from that? You can only change yourself.

Whatever you do - do it soon so that the resentment you have towards her (and you have it), doesn't erode the entire relationship (and it will). The relatively small percentage of time you are in bed together will dominate all of the rest of the entire relationship. That unhappiness will kill the relationship.

Thankfully, in my case - we are now divorced, after having put up with that crap for all of my adult life. While I am happy I filed for divorce and eventually got rid of her - I truly hate divorce.

But in my case, I had very good and biblical reasons. She committed adultery with her best friend's husband and then several years later, she committed adultery again with her boss (they both worked at our church). So, she withheld sex from me, and gave it to two other guys. I am sure she will continue this with her new husband. It isn't about the sex; it is about the control.

After her first affair, we went to extensive counseling to deal with this. We counseled with a true expert; a man who has written two books on adultery and lectures throughout the US.

His conclusion, while we both had unmet needs in the relationship (which is the case on 100% of marriages), she was a narcissist, had attachment disorder, flirted with me to feed her narcissism, and she acknowledged she withheld sex as punishment and for control.

First - DO NOT CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE. Regardless of anything else, you have to maintain your character. People who chat on their spouses are selfish pigs.

Second - go to counseling. Spend whatever you can afford to fix it, it will be less costly than a divorce.

Third - do not keep a sexual scorecard. If you do, you will probably wind up killing her.

Fourth - working with your counselor, set boundaries and limits. Let her know that you are very unhappy and (if this is true) willing to divorce her.

Don't "leave it in her hands" - she won't do jack crap and she isn't the one complaining; you are. YOU need to FIND a counselor; not expect her to solve it. She can't solve it. She won't solve it.

Whatever you do - be up front and be a man.

My guess is that she may be passive/aggressive and passively getting even for something you did, something you didn't do, something she thinks you should have done, etc.

[kokobeware2]

Yeah man I've been through what you have. I wasn't married to her but we were engaged and stuff. She didn't want sex due to money issues that made her depressed. But I NEVER cheated on her. I was down,depressed, very low self esteem. Then we broke up. I'm getting back in shape, I'm spending money on me and my dates and I couldn't be happier. When the above posters say do what you need to do for YOU, definitely do it. Staying in an unhappy marriage will only kill you man.

[SlyCamaro]

Thanks guys, the sad thing here is that I have never seen anyone actually work though this....they end up in divorce or breakup! I know for a fact I cant live like this forever, she attacks me when I bring this stuff up! I tell her I will do what she needs me to do if she puts in the same effort and she acts like thats a negitive thing, I think she actually is just fine with how things are and would live the rest of her life like this! Not ME!