Trouble Meeting People

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    Trouble Meeting People


    Does anyone else have trouble meeting people? Seriously people never seem too thrilled to talk to me. Im dont really go out of my way to talk to people so that doesnt help. Anyone else encounter this?

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    I live in the same house I have lived for over a decade so my friends have always been local. I moved my job twice so I was spending more time in the week out of the area so I wasn't available in the evenings, despite staying in the same house.

    After I while I realised I had lost contact with a lot of my friends. There are only so many times you say no to an invite from someone before they stop inviting you.

    So, I live my life with the motto, treat others as you want to be treated. I give my friends time and they give me time back. I make an effort to see how people are with the odd text or phone call and get the same back.

    A lot of people I know say that nobody makes an effort with them anymore and it is always the people that have stopped making an effor that are saying it.

    Go out of your way to talk to them, invite them to things and get back in the loop. My social life has been a lot busier with people I have barely spoken to in years since I started living like this.
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    You'd be surprised how much a smile will do to help meeting people.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rodja View Post
    You'd be surprised how much a smile will do to help meeting people.
    And confidence.
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    Quote Originally Posted by bdcc View Post
    I live in the same house I have lived for over a decade so my friends have always been local. I moved my job twice so I was spending more time in the week out of the area so I wasn't available in the evenings, despite staying in the same house.

    After I while I realised I had lost contact with a lot of my friends. There are only so many times you say no to an invite from someone before they stop inviting you.

    So, I live my life with the motto, treat others as you want to be treated. I give my friends time and they give me time back. I make an effort to see how people are with the odd text or phone call and get the same back.

    A lot of people I know say that nobody makes an effort with them anymore and it is always the people that have stopped making an effor that are saying it.

    Go out of your way to talk to them, invite them to things and get back in the loop. My social life has been a lot busier with people I have barely spoken to in years since I started living like this.
    Ya my big problem is I have lived in the same town my whole life. Never really had to start fresh. Then a lot of people I knew went off to college while I decided to stay in town to go to college. I still make an effort to keep in contact with friends. It is mainly meeting new people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rodja View Post
    You'd be surprised how much a smile will do to help meeting people.
    Ya I have a feeling I dont look to friendly unless I force myself to smile lol. I am by no means mean, but I can see how I dont look too nice. Even an ex from high school said if she didnt know me she would be scared of me lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by owlicks View Post
    And confidence.
    Would not be a bad thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by southpaw23 View Post
    Thank god for chatroulette.
    Lol ya havent tried that one yet. Just seems like there is no real way to meet people. Not into the whole going out thing. Dont really drink anymore and I cant stand being around drunk people when Im sober.
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    I don't think I am a very scary person to look at. I am more muscular than your average guy but would look small in any gyms that are remotely hardcore. I have been told by numerous people that I am intimidating, which surprised me.

    Being approachable is something that you do, not something that you are. In the job role I had to talk to people in the gym, it is amazing how many people talk to you when they see you talking to others. If you don't think you are inviting conversation it is just as much what you are doing/not doing than how you look, in my humble opinion.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomahawk88 View Post
    Ya my big problem is I have lived in the same town my whole life. Never really had to start fresh. Then a lot of people I knew went off to college while I decided to stay in town to go to college. I still make an effort to keep in contact with friends. It is mainly meeting new people.



    Ya I have a feeling I dont look to friendly unless I force myself to smile lol. I am by no means mean, but I can see how I dont look too nice. Even an ex from high school said if she didnt know me she would be scared of me lol.



    Would not be a bad thing.



    Lol ya havent tried that one yet. Just seems like there is no real way to meet people. Not into the whole going out thing. Dont really drink anymore and I cant stand being around drunk people when Im sober.
    I like to stand right behind someone at the ATM, this approach forces conversation.
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    I moved down here 18 months ago from a different state knowing not one person. I only have about 2 really good friends, but that's all I need. It doesn't help that everyone I work with is twice my age.

    I met some guys at the gym and other people through them. I normally don't talk to people at the gym because I'm all about business, but especially when you're new you have to open up. I usually give everyone a shot or two and in those first couple times I know if I want to talk to them again / if it's worth it.

    If it's a girl, I flash a little smile when I walk by - nothing major, but just enough to show that I'm acknowledging her. Confidence definitely helps and knowledge does, too. People love to talk to me and learn stuff they never would have known. Or if they're thinking about going back to school, they pick my brain about that since I advise.

    Play to your strengths, smile and be confident.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MidwestBeast View Post
    I moved down here 18 months ago from a different state knowing not one person. I only have about 2 really good friends, but that's all I need. It doesn't help that everyone I work with is twice my age.

    I met some guys at the gym and other people through them. I normally don't talk to people at the gym because I'm all about business, but especially when you're new you have to open up. I usually give everyone a shot or two and in those first couple times I know if I want to talk to them again / if it's worth it.

    If it's a girl, I flash a little smile when I walk by - nothing major, but just enough to show that I'm acknowledging her. Confidence definitely helps and knowledge does, too. People love to talk to me and learn stuff they never would have known. Or if they're thinking about going back to school, they pick my brain about that since I advise.

    Play to your strengths, smile and be confident.

    You've got this, Dirt Foot
    I have trouble talking to anyone new especially women. I just don't know how to start a conversation with someone the first time. I have a social anxiety which really dampers my social skills. I do seem to do fine when people approach me though. One of the reasons I lift is because it gives me confidence.
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    Tom we have had this talk MANY times, smile, your a great guy, any girl would be lucky to be with you.... I'm telling you before college I was REALLY SHY, I know you don;t believe me, and now??? I make my job by being a therapist and talking, there are some days I avoid talking to anyone, it's a sign on my back.."come talk to me"...... the little things, make eye contact, smile ( and not like you want to kill em)...and try my line...LOL

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    I see you have a Steelers avatar so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're a big football fan. I suggest coaching high school or even pop warner football because coaching has helped me develop meaningful friendships in life while doing something that I'm passionate about.

    If there's something else you're more passionate about then get involved in that but the key is that it's something you truly enjoy doing. One note though, high school football is more time consuming then I first imagined 8 years ago so ask around and see if you can start as a volunteer. Local coaches can always use someone to videotape opponents so they can study that tape, that would be a good start if you're interested.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rodja View Post
    You'd be surprised how much a smile will do to help meeting people.
    I really agree with this. ^
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    What you put out is what you get back.
    Eye contact and a smile are very important. You also have to be good at initiating small talk and carrying a conversation. Like everything, practice makes perfect. Start small and keep improving. Take baby steps everyday with eye contact. Make it a game. How long can you hold a stare? How many people can you smile at per day? How many compliments can you share per day?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomahawk88 View Post
    Does anyone else have trouble meeting people? Seriously people never seem too thrilled to talk to me. Im dont really go out of my way to talk to people so that doesnt help. Anyone else encounter this?
    Absolutely 100%. I'm a loner, always have been. I grew up in the country so I entertained myself. In the military, my supervisor saw that I was more productive working alone so that's what he had me do. In the oilfield, I was an offshore trouble shooter, I went platform to platform, alone, figuring out problems. At the same company, I was the only heavy equip. mechanic so when I wasn't offshore I was working, alone, on equipment. Conversation just feels awkward to me. Walking through a store, I'll avoid people I know quite well not to stand there talking.
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    You know, I have no problem meeting people, but I have a problem making actual friends, particularly with guys. I think its just an awkwardness related to trying to set up a "man date". In the past most of my friends were work friends first, but I've been primarily telecommuting for so long that I've more or less lost contact with the ones I had. Comically its far easier with women. Just feels too odd to say "hey you want to go see Thor this weekend" to a guy.

    With my job, I do consulting and have a lot of customer interaction, so the basic talking part is no problem, I don't have an issue even doing speeches and the like in front of large groups. I've probably presented stuff to groups of 200-300 people before, and have no issue there.
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    I can relate... I am a loner. I have my friends and all but for the most part I avoid people.. I am a computer geek by trade so it helps. Its weird but I am happy when I am NOT around people... I am a biker so when I go on runs with the boyz its funny cuz they are all out talking to everyone and I talk to only those people I know. The grapevine has told me I am intimidating which I laugh at (I just started weight training so I am still a small guy). But Ive been told I am so quiet that it makes me unapproachable.

    ehh...
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    I'm at college and I'm 27. Most of the people I encounter in my daily life I wouldn't want to hang out with anyway, since they are all still just out of high school or still in the WHOO 21 DRINK EVERY NIGHT BROOOOOOOS phase. Any of you dealt with this? At least I still have a lot of good friends less than an hour away.
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    Quote Originally Posted by StangBanger View Post
    I can relate... I am a loner. I have my friends and all but for the most part I avoid people.. I am a computer geek by trade so it helps. Its weird but I am happy when I am NOT around people... I am a biker so when I go on runs with the boyz its funny cuz they are all out talking to everyone and I talk to only those people I know. The grapevine has told me I am intimidating which I laugh at (I just started weight training so I am still a small guy). But Ive been told I am so quiet that it makes me unapproachable.

    ehh...
    Yeah, that or he's stuck-up, lol.

    Nope, just nothing to say. You can see it's raining, you can feel the cold or hot, why do you need me telling you the weather.
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluehealer View Post
    Yeah, that or he's stuck-up, lol.

    Nope, just nothing to say. You can see it's raining, you can feel the cold or hot, why do you need me telling you the weather.
    nail on the head.... have gotten the stuckup comments too from people I have never spoken a word to. ppl that know me know that I am the farthest thing from stuckup.

    and like you said, dont need small talk, just no interest in it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by StangBanger View Post
    I am a computer geek by trade so it helps.
    Its kind of funny, having been a software developer for the last 14-15 years, and spending the majority of that time telecommuting I'd think i'd be less social but somehow i'm not.
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    oh hell yea its tough meeting new people!! I basically moved 1000 miles from my hometown at 20 yrs old, and it wasnt for school. F*ckd up story, I moved with some guys who were supposedly "friends" we roomed together for about 2-3 months before I realized they were *******s who never wanted to do anything. So I moved out from there and got my own place and a different job. Very hard to meet people when your that young and not in college and everyone you work with is older with families. I was always a very shy person too. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and started going out myself. I used to make believe I was watching a sports game at a bar just to go out and not look like a desperate idiot!! But dude, eventually here is what happened. I started talking to chicks like a guy without a care and nothing to lose. And I got good, really good. I would bring hot chicks who were 10-15 yrs older than me back to my apartment with nothing in it, and **** the hell out of them!! I started making it a game. I had 2 goals in mind, how fast I could get it, and how cheap I could get it for. I looked at these women like used cars, how little I could put into then and how much I could get from them. I'd be thinking to myself "Damn I boned that chick in the ass and all it took was a $6.99 dinner at Denny's!!" Now I'm not advising you to turn into a shovenistic piece of **** like I was, but it was something to pass the time and feel better about myself. Start acting like you have nothing to lose bro!! So what if a chick says no, **** em, next!! It's a numbers game dude, its all numbers. I want you to go out and talk to 100 different women, starting tomm- next week I want you to talk random **** to 100 different women. And I bet you no matter how you act or how ugly you are you'll get at least 15-20 phone numbers. Now you network off that, you get them and then you get their friends too. You'll meet people through your bitches, it'll all be good
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    I have that problem too. Ive lived in a small town my whole life, and my college was a tech school that I commuted too and only had about 20 people that I was around enough to get to know in school. And now I work in an autobody shot, and there is nobody to meet there. Im good with people, and im able to talk to people pretty good, its just the matter of going places where its not awkward to talk to people. Going to clubs and bars is the only place thats not to awkward, because 2 single girls going out to a club or bar are trying to talk to guys most the time.
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    I love my alone time, working with teens day in and day out, trying to kill me, or themselves, and doing therapies all day everyday...I want and love my alone time seems people dont respect that though...

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    Quote Originally Posted by CoorsLight126 View Post
    I want you to go out and talk to 100 different women, starting tomm- next week I want you to talk random **** to 100 different women. And I bet you no matter how you act or how ugly you are you'll get at least 15-20 phone numbers. Now you network off that, you get them and then you get their friends too. You'll meet people through your bitches, it'll all be good
    I will take you up on this challenge when I start back school. Right now I dont really have a place to meet people. Not into the whole talking to people while I workout. That is pretty much the only place I go consistently.
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    Talk in places you feel more comfortable socializing. Science explains that when men stress they tend to refrain from socializing due to the protection mentality. While women tend to actually be more social while stress is high. Don't feel bad bro, even when I smile people act like they saw a ghost. Great thing I could care less about human interaction. The only time I need it is for MMA and that is it LMAO. The funny thing is that my mom actually tells me all scenarios and sees me as bodyguard when we go to places that even includes the ghettos. So maybe scary is great thing HAHAHA!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tomahawk88 View Post
    I will take you up on this challenge when I start back school. Right now I dont really have a place to meet people. Not into the whole talking to people while I workout. That is pretty much the only place I go consistently.
    No, see ur already ****ing up. I said "Like a guy with nothing to lose" that means you take your ass to places like the bookstore, grocery store, Wal-mart, the gas station, malls, etc etc. Go get some ass!! Jesus, its too easy to do nowadays not to!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by CoorsLight126 View Post
    No, see ur already ****ing up. I said "Like a guy with nothing to lose" that means you take your ass to places like the bookstore, grocery store, Wal-mart, the gas station, malls, etc etc. Go get some ass!! Jesus, its too easy to do nowadays not to!!
    Lol I dont go anywhere.
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    I have to agree with what most everyone else is telling you.There must be something about the way you carry yourself that is putting people off.With a few exceptions,almost every time I get out to do some shopping,the person behind the checkout counter invariably start`s up a conversation.
    No matter how bad a day you may be having,force yourself to smile.A smile goes along way in building relationships.
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    Ok I have to say something about this now. It isnt people are afraid of me or anything but it seems like people closer to my age wont engage me. But older people seem to have no probably talking to me.
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