Need some support

[Lean One]

Some of my fellow forum junkies may have (or not have) noticed a lack of participation on my part lately. It's not that I've been slacking in my desire to continue to be a part of this comunity, I have just been going through some heavy personal problems lately and have not been "in the mood" to contribute. You see, about a month ago, I was informed by my wife that she is "not in love with me anymore" :think: It dropped on me like a bomb.The divorce process has begun. I'm not posting this to whine or gripe about my plight, I just feel like I am part of something bigger than myself here, and I wanted to be open about it with my iron comrades. The part that is fucking with me the most, is that we have two small children and the prospect of leaving our home and not sleeping under the same roof as them is really tearing me up. I can get over my wife. That is the easy part. Ultimately, I know that this is for the better and we will ALL be ok. I know that there will be some dificult times ahead for me, but I do have enough vision and inner strength to know that I will be well.In spite of that I could use some encouragement from any of you out there who understand what I am facing here. I know that in the coming months, I will need all the support I can get and I am not afraid to admit it. If you've read this to the end, Thanks.

 

[ManBeast]

Well.. I can see this from the kids' perspective... my `rents got divorced when I was 8, and my mom used us kids to wage psychological warfare against my dad, and she ended up with full custoday (not a good thing). Fight for your right to be an equal time dad if you are worried about them. I know it's not quite as good as all the time, but at least you will be getting your fair share. And please, try to keep the kids out of the courtroom and such... this is going to be hard enough on them already. If you have any questions that you think I could help with, feel free to PM me.

ManBeast

 

[Jcc]

Can't say I've been through something like that.... but best of luck to you.

 

[DieTrying]

Wow LeanOne...really sorry to hear about your situation. As MB said, all you can do is try to be the best father you can be. Children don't understand whats going in, even if they say they do. My girlfriend went from having a perfect family with weekend BBQs and a white picket fence to not having a relationship with her father...and I love her to death, but she probably needs help. Sometimes we'll just be talking and she'll break down in tears because she misses her dad (this happened 10 years ago). I guess all I'm saying is don't let this be your kids. There is nothing in the world that can replace a relationship with a parent.

As for your wife, a response like "I'm just not in love with you anymore" after two children sounds to me like she might be off with another guy. Just my opinion.

If you need anything, we're hear bro.

 

[lifted]

Show your kids the same love you've showed them through the years and then some. Try and just be civil with your wife for your kids' sake. Things will go along a lot smoother that way.

At a certain age, your kids get to decide for themselves who they want to live with. I forget the age. But if you play your cards right like I said above then you'll have your kids sleeping under your own roof again...

**** is tough bro, fight and work through it and I know it will make you a stronger person. I have a lot of friends in the same position as yourself and as it seemed from the beginning they thought they were lost in the world, now it's the complete opposite....best of luck and be strong...

 

[intv]

Damn, hate to hear that, man. I've got a wife and two small children, and reading your post almost doubled me over. Just realize that things WILL get better, no matter how bad they seem now. Look at it this way - you've got two great kids - you know how special they are, and you know how happy they can make you. I know the divorce will be hard on you, but you gotta step up to the plate and be a kick-ass dad for those kids. If you're there for them, they'll always be your babies, and they are all you really need. Keep your head up, and PM or post if you need to talk.

 

[Cuffs]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. You are going to have a tough road ahead of you, but there is life after divorce, and you children will survive.

I went through the same thing 7 years ago. My (ex)wife and I called it quits after 11 years and one child. My main thought was for my son, and not living under the same roof 24/7. My divorce process was heated at the beginning, but worked out in the long run. It's all smooth now, and I have a civil relationship with my ex. I met an awesome girl (10 years younger than myself may I add :thumbsup: ) and we married last year. My ex and I shared custody of our son, and she then moved out of the area. I now have full custody of him, and she see's him during his school breaks.

My advice to you is this. Do not argue or discuss issues of the divorce with your children, or when they are around. Do not use your children as "mouth pieces" to deliver messages to your wife. Keep your visits with your ex civil, even if you want to rip her head off. Make your time with your children fun and eventful. Do not let your wife run the divorce, do not let her have everything. I did this and was sorry later on. Do some research to find out what your rights are.

I'm unable to finish what I was going to say. I'm at work right now, and just got called out. If you have any questions PM me.

Talk to you later....

 

[SCORPIO]

Lean, first of all sorry to hear about your situation. I know it's hard, but the bros here have good advice. Keep being the best father you can to your kids by always being there for them....they will always love you for that. I know it would kill me to lose my two kids. Keep your cool and use your head. My wife's sister and husband are going through the same thing now. They also have two kids....I sometimes help my wife baby sit them....I love'em and hate to see them go through this, but their parents have their mids made up. Every day I hear my wife tell me more about their problems, but we all saw it coming. All I can really say is be strong for your self and your kids....and remember that you're never alone....you always have your bros here.

 

[Cuffs]

I'm back... :blink:

Anyways, LeanOne. I know the hard part is the children, and you seem to be a caring father. Just continue doing so. You are going to be going through an emotional roller coaster, if not already. There are stages a person goes through, I just can't remember them all. If things get too tough and overwhelming, I'm sure you're not too proud to seek some sort of counselling. I did that for a couple of sessions during my first separation, and it did help some. Just don't let this drive you crazy. I had some good friends that helped me get through my tough time.

If you have any questions or need to vent, hit me up. Stay strong and best of luck to you.

 

[Lean One]

Wow. Thanks for all the support. I welcome all of it. Everyones advice is well received too, though I am awere that sometimes people make assumptions about the situation when giving advice.

My wife and I's primary concern is the well being of our children. In spite of a failed marrige, her and I are still friends and will continue to be in the future. My daughter is 3 1/2 and is too young to understand, but she will know that something is diferent. We have met with a child phsycoligist and have a well thought out plan to follow when I move out.(aug. 1st). For now, she will just know that daddy is going to live somewhere else, but she will still see me a lot. Even more than grandma. My son just turned 1. On one hand, I console myself with the knowledge that he will not remember any of this. On the other hand, the most dificult thing for me is that he also will not remember a time when his father lived under the the same roof as him.

Either way,My wife and I are being extreemly fair and amicable in this process. We are seeing a lawyer who is specially trained in what is called "friendly divorce" (sounds like an oxymoron to me :blink: ) How it works is he has to legally represent one of us,(me) but will openly work with her as well. We have already come to a fair financial agreement. As far as the kids goes, I have been an at home dad working at night as a personal trainer for the last three years. I will continue to care for my kids 4 days a week while she works until they are both in school, only now she will pay me.This is what I want to do. This and other financial aspects of our agreement will be legal and binding. We will also have joint custody and the kids will stay with me one weekend night a week. I will still see a lot of them. More than a lot of divorced dads. So all in all, The whole process is going as well as it can. There is no ill will, and we each want the other person to be happy and well. We need to be for our kids. Besides, even after the divorce is final, We will still be bound to each other for the next 20 years or more through our kids. Sorry for such a long post. Again, thank you guys for all the support. It means a lot. :thumbsup:

 

[Lean One]

I'm back... :blink:

Anyways, LeanOne. I know the hard part is the children, and you seem to be a caring father. Just continue doing so. You are going to be going through an emotional roller coaster, if not already. There are stages a person goes through, I just can't remember them all. If things get too tough and overwhelming, I'm sure you're not too proud to seek some sort of counselling. I did that for a couple of sessions during my first separation, and it did help some. Just don't let this drive you crazy. I had some good friends that helped me get through my tough time.

If you have any questions or need to vent, hit me up. Stay strong and best of luck to you.

Thanks man. Actually I am seeing a therapist on my own already and I do have a pretty large support system. Now even bigger thanks to you guys. In spite of all I've shared, there are also some really cool things happening for me. I found a cool apartment, and I am in the process of getting my business off the ground as an independant trainer. things are looking really good in that department.

 

[wranglergirl]

WOW!!! My heart goes out to you, sounds like you have a plan, and are well on your way to making a bad situation better, well as good as you can!!!!! Good luck to you and just remember one day at a time, and battle one thing at a time and everything else will fall into place......Some good advice from my college professor.....

 

[Lean One]

WOW!!! My heart goes out to you, sounds like you have a plan, and are well on your way to making a bad situation better, well as good as you can!!!!! Good luck to you and just remember one day at a time, and battle one thing at a time and everything else will fall into place......Some good advice from my college professor.....

Thanks wranglergirl. It's refreshing to have some feminine input into this. My support system is definitely lopsided in the masculine direction.

 

[Cuffs]

Thanks wranglergirl. It's refreshing to have some feminine input into this. My support system is definitely lopsided in the masculine direction.

That's because we're going to steer you in the "right" direction! From those who have "been there and done that!" Remember what Micky said to Rocky..."women weaken legs." Although, that's not always a bad thing either...LOL.

 

[ManBeast]

Cuffs... you need to add the final part to that quote in your sig....
"Opinions are like assholes... Everybody has one and most of them STINK!"

ManBeast

 

[custom]

LeanOne, buddy, please take it from someone who has been to the very bottom and then fallen through even further...things will get better. We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

May I suggest one thing? Consuling is great and all for your child, and I do commend you for that. However, have you asked your wife to attend consuling as well? Someone who "falls out of love" might have some deeper issues at hand. Women get bored with things. She could be going through something like a mini-mid life crises.

But this does sadden me greatly. Marriage, unfortunatly, has lost meaning in our society. Please know you do have a support here if and when you need it.

 

[Lean One]

LeanOne, buddy, please take it from someone who has been to the very bottom and then fallen through even further...things will get better. We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

May I suggest one thing? Consuling is great and all for your child, and I do commend you for that. However, have you asked your wife to attend consuling as well? Someone who "falls out of love" might have some deeper issues at hand. Women get bored with things. She could be going through something like a mini-mid life crises.

But this does sadden me greatly. Marriage, unfortunatly, has lost meaning in our society. Please know you do have a support here if and when you need it.

Thanks a lot custom.Your concern moves me. Actually my wife is seeing the same therapist on her own,(we both trust that this person is well equiped to support both of us in our time of need. She is not your "conventional" therapist.) and we are doing sessions together. We will do so even after the divorce is final.We know that because we have children that we will need to have as "good" a relationship as we can for many years to come. Neither of us want our children to witness fucked up **** going on between us. Also, I truly can accept that it is over. We share equal responsibility in the deterioration of our marrige. Our, and my focus is on our,and my future.(Does that make sense? :think: ) Whatever that turns out to look like. And right now it is actually lookin' pretty good in spite of it all. :thumbsup:

 

[Iron Warrior]

**** man, sorry to hear you have to go through that. Things will get better bro, just persevere and take care of your children. Good luck man and we're here to help you.

 

[Lean One]

Thanks man.

 

[wranglergirl]

Anytime lean one !!!! I may not have all the answers but I try to listen and give the best advice, sometimes looking into a situation is easier than being in it........

As for cuffs, I am not trying to "lead him in the right direction" I am merely offering a listening ear and I don't put me in the same slot as all other women, because I am very unique and not your typical girl!!!!!!!!! :rasp:

 

[Matthew D]

Hang in there big man... I hope things start working out for you..

 

[Lean One]

Hang in there big man... I hope things start working out for you..

Thank you. You know the wierd thing is, that in spite of waves of sorrow and pain, there are also waves of exitement and insparation. I am setting plans in motion that will make my desire to be an independant trainer a reality and business is growing. 2 months ago none of that was even something that I considered possible for myself. :blink: Too many self limiting thoughts in my head. :frustrate

I know that when I actually move out(aug 1st), that the real emotional work will begin. I will have to greive the deepest loss I have known yet. I am not afraid though; I will welcome and embrace it. I have no doubts that on the other side of that will be a new beginning and a stronger more developed Lean one will emerge. Kind of like cunning a cycle for the soul.

Hmmm.... Anabolic Souls. I like the sound of that.:box:

 

[Beelzebub]

Thank you. You know the wierd thing is, that in spite of waves of sorrow and pain, there are also waves of exitement and insparation. I am setting plans in motion that will make my desire to be an independant trainer a reality and business is growing. 2 months ago none of that was even something that I considered possible for myself. :blink: Too many self limiting thoughts in my head. :frustrate

I know that when I actually move out(aug 1st), that the real emotional work will begin. I will have to greive the deepest loss I have known yet. I am not afraid though; I will welcome and embrace it. I have no doubts that on the other side of that will be a new beginning and a stronger more developed Lean one will emerge. Kind of like cunning a cycle for the soul.

Hmmm.... Anabolic Souls. I like the sound of that.:box:

You'll be alright bro. Keep your head up, stay focused, and you'll push through. (just like a set of squats) :thumbsup:

 

[bigpetefox]

don't put me in the same slot as all other women, because I am very unique and not your typical girl!!!!!!!!! :rasp:

You got that right!

Lean One, stay focused and keep your head up, brother.. We've got your back! :thumbsup:

 

[Lean One]

Thanks Guys... And Gals.

 

[Cuffs]

As for cuffs, I am not trying to "lead him in the right direction" I am merely offering a listening ear and I don't put me in the same slot as all other women, because I am very unique and not your typical girl!!!!!!!!! :rasp:

Wranglergirl...I meant no offense by what I said. I was simply adding some comic relief. Quotes from movies like Rocky is a "guy thing", I guess. Maybe a quote You've Got Mail, or The English Patient, or something like that would have been more appropriate, but I don't know any. :trout:

Actually, it's nice to see a female perspective on things over here. :thumbsup:

 

[bigpetefox]

Actually, it's nice to see a female perspective on things over here. :thumbsup:

Indeed, which is why I had her sign up..

 

[MaDmaN]

Good luck lean one,thing's may suck now but they get better.Im on my third wife so your not alone...

 

[Grant]

Damn dude, sorry to hear this. Thats some heavy ****, I may be alot younger then you but If you need to talk dont hesitate to PM me.

 

[Lean One]

Thanks man. Just knowing that you guys and gals have concern is all I need from you. It really means a lot. :thumbsup:

 

[wranglergirl]

Hey lean one, just checking in on you and hoping all is well.......

 

[Lean One]

Yeah, as well as can be considering I'm movin' out in 5 days.It's really starting to **** with my head. I just want to get it over with so I can move to the next stage. I feel like I've been stuck in a holding pattern for the last month. :blink: Thanks for asking.

 

[Cuffs]

Hang in there Lean. We're here if you need to vent, or whatever. By the way, how's the fina going?

 

[Lean One]

Hang in there Lean. We're here if you need to vent, or whatever. By the way, how's the fina going?

Got my kit, and I just finished PCT. After the move, I plan to lift my mood with a nice bulking cycle consisting of Sldges' 4ADcyp, M14ADD, and Tren. :thumbsup:

...That and a little therapy. :blink: