Friends who suddenly quit calling...

[Conagher]

...or returning phone calls.This happens quite often to me.Anyone else experience this?

 

[Chops89]

No.

 

[Zero V]

Yes...I have a buddy who always stayed with me. Well he started hanging with another friend from another church, but this guy has a CRAPload of money(over the 120k a year bracket) next thing I know I dont hear from him much after I pretty much did everything to help him out and guide him in his troubles.....

Money really does matter...friends are friggin cheap, he was one of my best friends...shows my poor judgement, but not hte first time...

 

[ElectricPulse]

I have about 3 good friends and I'm content with that because these friends have been there for years.

 

[lennoxchi]

I have about 3 good friends and I'm content with that because these friends have been there for years.

word up....^^^^ i have 3 friends the rest is family, friends will let you down when you need them the most. family has unconditional love. i could wreck my mom's car and she would still love me. my daughter could set me apartment on fire and i would still love her. these bonds that a family has are tough things to break. i should know for a long time i was sick, i treated my parents like s**t and after it all, they still love me. heck, my mom calls me every week, if someone other than a family member did to me what i did to them, i would have kicked their a$$

 

[wedlund6]

i leave friends behind all the time.life moves on ppl move on its just life nothing personal.they just do not fit any more (mostly time wise.)it's not that i didn't appreciate are time together.

 

[Conagher]

i leave friends behind all the time.life moves on ppl move on its just life nothing personal.they just do not fit any more (mostly time wise.)it's not that i didn't appreciate are time together.

I understand what you are saying,I have done the same thing,but I have always had the courtesy to fiind the time to return a call,if only to tell that individual I do not have the time to hangout anymore.

 

[Conagher]

Yes...I have a buddy who always stayed with me. Well he started hanging with another friend from another church, but this guy has a CRAPload of money(over the 120k a year bracket) next thing I know I dont hear from him much after I pretty much did everything to help him out and guide him in his troubles.....

Money really does matter...friends are friggin cheap, he was one of my best friends...shows my poor judgement, but not hte first time...

Agreed.In our American society,money and posessions trumps everything.

 

[Vance]

Agreed.In our American society,money and posessions trumps everything.

Well I don't live in the US but I have a few friends who do and I can tell you that they aren't the type of people who would drop their friends for money.

Personally money and material standing in my friendships is irrelevant. If I have intellectual or emotional common ground or similarity and similiar interests with someone, I'm happy to be friends with them. Whether or not they drive a car or have a swimming pool as good as/better than mine really doesn't enter into it.

I would be careful of generalising too much and I would focus more on your judgement of the individual in question and if you feel you made a bad choice endeavour not to do so again in future - as opposed to resign yourself to the fact that all people are ****ty scumbags and live out the remainder of your days as an embittered hermit/ emotional cripple.

You have a douchey 'friend' who dumped you/on you for whatever reason. **** them, their loss - sack up and move on.

Plenty more good people in the world.

As an aside. If this happens very often perhaps it's something in the way that *you* are as a friend which drives people away? Do you chew with your mouth open? Are you a soap dodger? Do you laugh like a lobotomized hyena? Maybe it isn't the money your friends new friend has that lured them away, maybe they thought you were a douche for whatever reason.

Two sides to every story and all that.

 

[gamer2be08]

I had a real good friend who was gonna run an AAS cycle with me, then he got scared. Now he said he cant hang out with someone that is gonna cheat his body like that; pretty much calling me a POS... Oh well, life goes on..

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

Agreed.In our American society,money and posessions trumps everything.

off topic...sorry in advance!

I actually feel that Americans are actually more philanthropic than people give them credit for. True, all societies value society, money and possessions, just like Americans do, but it does not take away from the fact that most are good people at heart.

 

[Zero V]

off topic...sorry in advance!

I actually feel that Americans are actually more philanthropic than people give them credit for. True, all societies value society, money and possessions, just like Americans do, but it does not take away from the fact that most are good people at heart.

I am an Ohioan, usually one of the better states for friendship. Kinda like...In other states you call your buddy from jail to tell him you F***ed up...here, you look to your left and he tells you We F***ed up hahaha

Point still being, many will bail. Also, I am a church goer which means half my friends are fake,25 % are shallow and judgemental, 20 % are suffering from identity crisis, and 5% are like me and actually desire to be good friends.


Now I been to Mexico on missions trip. You know what, they had no money...but such an amazing community and connection of family and brotherhood and sisterhood. What little they had they shared, and they worked together for eachother.

Kinda like how you would picture the old days of American where settlers worked together in a community.

Today...doesnt happen much outside of hillybilly or amish communities that I see.

But here is the thing, Best friend hasnt called me in 3 weeks now simply because this guy can supply him with the rich life, and go out to the rich peoples places...I gave him a place for months, helped him out with his female problems(I was always right on when I warned him lol), gave him money a few times(and I am going into bankruptcy...) but when I want to hang out it doesnt work out because I dont have a 2,000$ a month 3 bedroom apartment thing near Easton where he can go live the high life for a little.

Some people forget where they come from. Yet should anything go wrong, the idiot would be heading my way asking for help. Next time he is not getting it, in fact I am working (emotionally) to consider our friendship terminated. People like him are not good to have as support beams in your life.

Honestly the reason so many older AMericans are cold I think are because after helping people out so many times only to have a knife shoved in your back, you just cant do it anymore.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

Zero, keep your head up . There is still time to salvage the friendship (its only been three weeks since you've spoken with your friend) and the friendship quality that you have described does exist. Just be sure that you give your friendship a chance before making any brash decisions. It would be a shame to lose such a long friendship over a misunderstanding or lack of communication. Im sorry to hear that you are going through a rough spot financially, but you are youthful, and with youth, there is the ability to bounce back and excel.

 

[Vance]

Zero, keep your head up . There is still time to salvage the friendship (its only been three weeks since you've spoken with your friend) and the friendship quality that you have described does exist. Just be sure that you give your friendship a chance before making any brash decisions. It would be a shame to lose such a long friendship over a misunderstanding or lack of communication. Im sorry to hear that you are going through a rough spot financially, but you are youthful, and with youth, there is the ability to bounce back and excel.

Yep.

And then there's the fact that if you were only doing stuff for him so that he'd be endlessly thankful you're karmically ****ed from the outset. You can't blame other people and judge them when you're doing exactly the same thing.

My best friends have all at one time or another seriously let me down. They are human, they are fallible and **** happens. When I have a problem or they have a problem we talk about it and we get past it - that's what being friends (Especially best friends) is all about. It does *not* mean that I see them or they call me back instantly when I call - we're all adults and we have lives to lead and as I already said **** happens. If I need them they're there and vice versa. Doesn't mean anyone always gets it their way though.

Lighten up champ.

 

[buuzer0]

I pretty much agree with what Vance has said in his posts. I don't fault friends who fall out of my life... I'm the type that I can not hear from a friend for 3 years and then next time I hear from them we pick right back up as if we had just talk to each other a day ago. You just have learn to not take things personally... sometimes we get busy and our lives take us in differing directions.

 

[Lacradocious]

I am an Ohioan, usually one of the better states for friendship. Kinda like...In other states you call your buddy from jail to tell him you F***ed up...here, you look to your left and he tells you We F***ed up hahaha

Point still being, many will bail. Also, I am a church goer which means half my friends are fake,25 % are shallow and judgemental, 20 % are suffering from identity crisis, and 5% are like me and actually desire to be good friends.


Now I been to Mexico on missions trip. You know what, they had no money...but such an amazing community and connection of family and brotherhood and sisterhood. What little they had they shared, and they worked together for eachother.

Kinda like how you would picture the old days of American where settlers worked together in a community.

Today...doesnt happen much outside of hillybilly or amish communities that I see.

But here is the thing, Best friend hasnt called me in 3 weeks now simply because this guy can supply him with the rich life, and go out to the rich peoples places...I gave him a place for months, helped him out with his female problems(I was always right on when I warned him lol), gave him money a few times(and I am going into bankruptcy...) but when I want to hang out it doesnt work out because I dont have a 2,000$ a month 3 bedroom apartment thing near Easton where he can go live the high life for a little.

Some people forget where they come from. Yet should anything go wrong, the idiot would be heading my way asking for help. Next time he is not getting it, in fact I am working (emotionally) to consider our friendship terminated. People like him are not good to have as support beams in your life.

Honestly the reason so many older AMericans are cold I think are because after helping people out so many times only to have a knife shoved in your back, you just cant do it anymore.

Forgiveness is key here. Because if you are the great friend that you say you are, you will forgive your friend if he owns up to his/her mistakes and hurting your friendship.

I am not saying that you aren't that person, but simply stating that your friend may be having a short term lapse of judgement.

Just because you forgive, doesn't automatically mean you have to trust completely in someone again. They have to earn it back.

I can live with being stabbed in the back many times in my life. I just won't live with being stabbed in the back by the same person time and time again.

This is all just my opinion.

 

[Cassavus]

I pretty much agree with what Vance has said in his posts. I don't fault friends who fall out of my life... I'm the type that I can not hear from a friend for 3 years and then next time I hear from them we pick right back up as if we had just talk to each other a day ago. You just have learn to not take things personally... sometimes we get busy and our lives take us in differing directions.

Very true. I have a friend whom I consider a brother. To me, he's just as close to me as my parents or sisters. But we haven't spoken in about 7 months. He joined the Marines about 5 years back and I haven't seen him since. But that doesn't change how I feel about him. He's still my brother and I'd still do anything for him just like the rest of my family. But we are both insanely busy with out own lives that we just get lost in it.

Same way with another really close friend of mine. He moved away years ago. We'll see each other a couple times a year and we keep in decent contact through texts and playing Modern Warfare 2 every now and then. But if I don't hear from him for a long period of time I don't get concerned. He's just busy doin his thing, the same as me. Just the way things go.

 

[Zero V]

Forgiveness is key here. Because if you are the great friend that you say you are, you will forgive your friend if he owns up to his/her mistakes and hurting your friendship.

I am not saying that you aren't that person, but simply stating that your friend may be having a short term lapse of judgement.

Just because you forgive, doesn't automatically mean you have to trust completely in someone again. They have to earn it back.

I can live with being stabbed in the back many times in my life. I just won't live with being stabbed in the back by the same person time and time again.

This is all just my opinion.

I only give trust to people once, and only once....I learned my lesson of repeatedly opening up to people. I hold nothing against them, but no longer in this world will I hold onto that which holds not back.

This buddy has done this other times, though the other times he simply took off somewhere where he was able to get sex or alot of drinking or God knows what.

Its not that he comes and goes, I have friends that I see 3-10 times a year and they are good. Its the fact he only shows when he needs something. That to me is a the actions of a rat.

I wont hold anything against him, but at the same time he is on his own. Actually he has done quite a bit to backstab me a few times in situations that I forgave him for...pretty hard times in my life he helped make.

Sometimes they are not worth helping anymore.

 

[hardknock]

I have had one friend for 20 years, that's it, oh and his brother. So I've had two friends, one for 20 and his brother for about 15 years....

I really hate people so that's why I do not have many but I love it that way....kill me.

 

[Cassavus]

I only give trust to people once, and only once....I learned my lesson of repeatedly opening up to people. I hold nothing against them, but no longer in this world will I hold onto that which holds not back.

This buddy has done this other times, though the other times he simply took off somewhere where he was able to get sex or alot of drinking or God knows what.

Its not that he comes and goes, I have friends that I see 3-10 times a year and they are good. Its the fact he only shows when he needs something. That to me is a the actions of a rat.

I wont hold anything against him, but at the same time he is on his own. Actually he has done quite a bit to backstab me a few times in situations that I forgave him for...pretty hard times in my life he helped make.

Sometimes they are not worth helping anymore.

Yeah I would agree with you. You can only help so much...and if they aren't willing to help themselves then forget it. I don't keep anyone in my life who becomes a leech or drains me in anyway. Those are not good people to keep around. Those are the types of people you pray for and let go. That's my view on it anyway.

 

[Conagher]

Well I don't live in the US but I have a few friends who do and I can tell you that they aren't the type of people who would drop their friends for money.

Personally money and material standing in my friendships is irrelevant. If I have intellectual or emotional common ground or similarity and similiar interests with someone, I'm happy to be friends with them. Whether or not they drive a car or have a swimming pool as good as/better than mine really doesn't enter into it.

I would be careful of generalising too much and I would focus more on your judgement of the individual in question and if you feel you made a bad choice endeavour not to do so again in future - as opposed to resign yourself to the fact that all people are ****ty scumbags and live out the remainder of your days as an embittered hermit/ emotional cripple.

You have a douchey 'friend' who dumped you/on you for whatever reason. **** them, their loss - sack up and move on.

Plenty more good people in the world.

As an aside. If this happens very often perhaps it's something in the way that *you* are as a friend which drives people away? Do you chew with your mouth open? Are you a soap dodger? Do you laugh like a lobotomized hyena? Maybe it isn't the money your friends new friend has that lured them away, maybe they thought you were a douche for whatever reason.

Two sides to every story and all that.

No,nothing like that.By most accounts,if you ask the people whom I have had friendships or relationships with,almost everyone of them will tell you I am the nicest guy they ever met.
When I quit drinking several years ago,most of my so called friends quit me.My observation is that alcohol consumption or the use of narcotics of one sort or another is the common bond that ties most people together.
I have an uncle who experienced the same thing when he had to quit drinking because of health related issues.
Don`t get me wrong,I have a few friends that are always there through good times and bad,it just strikes me as being odd that whether or not
you imbibe yields such a strong influence on a persons relationships and social life.

 

[Conagher]

off topic...sorry in advance!

I actually feel that Americans are actually more philanthropic than people give them credit for. True, all societies value society, money and possessions, just like Americans do, but it does not take away from the fact that most are good people at heart.

I agree with you,to an extent.I interact with good people on a daily basis,but I also interact with a lot of people who are bitter,angry and generally petty human beings.
My experience the last few years is that the latter ones are the ones who are in charge of everything now,from the job market all the way up to the government.

 

[Conagher]

Point still being, many will bail. Also, I am a church goer which means half my friends are fake,25 % are shallow and judgemental, 20 % are suffering from identity crisis, and 5% are like me and actually desire to be good friends.

That pretty much sums up my experience with organized religion.

 

[Conagher]

I am an Ohioan, usually one of the better states for friendship. Kinda like...In other states you call your buddy from jail to tell him you F***ed up...here, you look to your left and he tells you We F***ed up hahaha

Point still being, many will bail. Also, I am a church goer which means half my friends are fake,25 % are shallow and judgemental, 20 % are suffering from identity crisis, and 5% are like me and actually desire to be good friends.


Now I been to Mexico on missions trip. You know what, they had no money...but such an amazing community and connection of family and brotherhood and sisterhood. What little they had they shared, and they worked together for eachother.

Kinda like how you would picture the old days of American where settlers worked together in a community.

Today...doesnt happen much outside of hillybilly or amish communities that I see.

But here is the thing, Best friend hasnt called me in 3 weeks now simply because this guy can supply him with the rich life, and go out to the rich peoples places...I gave him a place for months, helped him out with his female problems(I was always right on when I warned him lol), gave him money a few times(and I am going into bankruptcy...) but when I want to hang out it doesnt work out because I dont have a 2,000$ a month 3 bedroom apartment thing near Easton where he can go live the high life for a little.

Some people forget where they come from. Yet should anything go wrong, the idiot would be heading my way asking for help. Next time he is not getting it, in fact I am working (emotionally) to consider our friendship terminated. People like him are not good to have as support beams in your life.

Honestly the reason so many older AMericans are cold I think are because after helping people out so many times only to have a knife shoved in your back, you just cant do it anymore.

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time,Zero.Your statement about your Mexican missions and the citizens since of commitment to their family,friends and community really stood out,as I spent yesterday evening with a friend and his wife.She is Costa Rican and they both expressed the same sentiment.
When they return to Costa Rica in six months,my friend wants me to join them.He believes I would enjoy life much more there.I am going to take him up on his offer.

 

[Flaw]

The truth is you'll only find a few people in your life time that will stick to you like a brother or family. Sure some say they are your good friend but under pressure they might betray you. Like for money or a girl. Most will waste your time and bring you down. Hold onto the few good ones. You don't have to be friends with everyone.

 

[Mrs. Gimpy!]

I only give trust to people once, and only once....I learned my lesson of repeatedly opening up to people.

I actually agree with you but, with provisions. I only told you earlier to be sure that you talk to your friend and make sure that there are no misunderstandings/lack of communication because it is terrrible to let something good go over what possibly is nothing. I used to be hardcore about cutting people out of my life if they broke my trust or respect even if it was just a little until one day my very best friend really broke my trust and I stopped talking to her completely. 1 year later we reconnect on accident and find out that the incident of "broken trust" was really not as it seemed, and it would have easily been smoothed out had we simply talked. That being said, I always always confront people with issues if i feel that a core principle of our relationship is violated in some way in order to truly gauge if it is as it seems before taking any sort of action or having any emotional involvement. friendship and relationships are precious.

Sometimes they are not worth helping anymore.

very true. It is important to surround oneself with people of quality. its hard when a person is no longer the person they were or the person you thought they were. One of my best friends was my maid of honor in my wedding and she is no longer my friend and was removed from the wedding 2 weeks prior. My best wishes to you on this issue with your friend :worried: . just be sure that you look back on this and know that you tried, there were no misunderstandings and that there was nothing more you could have done. after all that is done, if this person no longer is someone who adds to your life, than so be it.

 

[marco wolf]

I knew Eddie since we were in 3rd grade. We hung out together until I joined the Navy. I was an usher at his wedding, even though I hadn't seen him for awhile. Even after I got out of the Navy, I moved to a different location with my wife, but I still kept in touch with him every couple months. When I was getting divorced he was the only one who drove to my house to see if I was alright. Not one of my family members even did that. After my divorce, I moved to California to "get away". While out there, I kept trying to get a hold of Ed, but he never returned my calls. I even left messages with his mother. This went on for a couple of years.

One day I received a call from my father telling me that Eddie had died. He was only 39. I cried like a baby that day, as I came to realize that he meant a lot to me as a friend even though I had hardly ever actually seen him that much since I moved away.

His mother told me that he had been in and out of rehab,and had lost his job and was having a really tough time of it. He died of a "heart attack", most likely from cocaine.

I don't know what the moral is, but sometimes people go through tough times and everybody handles it differently. But, a true friend is a true friend, no matter what happens.

 

[Blacktail]

Friends have their own lives. They meet women/men, get jobs and have their own lives. This is where you find out if you actually have "friends" or "acquaintances". If they stick around. In the end family is the most important thing you can have if you stay together you will stick together.Blood...water....you get it.

 

[toughchick401]

I think you need to step back, I have this past year been let down alot by my older friends, (friends I have known since 7 years old), some I have gotten back in touch with after 10 years (high school reunion), and others I have pushed away to deal with my own issues, I try not to hold anything against them, because in the end whether they are there for me , I am a friend for always and will always have there backs in whatever they need in life.

TC

Good luck

 

[KarlaG]

Friends have their own lives. They meet women/men, get jobs and have their own lives. This is where you find out if you actually have "friends" or "acquaintances". If they stick around. In the end family is the most important thing you can have if you stay together you will stick together.Blood...water....you get it.

indeed . . learn to differentiate between friends and acquaintences . . and family is number one . . sometimes a very close friend IS family.

 

[Zero V]

indeed . . learn to differentiate between friends and acquaintences . . and family is number one . . sometimes a very close friend IS family.

This is it right here.

I am a hard guy to get close to because I dont trust people, so I keep most at the acquaintance. Easier that way, but it seems the few I do allow to become close always end up burning me.

People have easily wavered loyalties this day n age. Its all about what takes you higher, or gets you more.

Unless of course your country, then you are friends with everyone because money dont matter as much. (I am a redneck lol). Country peeps IMO are the best friends because they would die for you if your a bud. These city slickers on the other hand...

 

[buuzer0]

Yeah, I definitely keep acquaintences at a distance, it's funny when you run into them and can totally read that they're just trying to get something from you. I meet people sometimes, who become all buddy-buddy and then the next time (and only time) I hear from them is they're asking for a favor... usually a ride to go out to some bars at night, or to help them move some crap, or to help them with some other problem. If the only time they need to communicate with me is when they need something, I know not to deal with them. They get a friendly "hey" or "wasup" if I see them, but otherwise they're not friends. They're barely acquaintences!

 

[robxxxxxx69]

nope