Men's Fraternity: The Quest for Authentic Manhood
06-30-2009 02:12 PM
Transcript 23 Preview!
THE QUEST FOR AUTHENTIC MANHOOD
23. Fathers and Daughters
The relationship between a dad and his sons is so critical in their formative years. A son needs his dad, he needs to be close to his dad, he needs to feel his dad and he needs to be initiated by his dad. But this close relationship is not just important for sons only.
So what we want to do this morning is to give equal time to dads and daughters, because that relationship is just as critical and just as formative. In fact, there are many who would say today that it’s harder to be a woman than it is to be a man....
...So what I want to do is begin this session this morning, giving you an overview – I mean we spent all year talking about men, and we’re going to cram the world of women into one session. I want to give you an overview of some of the immense challenges for women today, and how they affect daughters. We are going to look at 3 challenges for our daughters in the 21st Century and what I call the “Introduction of the New Womanhood.” These statements will give you a better feel the texture of a woman’s world today.
Here’s the first statement or the first challenge:
1. There is for young women growing up today the challenge of a new, supreme pursuit. And what is that new, supreme pursuit? The word I want to use today is ‘supreme pursuit’ – that’s key. The new, supreme pursuit is from home to career. Let’s face it: a profound change has occurred among women in the last 40 years. Life for a little girl today in our country has been turned upside down. It’s unlike anything women have experienced in our country since the birth of our country. In fact, against a host of what I call ‘more maternal instincts,’ a young girl growing up today, from the time she enters grade school, till the time she finishes the university, she’s bombarded with images and slogans, and told directly by the heroes that she sees portrayed on the screen – or in the classroom- or in the workplace – about what a woman should be and how a woman should be honored. She’s told over and over and over again that a career is everything. That’s become the new, supreme pursuit. It’s the ultimate adventure for a young woman. It’s the self-fulfilling goal that every woman should have for herself.
Now, that has redefined how a little girl thinks of herself as she is growing up today. It redefines how she interacts with young men growing up; what her aspirations and her pursuits and her priorities are, because she’s told of this pursuit all her life. Now, please hear me out and don’t jump way down the line by saying ‘this guy’s talking about women can’t work; they need to be in the home – barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen…’ and all that other extreme rhetoric. I’m not talking about that. I just want you to feel the challenges of a young girl today, because having those kinds of images over her life, has changed the way she thinks about herself and the way she thinks about her life. In fact, we even have a holiday now in light of this new, supreme pursuit. It’s called “Take Your Daughter to Work” day.
Did you know all that began in the 60s with a book by Betty Friedan. It’s a landmark book called The Feminine Mystique. In the book, she calls homemakers ‘parasites.’ Not long after that, Germaine Greer in her bestselling book in 1970 The Female Eunuch called motherhood ‘a handicap,’ and called pregnancy an ‘illness.’ All through the 60s, 70s and 80s, there was this call – not necessarily as extreme as in those books – but a call nonetheless to get out of the home – and into the workplace, ‘where you belong’ because it should be your supreme pursuit in life.
What sounded radical in the 60s and 70s, in a milder tone, is now the value system of mainstream America for your daughter. It’s true whether you’ve got a 5-year-old at home or whether you’re like me and you’ve got a 25-year-old in the workplace, it’s the new, supreme pursuit. I experienced this new value system last Fall, when I was watching my son play football in a small Arkansas town. The game was an away game, so we had driven to this small Arkansas community and that’s about as traditional values as you can come in a small Arkansas town.
It was homecoming for this team that we were playing. I remember, during the half-time ceremonies, they brought the homecoming court out and they introduced each of the girls. As they introduced each of the girls, they talked about the activities that the girl had accomplished in high school, as they often times do. Then with each girl being introduced by her dad, they spoke of their future aspirations – of each of these court members. I found it fascinating as they introduced girl after girl, they said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a doctor..’ or a veterinarian; or a therapist or a social worker, or a lawyer, and on and on it went until the court was finally completely introduced. I thought how odd it would have sounded – how strange it would have been – even there, for them to have introduced a young lady and talked about her activities and then said, ‘and Betty aspires to be a homemaker.’ The world has changed.
There are new realities for a young girl growing up in America today. The supreme pursuit of a career is pressed over her throughout her life and it’s a great challenge to how you and I raise our daughters. How we raise them to think about themselves and to think about their priorities in light of the new realities that we live in.
2. Secondly is the challenge of what I call ‘the decline of traditional feminine values.’ You ask, ‘what is that?” Well, I’ll let actress Sharon Stone tell us. She probably says this in a small way, and captures it better than anyone. I’m quoting her now:
“As I see it, the choice today is between being feminine or equal.
And I choose equal.”
That’s the new reality for your daughter today. One generation ago, if you asked someone to define feminine, you would have heard words like ‘soft,’ ‘virtuous,’ ‘responsive,’ ‘nurturing,’. (can I just put a little aside in here?) I believe for modern men in the 21st Century, those words still sound good. But if you asked someone to define feminine in the 21st Century, you hear the words ‘equal,’ ‘assertive,’ ‘sexy,’ ’independent.’ Those are the new feminine values.
Young women today are excelling at competing with men, but they’re also finding with that competition, more and more difficulty in finding intimate relationships with men. The home itself and homemaking itself, are more and more foreign terms. For 200 years in the life of America, if you had put Titus 2 on the screen it would have made perfect sense. But I want you to feel how strange Titus 2 sounds right now. Look at the words there:
“Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in their behavior, teaching
what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their
husbands, and to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at
home, kind, that the word of God may not be dishonored.”
Now that sounds foreign because – now look at the screen for just a moment, guys - what mothers are teaching that today? What dads are emphasizing that today? It sounds foreign, and the reason it sounds foreign is because it is. Which then leads us to the natural conclusion of the third challenge, because this third challenge is the outgrowth of the first two and that is
3. There is going to be the challenge of the rise of the Absent Mom. Despite all the sociological data we have today that says how important, how absolutely critical it is, for young children to have a mom at home. Yet young moms continue flood into the workplace and with the enthusiastic encouragement of their young husbands. It is so short-sighted.
Sixty-seven percent (67%) of all mothers today with children under 4 – the very years when kids need mom most – 67% of all the mothers in America are back into the workplace and yet, those children are the very ones whose lives are most moldable and most shapeable at those years. And yet, mom is gone.
Some, of course, have advocated Daycare as a clearly viable substitute, but I want to put up a quote from Dr. Burton White, the director of the Pre-School Project at Harvard University, about the daycare, just to give you a feel for what he says about daycare as a substitute. Here’s his quote:
After more than 30 years of research on how children develop well,
I would not think of putting an infant or toddler of my own into any
substitute care program.
It all depends on what you want, what you’re trying to produce, what your priorities are, and what your values are. We live in a world that we simply are sheep who follow the standard program. I called it earlier “Conventional Manhood.” But we’re not here to talk about conventional manhood. We’re here to talk about the quest for authentic manhood, and it will go a little bit against the grain, because it’s priorities and values are different. A dad needs to understand what pressures and issues his daughter and his wife are under, and decide what he really wants to see accomplished in his home with his wife.
07-02-2009 09:13 AM
07-02-2009 12:02 PM
Transcript 24 Preview (Final Transcript)
THE QUEST FOR AUTHENTIC MANHOOD
24. A Man and His Life Journey
3. Then there’s the season called Fall, between 40 and 65. The Fall Season can really be the most powerful and productive in a man’s life. It’s when he’s on center stage; it’s when he’s got a certain level of accomplishments; his resume is full; he has a lot of connections and he can do a lot of good with his life.
In Patrick Morley’s book, The Seven Seasons of a Man’s Life, he mentions that a man, during these years, needs to be able to answer 10 questions, and if he can answer these 10 questions, he’s probably on the path to a highly successful life. This is what a man needs to be able to answer in this Fall Season of color.
The 10 questions are these:
a. Am I performing fulfilling work?
b. Am I a good provider?
c. Am I doing everything possible to help my children become responsible adults?
d. Am I building a strong, loving marriage?
e. Am I doing everything possible to introduce my family to faith in Christ?
f. Am I investing in other people’s lives as a friend, counselor, accountability partner and mentor?
g. Am I living a life of good deeds and making a contribution to my community?
h. Am I living a life of integrity?
i. Am I walking close to my Lord, Jesus Christ?
j. Will I go to heaven when I die?
Morley says that the man in this season of life who can answer ‘yes’ to all those 10 questions has laid a rich foundation and will even have a more powerful next season because of it.
But you guys know there are a lot of men in this season – between 40 and 60 who, for one reason or another, unfinished business in the past; the suitcase that finally burst open; a troubled marriage that wasn’t corrected when it needed to be in those early years – and didn’t get the attention that it needed, or a son or daughter that you have wounded because you didn’t invest properly in their life – you know, the wheels can come off during this season and haunting questions can begin to stalk a man through his days. In fact, Bob Beale in his book, Weathering the Mid-Life Storm, pictures some of the questions that men start asking in this season of life if they hit the wall.
Here are some of them:
a. Am I stuck here for the rest of my life?
b. Is this it how it feels to get old?
c. Is anything worth it?
d. Why can’t I understand myself?
e. Will I ever get the promotion?
f. Do I really even want it?
g. Where’s all of my former confidence gone?
h. When I’m old, will I become like my father?
i. Why do I feel so very, very lonely – even when I have lots of friends?
j. Why does God feel so distant, so uncaring, so silent?
k. Are my kids ever going to get out of their troubles?
l. Did I really marry the right person in the first place?
That’s what happens in this season. It can be a season of tremendous success and confidence that is unleashing tremendous good for a man, or it can be another season of redress – where a guy enters whitewater and he knows time is running out. He has to address those kinds of questions that stalk him, or else he’ll brood his life away. The Fall of life is full of those flaming colors.
07-06-2009 10:32 AM
A Man and His Life Journey
Transcript 24 (Final Transcript)
07-06-2009 10:37 AM
I will be leading this last session of The Men's Fraternity and concluding the study with a graduation ceremony and celebration. When I attended this study it was a tremendous study resource for my personal growth into maturity and Authentic Manhood. What was even greater was the growth I experienced leading the study myself.
A real man is one who rejects social and spiritual passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously and expects the greater reward; God’s reward.
08-09-2009 04:23 AM
This need a Major bump, for new people to see.
08-09-2009 12:41 PM
Here you go fellas! The transcripts for the entire 24 weeks of The Quest for Authentic Manhood study.
This page has the PowerPoint Presentations.
This page has individual study session on video download.
08-09-2009 12:47 PM
B, you should get a Nobel prize for running this stuff. I can't think of any man who would not be an improved person after reading, applying, and working on themselves in this fashion.
Think training's hard,. try losing!
08-10-2009 11:23 AM
I'm flattered that you would say so.
Honestly, the material, the fellowship and the Lord deserve all the credit.
I'm simply practicing obedience.
08-25-2010 10:01 PM
08-25-2010 11:24 PM
Here is a (re-post) of the zip file of all the transcripts.
08-26-2010 01:15 PM
As I walk the path of life, in fear of the wind and the thunder, grand o' Great Spirit, that I may at least walk like a man. - Cherokee prayer
08-26-2010 03:05 PM
Double D, this is awesome! Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I am printing it all and instead of watching TV when I go to bed, I'll read this.
09-08-2010 12:46 PM
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
09-10-2010 12:52 PM
great program... going to be burning a lot of ink with this one!!
09-10-2010 02:27 PM
DD, are you going to be posting the next 24 week session here? It would be greatly appreciated!!
09-10-2010 03:11 PM
I have posted the entire transcripts here with an attached zip file.
Use at will and enjoy.
09-10-2010 03:59 PM
09-10-2010 08:55 PM
Now I know this wound is may be difficult to talk about and I’m not here to beat up mom. That’s not my intent, because many times the wound is inflicted not because mom intended to hurt you. In fact, this wound is often inflicted more out of love than neglect. The problem is that the love and concern goes too far. It gives too much. It gets too involved. As payment, it asks too much in return. That’s the problem. Every son needs a healthy, emotional break with mom that takes him out of mom’s orbit and establishes a healthy separate identity which will enable him later on in life to relate to a woman, not out of desperate need and not out of an over-dependence. But to relate to her out of a healthy give-and-take relationship of two separate, healthy individuals.
Now, that sounds good but I want you to know – every mom has difficulty with this. Even the best of moms struggle with this, even Jesus’ mom did. Did you know that?
I want to give you 4 snapshots into Jesus’ relationship with His mother.
1. First of all, I want you to look at the screen. In Luke 2 - Jesus is just 12 years old. Here’s a moment in the life of a mother and son:
As they were returning after spending the full number of days, the boy Jesus (He is a boy; but He’s a changing boy – He’s 12 years old; He’s probably going through puberty at this particular period of time) - the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem and his parents weren’t aware of it, but supposed him to be in the caravan, they went a day’s journey and they began looking for Him among their relatives and acquaintances. And they did not find Him, and they returned to Jerusalem, looking for Him.
And it came about that after 3 days (now that’s a long time, looking for your boy. You’d be upset, wouldn’t you? He’s missing for 3 days). They found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers both listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard Him were amazed at His understanding and His answers. (They were already getting a sense of who this – this Guy was extraordinary). And when they saw Jesus, they were astonished (and then notice this) and His mother said to Him (not his dad; his mother; she steps forward. Now you know it’s interesting in Scripture – nowhere do we hear Joseph say anything. Now, I’m not saying Joseph was a weak man, but what I am saying is it’s real clear from Scripture that Mary was a strong woman. And she initiates in this moment). And His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You treated us this way?” (Now notice if dad was speaking, he wouldn’t say it that way, would he? He’d say ‘what in the “fat” are you doing?’ He would speak on a task level, but not mom! She doesn’t speak that way, does she? She has a whole different language). “Son, why have You treated us this way?” Let me paraphrase, “Why have you hurt your mama? Why would you do this to me?”
Now, the reason I tell you this story is because Mary, of all people, should have known. It was Mary to whom the angel Gabriel had appeared. It was to Mary who the angel said, ‘You’re going to bear Emmanuel – ‘God with us.’ And it says that she treasured all those things in her heart. Oh, she had a certain clarity about the relationship all along, but see, even when you have the Son of God, you’re still a mother. That gets all mixed together, doesn’t it? So Jesus, in this moment, gives her some relational clarity. He’s only 12, but He’s sharp, so He says, “Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house?” And of course, it says “they did not understand the statement which He had made to them.” But they should have, Mary in particular. But you know what you hear in this moment, if you listen closely to what is being said between the lines? You hear “Cut! Cut!” There’s an umbilical cord – an invisible one – that’s being snipped in this moment.
09-30-2010 03:31 PM
What is Men's Fraternity?
Men's Fraternity is a series of three one-year-long studies, beginning with The Quest for Authentic Manhood, followed by Authentic Manhood: Winning at Work and Home, and concluding with The Great Adventure series. More than just a rally or a Bible study, Men's Fraternity provides men with an encouraging process that teaches them how to live lives of authentic manhood as modeled by Jesus Christ and directed by the Word of God.
Men's Fraternity was designed to help men come together and strengthen each other through weekly sessions that combine biblical teaching and small group interaction.
These time-tested resources have been used all over the world to equip men to make their pursuit of noble manhood a lifelong priority. Church leaders and lay members are using the series to energize the men of their church and to connect with men in the community. Many men also use the series in their own personal pursuit of authentic manhood.
Men's Fraternity Social Group
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