Grew apart from Friend and going to his wedding ?

[machine528]

I have a question, its abit complicated; My friend from High school is getting married next year. We were very close from about 1998-until he met his current gf/fiance in about 2006. We used to hang out all the time and starting in 06 that ended, which I never really had a problem with. We still attempted to hang out every so often but every time we would go out his Girlfriend would show up. We hung out about 4-5 times last year and every time his girlfriend would show up and I ended up becoming the third wheel. I pretty much stopped hanging out with him and we only got together once this year when he invited me over to watch a college football game...which again his girlfriend was at and again started a fight with him. Since he started dating her, he has completely changed and I honestly do not even feel comfortable around him anymore. Its almost weird and strange when we see each other and we have absolutely nothing in common anymore. Well I just got an invite for his wedding and was looking for some opinions on what you would do if a friend you really don’t feel close to anymore and really wouldn’t even call your friend anymore invited you to his wedding ? I am leaning on not going.

 

[nemo]

This is a tough one,,.. I mean it seems the gf doesn't trust him with you,.. you can't stand him and the way he with her. If you don't go, the friendship is officially over,.. can you deal with that?
I personally from the sound of it, am leaning towards not going, but if I was on cycle I might throw a little gift there way, eat tons of food, and just leave it at that.
Good luck brother!!!

 

[CopyCat]

Well, from what all you have said I...would go and make nice (if I didn't have to say travel across country or nuthin). He may want you to be there or he may need you to be there as in needing friends at his wedding. If his g/f really did have something against you, you would not have received an invite or he fought hard to get you one. Besides, booze, FOOD, and women. I really appreciated all my friends who came to my wedding.

Just my 2 cents

 

[DmitryWI]

Well, from what all you have said I...would go and make nice (if I didn't have to say travel across country or nuthin). He may want you to be there or he may need you to be there as in needing friends at his wedding. If his g/f really did have something against you, you would not have received an invite or he fought hard to get you one. Besides, booze, FOOD, and women. I really appreciated all my friends who came to my wedding.

Just my 2 cents

I was gonna say, I wouldn't go, he's probably just being polite and hoping you're not gonna show up anyway, but after reading CopyCat's post, I changed my mind.

Food, booze, WOMEN. GO!

 

[futurepilot]

If you don't go, the friendship is officially over,.. can you deal with that?

Thats about the nuts of it.

 

[XBB]

Well, from what all you have said I...would go and make nice (if I didn't have to say travel across country or nuthin). He may want you to be there or he may need you to be there as in needing friends at his wedding. If his g/f really did have something against you, you would not have received an invite or he fought hard to get you one. Besides, booze, FOOD, and women. I really appreciated all my friends who came to my wedding.

Just my 2 cents

Yea def gotta aree I would go just so you don't look back and wish you did.

 

[lennoxchi]

nothing makes more women "in the mood" than a wedding. you add booze to that situation and, well, go rent the "wedding crashers" it's really not to far from the truth, some of the things they say in that movie. but man, your friend is getting married. so you were close at one time and since this woman came into his life things have changed, we guys will do a lot for women, well to get laid anyway. i say go, go with an open-mind to having fun. dress well, have a great attitude and hunt.....hunt for women. like shooting fish in a barrell, weddings are.

 

[buuzer0]

I went to 5 weddings last year... but I definitely didn't go there with the intention of meeting women. That's a hell of a lot easier in a normal night social setting.

Yeah, it's weird when your friends meet girls and completely change. I hope to never become that guy! Just go if you truly still care about any kind of friendship... otherwise, don't.

 

[Dadof2]

You aren't the first friend who was dumped by a weak ass male who hooked up with an insecure woman( these are typically the type who do not allow their men the luxury of friends), so don't take what he did so personally. I am not trying to make light of what happened to you and your friendship, all I am saying is that he is weak, it is a personality flaw, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't still want to be your friend.

If you and this guy were truly friends, then recognize that true friends are hard to find, especially as we get older. If there was a true friendship at all it is definately worth salvaging. Nothing last forever, and he might eventually man up and tell his wife where to get off. Even if this doesn't happen though, you two can perhaps still have a friendship just on slightly different terms.

Sure there is the chance that he is just being polite, but there is also a chance that he still really values having you as a friend. Odds are all of his current "friends" are her friends, and you might be someone who he really wants to be there for him on his wedding day.

 

[holyintellect]

Hes getting married next year, and you already got an invitation?

Go to the wedding....show your respects, and then leave. I dont really understand the issue...its VERY common for friends to drift apart after school, whether it be GFs, jobs, etc...

holy

 

[Flyers2385]

I had the same thing happen to me, but I didn't attend.

 

[jminis]

Yeah it's normal for people to grow apart especially after school when full time jobs, kids, marriage, ect... all enter the picture. I was in the same situation with a friend of mine, his girl always had to be around, one day I flat out asked her what the deal was. Apparently she heard stories about him and I hitting the clubs and she thought I would still expect him to do that. Anyway I explained to her that I respected their relationship and I don't even hit the clubs anymore in fact I was in a committed one as well. After that we didn't have an issue.

 

[Frank Reynolds]

Hes getting married next year, and you already got an invitation?

Go to the wedding....show your respects, and then leave. I dont really understand the issue...its VERY common for friends to drift apart after school, whether it be GFs, jobs, etc...

holy

Exactly.. Who cares, just go. Its not about YOU. Go, show your support.

At my wedding i had about 175people show up. I had quite a few friends i hadn't seen much of for a while, family i NEVER see, etc. If i eliminated everyone who wasn't in my immediate circle, i would have only had my parents, brothers, and a small circle of friends...

You may be surprised as well.. I have had friends do what you described when dating a girl, and when they got married, they turned back into their old selves, started to hang out again, etc.. It is like once they know they got the girl, or the girl knows she got their man, sometimes things mellow out a bit.

 

[dg806]

Yep, as you age and get responsibilities like a job and family, you can't hang out like you used to. Just doesn't work. You need to start doing things as "couples". No reason to stop being friends though.

 

[Liquid13]

Exactly.. Who cares, just go. Its not about YOU. Go, show your support.

At my wedding i had about 175people show up. I had quite a few friends i hadn't seen much of for a while, family i NEVER see, etc. If i eliminated everyone who wasn't in my immediate circle, i would have only had my parents, brothers, and a small circle of friends...

You may be surprised as well.. I have had friends do what you described when dating a girl, and when they got married, they turned back into their old selves, started to hang out again, etc.. It is like once they know they got the girl, or the girl knows she got their man, sometimes things mellow out a bit.

And then comes the divorce.... lol :grouphug:

 

[b unit]

dude, it's only an invite, he hasn't asked you to be the best man or a grooms man, you'd only be going as a guess which you can either go and have a free feed or accept the invite and pull out at the last minute saying you have family issuses to deal with

just my 2 cents worth

 

[EasyEJL]

dude, it's only an invite, he hasn't asked you to be the best man or a grooms man, you'd only be going as a guess which you can either go and have a free feed or accept the invite and pull out at the last minute saying you have family issuses to deal with

just my 2 cents worth

yeah, i gotta go with this one. If he asked you to be best man, you'd really need to talk to him. But its important just to be there to show your support, so long as its not going to be excessively expensive for you to travel. Consider it your "thank you" to him for the friendship you had, and your goodbye

 

[Mikey13]

I didn't read more than one response, but here is my opinion.
When you meet a girl that you really like (knowing she is the one) you change. No matter how much you say you won't change, you do. My best friend from elementary-college, he still is a great friend and a groomsman in my own wedding. When he met his wife he stopped being that crazy alcohol drinking fun guy. he is still fin, just not the same as I remember. When I met my future wife(6weeks to go) I changed too, I don't go on those drinking benders until 3am friday and saturday every weekend. I don't have to go crazy stuff with my guy friends every weekend, spare time. You want to spend time with the girl in your life, and or spend time with your buddies, along with her, because you want them( the girl) to be apart of your "friend family"

does that make sense?

 

[Mulletsoldier]

How far do you have to travel?

 

[Trauma1]

Yep, as you age and get responsibilities like a job and family, you can't hang out like you used to. Just doesn't work. You need to start doing things as "couples". No reason to stop being friends though.

I'm in complete agreement here. As responsibilities such as marriage, family, career, and education mount, you are often put in many daily situations or routines that many of your friends are not. That doesn't mean you still can't be friends by any means though. It takes a bit of effort on both sides to keep that friendship strong, but the reality is, as we grow in age and life experiences, some of us may/will drift apart for different reasons in the end.

 

[EasyEJL]

I'm in complete agreement here. As responsibilities such as marriage, family, career, and education mount, you are often put in many daily situations or routines that many of your friends are not. That doesn't mean you still can't be friends by any means though. It takes a bit of effort on both sides to keep that friendship strong, but the reality is, as we grow in age and life experiences, some of us may/will drift apart for different reasons in the end.

yeah, and with this, you tend to hope as well that your friends will find that special someone, and then you can manage to do things as couples as well

 

[Trauma1]

yeah, and with this, you tend to hope as well that your friends will find that special someone, and then you can manage to do things as couples as well

Exactly. Sometimes it works out in the end, other times it doesn't. Tis' life though.

Speaking of.....when the hell are we BBQ'n this summer?

 

[EasyEJL]

Exactly. Sometimes it works out in the end, other times it doesn't. Tis' life though.

Speaking of.....when the hell are we BBQ'n this summer?

good question. my zoo is starting to get a little tamer, dave is almost 10 months and almost walking, but definitely eating table food, so a bit easier to deal with. most weekends are good by me ah damn, i'm still on a cut till roughly mid march though

 

[Trauma1]

good question. my zoo is starting to get a little tamer, dave is almost 10 months and almost walking, but definitely eating table food, so a bit easier to deal with. most weekends are good by me ah damn, i'm still on a cut till roughly mid march though

Good deal. I'll hit you up in the coming months to set up something for this summer, E.

 

[EasyEJL]

Good deal. I'll hit you up in the coming months to set up something for this summer, E.

for sure i'll pick up some exotic stuff to make, maybe argentinian style crosscut short ribs, calamari steaks, a few other oddities

 

[airram479]

Been in that situation before. Just go to the wedding,then make a discreet exit at the reception if ya know what i mean....your just making an apperance,then a dissaperance. short,sweet,and to the point. Besides,your buddy will probably be so fricking drunk by the time you sneak out he won't even remember.

 

[Jayhawkk]

I don't think it necissarily means he's a weak male because his GF is always showing up. This type of thing is hard to judge without knowing the couple in question. My girlfriend and I are pretty much always together... We enjoy being together and enjoy each other's company and unless i'm asked it to be an all guys night then i'll invite her along.