We regret to announce the unpleasant passing of Matthew D, who on the 1st of March of this year was accidentally smothered in hot fat by passing aliens. This unfortunate incident occurred in an adult bookstore in Las Calamas, CA. The deceased was reported to have shouted "Not again!" just before expiring. Matthew D is survived by a yellow lab named "Scurvy". Funeral services will be held the 4th of next month.