When did you realise it was time to settle down (girlfriend)
- 10-31-2008, 03:25 AM
When did you realise it was time to settle down (girlfriend)
Ok im looking for advice and other peoples experience here.
I feel like im never going to be able to settle down, I go from girl to girl like they were protein shakes.
Sometimes I find a great one and hook up with her for a good several months. Shell be the greatest thing ever and I feel like shes someone I could settle down with.
But theres always a nagging feeling in the back of my head saying shes not the one. So I move on (even though it hurts me to leave them but I do and get over the pain and just keep playing the game)
What I want to know, how many people were like this? did you use to go out and pick up flat stick then one day just meet someone that made you want to settle down, or did you force yourself once you got to a certain age?
I feel like the male mentality in me is never going to let me settle because I want to **** the **** out of as many chicks as I can.
- 10-31-2008, 03:33 AM
Marriage IMO is sexual enslavement to someone else, f**k getting married, what makes you think you need marriage or a steady gf to be happy?
I will never get married or have a steady gf.......that sh*t is not natural.
- 10-31-2008, 03:51 AM
Im very similar. Even when i find someone i like i always think, nah, she cant be the one. But im sure like everyone says one day you will meet someone that will be worth making sacrifices for and settling down. Everyone can be taimed at some point.
10-31-2008, 03:52 AM
10-31-2008, 03:55 AM
Yeah one day I want to have kids and a wife, house etc all that crap. But I always feel like there is someone better out there.
Im curious, is this the normal male feeling because we want to **** everything or is there really someone out there who is going to make me really say wow and want to settle down.
10-31-2008, 03:58 AM
I think you will always strive for someone better, but when you do find the right person, you will realize it. The thoughts of trying to find someone else will fade, it doesn't matter how many girls you have been with, you also have to take into consideration what type of girl they are, your not going to "find the right one" when the girl is a whore.
10-31-2008, 04:07 AM
10-31-2008, 04:16 AM
Allstar that goes without saying, Ive hooked up with a couple of whores when im drunk and u really care bout is getting ur socks off. But not being able to hold a decent convo with them is the biggest turn off.
But the thing is, ive found girls who are my type. They have a uni education like me, a successful job, own investment houses/properties. Are really just well setup and smart. Some have had there own business. Beautiful yada yada yada. These are the girls I end up hooking up with for say 6 months but then just end up moving on.
I want to hear people who are in a serious relationship who know its the one, or who are married.
Did you go through heaps of girls and then found "the one"
As the only people I know who are truly happy like this are the ones who are still with there first bf/gf. Because they have never had anyone else and dont have the urge for it.
10-31-2008, 04:54 AM
If you were buying a house to live in for a few years.. how many houses would you look at before you bought?
Now when considering girlfriends i think the more you shop around the better, youve got your whole life to get stuck with one vag.
Enjoy being single and know that when you find the right one you will like her more and more instead of less as the novelty of fresh vag wears off and you actually have to like who they are.
Hope this isnt too vulgar.
10-31-2008, 11:15 AM
hyper24, I'm assuming you're fairly young (<30). I was just like you....girl, to girl, to girl, etc. Never wanted to get married, never wanted a hardcore g/f, no kids (nooooo!) etc, etc. Then, after a while, as you AGE (heh), mature, get a career rolling, get your education taken care of, experience life more, evolve your religion (Christianity here), your "real life" and desires begins to materialize.
I was at a club (in these parts I'd call it a bar w/a dance floor) here about 6 months ago and I met this horribly cute tiny girl there. She is my g/f now and I'm not interested in other girls. She's just a hoot to be around, a very good girl (religious and sweet as can be), funny and so adorable you seriously just want to squeeze her to pieces (my type of girl). So we have been going strong for 6 months and I look forward to seeing her everyday even though we live together (yep, it's like that). Is she future wifey? Don't know, but so far it looks promising. I don't wish for marriage or work toward it, it just has to happen (spares you the religious component).
Hope that helps a bit. Good luck with finding Ms. Right.
10-31-2008, 11:28 AM
10-31-2008, 11:29 AM
ah something I can agree with....(I wont add in the religious extremism some people know me for) so except for a few things i completely agree. Though I have become much more...relaxed about everything. Slowly falling victim to being 22 lol.
But I believe its not a sacrifice to be married to someone because of the loss of a bunch of sex toys. the sacrifice comes from dedication, commitment, and giving and taking. I dont believe for 1 second man was meant to walk around like a savage animal looking for whatever he can mount.....
A great relationship, someone who you trust with your life, you know will be there for your kids if something happens to you, and who you could tell your worst secrets too and never worry about their opinion of you changing....that beats random girls and short term g/f's every time.
First things first, you most likely have a mentality that is actually afraid. I have seen many people with that mindset end up lonely, older, and stuck in bars looking for their fix. The longer you wait to find someone for a long term/permanent attachment the less you can actually be attached, psychologically speaking.
Psychologically, sex creates a bond. And that is why a husband and wife can grow so strong together. The reason we have so much cheating, and bad marriages today is because people have sex with so many people, their ability to form those chemically induced bonds are gone. its like a stim, you overuse them and they dont work no more. Man was not meant to run around like such. we were meant for 1 partner for life, though i can see if people had 1 or two before its no big deal(i am no virgin and I am not with her no more).
But if you find a girl, who has been with 24 diff guys, what can she do with you that is special, intimate, and new.....yeah.... so how can you form intimate bonds, which is a major part of a relationship? I mean it can happen, but its alot harder, and its alot easier for things to fall apart.
10-31-2008, 11:37 AM
You eventually will get tired of all of it all,.. well I did. I mean, hittin' the bars and clubs and takin' a chick home does get boring after awhile.
I'll be honest with you,... I tried online dating to meet a quality person, and it worked. Been together over a year,... can't say for sure if she's the ONE,... but it feels so right!!!
Think training's hard,. try losing!
10-31-2008, 11:50 AM
I think you need to stop "looking" and just let it happen naturally. I stopped looking and one day, believe it or not, I was online on one of those social sites (Black Planet), and found my lady. we have been together for 4 yrs now, getting married next year. Now this might be out of the norm, but my point is, when you stop looking, you tend find just what you want. Take some time to get to know YOU, and what YOU really want out of life, and love. A lot of us, and I say us, because I used to do it, don't really know what we want, and end up hurting others as well as ourselves in the process of that search. If YOU don't really know what YOU want, then YOU can't expect the someone else to know. Find YOU, and SHE will find YOU.
10-31-2008, 12:08 PM
And don't think eating pu.ssy is safe either. Jimmy hats don't do sh!t...don't let them fool you. No joke.
10-31-2008, 12:09 PM
10-31-2008, 12:10 PM
10-31-2008, 12:11 PM
10-31-2008, 06:52 PM
I swear to you my friend I pictured a hot slim but curvy redhead (never ever dated a redhead) with curly hair (love that) and i met this girl at an awards show for rugby and she doesnt drink so it was total chance she would ever encounter me. We have been dating for 8 months, she is all that i asked for and does accept me for me and if i wish to make changes she supports them instead of expecting me to fit her predetermined mould.
So think, re think then just ask, think about what you want and act from a position that allows you to be able to recieve it. If you want a girl unlike any other youve met, look in a place youve never looked before. And by look i mean be open to it (even if at first you think its unlikely) and present yourself as dateable. enjoy.
10-31-2008, 09:05 PM
Thanks guys it helps alot to know it is possible. I guess im just scared of wanting to fck around my whole life and ending up alone. (fck these elevated estrogen levels, *me* grabs for the arimidex)
If I could write down on paper eveyrthing I wanted in a girl, the girl im with now is exactly that. But still for some reason I want to fck around. Maybe i'm just too young or maybe if i have to think this hard about her she just isnt right.
10-31-2008, 09:13 PM
Then if you still feel that I want to fu..ck around feeling, you are NOT ready to settle down, and she may not be the ONE. Trust your heart, not your head or your d1ck. When the ONE comes along, you will know. You won't even have to wonder or question.
10-31-2008, 09:28 PM
10-31-2008, 09:40 PM
11-01-2008, 08:15 AM
I debated on whether I should respond to this post.
I married a Filipina and actually flew over there to meet her for the first time. Previously we have written letters as pen pals then I got online and we emailed. It was only after 3 years of this did any fire of love kindle and it started with me and it shocked the crap out of me.
I was always scared of marriage and never could see myself getting married at all. I would frown on it when someone asked me about it. With this girl I found several things. She had a genuine love in her which was vastly different from what I found in many American girls. It was strange really. I also saw the way she watched out for me and was very detail orientated in all manner of life. I thought, take all of this with the combination of what I felt in my heart I had better make a move otherwise a good fish will get away from me. So we married in Dec 2001 and been going strong ever since. I was 32 and she was 25. I am now 39 and she is 32
When she came here even my mom and brother told me that I really picked a good one. The girl is smart as a whip to.....makes me feel like a chump sometimes because of it.
11-01-2008, 08:37 AM
- 5'10" 215 lbs.
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
As humans are the definition of social creatures, absolute promiscuity is antithetical to survival, and so, we are instinctually monogamous at certain points. For example, in an early tribal society promiscuity may have upset the fragile social balance of power, and led to exile; such actions would be a veritable death sentence, as human's dominance stems from deliberate, cohesive, rational, and emotional thought. As well, the emotional intelligence of human plays a large role in our development and the maintenance of social bonds - new research actually suggests that emotional intelligence is more highly involved in success than intellectual intelligence, due to the ability to interpret and react to social cues. Such skills would have been paramount to the early successful human, and complete promiscuity is tantamount to that success. We instinctually bred monogamously because monogamous pair-bonding was an evolutionary necessity: After the fall of Dinosaurs, Mammals emerged as niche creatures, primarily nocturnal, and developed an intense sociality as a means through which to survive. Over millennia of evolution, this certain propensity for monogamy became engrained as a survival mechanism, and later was infused with psychological, emotional, social and cultural contexts. As I said previously, this psychological development most likely allowed us to prevail over other Homo Species, as our emotional capacities allowed our social bonds to be more cohesive - i.e., the ability to read and react to pack members in the most beneficial manner for all in the pack.
Obviously, variations within the genetic code permit non-monogamously tuned individuals, or even periods in which the same individual varies his/her or her preference; however, the concept that humans procreated like other mammalian species (low investment in offspring, lack of parenting past gestation and early-birth, multiple simultaneous partners and so forth) is outdated. It is precisely the lack of this behavior which made us so dominant.
11-01-2008, 05:23 PM
Nice speculation, I disagree...do you have any proof?Actually humans are and were monogamous; it is actually most likely one of the reasons we pervaded as the dominant Homo species.
Again, so you say, this is now prevalent because of civilization, I'm talking about natural without altruism and model shaping based on what's socially acceptable.Unlike other species, Homo Sapiens Sapiens create monogamous pair-bonds based on emotional trustworthiness, ability to reproduce, ability to survive, and complex attraction mechanisms.
From personal experience, I disagree, I've had sex with a lot of married women and women in relationships, a surprisingly high number of just married/attached women....I'd say an equal amount, sometimes even the majority are willing to cheat with little resistance, some require more "push" but most women are not monogamous based on my experience, not on some "theory".This convergence of factors leads to monogamous pair-bonding - even outside of the menstrual cycle - and a high emotional and physical investment in off-spring; both in respects to your own offspring, and the offspring of others in the pack. It is actually this cohesiveness and emotional proclivity that allowed us to pervade and flourish.
No, Polygamy is not, we are definitely NOT instinctively monogamous, not only does my experience prove otherwise, but also research is disagreeing with this. You mention "tribal societies" again, this is social taboo when rules and "elders" etc... are put in place, I'm taking without any inhibtions or "learning" humans are not monogamous at all, hence the high failure rate of marriages and relationships.As humans are the definition of social creatures, absolute promiscuity is antithetical to survival, and so, we are instinctually monogamous at certain points. For example, in an early tribal society promiscuity may have upset the fragile social balance of power, and led to exile; such actions would be a veritable death sentence, as human's dominance stems from deliberate, cohesive, rational, and emotional thought.
EQ is still a theory which I disagree with, actually just had to write something about in a course, total BS. If it changes I think it can have a place, but the way it's heading now, it's complete BS...As well, the emotional intelligence of human plays a large role in our development and the maintenance of social bonds - new research actually suggests that emotional intelligence is more highly involved in success than intellectual intelligence, due to the ability to interpret and react to social cues.
And this research sounds like a bunch of bull, EQ is a better predictor of success than IQ? Again, both are flawed and this is just "research"
Oh it was?.....Such skills would have been paramount to the early successful human, and complete promiscuity is tantamount to that success. We instinctually bred monogamously because monogamous pair-bonding was an evolutionary necessity
So you say. What makes you think that in absence of monogamy the above applies?procreated like other mammalian species (low investment in offspring, lack of parenting past gestation and early-birth, multiple simultaneous partners and so forth) is outdated. It is precisely the lack of this behavior which made us so dominant.
11-01-2008, 06:33 PM
- 5'10" 215 lbs.
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
Huh? Mammals, even ones who are do not monogamously pair-bond, are altruistic. Altruism most often refers to animal behavior. You may be confused there?Again, so you say, this is now prevalent because of civilization, I'm talking about natural without altruism and model shaping based on what's socially acceptable.
I always get a rise out of Dick Quotes: Derisive quotations placed around a particular word to denote its insignificance. At any rate, we are not necessarily absolutely monogamous, but it is a part of our predisposition to be monogamous with certain partners for certain periods of time. Even those married women were.From personal experience, I disagree, I've had sex with a lot of married women and women in relationships, a surprisingly high number of just married/attached women....I'd say an equal amount, sometimes even the majority are willing to cheat with little resistance, some require more "push" but most women are not monogamous based on my experience, not on some "theory".
Research, you say? In what field? Most of the research I have seen in Comparative Psychology, Behavioral Psychology, Sociology, and Evolution Theory completely disagrees with you. I am open to see what you have, though.No, Polygamy is not, we are definitely NOT instinctively monogamous, not only does my experience prove otherwise, but also research is disagreeing with this. You mention "tribal societies" again, this is social taboo when rules and "elders" etc... are put in place, I'm taking without any inhibtions or "learning" humans are not monogamous at all, hence the high failure rate of marriages and relationships.
So you feel. Explain your position.EQ is still a theory which I disagree with, actually just had to write something about in a course, total BS. If it changes I think it can have a place, but the way it's heading now, it's complete BS...
Well, my friend, an inherent ability to navigate emotional cues allows one to make proper decisions in emotionally charged situations. Last time I checked, and this is not a "theory" we as humans are quite the emotional creatures.And this research sounds like a bunch of bull, EQ is a better predictor of success than IQ? Again, both are flawed and this is just "research"
Most probably, but you are welcome to infer on an alternative from your class.Oh it was?.....
Much rhetoric, no substance.
11-01-2008, 06:38 PM
11-01-2008, 06:39 PM
I'm gonna have to agree with Omen
11-01-2008, 06:41 PM
- 5'10" 215 lbs.
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
11-01-2008, 07:20 PM
Since they both have amazing multi-quote skills, I'll probably just have to side with the Canadian. JK
Not trying to hi-jack this thread; I can't answer the OP's question because I'm still hooking up all the time, but I appreciate the replies guys.
11-01-2008, 07:29 PM
There are many articles and researches and studies that strongly disagree with your theories, but I really have no interest in looking for them, posting them and keep saying I know monogamy is a myth over and over again while you keep saying it's not.
If you need the search terms, let me know.
Plus, no matter what "theory" they come up with, I have my experiences, plus the social construct of today with it's altruism and taboos, religion, etc... doesn't allow the true nature of humans to be expressed.
11-01-2008, 09:00 PM
- 5'10" 215 lbs.
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
11-03-2008, 07:31 PM
I heard in one class (can't remember which), that females were by nature monogamous and males by nature sought many mates. They even went on to say that the shape at the tip of the penis was like that to scoop out competitors sperm.
I don't necessarily buy that though. I am too stupid to even think about handling more than one woman. I would go crazy and get all my lies all confused.
Maybe other people can handle several women. Not me.
11-04-2008, 05:13 AM
I always think about what our most basic instincts are. I don't need any class to tell me what they are, obviously the first one is survival.
I would think for a male a close second would be to spread your seed, as many times with as many people as you can. As breeding is the key to survival also.
But I always thought this is where females differ, where females primal instincts are to raise their children. Opposed to the males make as many as possible.
Would explain why females are so willing to settle down opposed to males.
On top of all of this, we are now civilized, and because of this we get our priorities mixed up. eg: thinking is correct for a male to settle down with one girl.
Now I have no problem with settling down with one girl, as I want all that crap one day. But i always think because of the more basic instincts we have it makes it very very hard.
I know research may say different, but im just going on how i feel.
11-04-2008, 03:09 PM
Survival is easy, its mastering love and peace that make humans great, there is no need to consider the most basic instincs unless you are having trouble surviving or a basic organism.
11-04-2008, 11:38 PM
Yeah that is a good point somewhatgifted.
But my concern is, ill always feel these urges of wanting to pick up every hot chick I see.
What I want to know is, will this feeling every go away once you find "that right person" or will that urge always be there and one day will I just have to learn how to control it?
11-04-2008, 11:41 PM
11-04-2008, 11:45 PM
I never told or mislead a woman that I wanted a relationship, in fact, every single female I went out with, I specifically said "I don't do relationships" I never had someone say no because of that.
Women like sex with no strings attached too!
11-04-2008, 11:47 PM
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