A friend I asked out
- 10-31-2003, 03:00 PM
A friend I asked out
There is this twin I work with and hang out with all the timea dn talk to about everything and send flirty emails back and forth all the time. She broke up with her boyfriend she had for 4 months from May to end of August, and during the summer we flirted openly at work all the time and hung out, well hung out not by ourselves but with her twin along. She broke up with her boyfriend and started asking me to do a lot more stuff with her like going waterskiing, met her parents, go to the movies, come party at her house with some friends and spend the night on her couch. She asked me to start Judo with her and her sister since are both second degree black belt s and help teach every monday night an hour and a half away, so we drive after classes there and stay at their parents place where she makes me dinner every monday night and then we drive back on Tuesday morning to make it to our morning college classes and she packs me a lunch on Tuesday. Well two weeks ago it was just her and I, I was afraid of making things awkward on an hour and a half car ride, so I wrote her a little poem I knew she would like that complimented her and then asked her out at the end of it. Then all I got a couple days later was an email, Aaron, we need to talk. When we did talk she told me she couldn't go on a date with me because she doesn't want to take the chance of ruining our really good friendship like she has with her past two boyfriends. I told her I understood that and it was an open-ended invitation if she is ever ready. I like her a lot, and she is by far probably the nicest girl I have ever met. Things are still cool between us and if nothing else she is nicer to me now, but it just confuses me because every indication of her liking me was there, feeding eachother snacks, the small smiles only you and her share, the long stares, her coming up to me at work all the time and resting her head on my shoulder or just resting her head on my head while i worked at the computer. Even my best friend who also works with us thought the same thing, I am just dumbfounded and confused, I know she likes me, at least I was before this 95% sure now I am just totally confused. Wells enough ranting on my part what do you guys think?
- 10-31-2003, 03:09 PM
I been there before bro.....
you don't have to ask her out.......if you are good friends then just by you being around her you will be in the right place at the right time one day and you will get to **** ......
she might say she doesn't wanna ruin the friendship which is cool....but that could change in the future if she starts having feelings for you.
- 10-31-2003, 05:28 PM
IMO your in for tons of self inflicted punishment.
Im a firm believer that men cannot be that close to women without the sex. I give you till Christmas before you need some serious mental help unless you change your angle....
This works in some cases: Distance yourself from her, not mean or impolite, just make yourself unavailable some days of the week. Make her wonder what you are doing, and with whom. Sometimes you must make them think about how valuable you are to have around. Dont let your company be taken for granted, it works most of the time.
Hope this makes sense and Good Luck
10-31-2003, 07:28 PM
I think both of these guys are right, mostly.
Some people don't give a damn, but she sounds like a person of good breeding who was also raised well. Oftentimes a girl like this doesn't want to hurt your feelings because she knows you risked vulnerability by expressing how you felt to her, and she does think of you as a good friend or brother. You did the right thing by telling her. It happens all the time that 1 person has feelings for another who doesn't have the same feelings in return. The chemistry either is there or it isn't. Decisions of the heart are without fault, we all must be true to ourselves, so we can't and shouldn't fault someone who doesn't feel the same way.
You need to move on, emotionally from your friend. You can still be friends, but you need to look beyond her and date other girls...... many other girls. Maybe she will come around in time, but don't count on it. If she was going to, she probably would have by now, since you seem to have already spent a lot of time together.
Whatever you do, don't MOPE around and get all weird on her like some love sick puppy...... I'm not saying that you are, but even if you are, don't let on about it, just get it out of your system. Treat her well as you have, but also send the signal that you have moved on and are looking to date other girls. And by all means, tell her about your dates with other girls as you go out with them.
There are many other great fish in the sea at your age..... always look to broaden your horizons, travel and do whatever new things you can. If you do, you'll be surprised at the number of high quality female "opportunities" that are out there awaiting you, especially if you hang around in here, learn what you can about dieting and training, and develop a lean muscular physique
10-31-2003, 11:55 PM
Dont go there man; I've been burnt HARD 3 times by the same girl before I learned...
You're on the friends list... girls can have guy friends but guys cant have girl friends..... took me a long time to learn this...
but i ran into it again several times and AVOIDED it completely... not only did i not get burned, i didnt waste my time with some stupid bitch that isnt good enough for me...
i'm now very happy with my current gf... we've been together for over a year and things are just perfect, sex is unbelievable, etc...
dont settle for second best, whether it be something you dont like, or where it'll be too much effort, its just not worth it;
You'll hear this advice time and time again from friends and people you dont even know on a forum; but you'll have to make up your own mind. I know I didnt listen when my friends pointed out the obvious that I couldnt see.
11-01-2003, 03:05 AM
Girls are so ****ed up man, I had the same thing happen to me. Almost the same exact situation, I was at this girl's house constantly, met her parents, we hung out alone at her house all the time, she always called me at 2AM to talk, always gave me big hugs whenever I saw her, and even had the ****ing nerve to tell people she liked me only to turn me down when I asked her out. Most of the time its like this: A girl acts like she likes you and only wants to be friends, or doesn't show any sign of interest towards you at all and likes you a lot. If they throw in too many signs that they do like you, they're afraid they'll seem overly flirtacious and slutty.
So bascially you're just screwed. They expect us to figure everything out, it's pretty damn inconsiderate if you ask me, and makes our lives a lot harder.
Here's one thing I've learned from asking girls though, this is a quote from one of them:
"When I like a guy, its fun to chase after him and to try to get him to like me, but once I found out he DOES like me, the fun's over and I don't like him anymore"
Now if that doesn't **** with your head, I don't know what will. Just keep looking around man, you'll find a connection with a girl and you'll both know where to go from there. It's not easy, but it will happen.
11-01-2003, 12:03 PM
You are her "Break glass in case of emergency" guy friend. Start dating other women, she will come around.
11-02-2003, 03:51 AM
Hey man, stay away from and date other girls, don't pay so much attention to her. If she truly wants you as a boyfriend she will ask you out. I hate to say it bro, it can be tough to distance yourself, but you must do it. I also don't believe in men having female friends, especially if she's hot, that would be too tempting. If she doesn't ask you than move on, you asked her, she said no, but that doesn't mean there aren't great girls out there waiting for you.
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