O/T- Funny as Hell....

  1. Banned
    YellowJacket's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    In front of a computer. At all times.
    Posts
    0
    Rep Power
    0

    O/T- Funny as Hell....


    What they're really saying
    -From T-Mag..



    1) Can you give me a spot on the bench, buddy?

    Can you come over here and upright row 50% of this weight for me in order to inflate my fragile ego?

    2) It's all you, man!

    If I lift most of the weight while spotting you, will you do the same for me? And do you think that girl over there is watching us?

    3) I don't want to get too big.

    I'm a total newbie who has no idea what it actually takes to get "too" big.

    4) My new year's resolution is to lose a little weight.

    You won't see me here after February.

    5) I'm thinking of buying a Bowflex.

    I could use a new coat rack.

    6) I'm thinking of getting that gastric bypass surgery to lose weight.

    I don't have enough discipline to become anorexic on my own, so I was thinking of having it surgically induced.

    7) Dude, is that all you can bench press?

    I'm fat and women won't talk to me, but dammit, I'm stronger than you!

    8) Throw another sixteen plates on the leg press!

    Instead of doing half-reps, I'm going to now demonstrate quarter reps.

    9) AAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!

    May I have your attention please. I will now curl/power clean this barbell. Aren't you all impressed?

    10) Um, sir, you can't deadlift in this gym.

    You're scaring the housewives and making me feel inadequate. Please stop lifting heavy weights.

    11) We offer personalized training for a small fee.

    For a huge wad of cash, one of the college kids who works here will lead you around to different machines following the exact same program we put everyone else on. As a bonus, he will talk about his annoying roommate and what he watched on TV last night. Sometimes he will offer professional fitness tips like "good job" and "now let's do this machine."


    Professional bodybuilders...

    1) Do high reps to burn the cuts into your quads.

    I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, but I'm big so people will listen. Luckily, my great genetics and massive steroid usage more than makes up for my complete and total lack of knowledge.


    2) Yes, I admit I've used steroids in the past, but I have seen the error of my ways.

    I just upped my dosage to four grams a week. Will somebody please give me a trophy and a contract with a supplement company now?

    3) For the Mr. O this year, I'm going to go all natural.

    My doctor said I could fall over dead any minute so this year I'm going to cut my steroid use down by a third.

    4) Brand X supplements helped me gain twenty pounds of muscle and lose thirty pounds of fat!

    I'll say anything and promote any product for a buck. The career of most pros is very short so I have to get all the money I can now. Say, who wants to buy my posing trunks? Never washed! Come on, ya know you want 'em!

    5) Professional bodybuilding is a 24 hour a day job. It ain't no walk in the park! We work hard!

    You think it's easy jumping out of cakes at gay birthday parties four times a week? Luckily my sponsor/sugar daddy supports me so I don't have to do that very often. And how about all that sleeping and eating? You think that's easy?

    6) I'm going to kick that T-mag editor's ass!

    The truth hurts.


    Bodybuilding magazine cover blurbs...

    1) 47 Page Bikini Spectacular!

    We don't have much to offer in the way of training or dieting articles, so we fill the space with strippers the editor-in-chief is banging or trying to bang. Besides, being a stroke magazine for teenagers pays better than writing about bodybuilding.

    2) Glute Training Special!

    Here's some homoerotic photos of a big guy bending over. Perfect for closeted gays too embarrassed to buy a real porno mag.

    3) Lose 10 Pounds of Fat Overnight!

    Buy our supplements!

    4) Build 23 Inch Guns!

    Buy our supplements!

    5) Mr. Olympia Reveals His Arm Training Secrets!

    We has some freelance writer watch Mr. O train, then write an article using his name. You guys don't really think Mr. O can write his own articles do you? Oh yeah… buy our supplements!

    6) Have More Sex!

    Whoops, ran out of bodybuilding info again.

    7) Supplement Battlefield! We Put Them To The Test!

    We pitted our brand of supplements against four other brands no one has ever heard of ('cause we made 'em up). Sure enough, the supplement company that owns this magazine won the contest!

    8) Extreme Biceps Blasting!

    Here's the same arm training article we've been running since 1974, only with new photos and a new title.

    9) Build Cover Model Abs!

    Oh sure, it's just another article about doing crunches, but we put this pretty boy on the cover to catch your attention. Of course, this guy has had great abs since he was 12 and doesn't really train them all that often. But you bought the magazine didn't you?

    10) Myostatin Blockers Are A Scam!

    We don't sell them yet. As soon as we can, we'll change our minds and say they work better than steroids.

    11) Our Biggest Issue Ever!

    We added twenty additional pages of ads for penis pumps and "posing videos."


    Forums and Message Boards...

    1) I've been doing lots of research about steroids and have a few questions….

    I'm about to ask some really stupid questions which will prove that I haven't done a lick of research except for asking the big guy at my gym what to take.

    2) How do I get big? How do I increase my bench press? How to I drop fat?

    I'm too lazy to read the articles in T-mag.

    3) That diet didn't work for me.

    I thought I was more knowledgeable than the author so I upped the calories, switched around the macronutrient ratios, didn't use the supplements recommended, and came up with my own training program.

    4) I weigh 260 and bench 500 pounds.

    I weigh 195 and bench 250 with really bad form.

    5) My bodyfat percentage is 3%.

    I tried every possible method of measuring bodyfat until I found one that gave me the number I needed to bolster my self-esteem.

    6) Yo, 'sup with my peeps and playas?!

    I'm white, middle class, and in need of a sense of identity.


    Women and Relationships...

    1) I just don't think you love or appreciate me anymore.

    It's time to buy me more jewelry.

    2) Do I look fat in these jeans?

    Tell me how great I look. The level of believability and enthusiasm implied in your answer will determine whether you're getting any of this ass tonight, regardless of its current size and shape.

    3) Let me set you up with my friend. She's got a great personality.

    She's fat.

    4) She's mature and voluptuous.

    She's old and fat.

    5) She's not ugly, she's just average looking.

    Oh yeah, she's ugly. Circus freak ugly. "Got to be on Jerry Springer" ugly.

    6) Boy, am I tired tonight.

    Don't even think of coming near me with that thing tonight. Maybe if someone around here would wash the goddamn dishes every once in a while, I wouldn't be so tired!

    7) Do you really love me?

    Where's the ring, you bastard!?

    8) I need a little time on my own. I'm just not ready for a relationship right now.

    I'm going to go have sex with other men. Lots of other men. More than one at a time.

    9) I think our relationship should be about mutual respect and sharing.

    Get your head under the covers, stud. You ain't finished yet.

    10) Excuse us, guys, but we're going to the ladies room.

    We gotta go take a leak and talk about your penises for a while, okay?


    Politicians...

    1) I don't recall.

    I shredded everything and you can't prove it!

    2) I did not have sex with that woman.

    She gave me sloppy blowjobs. Hey buddy, if your wife had icicles hanging off her cha-cha like mine does, you'd be looking for some stray tail too!

    3) It is up to Iraq to prove they are compliant with UN regulations.

    Come on, Saddam, will you please screw up one more time so I can bomb the ever-lovin' **** out of you once and for all?!

  2. Registered User
    ManBeast's Avatar
    Stats
    5'7"  XXX lbs.
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Depths of Hell
    Age
    32
    Posts
    6,517
    Rep Power
    48650

    ROFLMAO! someone has wayyyyy tooo much free time methinks

    ManBeast
    -Saving random peoples' nuts, one pair at at time... PCT info:
    http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/192992-pct-what-why.html
    -Are you really ready for a cycle? Read this link and be honest:
    http://anabolicminds.com/forum/steroids/191120-checklist-before-thinking.html
    *I am not a medical expert, my opinions are not professional, and I strongly suggest doing research of your own.*
  3. Registered User
    The Answer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    46
    Rep Power
    164

    Good Stuff. I'm still laughing...

    TA
    •   
       

  4. Registered User
    destro19's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    MD
    Age
    34
    Posts
    165
    Rep Power
    227

    Originally posted by YellowJacket
    What they're really saying
    -From T-Mag..

    4) I weigh 260 and bench 500 pounds.

    I weigh 195 and bench 250 with really bad form. 

    <SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">I’m sure some people actually tell the truth about themselves.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; </SPAN>Last month I had seriously hit 475 on my 1rpm bench.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; </SPAN>No BS.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; </SPAN>I did have a lift off but lowered and raised the weight myself. But I wouldn’t lie and say I’m ripped or anything. My fat gut could hang with the best of them.</SPAN>

    &nbsp;
  5. Registered User
    jweave23's Avatar
    Stats
    6'0"  237 lbs.
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    2,628
    Rep Power
    1459

    LMFAO!!! nice, I should print that one.
  6. Registered User
    Sheesh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    527
    Rep Power
    406

    Originally posted by YellowJacket


    8) I need a little time on my own. I'm just not ready for a relationship right now.

    I'm going to go have sex with other men. Lots of other men. More than one at a time.





    ROFLMFAO
  7. Registered User
    DarCSA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    0
    Rep Power
    0

    Hilarious man. That was great. Don't let pjorstad see it he may want to close the thread and say it doesn't belong here
  8. The True Warrior is one who conquers oneself
    hamper19's Avatar
    Stats
    5'7"  191 lbs.
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    PA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,474
    Rep Power
    881

    Originally posted by YellowJacket
    What they're really saying
    -From T-Mag..



    4) My new year's resolution is to lose a little weight.

    You won't see me here after February.

    6) I'm thinking of getting that gastric bypass surgery to lose weight.

    I don't have enough discipline to become anorexic on my own, so I was thinking of having it surgically induced.
    9) AAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!

    May I have your attention please. I will now curl/power clean this barbell. Aren't you all impressed?

    10) We offer personalized training for a small fee.

    For a huge wad of cash, one of the college kids who works here will lead you around to different machines following the exact same program we put everyone else on. As a bonus, he will talk about his annoying roommate and what he watched on TV last night. Sometimes he will offer professional fitness tips like "good job" and "now let's do this machine."


    Professional bodybuilders...

    5) Professional bodybuilding is a 24 hour a day job. It ain't no walk in the park! We work hard!

    You think it's easy jumping out of cakes at gay birthday parties four times a week? Luckily my sponsor/sugar daddy supports me so I don't have to do that very often. And how about all that sleeping and eating? You think that's easy?

    5) My bodyfat percentage is 3%.

    I tried every possible method of measuring bodyfat until I found one that gave me the number I needed to bolster my self-esteem.

    Women and Relationships...

    3) Let me set you up with my friend. She's got a great personality.

    She's fat.&nbsp;

    &nbsp;

    Those are my favorites...too funny man..good ****

    &nbsp;

    h19
  9. Registered User
    msclbldrguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Tenn
    Posts
    347
    Rep Power
    316

    this is funny...and prolly closer to the truth...heh
  10. Registered User
    Biggs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    1,292
    Rep Power
    789

    heheh... now this is good stuff
  11. Registered User
    snakeman458's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    where you least expect
    Age
    50
    Posts
    48
    Rep Power
    168

    roflmfao.
  12. Registered User
    windwords7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    2,318
    Rep Power
    1565

    Very funny stuff!
  13. Gold Member
    wojo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    labia
    Posts
    1,908
    Rep Power
    1099

    way ot but i found this tonight


    40-ish.....................49
    Adventurer..........Slept with all your friends
    Athletic...................... .No tits
    Average looking.......Has a face like a basset hound
    Beautiful...................Pa thological liar
    Emotionally Secure.......Medicated
    Feminist.................... Ugly ball buster
    Free spirit.................Junkie
    Friendship first.........Trying to live down reputation as a slut
    Fun........................... ..Annoying
    Gentle...................... Comatose
    Good Listener......... Borderline Autistic
    New-Age..............All body hair, all the time
    Old-fashioned............Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
    Open-minded............Desperate
    Outgoing...................Lou d and Embarrassing
    Passionate................Slop py drunk
    Poet....................Depres sive Schizophrenic
    Professional..............Cert ified Bitch
    Redhead....................Bad dye-job
    Romantic............Looks better by candle light
    Social.........Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
    Wants Soulmate........Stalker
    Widow.......Drove first husband to shoot himself
    Young at heart............Old bat
  14. Registered User
    msclbldrguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Tenn
    Posts
    347
    Rep Power
    316

    Re: way ot but i found this tonight


    Originally posted by wojo
    40-ish.....................49
    Adventurer..........Slept with all your friends
    Athletic...................... .No tits
    Average looking.......Has a face like a basset hound
    Beautiful...................Pa thological liar
    Emotionally Secure.......Medicated
    Feminist.................... Ugly ball buster
    Free spirit.................Junkie
    Friendship first.........Trying to live down reputation as a slut
    Fun........................... ..Annoying
    Gentle...................... Comatose
    Good Listener......... Borderline Autistic
    New-Age..............All body hair, all the time
    Old-fashioned............Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
    Open-minded............Desperate
    Outgoing...................Lou d and Embarrassing
    Passionate................Slop py drunk
    Poet....................Depres sive Schizophrenic
    Professional..............Cert ified Bitch
    Redhead....................Bad dye-job
    Romantic............Looks better by candle light
    Social.........Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
    Wants Soulmate........Stalker
    Widow.......Drove first husband to shoot himself
    Young at heart............Old bat
    this is great..heh
  •   

      
     

Similar Forum Threads

  1. Online Gamer 2 ( funny as hell )
    By 10bathroomsO in forum General Chat
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 07-23-2010, 09:08 PM
  2. Old as hell but funny ass 300 review
    By Jayhawkk in forum General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 10-27-2008, 03:02 PM
  3. Ok, this is totally stupid, but funny as hell
    By DmitryWI in forum General Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 05-29-2007, 08:09 PM
  4. Funny as hell: Prank phone call
    By Jim Mills in forum General Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-05-2007, 09:05 PM
  5. Funny as hell........... BEER!!!
    By Bone in forum General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 04-02-2003, 10:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Log in

Log in