in need of some positive words

[batemantx]

(if this is in the wrong section (i posted in anabolics & contest prep), please move it accordingly as i looked through the other sections to see what made the most sense, as this happened prior to one of my scheduled BB competitions, thx.)


hey all its been a while since ive posted.

i know this sounds a little corny, but im in need of some positive words or motivation from some of my fellow AM friends/community.

this last year (2010) has been really bad for me. allow me to explain chronologically:

i am about 5'6" and at the beginning of 2010 was around 170 pounds. i was in PEAK physical condition. probably the best of my life. i had done 405 pounds on deadlift (romanian) for 2, i had done 140 pounds dumbells on incline chest press for 8, working my way up to the 150s (the highest my gym has), was pressing 120 pound dumbells on overhead dumbell shoulder press for 10-12, could easily knock out 30-40 pullups (NOT chin-ups, overhand pullups), was repping out 315 on squats for 15-20, and 315 on bench like nothing. could knock out a 5 mile jog easy, and was boxing.

was big, strong, and REAL lean (veins coming out in my LOWER abs!). like i said, this was probably the best shape ive ever been in.

then i had some real tough family problems hit. i was laid off and placed on unemployment. had to stop going to college because of the money situation. had to stop my plans of competing in my first show. my father had a bunch of legal stuff hit due to business problems. he then tried to commit suicide. not long after, he was sentenced to prison.

i then fell into a pretty bad depression and i have been fighting to kinda get out of my "funk" for some time now.

i FEEL the burn inside of me, and i WANT to "get back on the horse," but ive been unable to kinda take that first step. i know this sounds silly, but it basically comes down to the fact that ive gained 50 pounds probably, a TON of body fat, from eating complete garbage, etc. and my self confidence subsequently sucks!

now i know already that i shouldnt place SO much emphasis on my PHYSICAL appearance, etc. and be so tough on myself. but im just having a hard time trying to get motivated to throw on my shoes and a tshirt and go to the gym after not being there for so long, and looking like garbage at the moment. i know once again that this sounds "silly," but i WANT to workout again, etc. and get back to it, but im honestly nervous/have anxiety at people checking me out with my new "physique" (lol!)..as im a shadow of my former self/glory! i went to a marine corps school as a kid, and i know i need to suck it up and not worry about what other people think, its just a little bit harder than i thought it would be to kinda get this going.

anyways, enough of my sob story, i just wanted to post and see if anyone has been in a "similar" situation and has any words for me.

ive had to deal with depression & tough times in the past as im sure we all have, but im 28 and these are supposed to be the greatest years of my life, and im watching them go by me right now. i want to live my life, just finding it hard to ACTUALLY do so right now.

thx in advance for ur input all

-cheers

 

[xFRACTION]

Sounds like you need to seek out a therapist not shallow "itll be ok's" from faceless forumgoers

 

[batemantx]

Sounds like you need to seek out a therapist not shallow "itll be ok's" from faceless forumgoers

like i said on unemployment and yes its a forum, but im sure theres got to be a person or two out there that can relate and perhaps give their story. i know theres a lot of hard working people out there.

 

[urbanski]

your physical appearance plays into how you feel mentally. you feel the "burn", so step into a gym and lift heavy ****. realistically you wont be very strong but get a solid split and add in some cardio. then be a maniac in tracking your diet to cut the body fat. use the gym as aggression release and mental stimulant. "KILL IT" every damn time. Use every LB shed as another kick in the ass. Set a goal of 6 months, log and write down every lift and rep every day, never stop killing it and never back off. the enemy is your mind holding you back, but you know you need to dominate and win. good luck

 

[xFRACTION]

like i said on unemployment and yes its a forum, but im sure theres got to be a person or two out there that can relate and perhaps give their story. i know theres a lot of hard working people out there.

I here ya man but there are actually services for people on unemployment that provide for things like healthcare(mental health is a part of this). Obama has even widened the scope of these public aids. Some internet research should point you in the right direction for finding whether you qualify for the program

 

[batemantx]

thx guys i appreciate at least stopping by and giving me a few moments of ur time.

yeah, im sure with all the family stuff, etc. ive had to go through for QUITE some time now, it definitely wouldnt hurt to talk to someone about it. as for "the burn," yeah, i have that DESIRE to get back in there and train hard. i know its gonna suck at first, but i gotta just take that first step and get in there.

 

[kanakafarian]

I was pretty down this past year due to personal problems. My fiance and I called it quits after 2 years and I was pretty devastated. I moved to a state where I knew nobody to be with her and was essentially alone and she was all I had. I enveloped myself in her and her friends and when we called it quits, I was alone. Now I'm stuck in a place I hate and I'm trying to leave but I have to tie up loose ends first.

What kept me going during this rough patch was working out. My entire life I've played sports and have always been very comptitive. I played D1 baseball for 3 years and was a national level powerlifter in my early 20's, going on to holding two state records. Had it not been for my passion for lifting, I think I'd be at rock bottom right now. I'm still having a difficult time trying to move on at this point but like I said, my motivation is working out. I even entered into an upcoming power meet on March 5&6 but I have to pull out due to some serious elbow problems (tendonitis) that's really putting a damper on things.

I feel you bro! Best advice I can give you is to try to look past the past and move on foward. That drive and passion that you once had is lurking in you and it's evident since you say you got that burn. Now apply that and get your azz off the couch, put on your gym clothes, lace up your shoes, and go bang out some heavy azz deads and squats!!

 

[Matthersby]

I dont know if hearing other peoples stories helps you but hears mine: I got into bodybuilding as a skinny 17 year old skateboarder who was irritated with all the jocks getting the girls. I ended up a 205 pound 20 year old. And the next decade I maybe found a year or so at a time to "get serious" about lifting again. In 2008-2009 I was in the worst shape of my life, I was getting divorced, I lost my job in the E.R., I quit nursing school, I walked away from my house, a real estate investment and both vehicles. And I ended up in rehab for painkillers. Life was not good. I had nothing left to do but start from the bottom. Long story short, its been barely 2 years and I am in the best shape of my life, and my personal life has literally mirrored my physical achievements. I am engaged to the woman of my dreams, I live in a beautiful city, I am finishing my RN this year, I make more money than I ever have before, and I only worry about 2 things: what I am going to eat next, and will I be able to lift more this workout. My first 4 months(after over 3 years of absolutely no exercise) were spent doing only doing chair dips, pushups, pullups, crunches squats and jogging(humble beginings). I put my ego aside and did what needed to be done to regain my confidence and perspective on life. You will be surprised how fast you will punk those old numbers and get in the best shape of your life if you really want it bad enough. And that tenacity will carry over into your personal life as well. Good luck with everything.

 

[warren916]

Hey guys I just wanted to say that everyone hits that bottom at some point or another, its a very horrible feeling, but its just that, a feeling..you gotta remember that a lot of things in life are temporary, and how bad you may feel is one of them. What helped me a lot when i was at the bottom was trying to think of all the good in my life! Trying to be grateful for the things i did have, and to change my outlook. It worked very well, and i try to keep that attitude as much i can today.

Make a gratitude list of 10 things your grateful for today, and try to add to that list as much as possible. You'll find that you have more than you thought! Stay up guys!

 

[batemantx]

i just wanna say thx to all the people who had the guts/courage to post their stories and pass along the motivation.

the reason i posted on this site as opposed to some B.S. "self-help" forum or something else out there that im sure exists, is because i dont believe in that "sweet talk" method. i know that many of u out there (especially in the anabolics section lol!) are my "brothers in arms" so to speak, and know what it takes to be a champion. u know that it takes discipline and sacrifice to make it happen, and i knew that if i shared my story that others would be able to relate and perhaps tell me what they did in order to "kick it in the butt."

thx again guys AND gals.

-cheers

 

[swollen87]

i know where youre coming from.... ive been traveling a long road myself....

in 2009 i lost my mother to a 10 month battle with pancreatic cancer, i quit training, my job, break up with my girl, end up with a few new arrests (i wont get into them) and completely isolated myself from everyone (srsly a very dark place)

shortly after she passed away, and my trouble began, i crashed a motorcycle doing 70mph and broke my left leg, fractured my right heel, and tore every ligament in my right knee.... totalled the bike, stopped giving a fukc about life and turned to drugs once again... i spent 4 1/2 months in a wheelchair eating painkillers and drinking trying to die.... i went from 190 lbs (basically the best shape id ever been in) to 152lbs soaking wet... i spent every penny of insurance money on drugs, and gave up on life basically....

then one day, i had some people confront me/help me out... i spent 6 months in a halfway house, (where i couldnt lift, AND no women)

its been a litte while since ive been home, lifting and working everyday... and even though sometimes days are rough, i make it through.... ive lost 5 friends to drugs/car accidents/murders this past year.... though its hard, i get through with some help..

i may not have the life i want, or the job i want, or the best physique, but everyday.. i keep my ****in head up and do what i know makes me happy....

so for real man, keep your head up, get in the gym (f*ck what other people think)
and get yourself together... its your choice

 

[batemantx]

i know where youre coming from.... ive been traveling a long road myself....

in 2009 i lost my mother to a 10 month battle with pancreatic cancer, i quit training, my job, break up with my girl, end up with a few new arrests (i wont get into them) and completely isolated myself from everyone (srsly a very dark place)

shortly after she passed away, and my trouble began, i crashed a motorcycle doing 70mph and broke my left leg, fractured my right heel, and tore every ligament in my right knee.... totalled the bike, stopped giving a fukc about life and turned to drugs once again... i spent 4 1/2 months in a wheelchair eating painkillers and drinking trying to die.... i went from 190 lbs (basically the best shape id ever been in) to 152lbs soaking wet... i spent every penny of insurance money on drugs, and gave up on life basically....

then one day, i had some people confront me/help me out... i spent 6 months in a halfway house, (where i couldnt lift, AND no women)

its been a litte while since ive been home, lifting and working everyday... and even though sometimes days are rough, i make it through.... ive lost 5 friends to drugs/car accidents/murders this past year.... though its hard, i get through with some help..

i may not have the life i want, or the job i want, or the best physique, but everyday.. i keep my ****in head up and do what i know makes me happy....

so for real man, keep your head up, get in the gym (f*ck what other people think)
and get yourself together... its your choice

thank u dude.