TrIpDoG's MeGa-SuPeR GiVeAwAy

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  1. Quote Originally Posted by B5150 View Post
    You know that I was choosing to find the ones that YOU would find funny at the expense of the Yankees.

    I could just post statistics that are quite humorous in and of themselves like:

    New York Yankees
    East Division titles (15)
    AL Pennants (39)
    World Series titles (26)

    But YOU might not find those a humorous as Yankees fans may.

    Two words that could stir some emotion: Bucky Dent

    Now I do remember that the title of the thread was make Trip laugh...not cry. So, back to the O/T

    BTW...I do feel it is only fair, and quite honestly well earned, that those Sox get their time in the sun and in the record books. They are a very good team that has finally come out of the shadow of the Yankees after 80 something years.
    Bucky F#cking Dent!

    These sox have some serious talent in both the majors and the farm system. I've endured the years of failure, so i'm very much enjoying the success they're having. I must say i enjoy seeing all the yankee frustration.

    You're a good man brian, but i still hate the f*cking yankees with a passion.

    MANNY, MANNY, MANNY, MANNY!!!!

    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary


  2. Unbreakable
    David Dunn's Avatar

    Quote Originally Posted by Trauma1 View Post

    You're a good man brian, but i still hate the f*cking yankees with a passion.
    Metallica - Wasting My Hate (live)

    YouTube - Broadcast Yourself.
    Life is a terminal condition.
    •   
       


  3. Quote Originally Posted by Palo Alto Labs View Post
    Ill kick in the Reset Ad if its desired I think we have some in stock ATM. -

    Can I win this??????? hhahaha


    A father passing by his teenage daughterís bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed ďDadĒ.

    With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

    Dear Dad,

    It is with great regret and sorrow that Iím writing you, but Iím leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Saim because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

    Iíve been finding real passion with Saim and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him youíll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes.

    But itís not only the passion Dad, Iím pregnant and Saim said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Saim is much older than me (anyway, 42 isnít so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldnít tand in the way of our relationship, donít you agree? Saim has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

    Itís true he has other girlfriends as well but I know heíll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and thatís now one of my dreams too.

    Saim taught me that marijuana doesnít really hurt anyone and heíll be growing it for us and weíll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, weíll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Saim can get better; he sure deserves it!!

    Donít worry Dad, Iím 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday Iím sure weíll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

    Your loving daughter,
    Rosie.

    At the bottom of the page were the letters ďPTOĒ.
    Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

    PS: Dad, none of the above is true. Iím over at the neighborís house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card thatís in my desk centre drawer.

    Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.

    I love you!
    ahahahahaha oh dam.
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  4. Quote Originally Posted by eggplant21 View Post
    So last year I went to a very Christian college. Everyone was exactly the same, white, middle-class, and self-righteous. Anywho there were exactly 3 black people at my school. One night we were having the all school talent show and one of the three black girls named Queenetta steps up onto the stage. The sound booth can't seem to get her music right for her performance. They tried and tried, and all the while Queenetta is standing up on the stage just waiting. It was an awkward situation in general. So one of Queenetta's friends decides to scream in a high pitched voice, "Yeah Queenetta!" So I naturally assumed that everyone else was going to join in the yelling of support. My next move was to scream in my loudest flava flav voice, I mean at the top of my lungs, "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH GGGIIIIIIIIRRRRRLLLLL!" Much to my dismay, not one other person said anything at the same time as me. So I now have an entire auditorium of people staring at me who do not in any way think that something like that is funny. I'm not kidding, every person except for my roommate was staring at me like I was a complete a**hole. That's embarassing.
    You seem like my kind of people, I would have pissed myself laughing at you if I was there.
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  5. Quote Originally Posted by TripDog View Post
    You seem like my kind of people, I would have pissed myself laughing at you if I was there.
    Dude, no one laughed, at all! I could not believe it. My roommate and I laughed our a**es off for like an hour afterward.

  6. If your swimming pool is in the bed of your pickup....... Yooouu might be a Redneck!
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  7. [IMG]http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b88/DeeMatt/Funny****29.jpg[/IMG]

  8. http://anabolicminds.com/forum/attac...1&d=1212697474
    drink don't drive.jpg
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  9. *cracks knuckles*

    Poop

    The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

    The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.

    The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.

    The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.

    The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.

    The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.

    The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.

    The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed.
    Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

    The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do

    The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.

    The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.

    The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:

    1. Scream
    2. Call an Obstetrician
    3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

    The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.

    The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.

    The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:

    1. Flush the toilet
    2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
    3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

    The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly

    The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors

    The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in

    The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?

    The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a shiat in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.

    The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??

    The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

    The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.

    The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.

    The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly.

    /more tomorrow
    "I am legally blind and if I can Squat,deadlift and over all get myself to the gym then anyone can get their a$$ in gear and get strong!!" - malleus25
    WHITE WHALE!
    •   
       


  10. Muscle Pharm Rep

  11. Quote Originally Posted by SilentBob187 View Post
    *cracks knuckles*

    Poop

    The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.
    Gut health by RPN... this becomes an everyday phenomenon
  12. Monkey Assassin


    Did this attach?
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  13. If I win, I'll take any free cr@p you've got - I'm a starving student so I'm not picky about free stuff.

  14. http://danarchy.youfailit.net/Spiderman/spidey14.jpg

    A little wrong and raunch I know, but man, it's just too funny.

  15. Quote Originally Posted by Cellardude View Post
    [IMG]http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b88/DeeMatt/Funny****29.jpg[/IMG]
    Dude thats good lol.
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  16. Why dont blind people sky dive??














    It scares the hell out of there dogs

  17. Holy shnikees this thread is hilarious!

    Except all this anti-Yankee sentiment..

  18. Quote Originally Posted by tim1985 View Post
    LOL!- I love this one!

    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary

  19. Talking Really this is just a WTF? Moment...




    Quick short story behind this picture...My one of my close buddies sent this to me in an e-mail as a joke obviously, but he really set me up for it bad too...lets just say this wasn't what I was expecting and I should have known better. Needless to say I opened the email read what he had to say and then as I scrolled to the end...BAM that hit! I shouldn't have been drinking a soda (good old diet sierra mist) at the time...I seriously spilled all over myself and luckily I missed spitting out everything all over my computer, instead I just got myself drenched...yeah really it was great. So in other words....first it was a WTF? and then shortly thereafter it was F*ck, you A$$hole, and numerous other expletives to my buddy (who obviously couldn't hear what I was saying...well until I called him...lmao) as I am laughing at how ridiculous the moment was. Needless to say...enjoy Tripstud! LOL.

    Cheers!
    "Never trust a b*tch because b*tches be crazy, now get out there and go crush some P***Y!" - Jerry Stiller.

  20. Trip,
    This story is real. Takes place in a Super Wal-Mart in Knoxville, TN in late 2002 (during homecoming week - Miami at UT).

    I was at the store to get some stuff for a tailgate some buddies in my dorm were putting on. Friend of mine had come down to watch the game.

    We are in the ketchup aisle.
    I'm looking on a shelf for something - I feel someone walking my direction down the aisle.
    I hear the following (said in an extremely country accent):


    "We need us a new shower curtain" - redneck woman
    "Why do we need us a shower curtain?" - redneck man
    "Cuz Harvey wiped his ass on it." - woman.

  21. Quote Originally Posted by SamBoz19 View Post


    Quick short story behind this picture...My one of my close buddies sent this to me in an e-mail as a joke obviously, but he really set me up for it bad too...lets just say this wasn't what I was expecting and I should have known better. Needless to say I opened the email read what he had to say and then as I scrolled to the end...BAM that hit! I shouldn't have been drinking a soda (good old diet sierra mist) at the time...I seriously spilled all over myself and luckily I missed spitting out everything all over my computer, instead I just got myself drenched...yeah really it was great. So in other words....first it was a WTF? and then shortly thereafter it was F*ck, you A$$hole, and numerous other expletives to my buddy (who obviously couldn't hear what I was saying...well until I called him...lmao) as I am laughing at how ridiculous the moment was. Needless to say...enjoy Tripstud! LOL.

    Cheers!
    WTF!!!!!!!!!
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  22. Quote Originally Posted by jmh80 View Post
    Trip,
    This story is real. Takes place in a Super Wal-Mart in Knoxville, TN in late 2002 (during homecoming week - Miami at UT).

    I was at the store to get some stuff for a tailgate some buddies in my dorm were putting on. Friend of mine had come down to watch the game.

    We are in the ketchup aisle.
    I'm looking on a shelf for something - I feel someone walking my direction down the aisle.
    I hear the following (said in an extremely country accent):


    "We need us a new shower curtain" - redneck woman
    "Why do we need us a shower curtain?" - redneck man
    "Cuz Harvey wiped his ass on it." - woman.
    Ahahahaha thats just a priceless moment in life.
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  23. Quote Originally Posted by jmh80 View Post
    Trip,
    This story is real. Takes place in a Super Wal-Mart in Knoxville, TN in late 2002 (during homecoming week - Miami at UT).

    I was at the store to get some stuff for a tailgate some buddies in my dorm were putting on. Friend of mine had come down to watch the game.

    We are in the ketchup aisle.
    I'm looking on a shelf for something - I feel someone walking my direction down the aisle.
    I hear the following (said in an extremely country accent):


    "We need us a new shower curtain" - redneck woman
    "Why do we need us a shower curtain?" - redneck man
    "Cuz Harvey wiped his ass on it." - woman.
    Lol - I have a really funny gator tee-shirt that rips tennessee fans in a similar fashion. PRICELESS!

    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary

  24. Unbreakable
    David Dunn's Avatar

    Quote Originally Posted by mattikus View Post
    Except all this anti-Yankee sentiment..
    I only posted those because I know Trip is a Sox fan. Some were actually funny though.

    My stripes are Yankee blue through and through...Go Bombers!!!

    EDIT: I really don't want the supplements nor was I submitting an entry to win. I just wanted to get a good laugh even if it is at the expense of the:

    26 times WSC New York Yankees!
    Life is a terminal condition.

  25. Quote Originally Posted by B5150 View Post
    I only posted those because I know Trip is a Sox fan. Some were actually funny though.

    My stripes are Yankee blue through and through...Go Bombers!!!

    EDIT: I really don't want the supplements nor was I submitting an entry to win. I just wanted to get a good laugh even if it is at the expense of the:

    26 times WSC New York Yankees!


    GO SOX!!!!!!!!!!!
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.-Psalm 18:2

  26. I'm not entering, but i have some good contributions:









    This is all in good fun yankee fans, so don't go all postal now.

    BTW - How about the celtics taking game 1!

    Evolutionary Muse - Inspire to Evolve
    Legendary


  27. HA HA HA look what happened to Jared.
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  28. Quote Originally Posted by Trauma1 View Post
    I'm not entering, but i have some good contributions:









    This is all in good fun yankee fans, so don't go all postal now.

    BTW - How about the celtics taking game 1!
    Well because I've met the guy in person and I'm a big fan of his...I want to see the Celtics win for Kevin Garnett's sake. Seriously...Kevin Garnett is one of the coolest guys you'll ever meet and beyond that...when he stands up you really feel like a runt standing by him...lol.

    The Mr. April, Miss October A-Rod bashing is classic and certainly true. Even better though...I love the tide advertisement...dirty=Yankees uniform, Clean= Red Sox uniform...funny stuff T1....love it!

    Cheers!
    "Never trust a b*tch because b*tches be crazy, now get out there and go crush some P***Y!" - Jerry Stiller.

  29. Quote Originally Posted by nickd84 View Post
    HA HA HA look what happened to Jared.
    This had me rolling!
  

  
 

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