Guess the Pitch and Win Some SCHWAG!!
- 03-13-2008, 01:50 PM
Guess the Pitch and Win Some SCHWAG!!
If you haven't heard, we are celebrating the launch of USP Labs into GNC stores Nationwide! (see here:
Thank You Thank you Thank you--GNC approved!
Now, we all know Jacob is quite the savvy salesman, so obviously he had quite the pitch for the GNC brass. Unfortunately, the guy won't tell me what he said, so now it's up to YOU to guess for free product. That's right, we want you to give us your best 'USP sales pitch', something that Jacob could have/would have said to sell our brand to GNC.
Here are the details:
1) submit an entry of at least 6-7 lines in the theme of a sales pitch from Jacob, to GNC.
2) be well spoken and articulate, no scrubs!
3) entries start today and winners will be chosen in 1 week
4) winners will receive 3 USP Labs products of their choosing
5) open to US and Canadian citizens!
- 03-13-2008, 02:04 PM
- 03-13-2008, 02:13 PM
ok, probably not word for word but it might have been going through jacob's head.
"alright...i walk into one of your gnc stores and what do i find?
a lot of overpriced, overhyped products that don't live up to their promises.
and to top it off the guy behind the counter is maybe a buck ten dripping wet, never lifted a weight in his life, and has no idea of proper fitness nutrition and supplements.
you can't just keep selling crap to people and expect them to come back again. eventually they will find anabolicminds and nutraplanet and leave your ass for good.
what you need is to bring in a quality supplier with quality products that work. i propose you pick up the USP Labs line. it will be like work-out crack for your customers. and watch them beg to pay even more than your already ridiculously high marked up prices."
03-13-2008, 02:17 PM
03-13-2008, 02:18 PM
or it went like this.......
Jacob: Let's think about this for a sec, GNC, why do they put a guarantee on a box? Hmm, very interesting.
GNC: I'm listening.
Jacob: Here's how I see it. A guy puts a guarantee on the box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
GNC: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Jacob: 'Course it does. Ya think if you leave that box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter.
GNC: What's your point?
Jacob: The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy, but we're not buying it. Next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I seen it a hundred times.
GNC: But why do they put a guarantee on the box then?
Jacob: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of ****. That's all it is. Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for right now, for your sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality item from me.
GNC: Hmm. Okay, I'll buy from you.
03-13-2008, 02:19 PM
03-13-2008, 02:20 PM
03-13-2008, 02:27 PM
03-13-2008, 02:35 PM
*Jacob walks into the office of the GNC head of product distribution. Hands the man a folder containing the sales record of Powerful and Anabolic Pump to online retailers since production began.”
J: Sir I just handed you the answer to every question you could potentially ask me in this meeting. These are just two of USP Labs current supplements on the market and their success is parallel to that of the multiple other USP products in circulation today. I’m here today not to look for another venue or market to retail our products in, but rather provide an opportunity for you to offer a proven, time tested, user satisfied line of supplements on your shelves.
I can offer you a lifetime partnership with the fastest growing supplement company on the market. In 2007 we were voted Bodybuilding.com’s top supplement company of the year, which I may add potentially makes up three quarters of your current cliental.
On top of the figures I have handed you today I can offer instant user feedback and satisfaction via online company sponsored product trials. Proof of our products success is one click away online at anabolicminds.com. Its one of the most renowned bodybuilding websites around and I assure you every ounce of feedback is 100% legitimate.
If you have any questions and or concerns you know where you can reach me and I hope to in the near future be able to walk into the GNC across the street and see USP Labs on the front shelf.
Sales Rep: Shakes J’s hand. I already purchased 3 bottles of AP on nutraplanet.com.
03-13-2008, 02:36 PM
03-13-2008, 02:38 PM
03-13-2008, 03:33 PM
03-13-2008, 05:17 PM
You guys have it backwards. GNC came calling and we just accpeted the offer..hhaha
I love these pitches so keep them coming and a little comedy in a sales pitch is a great ice breaker..
03-14-2008, 06:54 PM
Jacob doing a one man monologue:
Why do your customers purchase supplements? Well there is only one real answer to that question and that is because they want a cost effective way to improve either their bodies or their health. They purchase supplements because in some way they believe that the benefits the supplement will bring them will far outweigh whatever the cost of that particular supplement. Now we must focus on the question of how many customers buy a product more than once? This is a little bit different because many people will try things one time and quickly realize that the cost to benefit ratio does not favor them, but instead favors the manufacturer. This appears to be true with many of the supplements currently on the market. The best way to sell a product is to provide one that actually does what it claims to do on the label. Many supplements do not live up to what they claim, but all of the USP Labs supplements do. This is a rare thing to find in a supplement company and we have true user testimonials that I can show you to back up the claims on all of our products. They are from real customers who continue to buy our products because of their effectiveness. We already have a dedicated consumer base and it would truly benefit GNC to carry our products, because I promise you once a consumer tries one of our products then they will be hooked for life. In turn this will produce even more business for GNC.
03-14-2008, 11:43 PM
03-15-2008, 01:02 AM
Hi Mr GNC.
We have products that help you direct carbs to muscles so it doesn't accumulate in your fat, and also gives you good pumps and strength. Consumers appreciate the pump factor.
Oh Yeh? Sounds interesting, we don't stock any products like that yet.
We also have a product that can help with muscle building, comparable to GH, and it is not a PH.
We also have a new fat burner that is coming out that isn't overtly stimulant based, so it wont give you the jitters, but it will be effective in burning some fat.
Sounds like another innovative product. These products sound unique, and would work in ways that our current products don't. One thing though, what do they look like?
"Jacob shows the boxes"
GNC man: Ok you're on. Hands shake, case closed.
03-18-2008, 09:07 PM
I am God and these are what I used to create the world in 6 days. If I can create the world in 6 days with these, imagine what they can do for you body.
03-18-2008, 11:39 PM
How's it going today. O.K. so I know and you know why you called on us at USP labs to start supplying to your stores. Frankly we are the best out there right now. We were voted 2007's #1 new supplement company on BB.com. Our products are new put together with ingredients and knowledge that are user and time tested. We don't put out products that are going to get us sued or that will harm or customers. What good is it if we're killing of our own customers. We live off of repeat business right? We know what our customers want. They want the bodies of Gods and we give them that extra little push in the right direction. And after they've used our products at least they don't have to resort to Viagra to please their women if you know what I mean. I'm sure we can do great business together. Hey if not I'm sure the guys down the street at Vitamin ***** would love to have our business. Oh you are interested well I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
03-18-2008, 11:51 PM
seems like a fun thing to do
jacob: Hey, GNC CEO guy, want to actually make some money because the products work?
GNC: Sure, anything to make that extra buck, what do you have in mind?
Jacob: well look at one of our ad's in this magazine, it lists all the facts buyers need to know, at a price you can raise and it'll still be a hot product!
GNC: What the **** is this? no fancy advertising? no crazy names with weird *** graphics over the page? This is why we sell Muscle-tech and Muscle Asylum products, I mean look at how effective they look!
Jacob: Look man, these actually work with actual before and after pictures of people. and of course when people buy it once, they'll come back and buy it again unlike this overhyped crap that 14 year olds, with no real income if I may add, attempt to buy.
GNC: ... Hmm
Jacob: DARN IT JUST SIGN ME UP SO YOU CAN MAKE MONEY WITH A REAL PRODUCT THAT WORKS, THAT ISN'T OVERHYPED, OVERPRICED, OR OVER-CRAPPY!!
GNC: CHILL MAN! ALRIGHT YOU'RE IN! FREAK ALL YOU HAD TO SAY IS THAT I WOULD'VE MADE MORE MONEY!
03-19-2008, 02:04 AM
Hi, my name is Jacob and I am damn happy to be here. I make good stuff and people like to buy my stuff. So if you put my stuff on your shelf, then people will come to your store to buy my stuff. I think sense you guys like selling stuff and I have stuff, well, you just cant say no to my stuff. thank you.
03-19-2008, 02:15 AM
Hello, Iam the Jacob of USPLABS, you might have heard of me in your travels to secret and sexy places. So, now you have seen my face and you know just how grand the Jacob is. So, you might ask yourself, how can we get jacob to dress our shelfs with his God like products and bring us into his secret but oh so sexy world. Well, you just have to sign here my friend, I will take care of the rest.
03-19-2008, 06:24 PM
Jacob: As a businessman I am having a hard time understanding GNC's business plan
GNC: Really? What part?
Jacob: The part where you guys sell overpriced stuff that sucks.
GNC: Are you saying that Muscletech products don't build muscle as well as anabolic steroids?
Jacob: I could build more muscle cycling M&M's and licorice than with most of the stuff that you stock your shelves with.
GNC: Well what do you suggest we do?
*Jacob pulls out the USP line*
03-19-2008, 06:37 PM
I sure hope 14 year olds don't misunderstand the use of Anabolic Pump. Kids are gonna take it and expect unreal pumps. Unless of course they understand nutrition, then it will most likley work wonders for them.
03-20-2008, 12:11 PM
What I'd like to believe:
Jacob: Hi, my name is Jacob. I'm from USPlabs.
GNC CEO: You should buy this Celltech.
J: No, I'm not a customer, I'm a seller.
GNC: It will add 8.4lbs of muscle in 14 days.
J: We're not even in a store, this is your office. You pulled that from under your desk.
GNC: How bout' some endothil?
J: Listen, USP has a line of innovative products....
GNC: Ooooo.... I like the word innovative.
J: Uh, yeah, anyway, they have a great history of success with trainers.
GNC: you lost me.
J: I'm saying that these products have been successful in the bodybuilding world for years.
GNC: I don't follow.
J: Uh, I have a host of labs studies and testimonials with me....
GNC: Whoa, whoa. I'm affraid you're gonna have speak English, there, Dr. Einstien.
J: (blink, blink) People take these products and they get bigger, or they feel better, or their joints don't hurt anymore and so on.
GNC: I'm sorry, I just don't see the value in these products.
J: ugh... USP will give you GORILLA LIKE STRENGTH! They cause MASSIVE MUSCLE INFUSION!
GNC: Oh yeah?
J: You'll have NITRO FUELED WORKOUTS! You'll bend STEEL BEAMS.
GNC: Ooooo...steel beams.
J: Ummm... ANABOLIC....MYOSTATIN......ANT I-CATOBOLIC....874%!
GNC: Stop right there! I love it! I can tell these are amazing products.
J: Great so can we draw up a store wide deal.
GNC: Only if you buy this Celltech.
J: So if I buy this one jar of Celltech, you'll give me a nation wide deal.
GNC: I'll also throw in this sample of Lipo 6.
GNC: SWEET! I just made double commission.
03-20-2008, 12:21 PM
03-20-2008, 12:36 PM
03-20-2008, 12:37 PM
03-20-2008, 12:38 PM
agreed that was hilarious dancebot
Don't miss out on the next deal:http://pescience.com/insider
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03-20-2008, 01:36 PM
03-20-2008, 03:38 PM
GNC Sales associate(SA)- a young man , well built, and gets his stuff from anabolic minds. Hi hows it going? Shakes hands. is there anything I can assist you with today?
Jacob- All this is overpriced. I can get my stuff a lot cheaper from Nutraplanet.com and USPS labs for free, I'm the owner (lightly taps GNCSa's shoulder).
GNC SA- Good for you sir.(lightly punches in arm back) congratulations on your success. Your name is Jacob correct..I know because I've been buying from Nutraplanet and know the anabolic minds forum for some time.
Jacob: Yes that is correct. I want put USP labs in your store.
GNCsa's- in order to do that sir you must fill out this paper take it to GNC human resources department listed on the back and you have a chance of getting Usp labs in our store. know what I'm saying Jacob?
Jacob-Thank you very much.I'll do that and I'll recommend you. you have done an awesome job friend. and since I have the money I'm going to go ahead and buy GNC's sexual aid formula and mega man since I'm on vacation and forgot my Vitamins and never know if I'll need to get excited fast. You know everyone can get tired sometimes.
GNCsa-Yes I know=)
Gncsa's Thank you for your business brother.
Shakes hands.Both walk away smiling
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