IronFlex supps ALPHA 90- who wants it?
- 07-20-2013, 12:13 PM
- 07-20-2013, 12:17 PM
07-20-2013, 12:18 PM
07-20-2013, 12:28 PM
07-20-2013, 12:38 PM
This joke isn't even dirty, racist, or containing cuss words... so what makes it so funny is beyond me. I laughed my ass off.
A guy walks into a bar at 2pm on a Sunday afternoon. The only other person in the bar besides himself was the bartender. The bartender walks as this gentleman walks in with a brown paper bag and sits down at the bar. The man takes the brown paper bag, open it up, and pull out a tiny little black bench. He reaches in again and pulls out a tiny little piano. And then, much to the bartender's surprise, the man pulls out a tiny little MAN! The little man then sits down on the little bench, and begins to play the tiny little piano. The bartender, bewildered, walks over to the man.
"How in the hell did you get that little man to play!?!" the bartender asked.
The strange man, with his tiny little friend wailing away at the piano, then pulls a shiny lamp out of his pocket and throws it to the bartender.
"Rub this," he says, "and you'll see."
The bartender rubs the lamp vigorously and out pops a genie. The genie looks at the bartender and says "I'll grant you one wish!"
The bartender thinks it over... "I WANT A MILLION BUCKS!"
"Your wish is my command" the genie responds, before turning into a cloud of smoke and returning to the lamp.
For a few seconds nothing happens. And then a mallard duck walks through the door. And then another. And another. And another. Suddenly hundreds of ducks are piling into the bar from all over. The bartendre quickly runs over to the front door and peers out the window and sees THOUSANDS and ducks waddling their way towards the bar. He runs back over to the man with his little friend playing the piano.
"What the hell! I said I want a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The man looks up at him and responds...
"No ****! You think I really wanted a 9 inch pianist?"
07-20-2013, 12:44 PM
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07-20-2013, 11:19 PM
07-21-2013, 04:23 AM
Just to tell a joke....
Rancher buys a breeding bull. Has it for two years and the bull won't breed. So he goes to the vet to ask his opinion. The vet asks him if he's tried doing one thing to get the bull to breed. "Yep". "Well have you tried this........." "Yep" and so on. Every idea the vet has, the rancher has tried. Finally the vet says "There is one more thing you can try. It's pretty gross but it'll work" Rancher says he'll try it. The next day the rancher puts a rubber glove on and starts rubbing a heffer's spot. Once she gets all wet he wipes it on the bull's nose. Bull goes nuts and starts breeding every cow on the ranch. That night the rancher trys the same thing with his wife while she is sleeping. He gets her all wet and rubs it on his nose. Sure nuff, biggest, hardest wood he's had in 40 years! He gets all excited, turns on the light and wakes up his wife. She groggily rolls over and he says "Honey, honey LOOK!!" She rolls back over and says "You woke me up to show me you had a bloody nose?"
"But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded."
07-21-2013, 04:33 AM
07-21-2013, 09:34 AM
07-21-2013, 10:53 AM
07-21-2013, 11:39 AM
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07-21-2013, 04:20 PM
07-21-2013, 05:48 PM
07-21-2013, 06:08 PM
07-21-2013, 06:19 PM
I have a joke for you its one of my favorites
Three guys die and go to heaven. St. Peter says "Listen - we're having a really busy century, so we need to manage admissions tightly. Right now we can only admit people who have died in horrible fashions, and those who have died in a more mundane way will have to wait in limbo, and it could take a decade or two to work you in."
So St. Peter takes aside the first man, and asks him how he died.
"Well, I'd been suspicious of my wife having an affair for some time now, so today I came home from work early. I just knew the guy was in my apartment, but I couldn't find him. I looked everywhere and was just about to give up, when I went out on the balcony of my 23rd story apartment and there he was hanging over the edge! He was just barely hanging on, there was no way he could climb back onto the balcony. It was a really stupid place to try to hide. I was livid, so I started punching him and clawing at his fingers, but he held on. Finally I went to get a hammer and started pounding on his fingers
and he fell down. But what really angered me was that he landed in some bushes and fell to the ground dazed, but basically OK! I was so mad I grabbed the refrigerator, threw it off the balcony and it landed on him. Unfortunately I was so riled up by the incident I had a heart attack and died."
St. Peter was taken aback, and said "While you did die in a dramatic fashion, I think we need to look at that whole second degree murder before we let you in - off to limbo with you." He then approached the second man and asked him how he had died.
"I was riding my exercise bike on the balcony of my 24th story apartment, when the thing broke and threw me over the railing! I grabbed furiously at the railing and slipped, but managed to catch on the balcony below mine. I tried to climb up but it just wasn't possible. I thought I was going to fall but then someone came out on the balcony. I thought he would help me, until he started hitting me! I held on as best I could, but when he got a hammer and started hitting me I finally couldn't hold on anymore and fell. Somehow, though, I fell in some bushes and fell to the ground dazed, but basically OK! Just as I'm coming around, I look up and BAM this refrigerator lands on me. So here I am."
St. Peter immediately admitted this second man to heaven, and pulled aside the third man and asked him for his story.
"Picture this: I'm hiding naked in a refrigerator..."
Hit me up with any questions any time.
07-21-2013, 06:26 PM
07-21-2013, 06:56 PM
07-21-2013, 07:07 PM
Hit me up with any questions any time.
07-22-2013, 09:51 AM
07-22-2013, 10:00 AM
Lets get those Monday apps in
Calling and audible as well.. To make me laugh it doesn't have to be a joke.. It can be anything; meme, picture, joke, phrase; short clip from a movie.. Just has to make me laugh!
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